Letters To My Future Husband: A Year Later

by Stephany on June 18, 2012

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My love,

It’s been close to a year since I last wrote to you. A year of incredible growth, set backs, and emotional upheaval. I’ve started a new job, battled anxiety, dealt with some intense changes to my family, and began to grow into myself. But it’s been a good year. I can’t really complain.

I’ve been on a few dates since my last letter, trying to put myself out there more and be open to love. I’ve never had a very active dating life and that’s something you should know. I’m not interested in kissing a bunch of frogs before I find you. I’m not interested in settling for anyone who will take me now. If something doesn’t feel right in my heart, I’m not going to continue a budding relationship. Do I feel strange being 24 and not having a string of boyfriends (or even one serious boyfriend!) behind me? Sometimes. But I also feel as if I’m making the right choices for me, putting my needs first, and not content for anything but the best.

Some may say my standards are high and yes, I fully admit they are. But I’m not going to apologize for that or lower them. I’ve seen the effects of lowering one’s standards to have a boyfriend and it’s not something I want for my life.

With every failed attempt at a relationship comes this ever-ceasing sadness that they’re not you. I haven’t met you. Or maybe I just haven’t seen you yet. It’s entirely possible I have met you, but I know God will open our eyes to what could be in His time.

I have real fears, though, dear husband. Fears of what fully opening my heart and life to you will mean. I don’t want to lose myself and I’m scared of getting my heart broken. I don’t trust easily and what little trust I did have was shattered instantly in a moment that plays like a record, over and over in my head. I’m scared I won’t be able to trust you. I’m scared I’m going to drive you crazy with how neurotic I can be. I’m scared of what it means to fully, head over heels, fall in love with you. I’ve never been in love. I don’t know what that feels like.

But here’s the amazing thing about these letters. You’re reading them on our wedding day. Somehow, in some way, you broke through all my barriers. You took all my failings and trust issues and emotional walls and loved me in spite of them. Sitting here now, in June of 2012, I don’t know how that’s even possible. I don’t know how you will do it, my love, but you will. The knowledge of that keeps me going, because I know the right man, the man God has designed for me, will love me in spite of my failings.

And I will love you in spite of yours. I may be naive in the relationship department, but I am not naive in the people department. And I know we all have failings, hang-ups, and crazy things we do. I know you won’t be perfect and there are things that will drive me crazy about you but still, I will love you. Always. Forever. Because you are my heart. You hold that piece of me that’s missing.

I’m hanging on, sweet. I am praying for you. I think of you always. I’m so excited to meet you, but I also understand why it hasn’t happened yet. I’m still working on me. I’m still finding what it means to be whole and alive and happy. I’ll get there. I promise.

I love you,

Your wife

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa of Lisa's Yarns June 18, 2012 at 7:25 am

It is really hard to let down those walls and let someone in – but I think you will let those walls down for the right person – at least that is what I tell myself! I don’t have a string of long term relationships in my past either. I have big gaps of time when I didn’t date anyone (multi-year gaps, actually), but like you mention in this letter, I am not going to date just anyone, so I am totally ok with all the gaps and lack of relationships in my past. My high level of standards will pay off some day, I hope!

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Stephany June 19, 2012 at 9:34 am

I’m the same way. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of not having had a serious boyfriend (or a string of silly relationships) at the age of 24. It’s how I’ve chosen to live my life and while yes, some of that has to do with my own trust issues, it mostly has to do with my standards and not dating someone *just* to date them. I want more than that from my love life.

I think our high standards WILL pay off someday! We’re special, awesome people and we’re going to find those special, awesome men for our husbands. And it’s going to be extraordinary. :)

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Peter June 18, 2012 at 7:45 am

I checked and I’ve been writing my Future Wife letters since 2007. (!!!!!)

So I find it especially interesting to read someone else’s.

Mine have changed over the years. I feel like they used to be, “Hi, women of the world! I’m charming and awesome. Whichever one of you is my future wife should show up already.” Now they’re more… balls-out. Less edited.

Possibly it’s because I found my dream girl. Through blogging of all things. (I think that makes a pretty good case for a higher power/divine intervention.)

I find it easier to be open and honest if you imagine yourself writing to one person. Especially that one specific person.

I’ve completely forgotten the point I was trying to make. But it’s Monday morning during seasonal allergy season, so I hope you’ll forgive.

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Stephany June 19, 2012 at 9:39 am

Oh wow! I’ve been writing since 2010 and it’s quite interesting to see how my tone has changed from then and now. Hopefully, I won’t be writing these letters for the next 10-15 years (oh dear!), but it’ll be interesting to look at these and see how I’ve changed just through how I’m writing these letters.

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Miranda June 18, 2012 at 10:15 am

Has it really been a year? It doesn’t seem possible. It’s funny how a year brings so much to reflect on.

I, for one, really admire your high standards. It’s not a vice, it’s a virtue. I’m 23 and I’ve never been on a date, so you’re doing better than me!

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Stephany June 19, 2012 at 2:32 pm

To be fair, I’ve been on 3 dates in the past year. (And before that, my last date was my sophomore year of high school!) Nothing exciting, really. ;) But it’s fun to put myself out there! I need to do it more. You should join a dating site. It’s the only way I’ve been able to put myself out there more!

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Melissa June 18, 2012 at 10:25 am

I may as well have written this… Because as you know we share a brain on most things, particularly this kind of thing. I’m not sure there’s much else I can add to this other than YES. I agree so much. SO MUCH.

Also Peter’s comment made me laugh out loud LOL.

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Stephany June 19, 2012 at 2:32 pm

We are basically the same person, as I’ve seen through BOTH our boy issues as of late. I’m just glad I’m not the only crazy person. Hehe.

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Nora June 18, 2012 at 11:28 am

These laters make me smile for two reasons : 1) You are being true to YOU and 2) what a lucky and special guy who will get to read these. I know he’s out there and he’s working his way towards you as I type this. I just know it.

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Cait June 18, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Loooove this one, a lot. :)

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Ashley K. June 18, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Keep your standards high! Seriously DON’T even THINK about dating anyone you wouldn’t see yourself marrying! I mean, obviously, you’ll go on “get to know you” dates, especially if you don’t have a lot of guy friends. Although I would definitely advise you to be just friends with a guy first–you can do the “get to know you” part without all of the romantic emotional part, so that if things do get romantic, you already know you really like the dude. But seriously, don’t commit to a serious relationship with a guy you wouldn’t see yourself marrying just for the sake of having been in a relationship. Your husband will thank you for it, believe me. You won’t have a long history of baggage from having given your heart away, and your relationship with your husband will be so much stronger for it. I married the second boyfriend I ever had (my first was a serious relationship with a guy I knew I’d never marry, and it was AWFUL), and I’m SO happy I didn’t have tons of other boyfriends.

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Ashley K. June 18, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Also, does your church have a college students/young adults ministry? If not, you should try to get involved in one. Not only will there be wonderful Christian men, but great friendships with Christian women your age. I don’t know where I’d be without mine.

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Lauren Michelle June 19, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Oh, how I love these letters. I feel a lot like you, but I think I may be more prone to get my heart broken. I tend to be a little too trusting of people. It hasn’t bitten me in the butt yet, but it’s something I’ll have to remind myself of if I ever get serious with anyone. I think you are taking the right steps, though, and the Bible does say to guard your heart, I believe.

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Dana September 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

This is incredible that you share such honest feelings so openly. It’s something I have always kept so close to my heart and rarely shared. I have been writing letters to my future husband for gosh…12 years now? Since I was 11. It is amazing to see that I’m not the only person out there who has done this!
I am recently engaged, and haven’t thought about my letters for quite some time now. Probably since I started seriously dating my fiance. While I haven’t saved virginity for my wedding day, I did save it for my future husband. I won’t go into depth about the many pros and cons of this choice, but I can certainly say that I don’t regret any of my decisions.
I stumbled across your blog while researching how to package my letters (I am still giving them to him, it just may be a little late. But more time appropriate haha). Also, I am wondering how to write the final installments of these letters. After all these years, it is almost bittersweet and I am finding a lack of words! Any ideas?

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Auri Briana November 16, 2012 at 1:24 am

I know it’s been some time now since these were posted… But, I just wanted to say that these letters are amazing. I started writing letters to my future husband back in 2003 after reading the Christy Miller Series. :) I was thirteen then, and currently will be 23 on January 2nd. Between then and now I’ve had one “boyfriend”, if you can even call it that… No husband yet though. I know it gets discouraging, but I just want you to know that you’re doing a great job. You’ve inspired me and given me courage. :) I found and read these on the right day at the right time. Thank you for reminding me to not give up hope.

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Vickie February 5, 2013 at 2:16 pm

I am encouraged by your letters and I too have written a few letters to my future husband. I know how difficult it can be to feel like you’ve misse the boat that all your friends are sailing away on toward marriage, kids etc. I’m currently 28, almost 29 and I’ve never been on a date, kissed a guy etc. I have high standards, strong morals and a desire to remain pure of body and heart for my future husband. I don’t want to date or be in relationships with someone I can’t see myself with forever. I don’t want to give any part of my heart away, I have a desire to keep it whole for the one I know God has for me. He deserves nothing but the best and I feel I need to be whole for him. I am quite impatient and eagerly anticipating the day I meet my future husband and ghetto begin my life’s journey with him, especially when all my friends are now married, engaged or starting/growing thier families. But I trust Go and His timing and know that my husband is out there growing and being shaped by God into the man He wants for me and I for him. Rest assured you are not alone in your journey and waiting game. Continue to allow God to work on refining you into the “perfect” woman for your future husband. God bless :)

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Abby February 24, 2013 at 11:42 pm

ahhhh gosh. I love this letter. Thanks for sharing, Stephany! :)

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Eish May 13, 2013 at 7:39 am

Hey Stephanie!

It’s funny you have said about how you read in the Christy Miller series that she wrote letters to her future husband, I did exactly the same thing as you and started writing to my future husband as Aston as I read about it… I have been praying almost every night for my FH since I can remember, but it was cool to think that I could write to him ahead of time…

I was 16 and 6 days old when I wrote my first letter (that was in September 2009). God hasn’t yet brought my FH for me (I’m nearly 20 now), but I know that when He does, those letters are going to be so so important!

Do you get pressured to find someone already by friends and family? Do you see all your girlfriends getting married and having babies already? (Mine are)

Anyway, stay strong! I know I’m younger by far than you but, I will keep you now in my prays and also your FH.

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