This week I had a crazy dream. And I understand dreams are only interesting to the people who dreamed them, but bear with me.
In the dream, my mom and I were staying at a house and we had just gotten word that my uncle was out of jail (side note: none of my uncles are currently in jail. Let me be clear about that!), and we both got scared he was going to try to find us. We began packing up our stuff and dressing in clothes that would hide us well (?!), and trying to scurry out of the house as soon as possible.
Well, we made it out of the house and everything seemed to be fine. Then, in a new scene (but same dream), my mom and I were at Publix, perhaps getting supplies for our furtive journey. (Who knows?!) And this time, I’m running away from a coworker and I’m terrified of her finding me. But she does and she grabs me, and I yell in her face, “YOU DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO HURT ME.”
And, honestly, it’s not hard to see what this dream was really about. My dad, who is currently in jail. Maybe I’m worried that, when he’s released, he’ll try to find me. Maybe I’m worried about him because he is my dad and even though he has caused so much hurt and pain in my life, I still love him fiercely and him hurting is me hurting. Maybe this dream was my subconscious telling me to release this worry and anxiety and fear and heartache. He no longer has the power to hurt me. The sooner I relinquish this control I have over worrying about his situation, the sooner the power it’s holding over my life diminishes.
But relinquishing that power? Trying to let what happens just happen? Removing myself from the situation? That’s not an easy task at all.
The high of my week was… having a lady date with my good friend, Bri. We had dinner at the food court at Westshore Mall and then went to see Gone Girl! YOU GUYS! The movie was incredible! The acting was fantastic, the drama was outstanding, and I loved how true the movie stayed to the book. One of the best book-to-film adaptations I’ve seen in a long, long time. Whether you’ve read the book or not, I highly recommend this movie!
The low of my week was… having a little too much jibber jabber from my inner critic. Sometimes, it’s hard to stop the downward cycle of negative thoughts and feelings. I think it may be time to revisit the Fierce Love course from Stratejoy!
An article I loved was… 17 Things to Expect When You Date a Girl Who’s Used to Being On Her Own by Thought Catalog. Oh, goodness, this article really hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve been having a hard time with the dating thing because a) my standards are high and it’s hard to find someone who meets them and b) it’s really difficult dating when you’ve spent more than 26 years single. I understand being single and alone so, so, so much more than I understand being in a relationship. It’s hard for me. It’s hard to let people in, to rearrange my life, to open myself up to something different.
“6. She needs to be left alone often especially when you first start seeing each other and it should feel like she’s head over heels. Believe that she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with, which is why she’ll need to compose herself.“
A podcast episode I loved was… Gone Girls from Stuff Mom Never Told You. This was all about sociopaths, their traits, and the pop culture phenomenon of how intrigued we are by them. My favorite part of the podcast was when one of the hosts talked about an easy quiz to give yourself to figure out if you are a sociopath. “Have you ever felt awkward anytime in your life? Congratulations! You are probably not a sociopath.” HA! Yep. Not a sociopath! (Whew!)
The best money I spent was… $11 on lunch yesterday. There was a food truck at a nearby office that was running this really cool program where you bought a meal for yourself and then a meal would be given to a child in need. It was sponsored by Metropolitan Ministries and Feeding America Tampa Bay (one of my favorite charities!), so it was fun to get out of the office with a bunch of coworkers (nearly half the office showed up!) and have lunch. And it was my first food truck experience! What what!
My plans this weekend include walking a 5K, going for a pedicure with my mom, and hopefully crossing off another adventure on my Tampa Bay Project list.
What was the highlight of your week? Any fun weekend plans?