I have gone back and forth on whether or not I want to detail my weight loss journey again. On the one hand, I know it is so helpful for me to talk about how I’m doing, where I’m struggling and succeeding. But on the other? I feel like a broken record, continuously recommitting to a healthy lifestyle only to falter a few weeks in. But I decided I’m just going to jump in and start back with weekly recaps of my weight loss journey. Knowing I have to show up every week with a post and update helps keep me motivated and on track.
I have no real plan for how I’m going to talk about my journey. I want this to be more of a steam of consciousness, what I think I need to get out of my system so I can focus myself to begin a new week with a plan.
Today, though, I want to talk about why I’m doing this. I don’t want to think about my other failed attempts at losing weight but I want to focus on now, on December 2012, and why I want to lose weight.
I’m doing this because I want to look at my body and feel strong. And skinny. Yes, I’ll just say it. I want to be thin and not in a scary-anorexic way but in a fit way. In the way I was back in the summer of 2007 where I had collarbones and tiny shoulders and my thighs didn’t rub together. Where I could run two miles, NBD, and looked in the mirror and was proud of my reflection. I look in the mirror now and grimace at how far away 2012 Stephany is from 2007 Stephany. I want to feel strong when I look in the mirror. I want to recognize my accomplishments and that comes from adhering to a healthy lifestyle and committing to a regular exercise routine.
I’m doing this because it’s been a goal of mine for so long. I have been trying to lose weight and failure after failure grates on me. I’m slowly learning not to base my self-worth on my pants size but it’s hard. It’s one of my biggest regrets of 2012 – that I let myself go in the weight department and am at a point where I now need to lose 50 pounds. When I first started trying to lose weight, I only had 30-35 pounds to lose. And now I’m at 50. I don’t want that number to crawl up to 60 or 70 or 75. I want to commit to the process now and I want 2013 to be a transformation year for me.
I’m doing this for my long-term health. While I don’t have any complications as of yet, I know if I continue on this unhealthy path, it’s only going to cause problems in the long run. Do you know I was terrified of being told I had diabetes when I got blood work done in September? That’s not a normal reaction for a 24-year-old girl to have! I shouldn’t be worried that I’ll wind up with weight-related health problems while getting blood work! Thankfully, my blood work came back normal.
I’m doing this for vanities sake. Because I don’t want to worry every time someone looks at me and then my stomach, that they’ll ask if I’m pregnant. Because I want to wear all my “skinny” clothes that have been sitting in the top of my closet for years now. Because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and feel good about my reflection. Because I’m tired of feeling fat and all the horrible emotions that feeling dredges up.
I’m doing this because I have been inspired by the weight loss journeys of others. People who have found a way to lose weight and keep it off successfully. Who have completely transformed their worlds and the way they view healthy living. I want to be like my mom and Jessica and Amber and Kelsie. They have inspired me. They have motivated me. They have shown me it can be done.
And I will get it done.
Starting Weight: 166.6 lbs