Stephany Writes

Best of 2018 | End-of-Year Survey

Hello, friends, and happy wind down to the end of the year! I can’t believe we’re less than a week away from 2019, but I am more than ready for the start of a new year. Like every year, I have big plans for 2019 and I hope it turns out to be a lot better than this past year. By… a lot.

For today’s “Best of 2018” post, I’m going through the same end-of-year survey that I’ve been doing for the past few years. I can’t remember where I found this survey, but it’s one of my favorite ways to reflect on the year. Please feel free to steal and complete on your own blog!

1) What did you do in 2018 that you’ve never done before?

I went to a live taping of a podcast (Pod Save America). I zip-lined upside down. I battled depression. I voted in a midterm election. I won employee of the month at work. I adopted a cat.

2) Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes. Every year, I make a list of yearly goals I’d like to accomplish. I achieved some of them, failed at others. I have been working on a list of goals for 2019, and I’ll be sharing those next week!

3) Did anyone close to you give birth?

Two of my coworkers had babies, but nobody in my close immediate circle.

4) Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately, yes. Dutch died in February and Pops died in October. Two earth-shattering losses, one somewhat expected and one completely unexpected. 2018 was not kind to me in this regard.

5) What places did you visit?

Mexico, Belize, and Honduras on a cruise, as well as Anna Maria Island here in Florida during a short weekend getaway with my girlfriends.

6) What would you like to have in 2019 that you didn’t have in 2018?

I would like to lose a significant amount of weight. I would like to get serious about writing my novel and have a completed manuscript by the end of the year. I would like to have a healthy amount of money in my savings account. And I would like to be more confident in myself and the decisions I make.

7) What dates from 2018 will be etched in your memory forever?

February 5th – the day Dutch died
October 28th – the day Pops died
December 8th – the day I adopted Eloise

8) What was your biggest achievement this year?

Honestly, just making it through this year. This year was full of loss and hardship, and the bout of depression I had over the summer brought me to my knees. But I kept pushing forward, even when life felt too overwhelming and that I’d never feel happiness again. I made it through and I’m ending 2018 happy and whole.

9) What was your biggest failure?

Not writing my novel. I just did not put my focus on writing my novel, letting it fall to the wayside during tough life seasons or for freelance work. My major goal for 2019 is to get super serious about writing my novel. I don’t want to just write in the nooks and crannies of my life (which tend to only be during my two-hour weekly writing dates), but actually make time and space in my days for novel writing. I can’t even imagine how proud I would be of myself to end 2019 with a full manuscript of the novel I’ve been aching to write for so long.

10) Did you suffer from illness or injury?

I started 2018 with a broken ankle and spent the first few months of the year healing. Other than that, I was pretty healthy! I got sick with a cold a handful of times, some of which needed antibiotics, but nothing out of the ordinary.

11) What was the best thing you bought?

Oh gosh, most definitely my couch! I was so desperate for a new couch that I made it one of my goals for this year to buy a new one. Over the summer, I sold my sectional (for way less than it was worth, but alas!) and went right out to buy a couch that would be a better fit for my small apartment. I had to wait seven (!) weeks for the couch to be delivered, since I wanted it to be a different size and color than the floor model, but it was so, so worth it. I love it so damn much!

12) Where did most of your money go?

Food always tends to be my highest spending category because I love eating out and do not love to cook, especially for one person. I used to beat myself up for that, but I have finally decided that there’s no point in that. I like eating out! I hate cooking! I would like to figure out a way to bring down my food spending, but I’m also not worried about it as much as I used to be.

13) What did you get really, really excited about?

Eloise! Adopting her was the highlight of my year and I have just been so excited to have her in my life. She’s the sweetest little thing and makes me so happy. I get so excited every time I come home to see her and spend time with her. She’s the best.

14) What authors did you discover in 2018? 

A lot! Abbi Waxman, Fredrick Backman, and Riley Sager are three authors I heard a lot about and finally got around to reading this year. I have a whole backlist of Backman to read, and I’m anxiously awaiting what’s next for Waxman and Sager.

For romance, I discovered Christina Lauren, and they were a delightful discovery! I’ve read three of their books and look forward to reading through the rest of their book list in 2019. I also was completely enchanted by Helen Hoang’s debut and I cannot wait for her second novel to be published next year.

15) Compared to this time last year, are you a) happier or sadder, b) thinner or fatter, c) richer or poorer?

I am happier, fatter, and richer.

16) What do you wish you had done more of?

More exercise. I really did not exercise nearly enough once I quit the gym, and I’m glad I’ll have a new gym to go to starting in January. Exercise keeps my mental health in check, and it’s a necessary part of my self-care routine.

17) What do you wish you had done less of?

Worrying about being uncomfortable during social events. I waste a lot of mental energy worrying about my social anxiety, and all my fears never end up coming true, and even though I know this is just the way I’m wired, I always wish I could stop wasting so much energy on worry.

18) How did your spend Christmas?

I woke up around 8:30 to Eloise staring directly into my face. After giving her some pets, I forced myself out of bed to feed her breakfast and then get breakfast of my own (which necessitated a Starbucks run). Afterwards, I spent some time reading and working on “Best of 2018” blog posts before getting ready for the day. I loaded up my car with gifts and the cookies I baked yesterday and headed over to my mom’s a little after 1 p.m. Once my brother and his family arrived, we opened gifts and then ate dinner. There was some time spent playing with all the toys, a forced “usie” in front of the tree, and then loading up the cars with gifts. I was back home around 6:30 where I unpacked all my gifts, played with Eloise for a while, worked on this blog post, and then collapsed into bed fairly early. It was a busy day (a busy season!) and I’m both sad and happy it’s over.

19) What was your favorite TV program?

Probably Friends. I am currently rewatching the series and it makes me so happy. It was a needed distraction in the days and weeks following Pops’ death.

Other shows watched in 2018: Mad Men, Nailed It, Queer Eye, Grace & Frankie, The Office, and The Good Place.

20) What were some of the best books you read?

Here’s a list of all the books I gave 5 stars to in 2018:

  • Young Jane Young by Gabrielle Zevin
  • The Animators by Kayla Rae Whitaker
  • The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena
  • Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy
  • Where Am I Now?: True Stories of Girlhood and Accidental Fame by Mara Wilson
  • A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
  • Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West
  • Roomies by Christina Lauren
  • Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah
  • Dreamland Burning by Jennifer Latham
  • The Garden of Small Beginnings by Abbi Waxman
  • Final Girls by Riley Sager
  • The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang
  • The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon
  • The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager
  • Lies She Told by Cate Holahan
  • Hillybilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Faith and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance
  • Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson
  • Beartown by Fredrick Backman
  • Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
  • Fear: Trump in the White House by Bob Woodward
  • Home Front by Kristin Hannah
  • You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain by Phoebe Robinson
  • Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney
  • One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid
  • Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin by Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin

21) What did you want and get?

I wanted to win employee of the month at work, and I did! I worked damn hard for that trophy, and it’s worth everything.

I also wanted to get a cat after losing Dutch and I did. Bringing Eloise home was the perfect ending to 2018.

22) What did you want and not get?

A relationship. Weight loss. A completed manuscript. Same ole, same ole.

23) What was your favorite film of 2018?

Crazy Rich Asians, hands down. I had such an emotional hangover after seeing that movie. It was perfection in every way.

24) What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 31 this year and had a Day of Steph! The day started off in the most insane way possible with the fire alarm outside my apartment going off. The fire department came and everything, but they couldn’t figure out why it was going off.

My day officially started with breakfast at Starbucks and then a massage. I went to a bookstore, had lunch with my mom, and took a lovely three-hour nap. At night, my mom and brother took me out to dinner at a local Italian restaurant. It was such a wonderful day!

25) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 

If all my friends hadn’t left my company. Ha! This is a totally selfish request because I’m so glad my friends moved on to new jobs where their talents could be put to better use, but I’m also sad that I don’t have my work posse anymore. It makes the workdays a lot more lonely.

26) Who kept you sane?

My friends were my rock during this tumultuous year. They were fantastic about checking in on me and being supportive as I worked through my grief. Also, my mom’s dog Chip was immensely helpful in healing my heart after Dutch died. My mom adopted him three months after Dutch died, and he just added so much joy to my life.

27) Who did you miss?

Dutch, Dutch, Dutch. Oh, how I have missed Dutch so much this year. He was such a great sidekick and losing him was so painful.

And Pops. I miss Pops so much. I still can’t believe we lost him this year. It doesn’t seem fair at all.

28) Who was the best new person you met?

Eloise! And Chip. Animals really make life so much better, honestly.

29) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.

You will know. You will know when it’s time to put your beloved dog down, even if you think there’s no possible way you could make that decision. You will know when it’s time to welcome a new pet into your life, even when you don’t know how you’ll be able to open up your heart again. You will know the exact moment you meet your new furever friend. It will feel right and good, you will feel at peace.

30) Show us one of your favorite photos from the year.

I took this photo on Dutch’s last night. He was miserable that night, waking up nearly every hour and whining, but if I placed him on my chest, he would calm down and fall back asleep. I spent the night on the couch with him on his bed next to me (I was staying at my mom’s that night because I didn’t want to wake up alone on the day I had to put him down), and I would pick him up, calm him down, and then lay him back down on his bed once he was asleep. It’s a picture that brings up a lot of emotions for me, but mostly of peace that I was able to fulfill his needs and bring him comfort in his last days. (And oh, how much I miss him sleeping on my chest!)

Tell me a date from 2018 that will forever be etched in your memory.

Best of 2018 | Recapping My Yearly Goals

Merry Christmas Eve, my friends! I have a fairly full day planned, starting with picking up all of the food we need for our Christmas Day celebration and ending with dinner at a fancy steakhouse with my mom and stepdad. (I’m also definitely finding time for a nap in between it all!) I hope you and yours have a blessed Christmas!

I wanted to kick off my slew of “Best of 2018” posts today by recapping the goals I set a year ago. I love to set yearly goals because it’s fun to have something to strive for throughout the year, even if I never accomplish most of them. There are some goals on here that I really wish I could have completed, but this year was a tough one for me and I’m just happy I emerged from it with my sanity (mostly) intact.

In any event, here’s how I did on my 2018 goals:

1) Lose 30 lbs.

Not complete. I may have even gained 30 lbs from the beginning of the year. It was a hard year and emotional eating is my coping mechanism, so weight loss was not at the forefront of my mind. It is what it is. I don’t feel good about it, but I’ve also decided not to worry about it.

2) Complete the Whole30.

Not complete. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking when I made this goal – maybe I wanted to be the kind of person who can commit to an eating challenge like this – but restrictive eating plans are not for me. Many people rave about the Whole30 and I’m so glad it works for them, but it’s just not for me. And that’s okay!

3) Cut out soda completely.

Not complete. Ahahaha. No. I love Dr. Pepper way too much to give it up completely. I definitely need to drink less of it, but I’m not concerned with completely giving it up anymore.

4) Buy a new couch.

Complete! It arrived in early November and is everything I could have hoped for.

5) Complete a yearly shopping ban where I don’t buy any new clothes.

Not complete. Oy vey. I forgot about this goal. I followed the shopping ban for the first quarter of the year, but then completely fell apart during the second quarter and quickly realized that strict shopping bans like this aren’t good for me. I’m more of a moderator than an abstainer, you could say. All-or-nothing challenges just do not suit me!

6) Stop using plastic bags at the grocery store, Target, etc.

Complete-ish? I have cut way down on the amount of plastic bags I’m using, but I haven’t completely cut out using plastic bags.

7) Read 100 books, including four classics.

Complete! I may end up with 135 books read this year when all is said and done, which is the most books I’ve read ever. Woop! I also read four classics: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (★★★★★), 1984 (★★★☆☆), Persuasion (★☆☆☆☆), and The Catcher in the Rye (★★☆☆☆).

8) Give up all dating apps for the entire year.

Complete-ish. I will be honest here and say I added the apps back to my phone over the summer and chatted with a few people here and there, but none of those conversations led to any dates. And, really, I only used the apps for 1-2 months out of the whole year, so I’m considering this goal complete.

9) Try something new once a month.

Not complete. I’m sure I did some new things throughout the year, ha, but I didn’t keep track of them. I’m not confident I did twelve new things throughout all of 2018, so I can’t in good faith consider this goal complete.

10) Start therapy.

Complete! I am in therapy now and it’s going well.

11) Finish my novel.

Not complete. This is my number-one goal for 2019.

12) Figure out what my Enneagram type is.

Complete! I am a Nine with a One wing, and even wrote a blog post about what all of that means. I highly recommend reading the book The Road Back to You to type yourself because it has really been eye-opening in discovering myself.

13) Travel to one new state.

Not complete. My only big vacation this year was a seven-day cruise where I visited two new countries (Belize and Honduras).

14) Exercise at least three times a week.

Complete… up until October. The last quarter of the year, I completely fell off any sort of healthy living lifestyle. First, I was spending every evening and many hours on the weekend visiting Pops while he was in the hospital, and then, grieving his unexpected death. Healthy living just hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind these past few months.

15) Create a wedding album for my mom and stepdad.

Complete! I did this over the summer and they were so pleased and happy with the results.

So, out of the fifteen goals I set, I completed (or nearly completed) 6.5 of them. That’s not a great percentage, ha, but it’s better than zero, right? But even so, I don’t consider my yearly goals to be a failure. I have way too much fun setting my yearly goals and trying to achieve them that I can’t be mad at myself for not accomplishing everything on the list. And yes, I am most definitely planning on setting goals for 2019, and I’ll be unveiling them sometime next week!

Do you set yearly goals?

Five for Friday: My Favorite Christmas Traditions

Happy Friday! I can’t believe it’s the weekend before Christmas. Honestly, this holiday season has felt both long and short. Since Thanksgiving fell early this year, we seemingly had an extra week of the holidays but that time went by fast.

The holiday season can be exciting, but it can also be hard. And for me, it’s hard in ways that are difficult to talk about on a public blog. Suffice it to say, the holidays look so different from family to family, and there is no one right way to celebrate the season. And if you need to delete Instagram and Facebook from your phone for the next week because the barrage of family photos is too much, I totally, totally understand. (And I may end up doing the same!) I want everyone to take special care of themselves over these next few days and know you are not alone, even if it might feel you are.

However, I want to talk about the holiday season a bit! I don’t have a ton of holiday traditions myself, but there are a few of them that mean the world to me, things I’ve cultivated over the past few years to make this season as meaningful as it can be. Let’s take a look!

1) Decorating Christmas cookies with my family.

This is always one of my favorite holiday traditions, and it’s something that my family has been doing for years and years. I have pictures of my brother and me sitting around our scuffed-up kitchen table, smiles on our faces as we hold up our horribly decorated Christmas cookies. (Please note: that above photo is not of any cookies we’ve ever decorated… or will ever decorate.)

Nowadays, my brother, my nephews, and I come to my mom’s for cookie decorating. We cut out Christmas cookies using all of the cookie cutters my mom has collected through the years. The cookies are baked (and it never fails that at least one pan of cookies has to be thrown out because we placed them too close together and they’ve congealed into one massive cookie) and cooled, and then we get to work decorating. We’re all terrible decorators, so there’s a lot of trash talking involved as we laugh at some of our “masterpieces.” And then, my mom sends us home with our own baggie full of cookies, which I munch on little by little throughout the next week.

We’re planning our cookie decorating day for Sunday, and I am oh-so-excited.

2) Going all out with decorating.

Oh, how I love decorating my little apartment for Christmas. I have a fake tree because I cannot deal with the setup process of a real tree anymore, but I make sure to have a fir-scented candle going as often as possible to get a semblance of the Christmas tree scent in my home. I have colored lights and white lights, garland, a tree full of ornaments, Christmas knick-knacks, a countdown snowman, and even a tiny tree that I bought from Trader Joe’s at the end of November. My home is usually pretty minimalist in terms of decor eleven months out of the year, but come the holiday season, I go all out.

I even decorate my desk at work! I have more lights, more garland, more Christmas knick-knacks to make my desk as festive as possible for the holiday season. (One year, I put up Christmas gel clings on the glass partition between my cubicle and the person next to me, but the residue took forever to remove, ha, so I haven’t done that again.)

I just love decorating for Christmas because reading by the light of my Christmas tree or seeing my home so cozy makes me so damn happy. (Although, I’m usually equally happy to take everything down and restore my home to order by end of December.)

3) Celebrating on Christmas Day.

I’m always so intrigued about how people celebrate the actual holiday, as I know a number of families celebrate on Christmas Eve. We’ve never been a Christmas Eve-celebrating family. For awhile, my extended family got together on Christmas Eve night to exchange small gifts and just be together. In fact, I think the last Christmas my grandma was alive for, we all got together on Christmas Eve and that’s a memory I cherish so much. We watched a Carrie Underwood performance together and I told her about a new guy I was seeing. It was really special. But that was the last time we did one of those gatherings. Now, I usually go out to dinner with my mom and stepdad.

Instead, we celebrate on Christmas Day. This year, my mom is hosting a small gathering at her place for my brother, his family, and me. We’ll eat ham and turkey, open presents, and just hang out. We usually meet later in the afternoon, although I usually head to my mom’s a bit earlier just to spend a little extra time with her and my stepdad. It’s Christmas, after all. Who wants to spend it alone?

4) Annual Secret Santa gift exchange.

For the past few years, my girlfriends and I have done a Secret Santa gift exchange. We go to a delicious fondue restaurant, get all dressed up, and exchange gifts. It’s honestly something I look forward to every year. I love how personal we can get with the gifts because we’re only buying for one person and we can focus all of our energy on finding the perfect gifts for her. We also use this dinner to talk about all the fun times we’ve had throughout the year and plan events for the new year. Some of the things we want to do in 2019 is take a girls trip to Boston, go to a hibachi restaurant, volunteer, have some game nights, and go shuffleboarding.

5) Watching my favorite Christmas movies.

We all have our favorite Christmas movies, don’t we? Every year, I try to watch my standards which include The Santa Clause, Elf, Love Actually, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. I also try to throw in a “classic” Christmas movie I’ve never seen. I’ve still yet to watch A Christmas Story, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Miracle on 34th Street! I need to watch one of those this year. But I just love watching a Christmas movie while wrapping presents or baking cookies. It’s something that fills me with so much joy and happiness!

What are some of your current Christmas traditions?

What’s On My Christmas Wish List

Can you believe it? There are six days left until Christmas! All of my holiday shopping is done, the presents are wrapped, and the holiday parties are over. All that’s left is to decorate Christmas cookies with my family, watch all of the Christmas movies, and enjoy reading in front of my twinkling Christmas tree every evening. Yay!

Every year, I like to make a Christmas wish list post. In my family, we’re big about gifts because there’s just something sweet about finding the perfect present for your family members and anticipating what they will get you. Christmas is about togetherness, of course, but there’s nothing wrong with writing out wish lists and wondering what will be waiting for you under the tree this year. We make it easy, sending out lists in mid to late November so that there are no stressful guessing games. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to ask for this year because, honestly, I’m in a stage of my life where I can buy most of the things I want. But, alas, I managed to come up with a list for my family and here are some of the things I included:

1. TOMS ($60). I love my TOMS. I have very weird feet and can’t wear flip-flops or sandals if I’m planning on walking or standing a lot. They just don’t give my feet the structure they need, so my arches start aching and the balls of my feet start burning. TOMS are different. They perfectly support my feet, and if I know I’m going somewhere where there will be a lot of walking or standing around, I wear my TOMS. I’ve had my current pair for a few years now, so it’s time for an upgrade. I put a regular black pair and a pink sparkly pair on my wish list this year.

2. A quilt ($70). I don’t think you want to know how long I’ve had my current quilt, but I’m going to tell you anyway: five years. I love this quilt. I actually bought a comforter when I moved in 2015 and within just a few weeks, I was back to using my quilt. I don’t know what it is about it, but it is just so comfy and I love wrapping myself up in it right before falling asleep. I keep my apartment cold (I can’t fall asleep unless it’s 73 degrees or colder in my apartment), so I need a cozy quilt to keep me warm. Anyway, it’s time to upgrade my quilt and this one is so colorful and fun!

3. Echo Dot ($50). Do I need an Echo Dot? Should I be concerned about Alexa listening to all of my conversations?  I don’t know, but I added this to my Christmas list because I wanted to find out what all the fuss is about.

4. Spa bath pillow ($22). I take a bubble bath on a near nightly basis, but it’s usually as low-key as possible. I just use body wash as my “bubbles,” there are no candles or glasses of wine nearby. And I think it’s time to upgrade my bubble bath experience. I put this bath pillow on my list because I’d really love a more comfortable way to lean back in the tub. I bought a pillow a year or so ago, but it didn’t suction to my tub at all and I was so disappointed that I gave up on bath pillows altogether. Maybe second time’s the charm?

5. Waterpik water flosser ($60). This is probably the most boring item on my Christmas wish list and younger Stephany is appalled. But I really want a water flosser! Sure, I can handle the whole manual flossing routine, but using a water flosser is way more effective. And with that, I’ll see myself out.

6. INFINITIPRO by Conair hair dryer ($35). I’ve had my current hair dryer for a few years now, and it’s nearing the time when it needs to be replaced. I’m lucky in that I don’t need anything super fancy when it comes to drying my hair, although I typically need to swipe my straightener through my hair after drying it to smooth it out. This option seems like a nice upgrade from what I’m using now.

7. The complete set of Anne of Green Gables ($85). One of my goals in 2019 is to reread the Anne of Green Gables series. I read it when I was in high school and loved it, and have grown interested in rereading lately. (It’s so beloved by Bookstagram, which makes me want to revisit the series!) This boxed set is pricey, for sure, but includes all eight books with beautiful covers.

8. Bathtub caddy tray ($50). Like I mentioned earlier, it’s time to upgrade my bubble bath situation. First, with a bath pillow and second with a tray so I can have a place to prop up my book, keep my phone handy, and even enjoy a beverage while I’m relaxing.

9. Bomber jacket ($55). I have been on the hunt for a lightweight jacket for a while now, and I can never find anything that fits well or makes me feel good. I found this one from Old Navy when I was putting together my Christmas wish list for my family and I kinda love it. It looks like the perfect jacket to pull on for those days when the temps dip below 60 degrees. (OK, fine, 65. I’m a baby when it comes to winter, okay?!)

What’s on your wish list this year?

What I’m Reading (12.17.18)

This will likely be my last “What I’m Reading” post for a few weeks. If you can believe it, next week is Christmas and that also kicks off my “Best of 2018” posts. I should be able to resume these posts on January 7th, so there won’t be too much of a pause. 

My week and weekend have been a bit crazier than normal as I settle into life as a new cat mom. Eloise is warming up to me, getting more and more comfortable every day. She’s greeting me in the mornings and when I come home and mewing at me when she wants attention (as well as rubbing herself all over me!), so I think it’s safe to say we’re well on our way to best friendship. 

Even with a busy week and weekend, I managed to finish two books! Here are my reviews: 

Books Finished

Title: Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin
Authors: Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin
Genre: Nonfiction, Social Justice
Published: 2017
Format: Library audiobook
Rating: ★★★★★

Plot Summary: The parents of Trayvon Martin come together to tell the story of their child, their mourning, their search for justice, and the birth of a movement.

My Thoughts: Oh, this book was probably one of the most difficult ones to read. It was gut-wrenching to listen to Trayvon’s parents try to make sense of their son’s senseless death. It was infuriating to listen to all the ways the system failed them, and how their son was essentially put on trial during his own murder trial. And it was also hopeful to learn how people came together for them, like Sybrina’s coworkers giving her all their vacation time so she could focus on grieving the loss of her son and fighting for justice. Or people coming together to demand answers and Zimmerman’s arrest. It’s a story that is all-too-familiar nowadays, black men being senselessly killed just because they are black and therefore dangerous. It needs to stop and I am so grateful to Trayvon’s parents for writing their story. I know it had to be so difficult to relive the emotions of those first few hours, days, weeks after discovering Trayvon had been killed. This should be required reading.

Title: A Duke by Default
Author: Alyssa Cole
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Published: 2018
Format: Library e-book
Rating: ★★★★☆

Plot Summary: Portia is known for being a bit of a hot mess, so in an effort to become a new version of herself, she applies to be an apprentice in Scotland for a struggling swordmaker named Tavish. But when she discovers that Tavish is the secret son of a duke, he becomes her newest makeover project.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed Alyssa Cole’s first contemporary romance, A Princess in Theory, but I think I loved this one even more. I was curious as to how Cole would redeem Portia because she was definitely tough to love in A Princess in Theory, but Cole did a wonderful job at letting us into the woman behind the hot mess and helping us understand why she did the things she did in that first novel. And in this novel, Portia is a woman who just broke my heart because I felt so deeply for her struggles. I loved seeing how she worked so hard to not be the screwup her family thinks she is, especially as she helps Tavish learn the ropes of dukedom. The romance between Portia and Tavish was sweet, but I do wish there was a little more chemistry between them. I loved how Portia begins to blossom under Tavish’s love, but I don’t know if there was enough happening in their romance for me to fully believe in it. Still, it was an enjoyable book and what’s not to love about a Scottish hero? Nothing. 

What I’m Reading This Week

  • The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah – I am a little more than halfway through this novel, and I’m enjoying it. It’s one of those books I can easily set down and not really feel the urge to pick it up again, but once I do pick it up, I’m sucked right back into the story. I’m very interested to see how the rest of this novel unfolds!
  • Simply Irresistible by Jill Shalvis – Oh, what a fun little romance this is! It’s such a nice, light-hearted companion to The Great Alone. It’s reminding me why I love Jill Shalvis so much; she writes damn good romances!
  • What We Were Promised by Lucy Tan – I picked up this novel on audiobook over the weekend. By the synopsis, it seemed like the kind of book I would enjoy dipping in and out of in audiobook form rather than reading a physical version of it. I’m only a couple hours in, but so far so good.

What are you reading?

Meet Eloise

I shared some very exciting news on Instagram yesterday, and now it’s time to share it on my blog. Prepare yourselves, friends, because there’s about to be a whole lot of cat posts and pictures on this blog! Please meet my new little ball of love, Eloise Joy. She is around 6-8 months and was a stray who needed a good home, and I am so blessed to be able to be the one to give that to her.

As many of you were aware, I was planning on getting kittens sometime in the new year. I thought that would be the perfect way to start 2019, since 2018 started on such a low note. However, that’s not exactly what life had in store for me.

Last week, one of my mom’s coworkers texted me about a cat her friend, K., had rescued. She was estimated to be around six to eight months old, a former outside cat who showed up on K’s back porch a few weeks ago in rough condition. She was skin-and-bones with matted hair and was being bullied by one of the other outside cats. K was able to coax her into her garage. K is a cat lover to her core and fosters kitten for a nearby rescue all the time, so she was well familiar with how to take care of Eloise. She fed her, bathed her, and took her to the vet so she could be spayed and dewormed. She also got a round of shots. Gradually, as the weeks progressed, Eloise fattened up, her hair and whiskers started growing back, and she became a snuggly ball of love with K.

And, boy oh boy, did K want to keep Eloise. Unfortunately for K but fortunately for me, K already has a cat and this cat was not a fan of Eloise. He told her in no uncertain terms that K was going to need to find a new home for her.

I met Eloise on Friday, a week ago. She was reserved with me, not quite sure what to make of this strange woman in the only home she’s ever known. She never really warmed up to me on Friday, although she did let me pet her while she was eating and played with me for a short period of time. But even with her reservedness, I knew. She was meant to be mine. We were meant to find each other at this point in time.

On Saturday, I texted K and told her that I wanted to bring Eloise home. K was overjoyed, saying all she wanted was for her to find a good home before Christmas.

And it’s been quite an interesting week for me, learning the ropes of new cat motherhood. 🙂 Eloise is a sweetheart in every sense of the word, but she’s understandably very skittish and unsure of me right now. She spends a lot of time under my bed, although she gets braver as each day passes. Yesterday was the first time she came to me for pets and even let me hold her. Slowly but surely, she’s warming up to me. I have no doubt that she’ll be ruling the roost, running all around the apartment and getting into lots of trouble in no time.

For now, I am so grateful to have her in my life. I already love her immensely and I miss her the whole time I’m at work. I can’t believe how everything worked out. It feels like this was exactly the way it was supposed to happen. This was the cat I’ve been waiting for this whole time. I was meant to be her human and she was meant to be mine.

Serendipity at its finest.

Why I’m an Enneagram Nine

I finished The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery last week. I know personality frameworks are all the rage right now, and for some people, they can be a little eye-roll-y because they usually aren’t based in any actual science. And yet… there’s something about them that appeals to me.

Because even if they aren’t based in actual science, they are rooted in human experience and thoughtful analysis. Personality frameworks allow me to get to know myself better, to figure out exactly why I am the way I am, to learn coping strategies that will help me during stressful or difficult times in my life. They make me feel a part of something. They help me realize that I’m not alone, no matter how weird I think my personality is.

After reading the short descriptions of each type during the introduction of the book, I was feeling confident I was an Enneagram Four, but also had a strong connection to the way Enneagram Nine and Enneagram Six were described. Fours were noted as being “creative, sensitive and moody” while Nines are “pleasant, laid back and accommodating” and Sixes are “committed, practical and witty.”

After reading through the entire book, I was still on the fence. I was able to take Enneagram Six off the table, but I felt truly emotional reading about the characteristics, flaws, and motivations about both Nines and Fours. After rereading the chapters and truly digging into the strengths and weaknesses of each type, I think I can safely say that I am an Enneagram Nine. Here’s why:

I am a peacemaker to a fault.

Nines fears that expressing their preferences or asserting their agenda will put important relationships at risk and upset the calm surface of their inner sea.

A pattern of behavior I’ve started noticing in my life is my tendency to let other people make the decisions and to keep my opinion to myself the majority of the time. It’s something I do because I don’t want to rock the boat; I don’t want anybody to have any reason not to be friends with me. I always want to keep the peace and for some reason, I have this internal belief that the way to do that is to always follow the crowd and avoid conflict at all cost. It’s good in the sense that I am easy to get along with, but bad in the sense that my needs sometimes aren’t getting met in my relationships.

I’m passive in my romantic relationships.

Nines drop their healthy boundaries to fuse with a more assertive partner, whom they idealize and from whom they hope to glean a sense of identity and purpose. But after a while they don’t know where they end and the other person begins.

This passivity I have in my romantic relationships is something I’ve discussed extensively with my therapist. I want to be a strong, independent woman who stands up for what she wants and asks for what she needs, but when push comes to shove, I always fall over. I let him decide what restaurant we’re going to have dinner at, even if it means a 30-minute drive for me and a 5-minute one for him. I let him take control over how quickly the physical part of our relationship accelerates, even when I’m not completely comfortable with it. I take on his opinions, not wanting to assert my differing ones because what if he won’t like me when I do that? I’m not proud of this and it’s part of the reason I took a long break from dating. I needed to figure this out, so I can have healthier romantic relationships. So, it’s really not surprising this turned up in my Enneagram type. Not surprising at all. I’m just glad I’ve identified this, and now I can move forward in learning to be more assertive in my dating life, even when it’s wholly uncomfortable.

Making decisions can be paralyzing for me.

Because there are so many angles from which to examine an issue, so many factors to take into consideration, and so many pros and cons to fret over, Nines often never get around to deciding. They sit on the fence and agonize over what to do while waiting for someone else to make the decision or for the situation to naturally work itself out on its own.

Oh, do I ever struggle with making a decision, especially when the decision involves other people. For example, I agonized over where to go for my birthday dinner because I wanted to choose a place that everyone would enjoy and nobody would have to drive far to get to. When I make dinner plans with friends, I barely ever make a decision on where to go, instead following their lead. It can take me forever to finally push “order” on an item, even when I know it’s something I need. Making decisions is just not my forte, which means I’m probably not suited for a management role and that’s something I’m A-OK with.

I don’t often believe my opinion is important.

Nines will sometimes abandon their own opinion or defer to someone else’s, either because they’re uncertain or simply because they want to blend in and get along with them.

I am conflict avoidant to the extreme, and it’s never more obvious than the times I have to give my opinion. Since I’m very attuned to people’s thoughts and feelings, I can often give them the opinion they want to hear, not always the one I think is right. I want to be opinionated and stand up for what I believe in, but when I come faced with the choice to do so, I will always defer to the other person. For a long time, I believe I was a conservative, pro-life Republican because that’s the way I was raised and I didn’t want to rock the boat. I wanted to keep the status quo until enough was enough. It’s then I realized what I believe in and what’s important to me when it comes to politics, and it was not being a conservative, pro-life Republican. And this is the one area of my life that I have begun to be more vocal and assert my opinion, and it honestly feels so good to do so.

I’m an easy person to get along with.

Loyal and kind, they will go above and beyond the call of duty to support you. They’re fun, flexible and don’t complain too much. They love life’s simple pleasures.

I don’t ask for much from other people. Now that can be good and bad because it means sometimes my needs aren’t getting met, but for the most part, it’s a good quality. It means I’m just happy being with people, full stop. I don’t expect the world from them and I want to support them in any way I can. And I’m fiercely loyal to those I call my own. If you’re in my circle of trust, I will defend you to my death.

I am a natural mediator.

Supportive, nonjudgmental and inclusive, they build bridges and bring people together in a spirit of cooperation.

As a Nine, my goal in life is peace. I want inner peace, outer peace, world peace, all the peace. I want peace in my relationships, in my work environment, in my home. And I will work hard to make sure that happens. I am inclusive and cooperative and supportive to every kind of viewpoint. I can see both sides of every issue and I want to bring people together.

I am my best self in a low-stress work environment.

Creatures of habit, Nines appreciate structure, predictability and routine in the workplace. Nines don’t like to bring work home, and they definitely don’t like interruptions on weekends or vacation.

My current job is perfect for me. I am given free rein to work at my own pace and prioritize my own tasks. I do not have a boss breathing over my shoulder. I am also not required to work overtime or work on the weekends, even when I’m behind. I have a set monthly schedule and life at work is predictable for me. And I love that. It’s not that every day is the same, but that I have a predictability to my workflow that is determined by me and that’s exactly what I need to feel confident and happy at work.

When stressed, I become more anxious and self-doubtful. In security, I am goal-oriented and confident.

In the book, the author makes a point to talk about how each type reacts in times of high stress and times when we’re feeling safe and secure. This is the area where I could really type myself as a Nine over a Four. When I’m stressed, making decisions is harder than ever and my anxiety is through the roof. And, even worse, my temper has a short fuse and I can react emotionally to even the slightest barb. When I’m feeling secure, though, there’s no better feeling. I can make decisions with confidence and genuinely understand my place in this world and why I matter.

My “wing” is One.

Nines with a One wing have a strong sense of the difference between right and wrong … The 9w1s are more critical, orderly, introverted and passive-aggressive than other Nines.

One of the things I love about the Enneagram is the fact that it takes into consideration that we’re human and fluid and ever-changing. Our motivations never change, but the way we react to external stimuli can. This is why each type has two wings, and you fall in one wing or the other. For me, I’m a Nine with a One wing.

***

So, what does all of this knowledge mean for me now? Well, to be honest, I’m not really sure. I do know it will prompt me to acknowledge when I’m acting more in line with the “negative” parts of my type: not being decisive, passivity in relationships, feeling like my opinion doesn’t matter, etc. In doing so, I am hopeful to work towards being more of a healthy Nine, someone who is a peacemaker but not a pushover, who is inclusive to all points of view without forgetting her own, who can make decisions in a confident manner.

It’s up to me to take this knowledge and let it guide my life in a healthy manner. I think I’m up for the challenge.

Do you know your Enneagram type? If so, let me know what it is!

What I’m Reading (12.10.18)

Hello and happy Monday, friends! I’m feeling very frustrated with myself lately because I feel like I’m not making progress on anything I do. And everything I do make progress on feels like it took way more effort than warranted. Anyone go through those weeks? I wasn’t able to get a post up on Friday because I couldn’t get the words out and didn’t want to stay up late to force it. This weekend, I wanted to wrap all of my Christmas presents that have been delivered and do my monthly deep clean of my apartment and neither of those got done. I’m just feeling very behind in life right now, and that’s not helpful for my anxiety.

I “only” finished one book this week, so it seems even my reading is taking longer than normal. Ha. I mean, one book a week is nothing to sneeze at, but it’s a little odd for me. Hopefully, it’s just the holiday season. Maybe.

Book Finished

Title: Nine Perfect Strangers
Author: Liane Moriarty
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Published: 2018
Format: Hardcover
Rating: ★★★★☆

Plot Summary: Nine people, all of them strangers, arrive at a health resort for a ten-day retreat. They all come to the resort with their own baggage and own reasons for wanting to be there: for some, it’s to lose weight, for others, it’s to heal inner turmoil. But as their challenges get more unpredictable and outlandish, they all have to wonder if it’s all worth it.

My Thoughts: Oh, boy, I loved this book. There’s a subgenre in contemporary fiction of “rich people problems,” and for some reason, I love reading books about that. Even though their lives are so vastly different than mine, their problems often seem universal. It’s universal to want love, to experience grief, to desire beauty, to want to be valued. And that’s what all of these guests were seeking. They were messy and difficult and downright unlikeable at times, but damn if that didn’t make them so human and enjoyable to read. As the novel progressed, the guests had to face more and more outlandish challenges that had them banding together and working as a team, and there was such beauty in that. It was a story about the lengths we’ll go to find inner peace and outward beauty, but also about what can happen when you open your heart up and let strangers in. It’s not a novel that will appeal to everyone, but it’s one I thoroughly enjoyed.

What I’m Reading This Week

  • Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin by Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin – I have only a few hours left in this book, so I’ll be finishing it early this week. It’s such a good read, but also so heartbreaking and infuriating.
  • A Duke by Default by Alyssa Cole – I’m nearly done with this contemporary romance, and I am enjoying it so much. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed a romance so much. It’s just sweet and fun and sexy, and it’s just what I need right now.
  • The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah – I started this novel over the weekend, and I’m only about 50 pages in. As expected, it’s slow to start off but I’m reading it in small chunks (50 pages at a time, then I switch over to my romance novel for 100-ish pages) for now.
  • Simply Irresistible by Jill Shalvis – I read this book back in 2011 (gave it three stars, eeps), but I never finished out the series and since I’m all out of new Jill Shalvis novels to read, I figured I’d just go through some of her older works. Hopefully, it’s good! I’ll be picking it up after I finish A Duke by Default.

What are you reading?

Monthly Recap | November 2018

Well, November. It was a hard month, starting with Pops’ funeral on the first day of the month. I never expected to be burying my grandfather this year, definitely not 28 days before my birthday. But November had its bright moments, most especially my dear friend B’s wedding that might have been the highlight of my year. I just had the absolute best time, and I really needed it after many, many weeks of hardship. Here’s my recap of November:

Books

I read nine books in November, bringing my total for the year to 123. Woop! Like I mentioned yesterday, I’m hoping to reach 130, making this year my highest reading total ever. And remember, reading is not a competitive sport! We all read at our own pace and in our own time. I just tend to devote more time to reading than, say, exercise. 😉

You Will Know Me was a thriller that had me on the edge of my seat, and the gymnastics lover in me loved the gymnastics plot. I finished Sometimes I Lie in less than 24 hours and gave it five stars due to how easily it kept my attention. The Fractured Heart was a disappointing romance with lackluster characters. I’m working my way through the Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny, and A Rule Against Murder, the fourth book in the series, was absolutely delightful. I love when we get glimpses into Gamache’s marriage. I absolutely adored One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid and want everyone I know to read. It was just so fun! I found Now That You Mention It by Kristan Higgins to have problematic language in regard to fat-shaming, and so because of that, I wouldn’t recommend the novel. No One Tells You This was the memoir that I needed to read, all about living a happily single life in your forties. I listened to The High Season on audio. It was a slow, meandering read, but I enjoyed the exploration of privilege, family, art, and love. And I wrapped up my month with The Road Back to You, which is all about the Enneagram personality framework.

Podcasts

The Baby-Sitter’s Club Club finished reading through the BSC books! The last book, The Fire at Mary Anne’s House, was split into two parts and I was so impressed and delighted by the way they chose to wrap up this series. (Fear not, Jack and Tanner will still be podcasting and are tackling the Sweet Valley books next.)

Unladylike had an incredible episode titled, “How to Get a Rape Kit.” The episode mostly features an interview with a sexual assault nurse examiner, which is a person who is specially trained in how to examine rape victims after they’ve been assaulted. The episode was heartbreaking but hopeful, and my only wish is for every hospital to have these nurses available for rape victims.

Phoebe Judge, host of the podcast Criminal, went on a police ride-along for a day and I found the episode fascinating. We know so little about what police officers do on a day-to-day basis, so it’s worth a listen.

Serial finished up season three with episodes about juvenile detention centers and the kids who are incarcerated there. It was hard to listen to, but necessary. I liked season three of Serial much more than season two, but I don’t think it warranted a two-and-a-half year break in between seasons. I really hope she doesn’t make us wait that long for season four.

Lastly, I want to give another plug for the podcast Believed. It’s incredibly produced and so damn fascinating. It’s giving me the same feels that Serial season one gave me, where I have to listen to each episode the minute it’s downloaded. It’s not for the faint of heart (trigger warnings abound), but goddamn, it’s good.

Posts

I memorialized Pops, after losing him unexpectedly on October 28th, and then wrote about the life lessons he taught me over the years. I really never expected to be writing those posts so soon after losing Grandma. Not at all.

In mid-November, I took everyone through an average day in my life, which was really fun to put together. I need to do more posts like those!

I wrote about a fun weekend I spent in Orlando with friends, celebrating the wedding of a dear friend of ours. It’s definitely one of those weekends I’ll look back on fondly as the years pass.

I recapped my Thanksgiving holiday, a day that was hard since it was the first one without Pops (and since the loss still feels so unreal and raw, it was that much more difficult) but still had moments of goodness sprinkled throughout.

I wrote about turning 31, the miserable mess 30 was for me, and what I’m hoping for from this next year.

Highlights

> After seven weeks of impatient waiting, my couch was finally delivered and it is everything I want. It’s the perfect size for my apartment, and I just love relaxing on it while reading a book. Definitely the best purchase I made this year!

> My mom, stepdad, Chip, and I went to Dogtoberfest in Dunedin, where Chip participated in his first-ever Running of the Wieners. It was harder than I expected to be surrounded by all the dachshunds and not have my beloved with me. But sweet Chip helped me get through it. He wasn’t successful in his race (he didn’t even cross the finish line, ha), but I think he had fun nonetheless!

> I took the whole week of Thanksgiving off, the first time I’ve had that week off since I was in high school. It was so nice to have a little staycation. The first day was spent traveling back from the wedding and recovering from a very stimulating weekend. The rest of the time, I didn’t really do all too much but somehow I managed to fill up my time just right. I think I’m ready for retirement. 😉

> I joined a new gym! It opens in January and it’s super close to where I live. Ever since I canceled my gym membership, I’ve felt a little lost when it comes to my workouts. I just really like the gym atmosphere and having access to classes and such. I locked in a great rate ($20 a month!) and all the signup fees were waived. This gym will have the standard Les Mills classes and while they won’t have spin classes to start off, the manager plans on adding it into the workout schedule within a few months. I joined with one of my good friends, too, so it will be nice to have her as an accountability buddy!

> My mom took me to this adorable place called Robert’s Christmas Wonderland. It’s filled with all kinds of Christmas decorations and has this incredible room full of lit-up Christmas trees. All of the trees are fake and they are expensive. I’m talking $1,200 for a friggin Christmas tree. Nah. I picked up a few ornaments and a fun Christmas countdown for my desk at work, so I was happy!

> I had a wonderful night at a favorite local pizza place with my girlfriends to celebrate my birthday. They showered me with gifts and love. We stuffed ourselves silly with Greek salad, cheesy bread, and pizza. And we reminisced and laughed about the wedding weekend and our antics at the reception. (I don’t think anyone would have guessed that the bride’s book club friends would outlast everyone else on the dance floor!) It was a beautiful night and so good for my soul.

Tell me one of your highlights from November!

What I’m Reading (12.3.18)

Happy Monday, friends! We’re in the home stretch of 2018, and I’m in a weird place where I can’t believe this year is almost over while also realizing just how damn long this year was. It’s been a heavy year, and I’m not sorry to say goodbye to it.

This week, I finished two books and abandoned one. I’ve read 124 books for the year, and I’d love to end the year with 130. That’s only six books in four weeks – a doable goal for me.

Books Finished

Title: The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery
Author: Ian Morgan Cron, Suzanne Stabile
Genre: Nonfiction, Self-Help
Published: 2016
Format: Hardcover
Rating: ★★★★☆

Plot Summary: Ian Morgan Cron takes readers on a journey through the nine types of the Enneagram, a personality framework.

My Thoughts: I took my time with this book, reading one chapter a day, so it took me around two weeks to read it. I think that was the perfect way to consume this book, though. While I pretty much figured out my type in the introductory chapter, I read through each chapter of the types to make sure I was on the right track. I could see myself in some of the other types, most definitely, but once I got to my type’s chapter, I had to keep setting down the book because it was too real. There were sentences and paragraphs that explained me so well it was nearly painful. Ha. I’m planning to write a full post on my type and what it means for me going forward this week, so stay tuned! I highly recommend picking up this book if you’re a personality nerd like I am. (I will caution that it’s written from a Christian perspective, but it’s easy to skim the sections that are faith-based.)

Title: Starry Night
Author: Debbie Macomber
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Published: 2013
Format: Library e-book
Rating: ★★★☆☆

Plot Summary: Carrie must score an interview with notoriously reclusive author Finn Dalton in order to move away from writing the society page for her newspaper and into more serious topics. When she finds him, she finds a charismatic, lovable man and realizes she’s going to have to choose between her heart and her career.

My Thoughts: This was a sweet enough romance. It was a little on the cheesy side, especially towards the end. And I’m not sure how to say this without it sounding weird, but I was a little disappointed there wasn’t more, erm, action in the novel. There were some chaste kissing scenes, but that was about it. Maybe this is normal for Debbie Macomber, but man, I like a little sizzle with my romance. 😉 Still, it was a cute, Christmassy read to kick off my holiday romance binge.

Book Abandoned

Happily Ever Ninja by Penny Reid – I abandoned this contemporary romance at 62% because the plot was just way too far-fetched for me to believe. Mind you, I often have to suspend a fair amount of belief when it comes to romance novels, but this one was so far out in left field. There was also a global conspiracy plot involving oil that was boring as hell, and it just wasn’t keeping my attention. Oh, but honestly the main reason I abandoned this novel was Greg, the hero, who was a straight-up asshole with very little redeeming qualities. There are enough assholes IRL; I don’t need to read about them in my romances.

What I’m Reading This Week

  • Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty – Oh, this book is bringing me so much joy. It’s delightful and fun and wacky, and the characters are so ridiculous (and pretty unlikeable, but that’s not bothering me so much). I still have a lot of the book left to read (I’m around 40% finished with it), but so far so good.
  • Rest in Power: The Enduring Life of Trayvon Martin by Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin – This is my nonfiction audiobook pick for December. I have heard amazing things, and I’m preparing myself for an onslaught of emotions. I may have to really pace myself between chapters, more so than I usually do for audiobooks, but I know it will be worth it.
  • A Duke by Default by Alyssa Cole – I’ll be starting this contemporary romance sometime this week, in between pages of Nine Perfect Strangers. It had such a fun premise, and I can’t wait to give it a try.

What are you reading?