1) Bad news first
On Wednesday, my doctor’s office called me with the bad news: I have severe obstructive sleep apnea. This means that I’m having more than 30 apneas/hypopneas per hour while I’m sleeping. (Apneas are episodes where I stop breathing; hypopneas are episodes when I have shallow breathing due to partially blocked airways). I’ve been trying to process this news this week because while I was fairly confident I’d receive a sleep apnea diagnosis, I did not realize that my condition was this bad. It puts a lot of things into perspective, including why I’m so tired all the time. I’m not just a lazy person! It’s because I’m barely getting the good deep sleep I need and I’m not delivering enough oxygen to my cells and through my bloodstream!
The next step for me is to do a CPAP titration sleep study, which will take place in a sleep lab. (Ugh.) I need to do this study to get properly fitted for a CPAP machine and make sure it’s delivering the desired airflow I need to not have these apneas/hypopneas throughout the night. And then I’ll start my new life of sleeping with a CPAP machine. I know it will take some getting used to, but I’m also looking forward to seeing how this improves my quality of life. Will I finally understand what it means to be well-rested? Will I not need to take a nap almost every day to keep going? Stay tuned!
2) Weight loss
It is time to think about weight loss. First, there are the concerning bloodwork numbers: high cholesterol, high glucose, high A1C. Then, there’s this sleep apnea diagnosis. Now, I know that sleep apnea can be caused by a lot of factors, not solely weight, but I have a strong suspicion that my weight is causing it for me. If I can reverse the condition by losing weight, I want to at least try. If I was healthy at the weight I am at today, then I’d continue doing what I’ve been doing. But the truth is that I am not and I need to figure out what a healthy weight is for me. I am nervous about making this statement, and super nervous about figuring out how I’m going to actually lose weight, because I am still firmly anti-diet culture. I am not joining WW or Noom or any of those programs. I’ve already talked to my dietician about this diagnosis and we have an appointment next week to discuss what to do next. All I know is that I want to figure out a way to lose weight in a healthy way, in a way that doesn’t feel like deprivation, and in a way that leads me to living the healthier lifestyle I need to not have dozens of health problems down the road.
3) Eloise is 6!
Let’s move on to better subjects: Eloise’s birthday! She turned 6 years old on Wednesday, which I’ve learned means she turned the big 4-0 in human years. I didn’t do anything wild and crazy for her birthday because, well, she had no idea it wasn’t just a normal day in her world. I gave her lots of love and sang Happy Birthday to her throughout the day, and she got to have a full Meaty Stick as a special treat (I usually break them in half and give one to each cat; yes, Lila also got a full Meaty Stick, I’m not a monster). I haven’t figured out exactly what I want to buy her for her birthday, but I’m taking a trip to PetSmart this weekend so hopefully I will be inspired.
I’ve written many posts about these cats of mine, but let’s talk about Ellie for a second. Also known as Ellie-Bellie or just Bellie, she is my soul-cat. I feel connected to her on a deep, personal level. When I had to evacuate to Fort Lauderdale during a hurricane in 2022, I lost Ellie for a few hours. We had just gotten to an Airbnb with me, the cats, my mom, my stepdad, and the dogs, and I had closed the girls up in the bedroom I was staying in. When I went back into that bedroom to check on them, I was able to see Lila hiding under the bedside table, but Ellie was nowhere to be found. I searched everywhere for her in that room and throughout the house. My mom and I even went outside to look for her, calling her name. I was in panic mode and so frustrated with myself for losing her. I couldn’t eat dinner, couldn’t read, couldn’t do anything but think about Ellie being outside in the rain and scared. I felt like the worst cat mom ever! I went back to my bedroom and was just laying on the bed, contemplating life without Eloise (I’m super dramatic, yes)… and then who prances her little tuxedo self from behind Lila and meowing at me, like, “Oh, were you looking for me? My b!” Yes, this means Lila hid a full-sized cat with her body. I really thought I had looked under the bedside table, but I guess she got lost in the shadows. I was so grateful she was safe and here and warm and I could give her all the kisses I wanted. Every time I think about that night and how scared I was when I thought I had lost her, it reminds me how damn much this sassy, silly cat means to me.
4) TTPD
Should we talk about The Tortured Poet’s Department? Yes, we should. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about this album, and I was very overwhelmed when I realized there were THIRTY-ONE songs to listen to. (How does she find the time?!) During my first listen, I was not sure if this was going to be the album for me. It’s very depressing at times, all about the ins and outs of heartbreak, of being a public figure, of having to put on a brave face in the midst of hard things happening. It made me feel really sad for Taylor! But during my second listen, I was suddenly hooked. This is generally how it goes for me with Taylor, though. I need at least two or three listens to get a feel for the album. I have a lot of skips on this album, but that’s to be expected with so many songs! It’s hard to name my favorites but I’ll try:
- My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
- Down Bad
- So Long, London
- Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?
- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
- So High School
5) Weekend plans
I have a really fun weekend ahead of me! I don’t have anything going on tonight, which is good because I need to build up the battery reserves for Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday, I have a writing date with Mikaela in the morning, a podcast recording date with Bri in the afternoon, and then game night with the fam in the evening. I’m also going to try to slip in some shopping with my mom between podcasting and game night. And on Sunday, Bri and I have an adventure day planned! We’re going to spend the day at Egmont Key State Park, exploring the ruins and lighthouse and then relaxing on the beach. I can’t wait!
Your thoughts on TTPD? What are your weekend plans?