I am not dominating.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And isn’t that what we’re doing when we allow ourselves to play the comparison game? When we allow the Jealousy Monster to rear it’s head whenever we hear of another engagement or pregnancy or fantastic new job? We feel inferior because we allow it. Instead of celebrating a friend’s success, we wonder why it wasn’t us. Or at least I do.
Inferior (adj.): of little or less importance, value, or merit.
I am allowing this. Because I don’t feel as if I’m dominating in the romance department or the career department or the fitness department, I feel of little important. I feel of little value. In short, I feel unworthy. And when good things happen to me, I can never fully let go and celebrate it. I am waiting on the next shoe to drop. I am brushing off my success. Even as it relates to my sugar-free challenge, I look at those 6 pounds lost and think, I could have done so much better.
Here’s the thing, though: self-worth is not something we earn. We can fill our lives up with all sorts of things to grasp worthiness or superiority but the fact of the matter is that if we look to outside means to fill that gap, we will never fully grasp it. We will continuously chase after goals and dreams to find ourselves in what we do. And when we fail – and we will – it crushes our spirit.
I have this fear that I’m not destined for anything amazing. It’s a silly fear, but when I was watching the introduction for Fierce Love and I was asked to write down some of my fears, that was at the top of the list. Am I amazing? What makes someone amazing? Do I even have what it takes to be amazing? It’s scary to think about. And it becomes so disgustingly easy to write off your successes when you compare them to someone else’s.
How many times can I say it? It’s something I need to pound into my brain:
We will not find self-worth in what we do.
You can chase after however many career goals you want. You can try to find worthiness in your fitness ability or your travel experiences or how many nice things you own. You can chase after worthiness in setting huge goals and achieving them.
But what happens when you get passed over for a promotion at work?
What happens when you try your very best… and you still don’t reach your goal?
We are worthy simply because we are.
We don’t have to chase after worthiness. That’s the kicker. That’s what I need to learn. That’s what I need to embrace. I am worthy and amazing because of who I am. The moment God breathed life into my body, I became amazing. I’m not saying we shouldn’t chase after goals and career aspirations, but I’m saying trying to find out self-worth in those things is a fruitless, exhausting battle.
I tried it in chasing after society expectations for a girl my age, in trying to please my father, in judging others.
I always come up short.
I can’t do it anymore.
I am worthy. Not because of what I have done. Not because of what I will do in the future. But because I am. Because God has made me worthy. And if the God of the Universe thinks I’m the bee’s knees, who am I to tell Him He’s wrong?