I had a lot of fun on my cruise. A lot of fun. The entertainment, the excursions, the relaxation, the food, the drinks, all of it was exciting and thrilling.
Yet, throughout it all, was this niggling feeling in the back of my head. A voice that grew louder and louder every time I clicked on my camera and flipped through the photos I took. I deleted picture after picture of me. Any full-body shots were deleted. Shots where I looked like I had 5 chins and my arms were the size of tree trunks were trashed. I rarely put on my bathing suit, wanting to stay in bigger tops that hid my belly.
Sitting there on the deck of a monstrous cruise ship, lightly rocking as we sailed towards incredible destinations such as Jamaica and Key West and the Cayman Islands, all I could think about was how unhappy I was with my body. How unmotivated I had become to exercise, drink water, or eat a healthy diet. How my life began revolving around food. I was on a fantastic cruise, something I never dreamed I would have the opportunity to do, and because of the way I had let myself go, I couldn’t fully relax and enjoy it.
It was then I decided I could take two paths:
- I could continue eating junk, half-heartedly exercising 2-3 times a week, and hating my body. This is the easier path. It requires no effort on my part to challenge my body with new forms of exercise, to stay away from tempting foods, and to completely change my way of living. I don’t have to worry about counting points, measuring out serving sizes, or forcing myself out of bed at 5AM for a workout. But on the flip side, it also means I’ll gain more and more weight, continue hating how I looked and thus hating myself, and soon enough, venturing into the world of being plus size. That scares the effing crap out of me. That’s where my mother used to be and I don’t want that for my life. I don’t want to continue being unhappy. But then there’s always the second path…
- I can stop making excuses and fully embrace living a healthy lifestyle. I can stop kidding around with my health and start eating more clean foods, less meats and sweets, and getting back into the mode of exercise I was in at the end of last year/beginning of this one. Pushing my body to its limits. Challenging myself. Cutting out soda, cutting down on my sugar intake, eating more fruits and veggies. It’s here where I will see my weight come off, my energy levels increase, and my happiness levels rise. But this path is a hard path. It’s tough and while I have a ton of people cheering me on from this path, it’s going to be a battle.
Spoiler: I’m choosing the second path. Not only because I want to lose weight and be happy with the reflection that greets me in the mirror, but also because I need to be healthy. Choosing the first path may seem easier now, but it will slap me in the face with obesity and medical problems down the road. I have to stop playing around. I have to stop half-assing my attempts at losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle. I know it can be done. I know I can do it, because I’ve done it before.
And nothing helps me better than accountability. Especially accountability on my blog. I have been debating whether to post updates on my healthy living goals or to just stay mum and do it on my own. But I know my chances of success are vastly greater when I share it, when I get advice and support and feedback. Remaining quiet about my struggles and goals helps no one, most especially me. I’m a writer and I am perfectly okay with sharing my struggles, being vulnerable, and asking for advice on my blog. So I am.
I am joining up with the gorgeous Lauren From Texas and sharing my health and fitness updates every Thursday on this blog. She’s created a set of questions that I will be answering each week on my blog. The questions are the same each week and it’s mainly an update on my progress. If you’re so inclined to join us, she’ll be hosting the link-up on her blog. The questions are below:
Weigh-In: I will not be posting my weight here. I’ve done that enough and trust me, the scale wasn’t pretty to face this morning. But I did it. It’s a number I have never seen on the scale. And it’s time to see that number drop. I will say I am aiming to lose 45 pounds. It will be slow. It will not happen over the next 6 months. It took my mom over 2 years to lose 80 pounds, and I have a little more than half that to lose. But I can do this. Next week, you’ll get to find out whether I lost or gained weight, as I’ll only be posting how much I’ve gained or lost.
Exercise Completed: Does zip-lining count? Climbing up and down all the stairs on the cruise ship? Putt-putt golfing in the rain? That’s been the extent of my exercise this week. Sigh. I’m planning for a much better update next week.
Splurge/Guilty Pleasure: Hm. Two warm chocolate melting cakes, one apple pie,
five six seven fruity drinks, enough pieces of chocolate to last me for the month of July… it’s been a week of splurges, to say the least.
Success Story: I’m back at Weight Watchers. It’s been a while. And it’s good to be back.
Recipe(s): Considering I’ve been subsisting on cruise cuisine and fast food for the past few weeks… yeah. I can’t remember the last time I made a recipe.
If you feel like joining us, hop on over to Lauren’s blog to link up. As a quick note, the term “cardboard box diet” comes from the idea of all of us who have that cardboard box in our closet of clothes that are too small to fit us. That cardboard box is fueling us to live a healthier lifestyle and find that girl who was thin and fit once again. It’s not a diet program. For more info on this, you can find out here.