You know how when you watch The Biggest Loser, the second week is always the bad week? They gain, maintain, or lose only a pound or two. It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Contestants know this week is notorious for bad numbers on the scale.
The second week when I start making the intention to be healthier is always the bad one for me. My first week, I am full of momentum and motivation to stick to my plan and I feel great and in control. Then the second week hits and suddenly, I have pitched myself off the healthy wagon and am rolling, rolling, rolling down a mountain of unhealthy and bad decisions.
I want to be an all-around healthier person. I don’t want my focus to be on calorie counting or numbers on the scale. I want to embrace intuitive eating and discovering what unhealthy habits I need to kick to become the fit, strong girl I know I can be. It’s not so much about being skinny and hating who I am because I’m overweight. It’s about becoming stronger, becoming healthier, and loving who I am because I make good choices – not because of external factors.
I want to stop being ashamed of my body.
It’s easy to look at the long road I have ahead of me and get so overwhelmed that not even starting feels easier. I know I have the desire and the power to lose all this weight, but I also know all my problems don’t begin and end with being overweight. I think, as I go through this journey, I will begin to be proud of the accomplishments I rack up and the changes I see and feel in my body and my mind but I also know that being overweight does not mean there is anything wrong with me. (And this is where The Biggest Loser fails a LOT.) Does it mean I’m lazy and umabitious? Not in the least! I’ve fallen into this habit of I’ll do this when I lose weight and waiting on that for when I’m thinner and feel better about myself. And by putting things off and being ashamed of what I look like, not celebrating who I am, I am missing out on the brilliant pieces of life.
Do I want to lose weight? Yes. Because I am unhealthy. But I also know I could be unhealthy if I was skinny and fit into those size two jeans with no issue. It’s not about sizes. It’s about overall health and wellness. It’s not about fad diets or writing down every single morsel of food I eat. It’s about understanding nutrition, using foods as fuel, and eliminating the junk that is weighing me down (pun?).
And it’s about focusing on the positives. Like the fact I drank more water than soda this week. And I worked out five days. I ate healthy breakfasts and lunches. Baby steps. I know there’s this crazy idea that the clock strikes midnight, a new year is upon us and suddenly, we are changed people and none of our past behaviors will stay with us in the new year. Load. Of. Baloney. I’m not giving up on my resolutions. I am not giving up on those 50 lbs I want to lose, that 5K I want to train for, or the fact that I want to completely give up soda. Sure, I hit a speed bump this week but that doesn’t mean all is lost. Every week, every day, every hour is a new chance to get back up and try again.
I’m going to keep trying. The other option is to quit and my dreams are worth way more than that.
Starting Weight: 166.6 lbs
Current Weight: 164.8 lbs (down 1.0 lbs this week!)
Weight Lost Total: 1.8 lbs