The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s BlogLovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more — and join us! — by clicking here.
I am a big believer in setting intentions. I plan long-term intentions – such as my 30 Before 30 list and my yearly resolutions. I plan short-term intentions – such as my monthly goals and 30-day challenges. You could say my life revolves around setting intentions and goals, and planning how I’m going to achieve them. I love it.
But setting intentions is only the first step of the process. It’s the easy step – the fun step. Once you’ve discovered what intentions you want to achieve in X amount of days, weeks, months, years… then you have to break down how you’re going to set your intentions. You have to start putting in the work – and it’s not always glamorous or fun. And sometimes, and this happens to me a fair amount of the time, intentions flop. They fail. You break down halfway through the month or something happens in your life and you have to put the intention on hold.
It happens. We’re not perfect. We make mistakes. We try and fail.
I fail a lot. I’ll be completely honest. I probably achieve less than half the intentions I set every month. So what do you do when you fail, how do you pick yourself up and try again? What’s even the point?
All good questions and today, I’m going to break down three reasons why our intentions fail and what to do about it:
1. Our intentions are too vague.
Setting intentions is a fine-tuned process. We have to set specific goals that we can measure accurately. Thus, an intention of exercising three times a week for 30 minutes is a goal we can measure. On the flip side, an intention of writing more is a vague goal. When we set vague goals, we are not setting ourselves up for success because we don’t give ourselves an opportunity to track how we’re succeeding. Setting a goal for writing more isn’t bad, per say, but it’s only the first step in the process. You then have to break down the intention to exactly what you mean (Writing a specific amount of blog posts a week? Writing for 30 minutes a day?) into actionable, measurable steps.
2. We have an all-or-nothing mentality.
Let’s say you set an intention of drinking no soda for 30 days, but 10 days into the challenge, you break and have a soda. Intention over, you failed, right? Wrong! The all-or-nothing mentality has no place in goal-setting. So you screwed up once. What if you get right back up and stay soda-free for the next 20 days? Over the course of 30 days, you had one soda. That is a HUGE accomplishment and it should be celebrated! But instead, we make one mistake and we think it’s all over. We didn’t accomplish what we set out to do, so let’s just completely get off-track and do whatever we want. Stay away from this kind of thinking. Remember to do the best you can do and nothing is ever as black-and-white as we believe.
3. We’re setting an intention we don’t actually want.
Here’s the thing: sometimes, we can set an intention, fail, set it again, fail, set it again, fail. We try new ways of achieving the intention and promise ourselves next time will be better. What if you gave yourself a break? What if you sat down with yourself and wrote out exactly why you think you need to achieve this thing? What if you find out you’re setting a goal because of what other people think or are doing? Sometimes, we fail at intentions because we’re setting goals we don’t actually want for ourselves. We’re following the crowd, believing they hold the key to what makes us happy. Make sure the intention you’re setting is an intention you truly want, not what somebody else wants for you.
An example of this is the two times I made it a goal of mine to run a half-marathon. I don’t even particularly like running, but everyone around me was running half-marathons and I wanted to be like them! Both times, I quit not even halfway through the training cycle. (And the second time, I stressed myself out about it so much, I developed shingles. Yikes.) I finally sat myself down and realized that, while many of my friends are runners and love running, it’s not something I love. And then I started making goals that fueled my own passions and less of the passions of those around me, and my motivation to succeed tripled.
Setting intentions is something I thoroughly enjoy. I get excited to make lists and scheme up what I want to accomplish next. It’s exciting to me, but failure does happen a lot and these three reasons have helped me when I get frustrated with my lack of progress. Sometimes, it’s about setting a more specific intention, other times it’s about giving myself a break and getting back on the horse when I fail, and every so often? It’s about letting go of a goal because I’m not making it from a good place.
Always remember you are more than your intentions. Even when you fail, it doesn’t mean you lack something within yourself. Give yourself so much credit for being brave and courageous enough to try – and get out there and try again!
What intention are you currently working toward?
Lisa of Lisa's Yarns
I usually set about 2-3 goals each year but don’t break them down into monthly intentions usually. But then I read blog posts about intentions and usually think of something I am focusing on that month but am not necessarily being intentional about… In the past I was very intentional about training for races. I loved planning out the miles and adding them up at the end of the month. Now my life is void of that, and as a result, I have put on a little bit of weight and am at the upper range of where I would like to be, so I will be intentional about losing that weight by watching what I am eating. I have a follow-up with my doctor today and if I have to go back into a boot (which I am worried I will as my foot still hurts) I might have to re-join WW to achieve this intention…
Nora
I like the reminder that we are more than our intentions. So true on so many levels, and also? I think a lot of us sent intentions that we aren’t really ok with. One of things that I am intentional about lately is working out 4-6 days a week, and I’ve been sticking to it. It’s so awesome to be able to look back at the workouts completed and minutes logged being kind to myself each week.
I’m also intentional about creating a positive environment for my bonus kidlets. I am doing my best to foster their personal growth and creative spirits right now, while reinforcing healthful choices (food, personal grooming, activities) and educational things that are fun (library, parks, etc.).
Krysten
I have a hard time being less vague in my intentions. It makes them very hard to achieve when I don’t have a better set goal.
Liz
I actually don’t make intentions unless it’s being done right then and there. I don’t make actual goals anymore and/or have long-term intentions because everything changed for me last year, and since I have been much better without them.
However, I do like your take on this!
Travel Spot
My advice: don’t stop setting intentions! Like you said in the last paragraph, “give yourself credit for being brave and try again!” If you don’t SET intentions, you won’t fail at things, sure, but you also won’t get that great feeling of accomplishment that you get when you succeed! I would say that the more goals you set, the more you DO fail, but that’s only because it’s an equal ratio, not because you are actually failing more than other people necessarily.
I don’t necessarily have monthly intentions per se, but I have a weekly To Do list with both little things (clean bathroom) and big things (train for big race) on it and each week I go over it, check off what I did, and transfer things over to the next week if necessary. That way it’s not so much about what I didn’t do, but what I did do (aka what I crossed off).
KT My Lady
Yes, yes, a million times yes! All great advice and insight. I’m all about the to-do lists (I use todoist.com) to manage all of my tasks and things I want to do. I keep all of my work stuff on there, but I also have “journal” and “meditate” on there several times a week. Having them on my to-do list along with the things I absolutely have to do makes me motivated to do them and check them off. I’m not perfect, but it helps keep me on track.
I’m also working on losing the five pounds I gained on my honeymoon. It sucks that weight is so easy to put on and so hard to take off! I use My Fitness Pal for its accountability and community. My intentions for that are: staying within my calorie limit, hitting at least 10,000 steps each day, and working out for 45 minutes everyday during the work week.
Becky
I love this post. It’s so nice to see bloggers acknowledge weaknesses or the fact that we’re human – I really believe it helps other people’s self-esteem! Thanks for sharing!