Happy Friday! I have a very special post for you today. While I’m on my own personal mission to write guest posts this year, I think it’s only fair I open my own blog up for guest posting. Akirah has just launched her own website that has a very personal and wonderful mission. I’m so excited to bring you her post – and as a special note, you should definitely hop on over to her blog as she’s running a very awesome giveaway – check it out here.
Hello everyone! My name is Akirah Robinson. I recently launched akirahrobinson.com, my own special space on the Internet where I remind women of how brave their hearts are and teach them how to pursue healthy relationships.
Today I am really happy Stephany let me take over her special space on the internet because I love her blog, especially the letters she writes to her future husband. Her letters are always honest and show how committed she is to being with not just any man, but the right man. I’ve always admired that about her and thought today I would write a letter too. This letter is for twenty-four year old me, right after I finally decided to break up with my abusive boyfriend and learn how to live life on my own.
You did it. I am really proud of you. There will be some tough nights ahead, but trust me, you won’t regret this decision. In fact, in a few years you’ll consider it the best decision of your life. And you will be very happy.
You’ve known for a while that this relationship was wrong for you. Even on your first date, you knew something about him was off. I understand why you held on for so long though. Don’t feel silly for trying to make it work. You simply wanted what most of your friends already had: a boyfriend.
Boyfriends can be great, but not when they’re abusive. Over the next few months it will sink in just how unhealthy this relationship was. You’ll attend a support group for other survivors of abuse which will help you a lot. You’ll regain your confidence, run a 10K, start rockin’ an afro, and begin grad school.
You’ll date a lot of different guys and get your heart broken a few times, but after becoming stronger and wiser, you won’t take too long to bounce back. You’ll go dancing with your girlfriends, live in an apartment by yourself, and even accept a promotion at work. So many awesome things are ahead of you, Akirah. Your mid-twenties are going to ROCK!
That doesn’t mean life will be easy. There will be some nights when you cry yourself to sleep. You’ll read some article claiming that 70% of black women never get married and it will freak you out to your core. Some days you’ll feel fat and inadequate and ugly. You’ll grow impatient with singleness and wonder if you should take your ex back. And when all of your friends start to get engaged, you’ll freak out some more. It will feel like you’re being left behind, but try hard to trust your journey. Marriage and babies do not make your friends’ journeys any better than yours. Your journey is unique and beautiful.
This relationship may have failed, but you are not a failure. Everyone and their mother could see how much you gave this man. He just wasn’t able or willing to give you what you deserve in return. Hard work is crucial to a relationship and it must be reciprocated in order for the relationship to survive. One day you will meet a wonderful man and fall head over heels in love with him. After you get married, you’ll both work equally hard at your partnership. Words cannot express just how right he is for you. For now, be patient. Your life with him will be worth the wait.
Akirah, you must believe that even when you don’t have a man in your life, you are still valuable. Your worth is not determined by whether or not you are the apple of some man’s eye. This is a dangerous lie and the sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. You’ll struggle with this a lot over the next few years, so do a little bit each day to change your perspective. You deserve to know the freedom that comes with self-love. Self-love will sustain you. Seeking validation from men will not.
These next few months are going to be hard. I won’t sugarcoat it for you; breakups suck. But your heart is brave. Let it guide you as you begin healing. Journal. Cry. Eat cookies in bed. Go dancing every weekend. Travel. Get a fish. Go shopping. Enjoy your girlfriends. Read good books. Run.
Focus on you.
After four years, it’s about time you see how awesome that can be.