Like most young adults, I moved out for the first time at the age of 18. At the time, I had been living with my mom and my dog, Minnie.
What followed was the hardest nine months of my life. The first four months, I cried multiple times a day, sometimes while on the phone with my mom. I had a terrible roommate that I didn’t get along with, and I was in an entirely new environment and not coping well at all. I should have spoken to my RA or a school therapist about my extreme homesickness, but I think I felt really embarrassed about it and the fact that everyone around me was doing fine and enjoying college, while I felt like I was drowning. Since I had spent the last two years of high school taking college courses, I wasn’t even in classes with people my age. Everyone was nearing the end of their college journey, not beginning it. Plus, my classes were hard, and I was failing two of them.
Things never got better (though I did pull myself together and make passing grades in the classes I was previously failing – hooray!) and I was homesick for nine straight months. I went home every single weekend and ended up moving back home after a year and becoming a commuter student.
Since then, every time I picture moving out to my own place, I envision being in a similar situation and it fills my entire being with dread.
So I’ve put off moving out. And put it off. And put it off.
It’s only been recently that I’ve felt strong enough to finally take this giant step into adulthood. This step that seems to come so easily for those around me – people who thrive at college and can’t imagine living with their parents past the age of 18 – and yet, has been the biggest struggle of my life so far.
This weekend, I will finally – finally! – move into my own place. Make your Melbourne move stress-free with removalist Melbourne services from northremovals.com.au. You may also contact greater boston movers for professional moving services. Eastern Sydney Movers takes the stress out of moving! Our expert Bondi removalists team combines exceptional care with their knowledge to ensure a smooth, efficient, and hassle-free relocation for your home.
Albeit with a roommate, but I still consider it moving out and being on my own and independent. And I’m excited! I’m so excited to make this huge life change and shake up my comfort zone. But I’m also nervous.
I’m nervous because I don’t know the area well and I don’t know if the area is the right fit for me. I like to think of South Tampa as where all the pretty people live. If you’re a twenty-something living in Tampa, you want to live in South Tampa. It’s where the cool restaurants and bars are, it’s where young professionals hang out. I worry about feeling out of place, of not fitting in.
I’m nervous because change and big life transitions are so difficult for me. My coping skills are better now that I understand myself on a deeper level than I did back when I was 18… but I still struggle with change. I worry about falling into that same level of fear and anxiety as I did in college.
I’m nervous because I’ll have more responsibilities. Though I pay my mom for rent and utilities, she’s the one who takes care of things. It’ll be on my shoulders now to make sure the bills are paid. I’ll have to be super strict with my budget because I’ll be paying more in rent, along with having other responsibilities to pay for, like the water bill and Dutch’s vet fees. I worry about drowning in everything that is required of me to be a functioning member of society.
I’m nervous about Dutch, about his transition to a new living situation. I worry that he’ll spend all day crying in the apartment and disturb our neighbors. I worry about him peeing in defiance on brand-new carpeting (he’s done this before). I worry about how I’ll handle being his sole caretaker.
In many ways, I feel incredibly silly for being 27 years old and having so many fears about moving to my own apartment. I am well past the stage of life where it’s deemed acceptable to be living with your parents (though, I do have a unique situation in that my mom and I function more like roommates than parent/child). I don’t know anybody that I work with that still lives with their parents. And I work with a lot of people my age and younger! So it’s very hard to write this post, to admit that I’m scared of this change, to come clean about my anxieties.
But I am. I have many qualms. But I also know I am 100% ready for this. I know it will be hard and I will need to give myself buckets of grace during this time, to allow myself the time and space to settle into this new life of mine. I know this is exactly what I need and exactly the path I need to be on. I know myself so much better than I did when I was 18. Back then, I did not know about introversion, about high sensitivity, about social anxiety.
(If I had, I probably would have opted for a different living situation – an apartment rather than a traditional dorm – or have decided commuting was the best option for my needs.)
What I know is this: I am moving in with one of my best friends, someone who understands me on a deep level, someone who is one of the brightest forces in my life right now. I am moving with a better appreciation of myself and a heightened understanding of my needs and my personality and my brand of anxiety. I am moving with the understanding that if things feel overwhelmingly difficult, I will seek therapy and find better ways to cope.
So, emotions? I have them. By the truckload. I waver between excitement and trepidation and joy and nervousness. This is a huge life change for me and all I can do is be present in the moment, revel in the triumphs, and learn from the setbacks. Move-in day is in three days. I am ready.
I’m SO EXCITED FOR YOU!
You will be fabulous and its such an exciting time for you! I love that you and your mom have shared a home this long. I share a home with my mom and I love it, it really is the best. I moved back in to help take care of my stepdad and just stayed. Now with my mom’s cancer, its been a huge blessing to be able to continue to share the house. I don’t forsee myself changing anything about the situation in the near future. Good luck on the move and I can’t wait to see pics of the new digs. Fingers crossed its a smooth transition for you and Dutch!
Living with my parents as a young adult was the most fun; I got to know my parents on a different level, and vice versa. We had the best time the few years I lived at home and I wouldn’t have changed or traded it for the world. You will always have your mom, the home you shared with her and that is such a special thing! I am excited for your new journey, living with your best friend and I know that you’ll rock it. And if you don’t love it or rock it right out of the gate, that’s totally ok. No one will judge you! Sending lots of love!
I think anything big and life changing like this is scary but I know you can do it!! I haven’t lived at home since I was 18 years old but I also don’t have as close of a relationship with either of my parents and would go crazy trying to live with them, haha. Like you said, you understand yourself better now and just go into it knowing you will feel all the feelings but ALLOW yourself to feel them! Can’t wait to see some pictures of your new place and hear how it’s going!
Girl, I move every year it seems. I have often been told that I move more than anyone else people know. In the last 14 years, I’ve moved 13 times. I’m moving in 2 weeks! And despite being very seasoned with moving, I worry ALL the time and am nervous before every move. Right now I’m nervous about money and unemployment. I worry that Sugarface might find me annoying or boring or he’ll need his space and I won’t know where to go. I worry about the dogs getting along. I worry about how we’re going to split the bills. I worry about moving into the area of someone I’m avoiding.
I guess what I’m saying is it’s totes okay to be nervous and scared of transitions because they are inherently scary. It’s jumping from the known to the unknown!
That said, I love what my best friend said about worrying. “You should stop borrowing trouble.”
It may ALL work out and be a breeze and all that worrying would in vain.
You can do it, Stephany! You’re absolutely right: you’re in a totally different place than you were when you were 18 and you know yourself so much better now. I’m so excited for you to take this step. I know change is scary, but it’s also GOOD! 🙂
I’m like Amber and haven’t lived with my parents since 18 and don’t know that I could live with them again because as much as I love them, I don’t think we could all handle living in the same space (and they probably feel the same way!). That said, I’ve been through big life changes that scared the bejeezus out of me, so I can relate to how you are feeling. Often times, though, I found that anticipating a change and how hard it would be was almost worse than going through the change and dealing with it… so I hope that will be the case for you. It definitely will help that this time around you are older, wiser and know yourself better and that you will be living with your best friend. I hope that you come to love the area where you live and that you find areas that feel like home to you. Maybe you should set a challenge of blogging about something in your new neighborhood once a month or every two weeks or something like that as it will force you to do some exploring and find places you like.
Good luck with your move!!!
Aw I’m so excited for you friend. Hope the move goes well xoxo
I’m so proud of you & so excited for you, & I can’t wait to hear how it goes. Be good to yourself, go easy on yourself, don’t push your boundaries too hard when you don’t need to, & don’t even think about 18-year-old Stephany who was in a totally different situation than you are right now. This is a new start, a different start, a thrilling start, & you’re going to be great!
So incredibly proud of you and excited for you to take this next big step- I can’t wait to hear all about how it changes you! xoxox
It is absolutely normal that you have fears to make such a big step! Moving to your own place is a big thing and definitely needs to be take seriously. When I’ve graduated from university I was also terrified and didn’t know what to do. Now it’s been years since I moved to my own house with my husband and I remember that is was really exciting and stressful! Good luck with your transition! 🙂
I just stumbled upon your blog and I feel like I’m reading about myself. I’m currently 18 years old and attending a large university. For the first semester I cried almost every day and it felt as if I would never fit in or be comfortable where I was. Sometimes I still get the feeling that I am failing in comparison to the people around me, because they seem so at ease with the large party scene at my school and the idea of moving out and into adulthood. I feel better this semester, but every so often I get struck with a bout of anxiety about growing up and moving forwards. I never really comment on these types of blogs, but I have never related to something like this so fully before. Thank you for sharing this, it’s nice to see I’m not alone.
hello would it be ok to message you about my own situation as i have exactly the same story as you but still cannot move out? (i moved at 20 got back at 22 and i am now still stuc with anxiety at 26)
that could be very helpful for me =)
thx in advance!!
Didi, did you ever move out? I’m 26 now and I’m having anxiety being home and have this gut wrenching need to move out but I’m terrified! Did moving out go well for you? ?
This post hit me hard. I’m going to be moving out of my moms house in about a month. I’m terrified. I’m 26 and other than a semesters worth of bad memories living with someone who hurt me really badly, I’ve always lived at home. Like you, my situation is really unique. I’m really glad I found your blog. I feel really scared and alone right now, but in reading this, I’m able to feel a little less so. Have you moved out yet? What was it like? Will everything be ok?
I’m in the same boat as you at 27 and still living at home, except I’m still in school. I’m terrified of moving out on my own again. The first time I did was for an internship on the other side of the country and I had a nervous breakdown on the way there. I eventually found myself and enjoyed living on my own while I was there, but now that I’ve been back home for a year I’m so scared of leaving again it’s crazy. I still have two years of school left but who knows what the future will bring? I hope my anxiety will lessen as time goes on and the mere thought of moving out on my own again won’t terrify me like this. Until then….
I resonate so strongly with this. My parents are helping me buy a little townhouse. I should be overjoyed but I’m filled with dread and can’t very well feign enthusiasm. Like you I’m a very sensitive soul. I will be taking my cat with me who is my little best friend and therapy buddy so at least there’s that but I already know I’ll miss my family terribly and my hometown. Wish I wasn’t such a big suck but it’s who I am.