In its most basic form, being highly sensitive means my nervous system processes sensory information differently than it does for other people. An environment that may feel normal for some people feels intense and overwhelming to me because of my sensitivity.
Learning that I am a highly sensitive person was a game-changer for me. It allowed me to understand this massive part of my personality – why I get stressed out about social situations, why loud environments feel so overwhelming to me, why I feel things so intensely all the time. It allowed me to begin accepting who I am and why I do the things I do.
Like anything in life, having sensory processing sensitivity has its upsides and downsides. For example, I get overwhelmed easily, especially if I’m in a chaotic environment. I need tons and tons of alone time, which can get in the way of my relationships. Instead of being excited about a night out with friends, my immediate reaction is to worry about all the ways I might be uncomfortable in the situation. I feel so much, sometimes to the point where I physically ache. I often have emotional hangovers from movies or books or TV shows that are sad or disturbing or dramatic. My mind is never quiet or still, it’s constantly going and going and going and going.
It can be difficult and it can be frustrating and it can be too much at times. But the more I learn about being a HSP, the more I find that having this trait has some incredible advantages. For example:
1. I am tuned into my emotions.
I have a complex inner life; meaning, I’m in my head a lot. I’m constantly processing how I’m feeling as I react to all of the sensory data being thrown my way. I think about my emotions in a deep and intense way. I am in tune to how I’m feeling at any given moment, which in turn helps me to understand myself and what I need. I understand when I’m feeling overstimulated and need a moment to myself. In short, I just understand myself and my needs because I am so tuned into my emotions.
2. I am empathetic and considerate of how other people are feeling.
I love talking to my friends about what they are going through and how I can help them. I can’t help but be sad if a friend is sad. I cry easily. My empathy is one of my favorite parts about me. I love that I care so deeply and honestly about how other people are doing. When I ask how you are, I genuinely want to know. I want to know the good and the bad, what is lighting you up and what is burning you out. I am sensitive to how the people around me are feeling. I want people to feel included, to feel accepted, to be lifted up. I know what it feels like to be left out and made fun of in insensitive ways, and I never, ever want someone to feel that way around me. I’m the therapist, the cheerleader, the confidant. And I love that about myself.
3. I am deeply moved by books, TV shows, and movies.
When I read a book or watch a movie that touches me, I can’t stop thinking about it. I remember how I felt after I read Two Kisses for Maddy and I had an emotional hangover for weeks and weeks. It happened again after I read The Martian (not a heavy topic, but I loved that book so, so, so much that I couldn’t stop thinking about it when I finished it. I still have yet to see the movie because I know I will have an intense emotional hangover.) Every time I watch Titanic, I’m a mess for a week or more. I just have this intense emotional connection to some books, TV shows, or movies when the topic touches me in a deep and meaningful way. I love that something as simple as a book or a movie can affect me so profoundly that it messes up my entire world. It’s a powerful feeling.
4. I am more aware of the subtleties in my environment.
I process sensory data very carefully, which means I am more aware of the subtleties around me. I notice if a room is too cold, a chair is too uncomfortable, music is too loud. But I also understand the subtleties of body language and nonverbal cues. My grandma would call this my “sixth sense” because I understand people really well. I can read people’s reactions, expressions, and body language to figure out how they are feeling – happy, scared, nervous, excited, emotional, angry. I think this also falls back on being empathetic. I can pick up on nonverbal cues and adjust myself to acknowledge those cues and respond to them in the right way.
5. I am conscientious, and I care deeply about the work I do.
No matter what I am doing, I strive to be the best I can be at that very moment. I was never the kid who was at the top of the class, nor have I been the employee that stands out from the pack, but I am always working towards that. I care about my work, I care about how I am perceived at work. I am diligent in what I do, making sure it is at a standard that I can be proud of.
6. I place great care in the decisions I make.
This could be seen as a negative aspect of being highly sensitive, but I choose to see it as a positive. When making decisions, I take my time. I don’t rush into anything, but instead allow myself the space to figure out exactly what I want. I think of the past and the result of certain decisions. I think of the future and how other decisions might affect my life. In the end, the decisions I make are well-thought-out and thorough.
(But, sure, I could learn how to be a bit more spontaneous in my life. Heh.)
I am glad you can see some positives about being a HSP as I can see how it could be more frustrating than enlightening. I think the empathy and compassion you have is definitely one of the best side effects you has we being an HSP as we need more people like you in the world who care and will listen!!
I can relate to some of this, especially regarding social situations. I get super anxious about social plans if I’m not 100% comfortable or familiar with the people that will be there. Often times, if I just force myself to go I wind up enjoying myself, but the anxiety leading up to it is intense. I’m not always aware of this in the moment though, and more often than not I feel badly about myself for being so anxious, almost like there’s something “wrong” with me for feeling that way. I’m glad you have realized this about yourself, and not only accepted it but embraced it as well! xox
I have recently been identifying as an HSP more and more. I am SO sensitive to physical stimuli. I have a low pain tolerance and don’t like to be touched too much (so I think I’ve become more aware of this since having little kids). My clothes have to feel a certain way or I can’t relax. I think this aspect helps me as a nurse, because I can really see how to make people comfortable.
I also relate to how you feel things deeply. I have to be aware of the things I take in or I can get depressed! And the alone time – yes. As a fellow introvert as well, I understand.
One thing I do struggle with is feeling selfish. I would like to be able to focus my energies outward on other people – to serve them, place their needs above my own – but I feel like I’m always thinking about myself and how to stay sane!
Hi Kathleen,
I am in my 70’s and never knew there were others like me until 15 years ago. Like you I felt guilty for being “selfish”, especially when I saw reports about amazing helpers in Red Cross and other organizations devoted to immediately deploying to disaster sites to rescue and assist survivors of tornadoes or what have you. But actually you and I care ALOT and feel deeply for the suffering. However, you or I honestly would almost have a breakdown in those situations, and how would that help anyone?
I want to encourage you to realize you’re way of helping as an HSP is to faithfully donate to a Charity you admire, to maybe find ways to write encouraging cards, and if you are spiritual, as most HSP are, then you can be the rare gift to people for whom no one else actually prays. Prayer is effort and a legitimate investment in the lives of others. So give yourself permission to take good care of yourself because the rest of the Non-HSP world desperately needs our often invisible undergirding in a spiritual way. Don’t call yourself “being self-absorbed” because you need time and space to stay emotionally healthy and that’s just how God made you. You are perfect!
Your empathy and caring is one of my most favorite things about you! It’s so easy to get caught up in the negatives of certain things, so I love that you framed HSP in a positive light because a) the world needs more positivity (is that a word?) and b) you’re awesome just the way you are!
I am not sure if I would self-diagnose as a HSP, but I can definitely relate to these characteristics (maybe on a less intense level?) and feel a lot of the same emotions. I also need a lot of me-time 😉
I love how you put a positive spin on all of these traits, because I think they’re actually something positive and that make you the kind and caring person that you are.
Ummm… I think I might be highly-sensitive?!
I love how you put a positive spin on all these. I tend to view my sensitivity in a negative light. I struggle with feeling calm at all.