Note: I wasn’t sure how to approach the massacre in Orlando this weekend. On the one hand, when things like this occur (all too frequently, sadly), I use the time to step away from social media and deal with my emotions privately. On the other hand, this shooting happened mere hours from where I live. Terrorism has never felt so personal, so terrifying. I’m shocked, I’m sad, and I’m tired. I want senseless tragedy to stop. I want to stop reading about innocent people being taken from their families way too soon. I feel helpless and I feel scared. My thoughts and prayers are with these families who lost their loved ones.
Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. Not just for a night, but for an entire day or an entire weekend. I’ve done this intentionally. I’ve actively carved out this time to be by myself, not dependent on anyone else for entertainment.
And it’s been amazing.
It’s everything I never thought I wanted. I used to be afraid to be alone with myself for too long… just the thought of a day by myself would cause my stomach to knot. I feared loneliness and silence and solitude. I feared looking like a freak if I went to the mall or to a restaurant by myself. I feared turning into a hermit.
But gradually, I have learned to appreciate these solitary weekends where I intentionally make zero social plans, intent on spending time with myself. Time to write, to read, to nap, to watch Netflix, to organize my apartment, to lay out by the pool, to run errands. All of it alone.
There’s nothing more recharging than these solitary weekends. It’s soothing and necessary for my mental health.
The truth is, I think spending time alone is necessary, no matter if you are an extrovert or an introvert. Here’s why:
Alone time quiets our minds
When we clear out our distractions and let ourselves just be, we can quiet and calm our minds so that we have a chance to pause and reflect. When I’m alone, I don’t have to worry about anyone else but myself, which means I don’t have to be “on,” engaging in conversation and constantly processing information from my surroundings and other people. Our minds can be a noisy place when we’re always around people and interacting with the world. But when we allow for the quiet and peace, we’re able to reflect more freely and recharge more abundantly.
Alone time lets us explore our independence
Alone time doesn’t have to mean spending all day inside. It can also mean exploring somewhere new or experimenting with a new hobby by yourself. If you want to take that dance class, you can take it. If you want to go to that festival downtown, you can go. We don’t have to always be with people to try new things. This is something I’m still learning because for a long time, I did believe I could only do certain things if I had someone to go with me. But it’s been so empowering to do the things I want to do because I want to do them, not because I finally had a friend agree to go with me.
Alone time allows us to be totally selfish and carefree
I think this is what I enjoy most about my alone time: I get to be totally, 100% selfish with my time. I get to do exactly what I want to do and I don’t have to check in with anyone else. For the longest time, I’ve looked at my singleness as a negative, but I’m starting to see it as a positive: it means I have the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It means I can take a nap at 3pm, eat ice cream for dinner, or spend all day reading a romance novel. That’s magical.
Alone time helps with productivity
One of the things I love most about alone time is that it allows me to get stuff done that I can’t get done when I’m spending my days around people and on the go. I can organize my home, make progress on my goals, and tackle projects that I just can’t get around to when my schedule is busy. Alone time can be peaceful and relaxing, but it can also be productive and useful.
Alone time helps us discover ourselves
What do you like to do? What are your interests? If you’re so busy saying yes to everyone else and don’t have the space to be alone and figure out exactly what you like, you’re missing out on a critical component. When you allow yourself this space of alone time, then you get to have this conversation with yourself to discover what you like to do, irrespective of other people.
I used to look at my alone time as a negative, but it’s really not. It’s a positive force in my life and I want to eke out as much joy and pleasure from it as I can. I’m in this time of my life where I can make the choice to spend entire weekends alone, and that’s because I don’t have a partner or children. Instead of feeling down about that, I’m seeing what a gift this time of singleness is: a time to be alone, discover myself, and enjoy this season. This is a gift I can give myself.
Obviously, there needs to be a balance between alone time and social time. I love planning a weekend alone every few months, and I also like to set aside one weekend day a couple times a month to be alone. It’s so necessary for me, and I’m glad I can finally admit that my alone time is something I crave without feeling guilty about it.
How do you feel about alone time?
I definitely need my alone time or I start to feel really on edge! I agree with all the points you made. The productivity one is especially true for me. I really need a weekend afternoon with no social plans and no one around so I can do things like clean, grocery shop, do laundry and do meal prep. Sure I can do these things when Phil is around but I kind of feel bad if he’s in the house and I’m not interacting with him!
I was kind of worried about what it would be like to move in together and have less alone time but it has worked out as he goes to the gym at a different time than I do so I usually get an hour to myself in the evening and he goes to his mom’s every Sunday to do yard work and help with other things around the house, so I can usually count on having Sunday as my day to do what I feel like doing!
I love my alone time!!
I live with my boyfriend, but he works shift work, so I am alone two out of every five weekends, as well as an additional 4 overnights per month….
I relish this time! I am often quite productive, doing errands, cleaning, organizing, food prep, etc, but sometimes I just lay around and read. Whatever the case may be, I just love the quiet, and I love going hours and hours without having to speak to people.
I read, I nap, I shop, get a pedi, whatever, but as the other person said, if I don’t get this time, I feel on edge! It is so essential for me, and a main reason why our relationship works so well. We have ample time together, and we both have alone time too. So awesome!
I definitely agree with you. I love alone time! It’s hard to come by now with Caleb, but after he goes to bed, I go to bed and read and relax and it’s really nice.
Alone time is one of my most favorite things. I look forward to the drive to work because it means I can listen to audiobooks or podcasts. My evening walks are for me, too. I don’t mind when Knight is out once or twice a week for work/social engagements because I can really dig in and get things done around the house…. or binge watch something on Netflix. I’m all for alone time!
Alone time is the only time I create and so I have to remember that being alone is good for producing work. Especially now as I’m chipping away at freelancing. I’m extremely extroverted so I actually have to work at remember to carve out alone/work time!
I really crave, love, & need my alone time, but that’s sometimes hard to find when you live with someone – especially someone you love &, in theory, want to spend a lot of your time with. Luckily, Mike & I are really good at what we call being “alone together,” each of us in the same apartment but doing our own thing, whether it’s reading, writing, napping, cooking, or watching TV. We’ll go hours without talking, & then, when we finally come out of our solo streaks, we’re even happier to spend real time together because we both feel so refreshed. I will say, though: I sometimes really look forward to the nights he goes out with friends so I can get REAL alone time!
Uh, so I spend like 99% of my weekends alone. I love it but I feel like a loser admitting that! Generally I have most of my Saturday to myself as T is off doing sports, to do bits around the house, run, hang with the dog, and work on the blog or do freelance work. Sunday he’s usually around and we are doing grocery shopping, more chores, etc. I need alone time like I need air.
I love alone time and I’m terrible at planning it for myself. I need to get on that. I always use my alone time to do all the things I didn’t have time to do otherwise – laundry and dishes and grocery shopping and making plans for other things.
It’s funny that I’m reading this now because I’m currently in the middle of a truly on-my-own weekend. Erik’s out of town, and I have been looking forward to being alone, but it’s HARD to remember how to be quiet and be relaxed. Not that I’m not relaxing when he’s here, but it’s just… different. It’s like you said – I have to be a little bit “on” when he’s around, like participating in conversation. (He’s also very extroverted and, although we do things separately in the apartment, I usually end up hanging out with him most of the time).
Also, I have always had trouble turning off my need to constantly be “productive,” even if that means casually productive things – reading my pile of magazines, catching up on blogs, working on craft projects, etc. I’m trying to just LET GO for one day and do things as I feel like doing them. So, yeah, I did read a magazine on the balcony before and obviously I’m reading blogs now, but in between, I just played games on my phone and binge-watched Food Network Challenge shows about cake decorating.
My alone time mostly comes in the form of when I’m babysitting and the children are sleeping! That’s pretty much the only time I’m not with Erik, a child of some sort (I work for a few families), in class, or running errands and interacting with people that way. I’m more of an extrovert anyway so I don’t think I crave alone time too much, and I think Erik and I are pretty good at letting each other do our own thing in the house even if we’re both around. So it’s not too suffocating! 🙂