It’s hard to admit when I’m not okay. I tend to get really frustrated when it happens.
“A day ago, you were fine,” I argue with myself. “A day ago, you were doing so good. What happened?”
It’s such a cliche, but it’s so much easier to give grace to others than it is to give it to myself. When people in my life are struggling, I’m there in a heartbeat. I listen to them, I give them advice (if it’s needed), and I tell them they will be okay someday. This too shall pass.
When I’m not okay, usually there’s no reason for it. It’s just that one day I was okay and now I am not. One day I found beauty in the sunrise and the next day, the sun rising fills me with dread and overwhelm at everything it takes to simply be a human on this planet.
I haven’t been okay. I haven’t been okay for a while now.
This happens to me every so often. This time, I can pinpoint the cause. I know exactly why I feel like such a dark cloud of gloom, and while there’s a certain level of peace in that, there’s also confusion. Because I don’t exactly know how to work through this unhappiness I’m feeling. I don’t know how to make me better.
Thankfully, in times like these, I turn to my tried-and-true strategies for helping myself when I’m not feeling okay. They are my toolkit for feeling better, for getting back to myself. But before I get into these strategies, I do want to make a point that when I say I am “not feeling okay,” this is not code for depression. I’ve been depressed before in my life and this isn’t it. It’s just feeling sad, a bit tired from the world. Generally, this feeling doesn’t last for longer than a week and I find my way out of it on my own.
Okay, with that said, here are my strategies for making it through those moments when you just aren’t feeling okay, for whatever reason:
1) Find your mantra.
“This too shall pass.” “Feel your feelings.” “It’s okay to not be okay all of the time.” “You will get through this now because you’ve gotten through this before.” I have a bunch of mantras I turn to when I’m feeling down. Mostly, I like to remind myself that it is okay to be sad. I am not a robot, I am a complex human being and all of my emotions are valid, even the ones I don’t necessarily enjoy. I also like to remind myself that I will not always be sad. I will not always feel so defeated by life. Find a mantra and repeat it over and over and over again until you start believing it.
2) Distract yourself.
Usually, I’ll distract myself by downloading a romance novel or going for a long walk while listening to a podcast I love or taking my dog to the dog park. All of these scenarios keep my mind occupied, which is usually what I need when I’m feeling sad because I have the tendency to get completely wrapped in my head and downward spiral into my own thoughts. Find something to do that will offer a complete distraction from your sadness – bonus points if it gets you outside and into the sunshine since that will immediately boost your mood.
3) Write about it.
It’s not for everyone, but writing is a cathartic experience for me. Sometimes, what I write may turn out to be useful for a blog post, but not always. Often, it’s something solely for me. I also find that working on my fiction novel is a great way for me to deal with my funk because it’s something I enjoy so much and the subject matter is light-hearted. Even if writing isn’t your forte, having a journal and a place to get everything going on inside your head onto paper (or screen) can help you sort through how you’re feeling.
4) Call a friend.
Okay, listen. I am terrible at this. I’m the first to admit it. I do not like reaching out to friends when I’m in a funk. It’s completely ridiculous because I want them to pick up on the fact that I’m not feeling okay because obviously, that’s the only way to show you care about me! (I desperately want to delete that sentence because it sounds so pathetic, but I won’t. Truth is vulnerable and truth is hard.) I also don’t want to burden my friends with my issues. Who wants to be around a Debbie Downer? But no. I know when I call a friend, when I let someone in on how I’m feeling, it helps so much. Whether it’s someone giving me perspective or just knowing I don’t have to carry this burden alone, it helps. Call your people. Wouldn’t you want a friend to open up to you if they’re feeling low?
5) Find a therapist.
Look, we all have times in our lives when we don’t feel like ourselves. Nobody ever feels okay 100% of the time. But if those times when you don’t feel okay start stacking up, when it starts taking you longer and longer to get out of your funk, you may want to think about therapy. I honestly think everyone can benefit from seeing a therapist, and I’m actively working to find one on my own (it’s much harder than I imagined, trying to find a therapist that takes my insurance and is accepting patients, but I’m determined). It’s just helpful to set aside time to see a therapist and talk about what you’re going through, to get a fresh (and professional!) opinion, to feel less alone. It’s the strategy that may seem like the scariest one, but the payoffs could be the most beneficial.
What strategies do you use when you’re not feeling okay?
Spending time outside is one thing that really helps me. The fresh air and vitamin D are so helpful for me. But that doesn’t work for like 4+ months of the year in Minnesota as being outside in the winter is NOT helpful! And winter is when I tend to get the blues, so that’s challenging. But other things that help are scheduling a coffee date with my closest friend. She’s a child psychologist so while adults aren’t her area of expertise, she has great perspective on things. She also has a young son so being around him is also helpful because I can’t help but be in a better mood when I’m around kids! I also try to carve out time for myself to do things I enjoy, like reading. And of course I rely heavily on Phil when I am feeling down. He’s definitely a more light hearted/funny person that me so he’s good at cheering me up.
Hope this down period for you passes. It’s not fun to deal with when you are going through it, but I know the cloud you are under will eventually pass!!!
I have funks too where I feel off and don’t have much of an explanation. For me, writing and reading are the best things to do. Like you, I seldom call friends about it… I tend to keep things to myself, except for when I blog. Weird, I know!
I’m sorry you’re not okay. You can always reach out to me on gchat <3
Me, it's writing and setting up therapy appointments or listening to podcasts like Dear Sugar.
I haven’t been okay for some times now (3? 4? 5? months?) but I’m still plugging away trying to find something that works for me. I am currently in with more doctors than I can stand but I’ll beat this and you will too. Just because we’re hurting doesn’t make us not strong people. Love to you.
I actually really hate talking to my friends when I’m upset, because usually I don’t want to disclose what I’m upset about. That’s one of the reasons I liked going to a therapist so much, and one of the reasons I decided I wanted to BE a therapist. Having someone who isn’t actually involved in your life and who knows all the things can be really helpful. I also liked it because when I first went to see my therapist, I was convinced there was no resolving the problem. But through talking to her, it gave me more insight and hope, and then I could see a way out. But I couldn’t convince myself of that on my own. And yes, finding a therapist is tough! I had several first sessions, and have also been a therapist for several one-time sessions because I wasn’t a good fit.
From December to end of February, I wasn’t okay and the feeling didn’t go away. It got worse in January and it got to the point where that feeling of being tired of the world wouldn’t go away and I wanted to just give up and die. I hadn’t had a therapist in at least two and a half years at that point and my work schedule had been crazy. Finally, I told the nurse practitioner who prescribes my medication and she told me to admit myself in the hospital. So, that is what I did. I was there for three days and found that I can’t be surrounded by lots of people or it will trigger the exhaustion and anxiety. I did a lot of sleeping and spending time by myself but I also got a therapist, which helps so much. I like your toolkit. It will definitely help someone.
When I’m in a funk, I sleep a lot. I also clean/organize something because clearing some of the chaos makes me feel productive. I reach out to friends, not to vent or talk about feelings, but to make plans and ask about their lives. Again, it’s productive and also helps take my mind off of myself, because my funky moods are usually self-hating spirals that have no basis in reality. Talking to my friends, even just about what’s going on in *their* lives, reminds me that I have friends and they still care about me.
Rarely, if ever, do I talk in-depth about my moods to anyone. They are few and far between, but they can get bad when I’m in them. It’s a lot of self-loathing that I don’t understand and can’t find the cause of. Therapy would probably be good for me, but the idea of taking all those steps (researching, trying different people, making the appointments) tires me out.
When I’m in a funk what I do varies. It can be anything from watching shows I love (Sex and the City, Gilmore Girls), to taking long meandering walks to pushing myself so hard in a workout that I see stars at the end. I will definitely make a comfort food here and there, allow myself to sleep if I need to, and if i have to go out into the world, I’ll wear an outfit that makes me look good even if I don’t feel good (ditto for jewelry & accessories I wear).
Sending you hugs. I’m always here if you need anything…
When I am in a funk, I run. It usually helps clear my head and turn things around pretty quickly. But I can totally see how different strategies work for different situations and different people.
Sending hugs, Stephany.