I’m turning 30 in six months.
It’s one of those frightening milestone birthdays that makes a person question their life, their choices, where they’re going.
I don’t feel fear about turning 30. My brother turned 30 last year, and he didn’t really want to talk about getting older. He’s married with two kids, yet turning 30 was a frightening proposition for him.
I’m single, have yet to have a serious boyfriend in my life, and my “kid” is my 15-year-old dachshund. But I’m not scared about turning 30. I’m not fearful about getting older.
For the most part, I love my life. I love my job, my friends, my family. I love my dog, my blog, my hobbies. I’m dating and meeting new people and hoping that someday soon, I’ll go on that first date that blows every other first date out of the water. It will happen, I just have to trust the process.
But there’s a part of my life where I am incredibly unhappy and that’s my weight. I’m going to opt for brutal honesty here because that’s what this blog is all about: at present, I’m about 50 lbs overweight.
It’s horrifying to say that, to recognize how much weight I have put on since college. But it’s the truth of the matter and pretending that I don’t have a substantial amount of weight to lose isn’t helping me.
I haven’t been doing much to lose this weight. I joined a gym, I try to eat healthy during the week, and I’ve cut fast food out of my diet (for the most part), but I haven’t really put forth an effort to lose weight and it shows.
The majority of my twenties have been spent hating my body and not treating it well. I’ve hidden myself in pictures, content for selfies over full-body shots. I try not to look at myself in the mirror if I can help it, and have developed a wardrobe that’s filled with a lot of black – because black hides the fat.
I don’t want my thirties to be like this. I don’t want to spend this next decade hating my body and fighting with my weight. I want to be happy with my reflection, and that starts with weight loss.
Look, I want to be all “rah, rah, body positivity” because that’s a thing now, but that’s not me. I’ve tried it. But the truth is, I’m not happy at this weight, I’m not healthy at this weight, and if I don’t take control now, I’m going to run into major health issues in the next decade or so.
I don’t want to feel embarrassed when I step on a scale at a doctor’s office. I don’t want to have to worry that if I wear a certain dress, I’ll be asked when my “baby is due.” I don’t want to feel shame when I look at full-body photos of myself.
And I know how I feel when I’m losing weight. When I’m exercising at a higher intensity multiple times a week. When I cook good food for myself and stay away from soda and sugar. When I drink lots of water and reach for healthy snacks.
I feel proud, empowered, excited, thrilled. I feel in control. I feel like the way I am supposed to feel.
So, where does all of this fit in with turning 30, you may ask? That’s where my 30×30 challenge comes in.
I am challenging myself to lose 30 lbs by my 30th birthday.
I am planning to have a fun party to celebrate my birthday, and I want to feel damn good at this party. And I know if I show up 30 lbs slimmer, I will.
And look, I know weight loss can be a touchy subject and it could be the worst thing in the world to base my happiness on whether or not I’m able to lose 30 lbs over the next six months… but I also know that it can’t hurt to try.
I’ll be journaling my progress over the next six months, doing a monthly check-in on how I’m doing and where I’m at in my weight loss. Losing 30 lbs in six months equals out to five lbs a month, which can be a tall order, but I’m ready for it. I am so ready for it.
Basically, I’m at a crossroads here and I can either work my hardest to lose weight and feel good about myself again, or continue on this path and watch the weight continue to creep up.
I’m opting for the full throttle mission. Not because of a desire to be skinny, but because of a desire to be happy with myself.
I don’t think there’s a better 30th birthday present I could give to myself.