One of my favorite podcasts is Real Talk Radio with Nicole Antoinette. She releases her episodes in seasons, rather than once a week or every other week like most other podcasts. Each season comes out every other month and all eight episodes download at once. I’m completely behind on her episodes (I’m still working through season 9!), but one of the things I love is the “Community Questions” that she asks at the end of every episode. It’s a handful of random questions, but they’re not your typical kinds of questions! They are actually really insightful and interesting, and I’ve always wanted to answer them myself.
So I am!
This won’t be something I do every Friday, but maybe once or twice a month, I’m going to pick out five “Community Questions” from her podcast and answer them. I’d love for you to play along – either on your blog or in the comments! The questions below are the ones she posed to guests in season one of the show. I hope you enjoy!
1) Are there any practices or habits that you do to honor your creativity?
I try to write as much as I can. I publish two posts a week on this blog and I’m trying to write a novel. My day job also involves a lot of writing and editing, so you’d think I’d want to spend my weeknights and weekends doing anything but writing. Instead, I write all the time. There’s something less at stake when it comes to my blog and my novel. I’m writing both just for me and I don’t have to worry about it sounding perfect. I don’t heavily edit my blog posts (I just do one read-through to try and catch any typos!) and right now, as I’m in the “shitty first draft” phase of my novel, I also don’t worry about that sounding perfect. I just write as it comes to me, and I’ll worry about how it all comes together later.
Also, reading. I spend at least an hour a day reading, usually more. There’s nothing that fires my creativity more than reading.
2) What is one burning question that you have no idea how to answer, but that you think about a lot?
I’ve been thinking about my answer to this question (isn’t that a great question, though?) and I think it comes down to this: can I be happy if I never found a lifelong partner? Do I need romantic love to have a happy and satisfied life?
One of the things I always come back to is thinking about what sparks jealousy in me. People running marathons or starting their own business or taking on crazy health challenges doesn’t spark jealousy in me. But seeing cute couple photos or hearing about an engagement or pregnancy? Yeah, that sparks jealousy in me. The kind of jealousy that tells me that I can lie to myself all I want about how I don’t need romantic love to be satisfied, but the truth of the matter is that I deeply desire a family of my own. I want to find that lifelong partner. I want to find that person to share all of my life with.
And what do I even do about that? I’m on the dating apps. I’m putting myself out there. And nothing is really happening. I’m just in this pattern of swiping and messaging and first dates that usually never evolve to a second date. Is it me? Is it them? Is it just not my time right now?
All I know is that I don’t think I could be wholly satisfied with my life if I never found that person I’m meant to be with. And that scares the shit out of me.
3) What’s a challenge you’re facing right now, and what are you doing to work on it?
My biggest challenge is trying to figure out how to balance freelance work and free time. I’ve learned that while my budget survives without a freelancing income, I don’t feel as comfortable with my finances without it. I only use freelancing income as a way to throw more money into my savings or at my debt, but I got into a rocky spot in May with my finances and was very glad when two different clients reached out to me for work a few weeks ago. But trying to figure out how to still enjoy my weekends and free time, while also spending 10+ hours on freelance work, has been a challenge.
The only thing I know to do is intersperse weekends where I don’t do any freelancing with weekends where I do a ton of freelancing. I’ve spent the last three weekends busy with freelance stuff, and this weekend is free of commitments, so I feel less crazed about it all and more able to focus on myself and some of my personal projects.
4) Which book have you reread the most?
This is a tough one for me because I don’t reread books a ton. I probably reread The Baby-Sitter’s Club books all the time as a child. I’ve also reread Suzanne Brockmann’s Troubleshooters series two or three times (and thinking it might be time for another reread soon!)
5) What do you consider to be your most important self-care practice?
Gosh, I can’t really decide between reading or sleeping. I honestly need both. I need a good 8-9 hours every night and taking a nap on a weekend afternoon is one of my favorite things to do. But I also can’t go a day without reading. I have to end every day curled up in bed, reading my current book.
I want to know – are there any burning questions YOU have?
I have never listened to that podcast, I will have to check it out! I am actually miraculously super super caught up on podcasts these days because with the nicer weather I’ve been walking Chloe more often and longer, which is the main time I listen to podcasts. I need some new ones to fill up my feed!
Burning question… hmmmm… haha, I can’t really think of anything right now honestly. I will have to get back to you on that 😉 I will say I am confident that you WILL meet someone to spend your life with. It’s still very early, though I’m sure hearing people say that is so so annoying!
I haven’t listened to Nicole’s podcast (I am not a podcast person *ducks*)… but the questions are interesting. I can imagine that it’s hard to live with th uncertainty of not knowing if or when you’re going to meet someone to spend the rest of your life with. I do believe that it will happen for you, but I understand that the ‘not knowing ‘- part is uncomfortable.
Uncertainty is something we all have to live with and it’s one of the hardest things to accept, I think.
My burning question is: do I want to move back to Germany eventually to be closer to family or do I want to stay in the US. It’s something that is constantly on my mind and I don’t know the answer (I am going back and forth).
I haven’t listened to this podcast either. I will have to check it out sometimes. I think the cuss word in the title has sort of prevented me from listening as I am kind of a prude when it comes to swearing. I’m not opposed to it, I just find it a little bit harsh to listen to at times, if that makes any sense?
I don’t know that i have any burning questions at this point, but if I had to pick one, it’d be whether we would actually be ok with not being able to have kids. We are starting to try but after knowing so many that have struggled with infertility, I don’t have the highest level of confidence that we will be able to get pregnant. Right now I think that I would be fine with a life that doesn’t involve kids. I mean, I love kids, but I have 7 nieces and nephews so can flex my maternal muscle in my interactions with them. It’s not the same as having your own, of course. But I feel like our life would still be great and I don’t feel DESPERATE to get pregnant. I wonder if my perspective will change if we aren’t able to get pregnant, though. We have had high level conversations about this but right now I’d say we wouldn’t try adoption or expensive fertility treatments if we don’t get pregnant. But it’s easy to say that when you aren’t actually faced with the decision about what to do… I might feel differently if we aren’t able to have kids on our own without medical intervention.
I think it’s natural to feel the way you do about whether you’d be ok not having a life partner. The tough thing is that there is not much you can do to control that (similar to my lack of control of us getting pregnant). So it’s hard when the one thing you want to figure out is the thing that is least in your control. You are doing all the right things, though, by doing online dating and being open to meeting someone. I felt the same way you did and my goal was to get to the point where I loved my life so much that I would be ok if it didn’t involve a husband. I feel like I did get to that point right around the time that i met Phil.
Interesting podcast. She definitely provides good food for thought. I’ve never really gotten into listening to podcasts, but this one seems like it would be intriguing to try out!
A burning question I have…hmm…I believe it would have to be: will I ever walk down a work path that is not the one I am currently on? No matter the effort and work I have done to put myself out there for different roles I would be qualified for over the years, retail still keeps pulling me back. I feel trapped in it. Retail, while in my current role has its moments of charm, is not where my skills, introverted nature, personality, and confidence thrive. I am not sure which steps to take next.
I think you are doing all of the right things when it comes to seeking a partner. It is tough to deal with the uncertainty that surrounds circumstances that we have little control over. All we can do is make peace with where we are right now and keep faith that the best is yet to come :).