A few months ago, I answered a few questions from this questionnaire and figured today was a great day to answer a few more! To be honest, a few of these questions got very deep and personal but it felt cathartic to write about some of the events of my past. <3
1. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Oh, I would most definitely like to retain the body of a 30-year-old. My therapist told me that the newest science believes that brains continue developing into the early thirties (rather than 25, as originally thought), so I’d like to keep my fully formed brain with me, thank you very much. I’d also like the ability to make new memories and enjoy the wisdom that comes with being older and having more experiences. And wouldn’t it be amazing to be in my 80s and still have the joints and muscles of a 30-year-old? No more aches and pains! That would be a gift.
2. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
On an almost monthly basis, my body starts acting up at night. My shoulder hurts or a headache won’t go away or I pulled a muscle in my chest but it definitely feels like I’m having chest pains. On those nights, I go to sleep and think to myself, “I’m going to die in my sleep from a heart attack or stroke!!!” (Those nights, I always come so close to calling my mom and telling her I need to go to the ER immediately, but I can usually calm myself down enough to be logical about what’s happening.) Anyway, I have yet to die in my sleep from a heart attack or stroke, but apparently that’s the way my anxiety brain thinks I will die so that’s something for me to talk about in therapy, I guess.
3. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
I think I am most grateful for the relationship I have with my mom. She is truly my best friend and someone I enjoy being around more than anyone in the world. Mother/daughter relationships can be so complicated, and I think the fact that she was my primary caregiver during a time when my dad was not a stable parent in my life drew us closer together. She was dedicated to providing a stable, loving, encouraging home for my brother and me. She listened to us, she took time to hang out with us, and she never badmouthed our dad in front of us. Did I have teenage angst with her? Yes, of course. (I wrote “I Hate My Mom” on my dresser in a fit of teenage rage one day and then felt so bad about it that I covered it up with a sticker.) Was I embarrassed by her as a teen? Duh. (My brother and I asked her to park a few blocks away when we were going to this weekly church event so we could pretend that we walked there.) Was I hormonal and not able to handle my emotions very well? Yuuuup! It’s all part of the growing up process. As I got older, as I went through estrangement with my dad, as we suffered the loss of family members, we formed a tight bond. And I am so grateful to have a healthy, loving, supportive relationship with my mom. It’s the best thing in my life.
4. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I wish I had a father who loved me. In his own way, he did love me but that love came with conditions. If I didn’t live up to his conditions, he became a bully. He berated me, shouted curses at me, and made me feel that I was unworthy of his love and attention. And that’s why I estranged myself from him in my early twenties, a decision I have not regretted since. (In fact, I am so, so proud of that young girl who dared to make that choice.) It took many years of therapy (and a handful of bad relationships where I realized I was giving everything up to make my partner happy without asking anything of them) to get to a place where I feel confident in who I am. And I know my father was the one with the problems here, not me. And damn, imagine missing out on the last 16 years of memories with your son and daughter. That’s on him.
5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Easy: I would be able to make conversation with anyone. I wish I was friendly and outgoing, and someone who didn’t struggle to make conversation with people. But I am not that person. I always feel like I’m bothering people if I try to engage them in conversation, and I never know how to (a) start a conversation and (b) keep it going. I am always amazed at my friends who can go up to literally anyone and strike up a conversation. They don’t struggle with word retrieval or stumbling over their words or feeling dumb. Being able to conversate easily with people is such a great skill, and I wish I had it.
Do you want the body or mind of a 30-year old? What quality/ability would you like to have?
I’m so glad you have such a wonderful relationship with your mother who has clearly been the sort of parent we are called to be! A safe place to land. And I’m so sorry that wasn’t the case with your father.
I had to chuckle at your parking story. Just this morning my daughter made me park as far away from the school entrance as possible. WHY? Please tell me what it is about me that is so deeply embarrassing?! After I dropped her off, I drove my son right to the door…but is that a ticking time bomb, too? In a few years will he be insisting I drop him off a football field’s distance away from the entrance?
Honestly, the reason we asked my mom to park so far away is because we were embarrassed by our car. I don’t think that’s the case for your daughter! Tween emotions/embarrassments are a LOT. I remember being just so embarrassed to even be EXISTING, lol.
1. body of the 30 year old please!
2. when I was a little kid, I used to imagine that I would die in my sleep at the age of 102. As long as I stay in good health, that’s the plan.
5. Me too! But I did some research on your conversation skills by hanging out with you a few weeks ago and I would say you are top notch in that department.
Dying in my sleep at 102 sounds perfect! Especially if I can have some fun flings at the nursing home right before it all happens. 😉
I really appreciate you saying that, re: conversation skills. I was feeling a little self-conscious that I wasn’t as chatty with you as I could have been. There were so many questions I forgot to ask you! It just means we need more time together. <3
These questions are deep. When I answered them with Elisabeth and Belle, some of them were a bit too personal. However, it helps people get to know you, which goes along with your last question. I think people like knowing that other people have struggles and fears and all of that, as it makes us feel closer to that person. So I think introverts or shy people often keep that under wraps, which does not make us as approachable or relatable. I am always amazed at people who are so open and (overly) honest about things; however, I often tend to lean towards those kinds of people.
I would have the body too! Especially today when I am feeling tired and sore at the moment.
I wish I could be as open and honest as other people seem to be, too! I think I do a much better job of it on this blog than I do in person. But it really does help me feel closer to people when they are open about their struggles – I feel that, too!
My 30-year-old body, maaaan. It was a good one! (And I thought it wasn’t!)
I would 100% pick my 30-year old body. Plus I hadn’t been dx’d with RA yet at that age so I’d avoid all the consequences of this stupid disease if I was in that body! I do hope that my brain ages well, though. I guess if I knew I’d develop dementia, I’d choose my 30yo mind as I think dementia is a horrible way to die…
I would like to worry less. I am on medication to manage my anxiety but I still deal with an elevated level of anxiety. I would like to have Phil’s approach to life. He’s never the one worrying about the kids, or if he does, he doesn’t show it. Will has no interest in learning his ABCs so my mind jumps to wondering if he has dyslexia (we have a family history of it so it’s a reasonable worry). In his mind he thinks he’s just not interested and that’s fine and if he does happen to have dyslexia, we’ll get him the help he needs. Similarly, Paul had a bad bullying experience in the fall (3 kids chased him on the playground and then kicked dirt at him when he hid under a bench so it was TERRIBLE). I worried about him being targeted for more bullying and Phil was not nearly as worried. That situation ended up being extremely isolated but he is very very small and just SO NICE so I fear he’s an easy target… So I stew over this and Phil sort of shrugs it off. Oh to be like that!!
OMG, I am so enraged at the bullying Paul experienced. I would have probably reacted the same way you did! Poor kid. I hope he doesn’t go through any more of that. 🙁
My brother is similar to Phil. He doesn’t get worried about anything. Sometimes I think to myself, “How would Mark react to this situation?” lol. It helps! I can’t imagine what it’s like to just NOT be worried every day. My Lexapro dose is almost at the maximum dosage and while it helps SO MUCH, it doesn’t completely clear out the worry.
Wow! Deep questions (and answers). Why are we asking Stephany about how she thinks she will die though? SHE DOES NOT NEED TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS. LOL! But really.
As you know I love the relationship you have with your mom, but even more now after reading about your dad <3 He IS missing out.
I wonder if that skill (to conversate) can be learned. Steven struggles with it too. And never gets much of a chance to practice since I am all "blah blah blah" all the time.
Hmm, probably also the body. These bodies can fail us pretty quickly. I was in decent shape (I think? maybe?) at 30.
For sure, I do not need to be thinking about death. I already think about it ENOUGH. Oof.
I think learning to be a better conversationalist can be learned. If Steven wants to read a good book on the topic, I’d recommend Supercommunicators. I took a lot of notes on how to be better about asking questions in social situations, but it’s still so awkward sometimes. I wish it came more naturally to me!
I thought I was soooo fat when I was 30 and I look back on those pictures of myself and just want to give that girl the biggest hug. She was FINE!
Yes, I would love to have my 30-year-old body! My 56-year-old body isn’t nearly as fun!
I’m with Lisa and would love to have the ability to stay calm and worry less.
It’s wonderful that you have such a good relationship with your mom. I’m in awe of younger you for being so strong!
Worrying less would be such a great skill to have! If I could just be more of a “go with the flow” kind of person and didn’t catastrophize every situation, I’d be a happy camper!
If I could have my 30-year-old body back, I would appreciate it so much more than I did then!!! Tough question though, because I definitely want my mind too. Why does it seem like everyone has to lose one or the other??? SIGH.
I loved your stories about you mom. I think it’s entirely possible that Angie was in her room last night writing “I hate my mom” on her dresser (we did not have a good day.). Good to know that someday we might have a… close relationship??? It’s so hard to imagine right now.
Hmm! A new quality or ability. I’m going to pick something adjacent to yours. It’s not that I can’t make conversation with people- but after I do, I feel like I need to go lie down in bed by myself to recover, ha ha. I mean I WANT to meet people and have friends (really, I do) but I just find it draining. Life must be so much easier for extroverts.
I am hoping and praying that once the teenage angst phase goes away, you and Angie will have a lovely mother/daughter friendship!
Oh yes, I often think about how much easier the world is for extroverts. Imagine not being worn out or needing to have that anticipatory anxiety before every social event! The dreeeam.
I’d like to have BOTH 😉 I’d like to be an 80 year old lady doing salsa lessons and traveling to Namibia. Unlikely, that is why I will do my best to go there maybe in my 50s? 🙂
Wow, these are TOUGH. I have always thought I’d die a) young (i.e., <60 years), and b) from cancer. Why? I have no idea. I still have a bunch of years (not as many as I used to have) before I hit that "deadline" (ha) though, so…?
I was so lucky to have the childhood I had, so wouldn't change a thing.
Is it weird that I'm grateful that you have the relationship you do with your mom? It's so very important to you, and her presence in your life is just so… well, it makes me smile every time I see a picture of the 2 of you together. 🙂
These questions are tough.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your answers.
I think I rather have a sharp and learning mind than the body of a 30 year hold. What does it do for me if I am stuck with the same thoughts for 60 years because my mind can’t comprehend anything more. But it’s a tough one.