Hello, friends! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas – I know I certainly did. I celebrated the holiday with a candlelight service at a local church, a sleepover at my mom’s, and opening presents with her in the early morning. Later on in the day, my brother and his family came over to open more presents and then I helped my mom host dinner for our extended family. It was a busy day, but one that was so full of love and family.
Today, I want to continue my “Best of 2015” series by reviewing the year on a month-by-month overview. Putting this review together helped me to put this year in perspective. While I’ll never qualify 2015 as a good year due to the loss I endured, I was happy to see that the year was filled with more happy emotions than sad ones. I can only hope 2016 holds that same promise.
In January, I was conflicted.
I was in a relationship that I didn’t want to be in, but I wasn’t sure why I was resisting when he was a great guy and we had fun together. The heart knows, though. My heart knew. By the end of the month, we would break up and I would feel nothing but utter relief.
In February, I was overjoyed.
Being single again felt right and true and exactly where I needed to be. I felt like me again, after two months of feeling disconnected from myself. This, in turn, led to a lot of questioning on my end (why am I more happy single? can I ever function in a relationship?), and I’m still trying to sort these questions out. Towards the end of February, my nephew Dominic was born and oh, what a chunky little nugget he was.
In March, I was blissful.
I returned to Savannah, one of my most favorite cities, for a short weekend trip with my mom. We ran a 5k while we were there, and I was just so, so happy to be back, walking through the historic squares and along the Riverfront. Savannah is home to me.
In April, I was social.
April helped me to realize what happens when you get off the couch and start investing in people. During this month, I was a bit of a social butterfly for me. There were afternoons of apartment hunting with my now-Roomie, an afternoon spent at Downtown Disney with Emilie and her fiance, brunch book club, family game nights, and some girls’ nights out. This month, I just felt really good about the place I was at in my life.
In May, I was delighted.
May was the month of my cruise and I had such a wonderful time – even if I did end it with a sprained ankle. It was lovely to have one-on-one time with my mom, exploring and relaxing and eating. We stopped in the Bahamas, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico, and Grand Turk. There’s no better vacation for me than a cruise and a seven-day one is simply the best.
In June, I was engaged.
June was the month of wedding planning. I helped my mom with engagement pictures, wedding invitations, securing a ceremony location, designing a reception menu, and all the other decorative touches. I also helped my mom’s coworkers surprise my mom with a bridal shower, which was probably one of the best moments of my year. It was a busy month of planning and designing and imagining.
In July, I was lit up.
My mom re-married in July. The wedding was simple, but it was perfect. We had no mishaps and I somehow managed to coordinate the whole thing without losing my mind. Actually, it was really fun to be the so-called “coordinator.” It was a lot of work, but god, it was so much fun, too. I loved being in charge! Lit up – there’s no better way to describe July.
In August, I was restful.
I took a break from blogging and social media in August, and it was exactly what I needed. I slowed down my life, spent a lot of time reading and being quiet and still. A quiet pace of life is so helpful for me. It keeps me centered and sane and feeling most like myself.
In September, I was afraid.
I moved in September. I moved to a new city that felt so different from where I used to live. I moved in with a roommate and away from my mom. And it was so damn hard. It was such a huge shakeup to my life and I lived in fear for weeks following the move. There were many panic attacks, and there was an afternoon when the panic was so bad that I had to leave work. I cried a lot. Withdrew from people. And felt so much shame about my anxiety. September, oh, it was a hard month but I had no idea how much harder life was about to get.
In October, I was heartbroken.
I lost my grandma in October. Her loss was the most awful thing I’ve ever been through – the finality of death is so crushing – but if there was any way for someone so beloved to go, it was this way. She was surrounded by her family and friends, and she went peacefully and without any pain. I never expected to lose her this year and I can’t say I’ve been grieving well. (Just thinking about never seeing her again is so crushing that I just… don’t.) I spent a lot of time with my mom this month, being there for her and trying to help in any way I can. I’m still not sure how to move through this life without Grandma, but I’m going to try to make her proud.
In November, I was focused.
I spent the month in a haze of writing, trying to win NaNoWriMo (writing 50,000 words in one month). It’s interesting to me how some years I cannot stay focused to win NaNoWriMo and then other years, it comes so effortlessly to me. This year, it was effortless and I am so proud of myself for putting in the work.
In December, I was settled.
December was the month when I finally felt like Tampa and my new life here fit. I began to establish my own routines and figure out what I wanted my life to look like. I spent a lot of this month doing a lot of soul-searching as I reflected on the past year and made plans for what I want to achieve in the upcoming one. I felt more at ease, less fearful, happier. It’s a wonderful note to end the year on, if I do say so myself.
What are some of the emotions you experienced in 2015?
Lisa of Lisa's Yarns
This was a fun recap to read! I am glad that the year featured more joy than sorrow. You definitely had a tough year as losing a grandparent is so hard. 🙁 I am glad that you can look back, though, and see so much good in the year!
I experienced a lot of emotions this year: frustration/anxiety about work, fear that I wouldn’t find a different job, joy when I did, comfort, love and security from my relationship with Phil, wonder at the beautiful sites I saw during my travels, thankfulness that I was able to finally visit Amber in Kamloops, and so many other emotions in between.
StephTheBookworm
This is a great post, Stephany! I know you had some hard moments and heartbreaks, but I’m glad to also see some great and happy emotions up there, too.
Gabby
This is such a great way to recap the year!
Kate
I really like the way you structured this recap. It’s been quite a year, huh? Here’s to 2016…
Gina
Great recap of your year, Stephany! I’m glad to see that even though there were some hard times, there was a lot of good that came out of 2015, too. <3
Cait
This is such a beautiful way to review your year and connect with everything you felt. I really love this!
Kathleen
This was such a cool overview of your year! I bet it took awhile for you to put it together! I’m still so sorry for your loss, but looking back at this I’m glad you are able to celebrate all the good.
Emilie
What a fun way to recap your year! Meeting you in April was definitely one of the highlights of 2015 for me. I am so glad we were able to do that – hopefully again next September, too! This year was hard for me and I think if I had to choose one emotion to describe it, I would choose anxious. I am definitely ready to see 2015 come to a close!
Erika
I enjoyed reading the re-cap of your year! It looks like overall you had a great one, despite the challenges you went through. Hopefully 2016 brings you even more peace and joy!
2015 was, to best describe, a whirlwind – both in terms of my external life, and internally. There were ups, downs, good and bad, and some ugly thrown in…but at the end of it all, I feel free. I have achieved and am ever learning to understand what it means to be have and maintain personal freedom: to no longer be afraid of yourself. 2016 I believe will be an extension of putting this newfound knowledge into practice.
Amber
This is such a fun way to recap your year!! 2015 I experienced gratefulness and happiness, love and excitement but also sadness, uncertainty, distraught, confused and unsure about the future. It was definitely a bag of mixed emotions for me this year.
Linda
Lots of hugs on the loss of your grandmother.
Your year was a beautiful one Stephany save the loss of your grandmother. I especially loved that you moved out and found a great roommate. Perhaps this is one of the bricks that builds a great foundation for 2016? Fingers crossed.
Love you.