Whee! It’s time for my favorite post of the year, even though this one takes me forever to put together due to the pictures. But I love looking back on these posts and I think they’re such a fun way to wrap up the year and recognize all the emotions I experienced (even the ones that aren’t so fun to think about!) So, here we go, my year separated by months, describing how I was feeling and what I went through.
In January, I was empowered.
I participated in the Women’s March in my city and it was a time of hope and inspiration. There were signs and chants and a feeling that we’re all in this together, even though it’s going to be really scary for a while. I had my writing published on Thought Catalog, replaced my laptop, and had a punch biopsy taken of a particularly troubling mole on my back (thankfully, it came back clean!).
In February, I was nurturing.
My grandpa had back surgery and my mom became his main caretaker, visiting him daily and making sure he had everything he needed. I didn’t want her to shoulder the burden alone, so I tried to help her as much as possible. Along with near-daily visits, I also helped her do a deep clean of his room and rearranged his furniture so that he could walk around safely (he’d be coming home with a walker). February was all about giving back to my Pops after he had given so much of himself to us. February was also mini-golfing with girlfriends, my nephew turning two, and resistance meetings.
In March, I was lonely.
I entered the month feeling very overwhelmed by life, so all I wanted was to be by myself. I needed time away from people, and so that’s what I did… until I had too much alone time and felt a level of loneliness I haven’t experienced in a while. Other happenings in March: Dutch turned 15, I joined a gym, and my mom and I had a girls’ day to see Beauty and the Beast. Dutch had to get an ultrasound to find out why his liver levels were astronomically high, and thankfully, it wasn’t anything serious like liver disease.
In April, I was brave.
I attended an event called SportsFest with my coworkers and it was the last place you’d expect to see me. A crowded beach, the hot sun, playing sports, being surrounded by people for HOURS… it’s basically my nightmare. I was scared out of my mind about the event and spent the weeks leading up to it trying to come up with excuses for why I couldn’t go. And yet I went. I went because I didn’t want my social anxiety to hold me back from putting myself out there. And I even had fun and was super proud of myself for not flaking. In April, my apartment was fumigated so I had a sleepover at my mom’s with Dutch, dealt with diverticulitis, and had an Easter picnic with my family.
In May, I was delighted.
My mom and I took our annual vacation together, spending five days in San Juan, Puerto Rico. We relaxed on a dog-friendly beach (the best kind of beach), went horseback riding, hiked to a waterfall, and explored the forts. It was such a fun time, but we both agreed we prefer cruises. In May, I had my first dentist appointment in 5+ years, celebrated Mother’s Day with brunch, and spent a little too much money on summer-y clothes.
In June, I was elated.
I did something I have been dying to do for years: I got a book tattoo. I actually got “matching” tattoos with one of my best friends, although our tattoos look a little different and we got them on separate parts of our bodies. It was so fun to experience my first tattoo with her – and I’m pretty sure I’d still be pining after a tattoo if she had not encouraged us to finally get it done. In June, I ate my weight in chips and guac at a pool party with my friends, took my nephew to a baseball game, and had the best time at a bookish DIY event.
In July, I was content.
This was one of those months where nothing extremely bad or extremely good happened. It was just a month that was filled with little pockets of happiness, like renewing my apartment lease, starting Dutch on meds to help his nighttime restlessness, celebrating my mom’s birthday, and watching my car hit 100,000 miles.
In August, I was sad.
I took a break from social media and blogging in August and felt very isolated. It didn’t help that my mom was out of touch for a week while she was on a cruise, leaving me feeling even more isolated than normal. I don’t think I’ll take another sabbatical like that – I don’t love that I rely on social media when I’m feeling lonely, but it is what it is. Other things in August: celebrating four years at my job, voting in my first local election, and taking a long “staycation” weekend when I found out I had some “use ’em or lose ’em” PTO hours remaining.
In September, I was scared.
Hurricane Irma was wreaking havoc in the Caribbean and I was glued to the Facebook feeds of our Tampa Bay Area meteorologists. The day before Irma was projected to make landfall in Florida, the projected path shifted in a very scary way: it was projected to hit my area directly as a Category 3 hurricane. My mom, Dutch, and I evacuated to her work (her building was built to withstand a Category 5 hurricane) and spent a very long 30 hours waiting out the storm. Thankfully for us, the storm ended up weakening and we weren’t hit directly. It made landfall east of us as a Category 1 storm. I lost power for four days, but my mom never did, so I just stayed with her until power was restored, so in the grand scheme of things, I was very lucky. After the storm, it was hard to go anywhere without hearing people talk about Irma – it really affected all of us in Florida.
In October, I was social.
I went on a lot of dates in October, but none of them panned out to anything spectacular. I went to birthday parties and movie dates and long walks, and it was the perfect amount of being social without feeling overwhelmed by my schedule. At the end of the month, I took Dutch to the vet for an exam after noticing he’d lost some weight and wasn’t himself. The vet scared me with her diagnosis that Dutch’s quality of life is diminishing and I took a lot of time to process the news by myself and with my mom until I could finally talk about it publicly.
In November, I was awed.
I took a four-day trip to Asheville, NC with my girlfriends and I couldn’t get over the fall colors. I’ve never experienced the four seasons because I’ve lived in Florida my whole life. We stayed at a cabin that had an awe-inspiring view of the Blue Ridge Mountains and fall foliage and I was so delighted by it. In November, my mom and I hosted Thanksgiving with our family and I turned 30, which I celebrated by taking a day off work and pampering myself.
In December, I was loved.
My friends threw me a 30th birthday party that was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I felt so loved and appreciated by them. I experienced all that the Christmas season had to offer: Christmas lights at the zoo, taking Dutch to “meet Santa,” baking Christmas cookies, and watching Christmas movies. The downside to December was when I injured myself while helping a friend move, ending up with road rash all down my left leg and a fractured ankle, but there was also love in that: love in helping my friend move even though I knew I’d be surrounded by people I didn’t know, love in the way my friend and her family and friends rallied around me to help me after I fell, love in the way my mom dropped everything to sit at urgent care with me, love in the way my friends rushed to my aid. Love, love, all around. It’s there, you guys. I don’t always feel it and I don’t always want to acknowledge it because love is so goddamn vulnerable, but it’s always there when we need it. <3
This was a big year for you! Lots of travel, a milestone birthday, and your first tattoo! I loved this post and seeing what your year entailed. I hear you about your being social in October. It’s a hard balance for me. I want to be social but I get so easily overwhelmed when I overdo it. Finding that balance is so nice.
Finding the balance can be so tricky, so it’s a beautiful thing when it all comes together perfectly. I know I don’t function well when I’m being TOO hermity, but I also don’t function well when I’m being too social. There’s a sweet spot to it all, and I’m getting better at figuring out how to get there.
Again, I’ve got to say I love the way you break down your year like this. I love how you assign each month an emotional theme. Also, it looks like you had a pretty solid year, minus the injuries and the hurricane. Cheers to more adventures in 2018!
Thank you! Some months are more difficult than others to come up with a theme (especially those months where nothing great or awful happens), but it’s a fun way to look back on my year!
I love reading these kind of recaps as it’s fun to see how much you packed into a year! I am glad you were able to feel such love in the midst of another crappy injury. You do have to make yourself vulnerable to feel love and to accept the help of others but it does remind how many people care for you!!
I can’t wait to see what 2018 will hold for you!
Thank you! It really is interesting to see how much we can do in one year. Even the years when nothing major happens (like 2017… just one of those low-key years for me!), it’s nice to take time to step back and look at my year as a whole to see everything I did and accomplished.
I love your way of recapping the year by choosing a prominent emotion for each month. It looks like your year was pretty good, if you exclude the hurricane (what an experience!) and minor downs.
Can’t wait to see what 2018 will bring!
That hurricane was indeed a crazy experience! But I’m glad we made it through and that my city didn’t incur too much damage. It was all any of us could talk about, though, for weeks after it happened. It really affected every person.
So glad your friends spoiled you for your 30th and you finally got that tattoo!