Stephany Writes

Categories: About Me

Ask Stephany Anything, Round 4

Remember “Ask Stephany Anything”? I love doing this series during NaBloPoMo in November because it gives me a great weekly blog post idea. I did a few ASA posts during NaBloPoMo, but then got busy with my cruise and Christmas and end-of-year posts. I still have a few lingering questions from my form (and the blog post where I asked for questions), so I’m going to keep this series going for as long as I have questions. If you have a question for me, feel free to ask it in the comments or fill out my form!

From San: Would you ever consider leaving Florida and live in a different state?

I would love to leave Florida! I have lived here my entire life and I think it would be really special to live somewhere that experiences all four seasons. However, I’d need their winters to be mild, which is why North Carolina tends to be the place I’m most interested in living if I ever left Florida.

However, the thought of moving to a different state all by myself is terrifying! It would be really difficult to have to create a new support system and new routines in a different state. I struggle with change just moving from one apartment to another in my same city and moving to an entirely new state where I don’t know anyone would be hugely difficult for my anxiety disorder. So, I don’t see myself leaving Florida unless things changed drastically in my life.

From Suzanne: Would you tell us more about your blogging editorial calendar? How do you decide what to write and when? How long do you spend writing/blogging each day?

My blogging editorial calendar is not fancy. I simply use Google Calendar to plan out what I want to write each month. And truthfully, I’m only really planning out my Wednesday posts since I typically use Mondays for “What I’m Reading” posts and Fridays for TGIF or Five for Friday. Here’s what February looks like for me (just ignore all my actual plans, lol. The blog posts have a pink background):

As you can see, I have a placeholder for “What I’m Reading” every Monday. Typically, midway through the prior week, I’ll make a decision if I think I’ll be able to have three books ready to review by the weekend. If not, I’ll either remove “What I’m Reading” from that week’s planned posts or flip-flop Monday’s and Wednesday’s posts (if I think I’ll have three books ready by Tuesday). I like using Google Calendar because I can easily remove or move around blog posts. (For example, the “All About My Laundry” blog post has been moving around since October. I just know it’s going to take a bit of effort to write that post, and I haven’t had the time!)

How I decide what to write about varies! I keep a running list in my Notes app with blog ideas and will throw an idea on that list when inspiration strikes. (I think 95% of the ideas I get come from podcasts, ha.) Near the end of the previous month, I’ll sit down and plan out my blog posts (well, as I said above, plan out my Wednesday blog posts). Most times, I have enough ideas to see me through the month. I also have some recurring series that I cycle through that keep things interesting, like Snapshot of My Day, Three Things Thursday, Currently, Virtual Coffee Date, etc. If I run out of ideas, I’ll just throw one of those into my schedule.

Now, the real fun comes when I sit down to write. It usually takes me upwards of two hours to write a blog post (between writing it, sourcing pictures, editing it, etc). Not every blog post takes me that long. I can usually write a “What I’m Reading” post and a Friday post in under an hour. But more in-depth posts (like this one) will take longer. It’s usually because I’m not only writing, but figuring out how I want to structure the post. Do I want to break things out into different headings? Do I want it to be stream of consciousness? Should I start with this section, or this other section that I wrote later? I also spend a lot of time rereading and rewriting (you don’t even want to know how many times I’ve reread and rewrote my answer to this question!) I know I spend too much time thinking about these things, but I love the writing process and I love being precious about the writing I do on this blog. It’s just who I am.

I’m trying to get better at writing shorter posts. Not every blog post needs to be 1,000+ words and brilliant. Sometimes, a quick 400-word post that captures a small moment in time is enough. But it’s hard. I love to write, and I love to write long posts.

From Anonymous: I love name stories, so: how did the animal friends in your life get their names? And how’d you get your name? How do you feel about your name?

I really wish I had better stories for how I named my cats. When I decided I was going to adopt a cat, I started a name list in my phone. I had a long list of names I loved for cats, most of them human names because I love human names for pets! When I adopted Eloise, I spent a few days trying to pin down the perfect name for her. I had settled on Eloise or Freya and called her by both names to see which one fit better. In the end, she seemed more of an Eloise than a Freya. I have always loved the name Eloise because it’s so sweet and delicate. She mostly goes by Ellie, though, and she’s definitely an Ellie. I gave her the middle name of “Joy” because I adopted her during the holiday season, the most joyous time of the year!

About a week or two before I adopted Lila, I was at my mom’s Super Bowl party and my cousin was talking about the twins she had given birth to in October. (She was a surrogate for a friend.) One of the twins was named Lila and my eyes just lit up at that name. I thought Lila was such a pretty name and would be the perfect name for a cat! So that name was in the back of my mind when I went to the animal shelter to look at the cats. And there she was. The shelter had given her the name Lola and it felt like divine intervention. Just one letter off from the name I wanted to name my next cat? And she was totally a Lila, too. I gave her the middle name “May” since she has a May birthday.

Chip and Lucy were named by my mom, of course. She chose “Chip” because she loves chocolate chip cookies. He goes by Chip, Chippy, Chippy Boy, Chipper, and Chip-a-Dee-Do-Da. Lucy was chosen because she just liked the name. We were actually deciding between Lucy and Barbara, which was my grandma’s name. Wouldn’t Barbara be such a cute name for a teeny-weeny dachshund? Ahh! However, I was really pushing my mom to name her Peppermint Patty (since my mom loves York Peppermint Patties!), but she’s definitely more of a Lucy than a Patty. Lucy goes by Lucy, Luce, Lucy-Goosey, Goosey, Goose, and Lucy Girl.

As for my name, my dad originally wanted to name me Doogabock, which was a name he invented (and became my nickname for most of my childhood). My mom instead chose the name Stephanie (it was the 80s, after all) and wanted to make it look different, so she chose the unique spelling of Stephany. I hated my unique spelling growing up because it meant I could never get anything from those personalized kiosks that were popular in the 90s, but now I really love it! I like the unique spelling and I feel like the name fits me.

Do you know the origin story of your name?

Categories: About Me

A Tale of Two Doctors

I’ve been honest here that 2022 was a really bad year for my anxiety. After feeling like I had it pretty well under control over the past few years (even during the early days of the pandemic!), something happened last year where my usual mental health tactics were not working.

So I re-started therapy and tried to do other things that are proven to help with anxiety symptoms, like getting regular exercise and drinking less caffeine. But what has helped my anxiety more than anything is medication. I’ve been on the generic form of Lexapro for quite a while now (I think I started it in 2017, and have been on 5mg, 10mg, and 20mg over the course of those years). But it wasn’t until Lisa started to gently prompt me to consider talking to my doctor about changing my meds that something clicked in my brain, so I didn’t need to get any other doctor as there are many type of doctors now a days since getting a doctor degree is not that difficult, you can go online and find phlebotomy training if this is a career you like.

Sometimes I forget how Lexapro has altered my brain chemistry. It’s worked so well for me for so long that I always think there’s something more I could be doing to better manage my anxiety. More therapy! More exercise! More sleep! And while those things do help anxiety symptoms, there comes a point where medication may need to be investigated.

I know some people don’t like being medicated for anxiety. “I don’t want to numb out to life,” they say. But when you have anxiety like mine, when you can’t stop the spiraling thoughts and the nightmare scenarios playing out in your brain over and over again, when the overwhelming feeling of doom takes over, being numb sounds amazing. I want to numb out. I want to stop these thoughts. I want my brain to shut off.

Thanks to Lisa’s prodding, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. Unfortunately, the GP I have been seeing for many years, whom I adore and who has such a warm, kind bedside manner, is on leave for another two months so I had to see her temporary replacement. I wasn’t thrilled about that, but I made the appointment anyway.

And I had the kind of appointment you dread as a fat person. It was the kind of appointment I had heard about from other fat people but had never experienced myself.

This doctor, a man, comes into the room and we talk about my anxiety for a short period of time. He recommends adding Wellbutrin to what I’m currently taking but doesn’t explain what it is, how it can help, what the dosage is like, how I should start using it… nothing like that.

Instead, he then proceeds to talk to me about my weight. He doesn’t connect this with my anxiety. He doesn’t talk about how eating certain foods or how exercise can help me with my anxiety symptoms. Instead, he couches it all in “concern” about my “weight.” I’ve never had to deal with something like this with my regular GP. She has never, ever brought up my weight like this. The only time we talked about it was when I brought it up. I wasn’t there to talk about my weight. I was there to talk about my anxiety.

I wish I had stopped this discussion in its tracks, but I’m an Enneagram 9 through and through, which means I am non-confrontational to a fault and just wanted to get through this conversation as quickly as possible. We talked about my eating habits and when I mentioned that I drink soda, he perked up. “Oh, there’s an easy change. Just drink diet soda.”

Hold on, what?!

I don’t think I’ve ever had a doctor recommend diet soda as an alternative to regular soda. That’s not a good alternative! Diet soda may not have the same amount of calories and sugar as regular soda, but it has other terrible chemicals and is not an alternative! If he had mentioned trying seltzer water like La Croix or talked to me about how to drink more water, I would have been more apt to listen to him. But telling me to switch from regular soda to diet soda… I quickly realized, this man is a quack.

He also brought up the option of medication for weight loss, which is something I truly, truly do not believe in. For myself, it is just not an avenue I’m willing to explore. And when he told me that his favorite medication to prescribe these days is Ozempic, I was D O N E with this doctor. Ozempic is not a weight-loss drug. It is a drug that diabetic people use to improve their blood sugar. But people have started to realize that you can take Ozempic and lose massive amounts of weight, so more doctors are prescribing it to patients who want to lose weight.

And what has happened because of that? There is a shortage of Ozempic. The people who use this drug for an actual medical reason cannot get it because a bunch of celebrities and influencers decided they wanted to use it to lose weight.

I knew all of this before the doctor brought up this drug. I had heard about it on a podcast and had read up about the shortage. And I wish I had called out the doctor when he brought it up, but yet again, I did not. I just tried to make myself as small as possible and kept my opinions to myself so I could get out of there. I just wanted to get out of there.

Whenever I hear of things like this happening to other people, I get so frustrated. Why didn’t they speak up? Why didn’t they challenge these people who are saying these things? But the truth is, it’s embarrassing to be told you’re too fat and need to lose weight. It’s embarrassing to feel like you’re this out-of-control slob who cannot manage her eating habits. It’s embarrassing to come to the doctor for a legit reason, and have him see me only as a fat person he needed to fix.

He didn’t see me as a patient. He didn’t spend time talking deeper about my anxiety issues and talk to me about my medication options. He didn’t bring up my eating habits because they could be linked to my anxiety symptoms; he brought it up because he saw a fat person. If I had been a thin person in his office, he would not have even thought to talk about my eating habits. And that’s the difference.

I cried in my car after that appointment. I had been so proud of myself for making this appointment and was feeling so hopeful for how this would help my anxiety symptoms going forward. And instead, I was given a quick medication and a lecture on healthy eating habits. It was so demoralizing.

Afterward, I decided not to take this doctor’s medical advice and instead of filling the prescription order, I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist. I had that appointment on Friday afternoon and goodness gracious, was it such a different appointment from this one. The psychiatrist, a woman, was kind and warm and informative. She went through my entire history with anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. She talked to me at length about the different options available to me, and together, we decided to bump up my Lexapro dose. I’ve been on 20mg for a few years now, so we’re going to try 30mg and possibly go up to 40mg if I feel that I need that.

There was such a difference between these two doctors. I felt seen and heard and comforted by my psychiatrist, rather than dismissed and condescended to. For the first time in a long time, I feel hope when it comes to my anxiety disorder. I feel like I have the right team, between my therapist and my psychiatrist, to gain control over my symptoms and finally feel better for the first time in over a year.

Categories: About Me

NaBloPoMo 2022: The Finale

Happy November 30th – also known as, the end of NaBloPoMo!

It’s always a little bittersweet to end this challenge because I just have so much fun with it and the community that goes along with it. This year, we had such a great group, too, the largest it’s been in years (which is all thanks to San and her unfailing devotion to this challenge and getting people excited about it). While it was very difficult keeping up with everyone’s posts, I tried my best and I definitely have a lot of posts to go back to and read when I get back from my vacation. Expect some late comments on your posts, friends!

I am also really grateful to our non-NaBloPoMo-ers who cheered us on from the sidelines, keeping up with our array of posts and leaving thoughtful comments. There were a lot of you, but from the top of my head, I want to specifically call out Nicole, Kim, and Lisa, three busy ladies who always leave great comments and did an awesome job keeping up with all of these extra posts from us!

I am looking forward to slowing down my post schedule, for sure, and trying to catch up with comments on my own blog. I’m woefully behind!

I am excited to participate in NaBloPoMo in 2023, and I think I really want to challenge myself to write more stream-of-consciousness and shorter blog posts. I have an affinity for writing long blog posts that I spend a lot of time on, but there is also goodness in shorter blog posts. Just because I’m not writing and revising a blog post for over an hour doesn’t mean it’s not worthy of being published on my blog.

In fact, I think that’s where I’ll leave this blog post. I’m clocking in under 300 words so far, which usually is just the beginning for one of my typical blog posts. But why? I’ve said what I needed to say and it’s fine to keep things short and sweet. I hope the other NaBloPoMo-ers enjoyed the journey as much as I did. I’m excited to keep following along on your blogs once November ends!

Categories: About Me

Thirty-Five.

Today, I’m 35 years old. I’m officially halfway through my thirties. What in the world?!

I’m celebrating my birthday on a cruise, as you are all well aware of by now. I’ll be waking up in the Bahamas, enjoying the sights and sounds of Royal Caribbean’s private island, and taking a hot air balloon ride with my mom. Later today, we have reservations at the steakhouse on the ship. It should be a lovely way to welcome in this new age.

The biggest thing that happened in my life this year was being promoted to a manager! I knew this promotion was coming because my director and I talked about it during a mid-year review in 2021. I spent most of last year gaining more experience leading projects and developing my voice as a leader until, at the end of January, my promotion was announced!

It was a little wild to go from being a senior writer who was writing upwards of 60 pages of content a month while handling our contractors’ workloads and being the lead writer on a ton of important accounts to being a manager. It was an adjustment period! There were a lot of months where I didn’t feel busy enough. It’s something I talked about with my director and she assured me that feeling is very normal, and this new position is almost like being in a new job. The first few months are usually pretty weird because you don’t have all of your responsibilities yet and things can feel a little boring at first.

The pace of my work life has definitely increased, though, as I’ve taken on new projects and grown into this new role. I feel really confident as a manager, although I do have my days when imposter syndrome creeps in. But I really like helping people and being a mentor for my writers, and I hope I’m providing them with the level of support they need.

Age 34 was a rough one for my anxiety. I spent a good amount of this year worried about something unexpectedly happening to my mom. She’s my person, you know? Everyone has that one person. It might be your partner or a best friend or a mom. I’m terrified of something happening to her, and not having my person in my life anymore. How unbalanced I will feel when that happens.

I went back to therapy this year because the anxiety was becoming overwhelming. I connected easily with the first therapist I reached out to. I still feel really, really lucky about that. One of the things I love most about therapy is the way I can talk about one anxiety trigger I’m struggling with, and my therapist can help me see where it’s all coming from. For me, it almost always stems from my childhood. I had a very traumatic childhood, and sometimes I forget how bad things were because even though my father was abusive, I had an amazing mother, supportive grandparents, and an extended family who loved me. But much of my anxiety stems from never developing healthy coping skills as a young child, and my brain still connects my mom as my safe haven in a chaotic world. And not having that safe haven is terrifying.

A recent realization for me is that I want to stop living as if my mom is going to die at any minute. Could it happen? Yes. Of course. It can happen to any of us. But I am stealing the joy of having my mom here by miring myself in these anxious thoughts. There will be a time when she is not here, but that time is not now, and I want to sink into her love and support, make more memories, and just enjoy every second I have with her.

I didn’t go on a single date this year. Twice, I had messaged with people on a dating app, set up the date, and then had them cancel on me the morning of the date. Twice. It turned me off from wanting to do much on dating apps after that. I’m still using the apps, but not in the way I should be using them. (Responding to messages promptly, swiping frequently, etc.) I’m just not feeling a huge push toward dating right now. Or maybe I’ve never really felt that push toward dating? I grew up in an evangelical Christian environment, so getting married (and getting married young) was a normal part of the coming-of-age process. I always thought I’d get married in my early twenties and have kids in my mid-to-late twenties. But that didn’t happen for me, and I’m glad it didn’t, but now I’ve been single for so long that it is what is comfortable for me. It feels good, but then sometimes I think about how nice it would be to have someone by my side. I think about being queer and how I want to have more relationships with women. Alas, it’s not always that easy. Dating apps are a cesspool and it’s hard to garner anyone’s attention on them.

One of the things I’ve spent most of my thirties working on is accepting my fat body as it is. It’s a hard thing to do in a world that celebrates thinness and believes in a so-called obesity epidemic. I believe that it is totally possible to be fat and healthy. It is also totally possible to be thin and unhealthy. One’s waist size or BMI does not tell an accurate picture of health. However, I know I am not healthy. I have risk factors for heart disease. I deal with hypoglycemia, which is likely due to being overweight. And there are parts of my body that I just don’t like, as much as I have tried to love them. A double chin and neck rolls are cute on a baby, but not so adorable on me, is what I’m saying.

I need to start a journey toward healthy living, but I’m scared. Every time I have tried to do so, I’ve been unhappy. I don’t want to diet because diets don’t work and they’ve never worked for me. I’m not going to be joining Noom or WW or any of those groups. I wish intuitive eating worked for me, but it just doesn’t. And I don’t want to become obsessed with calorie or macro counting. I want to be healthy in a way that feels good. I want it to feel like loving acceptance of who I am and where I want to be.

Good things this year: I started a podcast with my best friend and I’m having way more fun with it than I ever thought I would. I traveled to Canada and New York, saw Niagara Falls in person, and explored Toronto. I strengthened my friendships and had a really awesome girls’ weekend with two of my close friends. I excelled at work and feel a real sense of purpose in what I do. I went to a flower farm. My best friend had another baby. Olive celebrated one year of being cancer-free and got her chemo port removed. My nephews turned 14 and 7. My city escaped from getting flattened by Hurricane Ian, and I was able to safely evacuate with my family. And I got to celebrate turning a brand new age in my favorite way: on a cruise ship.

This year hasn’t been without its hardships, but when I look back on age 34, I feel really grateful for where I am in life. I’m happy. I’m healthy (ish). I have strong relationships with my family members and my friends. I have a job I love that pays me well. I feel the motivation to strive to meet goals and better myself. It’s a good life, and I’m excited to see what awaits me at 35.

Categories: About Me

Ask Stephany Anything | Round 3

Hi, friends! Happy Saturday, and happy cruise eve to me! Eeks – I’m so excited to finally take off on my little birthday adventure.

Today is round 3 of Ask Stephany Anything, and I’m answering all of the questions that Kim posed for me in my post. She always asks really amazing questions!

I still have more questions to answer from you guys, so never fear: a follow-up post will be coming in December. (And if you want to add questions to my list, you can fill out my form.)

If you could only listen to ONE podcast, what would it be?

Probably The Popcast. I mean, I mentioned Knox and Jamie (hosts of The Popcast) in my A-Z Thankful list, so it makes sense that if I could only listen to one podcast for the rest of time, it would be theirs. They make me laugh, give me great recommendations, and publish a breadth of topics. They’re a pop culture podcast, sure, but they go way beyond what most pop culture podcasts talk about.

If you could only go on a cruise for vacation or a road trip for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

Cruise, please! I am not a huge fan of road trips, so this is an easy decision. Cruising is my favorite way to travel!

If you could only get takeout from ONE place forever, what would it be?

Oh man, this is hard! I’d have to choose pizza since it’s my favorite type of takeout food. But which pizza place do I choose?! The one with the best pizza but lackluster sides? The one with good pizza and lots of great sides? Decisions, decisions. I’ll probably choose Fortunato’s Italian Pizzeria, which is one of my favorite local pizza places.

If you could only do game night OR football Sunday, which would you pick?

Football Sunday! I love having game nights with my brother, my mom, and my nephews but it’s gotten a lot more chaotic as we add more people to the mix. And we can’t play any of the adult party games with the boys being young, hehe. Football Sundays, though, are just my favorite thing ever. I love them and never want to give them up!

What one word would you like removed from everyone’s vocabulary?

Obese. I think this term is simply used to denigrate fat people. The BMI scale has been shown time and time again to be an inaccurate measure of health, and as such, labeling people as obese just because their height and weight are in a specific range is not a helpful indicator of health, either. Obesity is not a disease, and this term has simply been used to dehumanize people and make them feel less than. We can do better.

What is something people rave about but you just don’t get the appeal?

I just wrote a whole post about popular things I don’t really like, so there are five big things for ya!

What’s underrated about where you live? What’s overrated?

I think our museums are underrated. We have some really great ones, including the Dali Museum! And it should come as no surprise that I think our beaches are overrated. They’re so crowded, and there are so many more fun things to do in our city than go to the beach.

What is your favorite thing about Cat Lady Culture?

I think it’s fun to see how much personality cats really do have! Before I became a cat mom, I was under the very wrong assumption that cats aren’t very social and don’t have much personality. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Cats really do have the best personalities: they’re silly, they’re funny, they’re sweet, and they’re super smart. I love that my Instagram algorithm sends me lots of cute cat videos all the time.

When will you graduate from being baby queer to queer? (I hope that question is not offensive! I thought the term baby queer was really cute)

Haha, this question is not offensive at all! My first relationship with a woman was also her first queer relationship, so we referred to each other as baby queers and I, too, thought it was cute. I still consider myself a baby queer because I’m still very new to the queer community. I’m still trying to understand where I fit. When will I graduate? Who really knows? I am very happy to call myself a baby queer right now, and I figure I’ll know when I have graduated. 😉

What ONE book do you think everyone should read?

If I could only pick one book to recommend to people for the rest of time, I’d choose Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. That book is just phenomenal.

What’s something underrated/overrated about where you live?