Stephany Writes

Categories: About Me

Ask Stephany Anything: The Finale (For Now)

Happy Wednesday, friends! I hope this week is treating you well. I’m returning to my Ask Stephany Anything series for my final set of questions. My answers to the questions posed by these two blog friends were very wordy so I decided to give them their own post! Let’s dive in:

Suzanne asks…

As a former copywriter, I am curious about your job. How did you get into it? What are the best and worst parts about it? Was there something else you always thought you’d do for your career? 

I got my job as a content writer for my current company after over a year of job hunting. I was working as a marketing assistant at a direct marketing company and hated it. There was never enough work for me to do and the job wasn’t challenging at all. I wanted to stay in marketing, but something that was focused more on the writing side of things than the analytical side (which is what my job at my old company had evolved into). I knew I had the writing chops to work as a copywriter, so I searched for copywriting/content marketing jobs and went through a rigorous process to get the job I have now, including writing three different writing samples. It was all worth it!

The best part of my job is that every day is different. Some days I’m writing all day, other days I’m in meetings, and other days I’m editing or publishing content to websites. Another thing that I really like about my job is that I’m not micromanaged. As long as I get my work done, my bosses don’t care about the order in which I get things done. They aren’t constantly checking in with me about this or that task. (This was a significant departure from my old job!) And it’s fun to learn new things! I have learned so much about so many different topics: replacement windows, roofing, house siding, gutter systems, foundation repair, cancer types and treatment, Covid testing, heart conditions, etc. I can now debate the merits between shingle and metal roofs as well as discuss all the different types of Covid tests and when to get which one. For someone who loves to learn, this is a great job to do it in.

The worst part of my job is that it can get monotonous at times. Even though every day is different, we work on a monthly schedule so sometimes it feels like Groundhog Day when I have to just repeat everything I did last month. More writing, more editing, more posting. It can also get very stressful, especially towards the end of the month when everything is due.

I don’t think I ever really thought about what I wanted from my career, honestly. It just wasn’t something I thought about much growing up. Well, that’s not strictly true. I definitely thought I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved animals so much. However, I took one college-level Anatomy & Physiology course and quickly realized that a science major was not in the cards for me.

Originally, I thought I’d go into teaching because it seemed like the most obvious path for someone like me. But teaching isn’t one of my skill sets, which became quickly apparent when I was doing my teaching internships. After that, I switched my major to communications to do something that was more writing-focused and decided to seek out marketing jobs. I didn’t exactly know what in marketing I wanted to do, but that industry seemed the most interesting to me.

Anne asks…

Were you exclusively a “dog person” before getting Eloise and Lila?

We didn’t have cats in my family growing up. My grandma was allergic to them, and we were more of a dog family than anything else. My mom grew up with dogs, and I’ve had a dog in my life since I was 10. I was never someone who didn’t like cats, but I did believe in the very wrong assumption that cats are aloof jerks and dogs have way more personality.

It was during the last few years of Dutch’s life that I decided my next pet would be a cat. Those years were incredibly difficult from a caretaking perspective. He needed frequent bathroom breaks (every 3 hours) and he didn’t settle down at night very easily, which could be frustrating and very tiring. I spent many hours trying to help him get comfortable enough to sleep at night. (Eventually, he went on medication to help with his nighttime anxiety.) At the time, I was working in Tampa five days a week. It was a 40-minute round-trip drive to come home at midday to take him out. (My mom, bless her, helped out with these walks, usually 3-4 times a week.) I also had to come immediately home after work to take him out. I was happy to do it, of course, and I wouldn’t wish those years away for anything. But it was very exhausting, especially doing it all alone. My next pet would need to be much easier to care for and able to be alone for long periods. (Of course, this is way before I knew my work life would be changing drastically and I’d be home all day every day!)

Then, the more I thought about having a cat, the more excited I became! I have always loved cats; I just never had a chance to bond with one. But if I was at a friend’s house and they had a cat, I was always enamored with it. I’m equal opportunity when it comes to animals!

And now I have my girls. Eloise and Lila are not aloof jerks with no personality! They have oodles of personality (like all cats do!) and are the sweetest, snuggliest, most special babies. I love them so much!

Anne also asked…

What sparked your deep love of reading and writing? You are such a literary-minded soul, and I always love to know if it was a teacher, or a parent, or a friend, who helped make books/writing such a passion for those who love them. 

I have always been naturally inclined towards reading. I was the kid who loved the language arts/reading part of school way more than the math/science. My mom was probably the person who made me a reader, though, as she was always reading and took me to the library every single Saturday when I was a kid so that I could pick out books. I would always check out the maximum number of books I was allowed to check out (at the time, it was 12) and voraciously read them throughout the week. I think it helped that my mom encouraged my love for reading and never made me feel like I should be doing something else with my time. (I mean, I was also a nerdy student who would do my homework the moment I got home, so she never had to worry about that with me, haha.) Books are a source of comfort for me, and there’s never been a drop-off reading period in my life. I know many people read less and less in high school and college, but that never happened to me. I’ve always kept reading as my #1 hobby.

What career did you want to have growing up?

Categories: About Me

Thirty-Four

Today, I am 34 years old.

Today, I start my mid-thirties, which has me reflecting on my early thirties. There were a lot of changes I experienced in my early thirties, not the least of which was living through a global pandemic. That’s something I never expected to go through, but I am immensely grateful that pandemic living was never all that difficult for me. My job was stable, I genuinely enjoy being alone, and working from home was such a delight. I stayed healthy throughout the pandemic and didn’t lose anyone close to me. I know I am one of the lucky ones.

There were significant losses in my early thirties. My grandpa (Pops) unexpectedly passed away when he was only 77. We truly thought we had many more years with him and I am still wading through the grief of losing him. I also had to say goodbye to Dutch, who was my heart and soul. While his death was more expected, it was still a hard-hitting loss that took many months to heal from.

There were so many good things in my early thirties, though! I adopted two cats, and I am obsessed with them. My mom and stepdad adopted two dogs, Chip and Lucy, and Chip especially helped my heart heal from the loss of Dutch. (My mom adopted him three months after Dutch’s death.) I traveled, excelled at work, spent many hours in therapy, and made my little apartment a cozy home.

My thirties have indeed been good to me so far.

One of the biggest things I’ve gone through in my thirties is something I’ve kept off the blog, and not because I wanted to keep it a secret, but because I had to go through the process of coming to terms with it myself, in a way that felt authentic to me. But now that I have gone through that process, it feels like I can’t really be authentic on this blog if I don’t talk about it. And that is my identity as a bisexual woman.

Perhaps one day I will talk about the nitty-gritty of coming out to friends and family, and starting to date women. There’s a lot I had to process, a lot of unlearning I had to do. I grew up evangelical Christian, where I was told again and again and again that homosexuality was a sin, and so I spent many, many years trying to pretend I was straight. I spent many, many years wishing I could fully be myself—live openly as a queer woman—but so, so scared of how people would react.

But that’s the thing about our identities. They have a way of wanting to be heard. Suddenly, the pain of not being who I truly am was greater than my fear. I had to be my true queer self and hope for the best. And so I started to slowly (oh-so-very-slowly) come out to friends. I started to date women. And this summer, I had my first serious relationship with a woman and it was the healthiest, easiest, most fulfilling relationship I have had in my dating life. The relationship felt more right than any other relationship I’ve had. I’m still sad that it ended, but I’m excited for what’s to come.

This year has been a big one for my career, as I’ve continued to take on more responsibilities and work with my director on how I can best be of service to our content team. Essentially, this has meant helping to manage our higher-priority clients—typically, the clients who have specialized content needs or receive so many website pages per month that multiple writers need to be on the account. It’s also meant having a more client-facing role than is typical for content writers in my company. At first, that was scary because I’m used to being more behind-the-scenes in my role, but now that I’ve started to cultivate a relationship with our clients, I find that I really enjoy it and take pride in delivering above and beyond for them. My expanded responsibilities earned me employee of the month in July as well as an unexpected-but-much-appreciated pay bump.

I’ve spent the past few years working toward a better acceptance of my fat body—to love it as it is, to appreciate what it can do. It’s not always an easy journey, but I do feel that I have come to a place where I am happy with the person I see in the mirror. I’ve learned how to dress my body in a way that makes me feel comfortable and confident. Alongside my own fat acceptance is calling out fatphobia in all its iterations, whether that’s opening a dialogue with a friend who used fatphobic language or pointing out fatphobia in popular books or TV shows. Fatphobic language can be incredibly insidious and such an ingrained part of society today that many people don’t recognize it when it happens. But for fat people, it’s damaging and hurtful and needs to stop.

Being single in my (now) mid-thirties is quite an interesting place to be. Growing up, I always thought I would get married young and have at least three kids. That’s what happens when you grow up evangelical, though. There’s this ingrained notion that a woman’s worth lies in her marriageability and maternal instincts. I’m glad I didn’t get married young, though. I’m especially glad that I do not have kids. It allowed me the space to figure out myself and what I wanted from my life—I don’t think I would have ever had the courage to explore my queer identity if I was coupled up in a heterosexual relationship. While dating these days can be more frustrating and demoralizing than fun and exciting, I’m not exactly disappointed to be at this place. It’s where I am meant to be. And while I hope for long-term partnership in the future, it’s not an end-all, be-all goal for me. It would be nice to have, but my life is pretty damn exceptional without it.

As far as years ago, 33 wasn’t one for the record books but it’s one I will look back on fondly. There was a lot of good in this year, between adventures with friends, a new car, and a trip to Chicago with my mom. I got my Covid vaccine, jumped back into the dating pool, and enjoyed the return of book club. Olive beat cancer! And tonight as I write this, on the eve of my birthday, I look around my apartment that’s decorated for Christmas. One cat sleeping underneath the tree and the other is curled up on the couch. My belly is full from a yummy dinner out with my friend Amber. I cannot help but be grateful and thankful for this year and what’s to come.

Who knows what 34 will hold for me. Maybe more traveling, hopefully love, perhaps exciting changes that I’m not even aware are on the horizon. I think what I said last year holds equally true for this year: “I want to be happy. I want to love what I have right now. I want to strive to change the things I am unhappy about. And I want to love myself and my people as much as I can.”

Categories: About Me

Ask Stephany Anything: A Random Assortment

For today’s Ask Stephany Anything post, I have a hodge-podge of random questions that you guys asked me! I got very wordy in my responses so, in an effort to not make this post exceedingly long, I am saving three questions for a follow-up post next month. So if you don’t see your question answered here, it’s likely in the last batch! 🙂 I really appreciate everyone who sent in a question (or questions!) I had a ton of fun answering them.

Leanne asks:

Hi Stephany! I was wondering what the Covid situation is currently like in your part of the world and what mandates are enforced or need to be followed. The province I live in (Alberta) recently enforced carrying around a vaccination passport which means you have to show proof that you are double vaccinated along with government issued ID to get in any place that is not an essential service. This is in place for those aged 12+ Or you can do a rapid test and use that as your ticket to get in for 48 hours. Is that similar for you? Masks are still required everywhere. 

I live in Florida, which has consistently been terrible at enforcing strict Covid mandates. For example, we only had an official statewide mask mandate for a few weeks in April 2020 and then our stupid governor let it expire. Thankfully, we had county-wide mask mandates for my county and all of the ones surrounding me for most of 2020 (until our stupid governor signed an executive order to get rid of all mask mandates). Essentially, it has been business as usual here in Florida for 2020-2021. (Restaurants and bowling alleys and hair salons opened back up for in-person guests in May of 2020!) There are no vaccination passports required anywhere and most stores/restaurants only recommend wearing masks but do not require them nor enforce wearing them. Masks aren’t required in schools or even some healthcare settings. (Obviously, they are required for hospitals and most doctor’s offices, but when I went to the dentist in October, I was the only person in the waiting room of six people wearing a mask.) In some instances, showing proof of your vaccination status or a negative test (which would need to be the PCR Covid test; rapid tests don’t count) are required to get into some places, like if you’re going to see a show and the performer/group requires it.

Thankfully, Florida is doing okay with Covid these days—we’re one of the lone states in the moderate transmission category and cases/deaths have slowed down. But now that there’s a new crazy variant circling, I’m getting worried again about what’s to come in 2022!

Anyway, all this to say, Alberta > Florida with Covid protocols!

San asks…

I love that you’re so comfortable on your own and we should absolutely normalize this… but, I still want to know: do you have a list of “requirements” for a potential partner? What do you look for in a guy? 

There are certainly qualities I’m looking for in a potential partner. Above all, I want to date someone I feel comfortable around and who is easy to open up to, as that is something I definitely struggle with in all of my relationships (romantic or not). It’s always really amazing to meet someone and want to open up to them. That doesn’t happen frequently! Aside from that, I’m also looking for a few specific qualities in a romantic partner:

  • A sense of humor – I need someone who can make me laugh and who understands my sarcastic nature. Sarcasm and humor are my natural ways to connect with people, so if I don’t have that, it’s hard for me to form a lasting bond with someone.
  • Kindness – As I get older, I find myself more and more drawn to people who are deeply and genuinely kind. I am someone with social anxiety and shyness, so certain situations are really difficult for me. I need someone who is going to understand my needs and make an effort to make me feel comfortable in situations that are deeply uncomfortable for me.
  • Similar political views – Ah, yes. This is a must-have these days. I love talking politics and I could never date someone who either a) doesn’t care about politics or b) has vastly different views than me. It would just be really hard to date someone who is a Trump supporter!
  • A love for cats – I mean, they must love my girls as if they are their own! That’s a non-negotiable.
Nicole asks…
I have a question: if you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation/ trip, where would it be and why? You mentioned Ireland was a bucket list, what other places are on that list? 

Right now, there are three big places on my travel bucket list: Hawaii, Paris, and London. I’d really like to do a Paris/London trip either next year (depending on Covid) or the following year. And Hawaii has always been somewhere I’ve wanted to visit! I’d love to do a really long vacation there (10+ days) at some point in the future. I need to start saving!

Other places I want to visit: Australia, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Iceland, Greece, and dozens of other countries I’m forgetting!

Lisa asks…

I know you are happy where you live, but if you were to live somewhere else, where would you choose?  

I haven’t been to a ton of U.S. cities, but if I were to live somewhere other than Florida, I would probably stick to the south. I need mild winters! But I’d love to live in a place that actually cycled through all four seasons. The two cities I’d most want to live in would either be Savannah, GA, or Asheville, NC. I’ve visited both of those cities and fell completely in love with them! I think I could be happy living in either one of those cities.

If you could live in a different place, where would you live?

Categories: About Me

Q&A Saturday (v. 3)

Hi, friends! It’s time for another Q&A Saturday. This week, I’m answering a set of “Would you rather?” questions posed by my good friend, Kim. She really tried her best to stump me on these! Nicely done, Kim.

Would you rather never be able to drink SODA or COFFEE for the rest of your life? (You have to pick one!)

Wow, this is a tough one because I love both so much! Honestly, it would be great for my health if I was never able to drink soda again, haha, so I’ll pick that one!

Would you rather only be able to read books on a Kindle for the rest of your life, or only be able to read large print books?

Give me a Kindle or give me death. I am not precious about print books. I love having my home filled with books (it’s my design aesthetic, honestly), but I got a Kindle many, many years ago and I love reading on it! Reading a large print book is hard on my eyes (and the books are so big!) that I think I would read less if that’s all I could read.

Would you rather be too hot or too cold? (I think I know the answer, you live in FL lolz)

This is something I think about a lot because whenever the weather is 100+, I dream about being cold. And whenever the weather is, like, under 50 degrees, I dream about being hot. To the surprise of no one, though, I’d probably prefer to be too hot. I’m used to hot weather and it doesn’t really bother me too much. Being cold, though, is so unpleasant for me! I have extremely thin skin, and my teeth will start chattering and I’ll start shivering uncontrollably pretty easily.

Would you rather forget to wear deodorant or forget to brush your teeth?

Kim, you’re killing me with these questions! I think I would rather forget to wear deodorant. Can I admit something here? Are we all friends? Okay, here goes: I don’t actually mind the scent of my own body odor. There are times when I get a whiff of my underarms when I haven’t put on deodorant, and I don’t hate it! I mean, yes I wear deodorant but I just wanted to come clean about that. So, give me stinky underarms over stinky breath, I guess!

Would you rather misspell something or mispronounce something?

Ugh, both are embarrassing! But since I pride myself on my writing and grammar skills, I’d rather mispronounce something.

Would you rather travel to space or the center of the earth? (assuming both are safe)

Take me to space! Man, I would love to ride a rocketship and sail around in space for a while. I don’t know if I’m as interested in what the center of the earth looks like as I am in what our planet looks like from space.

Would you rather only be able to watch your fave TV show for the rest of your life, or never watch it again?

Oh, I definitely would rather never watch The Office again! Can you imagine only watching one show for the rest of your life? I haven’t even seen Ted Lasso yet! And I’d miss the second season of Bridgerton! And what about all of the shows on my to-be-watched list?! I’m sorry, but The Office will have to stay in its vault.

Would you rather let someone else choose a tattoo for you, or let someone else choose a piercing?

Ooh, tough one! Probably a piercing. I can take the piercing out, but a tattoo would be there forever! Plus, a piercing only hurts for a minute—what if they chose a full-back tattoo? I’d be there for dayyyys.

Would you rather use an Android phone or a flip phone?

Ugh. I guess an Android phone.

Would you rather snorgle Eloise or Lila right now?

KIM HOW DARE YOU. Okay, if I had to choose, probably Lila because she is the more snuggly one of my cats. It’s funny because Eloise will let me pick her up but doesn’t like to snuggle. Lila won’t let me pick her up but loves snuggling. I take what I can get!

Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

Categories: About Me

Q&A Saturday: All About Books

Hi friends! Happy Saturday. 🙂 I’ve been loving all of the questions you guys have been sending me for this series, and since I got a handful of questions centered around books, I thought I would answer those today! As a reminder, you can fill out my form with your question (or questions!) or just comment on this post.

Jen asks:

Hi! I love this idea (and your blog!). Here’s my question: what are some of your favorite comfort re-reads? I definitely choose books based on my emotions and I love re-reading old favorites when I’m feeling low. Thanks for a fabulous blog that I absolutely think of as a comfort read! <3

First of all, thank you for such a sweet, lovely comment! It does my heart so good knowing my blog is a source of comfort for people!

I am not a mood reader, which I know is crazy to some people. It definitely feels like most people read based on their moods, and I stick to a very rigid TBR list. There’s just something about that rigid list that brings me comfort, more than just picking books willy-nilly based on how I’m feeling. I mean, of course, I try to make sure I’m not reading too many heavy books in a row and I give myself the flexibility to change up what I want to read, but for the most part, I follow that list to a tee.

But that wasn’t the question, haha. Do you see how easily I can go off on a tangent? Let’s discuss some of my favorite comfort rereads:

  • The Harry Potter series – Problems with JK Rowling aside, the Harry Potter series brings me such comfort and happiness. I reread the series a few years ago, starting the first book after a particularly awful heartbreak and it was truly the only thing that broke me out of my sadness. There’s just something about Harry and Hermione and Ron and Hogwarts and all of the magical elements that just bring me to the best, most cozy place.
  • Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery – I recently reread Anne of Green Gables and I can picture me coming back to this story again and again when I need something super comforting to read. Anne is such a beloved fictional character!
  • The Hating Game by Sally Thorne – I’ve reread this contemporary romance multiple times because it is still, by far, the best romance I have ever read. The characters are fantastic and the plot is so engaging. I reread this book at the beginning of the pandemic when I was feeling really low and it was everything I needed. (And the movie depiction releases in December! I am so excited!!)
  • Suzanne Brockmann’s Troubleshooters series – I found this military suspense series during my first semester of college. I was living on campus, depressed and lonely, and spending all of my time in the campus bookstore. During a perusal of the books, I found one of the books in this series, bought it, and fell completely in love with Suzanne Brockmann’s writing style and these characters. I’ve reread the entire series once and I may be due for another reread soon!

Christa asks…

Do you have an absolute favorite book?

There is not one book that I can definitively claim as my absolute favorite book. I have a lot of books that I consider part of my all-time faves, however, like:

Do you have an all-time favorite book?