This wasn’t a good week. In fact, there is little motivation to write about it and fill you all in on how I did because I did extremely poorly. It was probably my worst week yet and it pains me to say so.

Of course, it never crossed my mind that I was going to be attacked by a killer mosquito on Sunday night, end up with 11 bites on my legs and feet, and have allergic reactions to the majority of them. It caused me to have to skip all my workouts for the week, which sent me on a downward spiral of bad eating. I wouldn’t say I went absolutely crazy, but I definitely didn’t follow my eating plan and I definitely slipped back into bad habits.

I should also admit that I can be very hard on myself. I’m getting better at not beating myself up so much when I can’t do something or I make a silly mistake, but I am very tough on myself when I make poor eating decisions. And since I make poor eating decisions a lot, well, you can see I spend a good chunk of my time waging internal yelling matches at myself.

I’m not very nice to myself. I’m not going to write down some of the stuff I say to myself because, seriously, it would make you cringe. I would never, ever say those things to someone I love — yet it comes so naturally for me to do it to myself. Funny how that works.

The truth is, I tried to cut myself some slack. Sure, I goofed up this week. I let old bad habits define the new me. And I don’t like that. But I was also dealing with a lot. My allergic reactions to my bites took a lot out of me. I had to deal with the swelling, the tightness, the incessant itching, the pain, the fact that I couldn’t even walk in flip-flops without my bites hurting. It sounds funny to say that mosquito bites were what caused my downfall but it’s true. My body doesn’t react well to them and I had to spend the week trying to take care of myself.

On the same note, I have a tendency to fall into the trap of eating for comfort when I’m sad or sick or upset or when something really good happens. I don’t want to use food as a reward – or a coping mechanism – anymore. My body was doing so much better before, when I was eating for fuel, not for comfort. When I was eating foods that were filling and healthy and good for my body, not foods that were mainly junk and sugar. And I most definitely do not want to go through another sugar detox week.

I want to find other things to comfort me when I’m sad or sick or upset. Other things to use as a reward when I get good news. A hot bubble bath at the end of a long day. A night spent lounging in bed, reading a trashy romance novel. Retail therapy. A pedicure. Renting a movie. An afternoon at the beach. Anything but food. In the end, making bad food choices to comfort myself has the opposite effect: I feel worse. Not only does it not take the pain away, but it also leaves me with a guilty conscience and an internal yelling match in my brain.

I can only use this week as a learning experience. I don’t want to be the girl who comforts herself with food anymore. I need to instill different coping routines when the going gets tough that allow me to take a step back and regroup – but not fall off my healthy eating habits. I know there are dozens of ways I can help myself when I’m feeling down, including slowing down and giving myself time off exercise (which I did this week). Sometimes, that’s what your body needs to repair itself and rejuvenate.

So that’s that. I’m not making excuses. I’m telling it like it is. I had a bad week. And I gained a few pounds because of it. But I have five days until I’m a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding. I have thirteen days until I leave on my cruise. That’s plenty of motivation to get back at it and refocus. I’m not going to lose the 16 lbs I wanted to lose through this journey, but if I can weigh less when I board the cruise ship than I did at the end of March, then that’s all I can ask of myself.

What are some non-food ways you comfort yourself after a bad day, or when you don’t feel well?

This wasn’t a proud week for me. Sometimes, the hardest part of this challenge is knowing I have to write my post each Monday and be honest about how I did. Because sometimes? Sometimes, I can handle how tough this challenge is and sometimes I can’t.

This week had its ups and downs. I managed to steer clear of most temptations but a combination of not exercising enough (only twice before I weighed in), indulging in Chick-Fil-A twice, and having a “cheat night” after a really rough day at work (a four-hour headache will do that to you) meant stepping on the scale was scary for me this week.

I’m trying to be very careful about letting my weight declare how I performed during the week. Yes, I slipped up but I also got right back on the horse after doing so. Usually, I let myself go until a new week begins. It’s a big step in a new direction.

I think what’s mainly keeping me in a good mood, even if my results weren’t anything to shout about, was the fact that I went bathing suit shopping on Friday night and didn’t hate the way my body looked while trying them on. (And came out with a killer bathing suit that I can’t wait to wear on the cruise!) I can feel and see the difference when I look in the mirror. My clothes are fitting better and my body is looking leaner.

No, I still have a long way to go before I can even think about trying on those “when I was skinny” clothes, but I’m getting there. Slowly by surely. Pound by pound. Week by week. It’s coming off and I want it to stay off. I want to form a new lifestyle through the process and this is the first time in my entire losing weight journey that I’ve found something that seems to be working.

It also helps that my body doesn’t take kindly to junk food anymore. While I relax my restrictions on the weekend, my stomach lets me know it doesn’t appreciate all the sugar and soda. And to think five weeks ago, my body was rebelling because it didn’t think it had enough! It’s amazing what our bodies are capable of.

Results? It’s not what I was hoping for, but it’s still a small step in the right direction.

	Starting Weight/Inches (taken on 3/18/12)	Current Weight/Inches (taken on 4/21/12)	Total Loss
Weight:	154.4 lbs	148.2 lbs	6.2 lbs
Left Arm:	13 in	12.5 in	.5 in
Right Arm:	12 in	11.5 in	.5 in
Chest:	37 in	36.5 in	.5 in
Waist:	39 in	37.5 in	1.5 in
Hips:	36 in	35 in	1 in
Left Thigh:	22.5 in	22 in	.5 in
Right Thigh:	23 in	22 in	1 in

So, no inches lost this week and only a .4-pound drop on the scale. But a loss is a loss and with the week I had, I’ll gladly take it. I have a few more weeks left of the challenge and I really want to, well, challenge myself to take this more seriously and focus myself. I know I can manage to lose 2 pounds a week if I really try.

I have learned so much during this journey and a part of me can’t believe I haven’t given up yet. I usually do and I think these weekly updates help. Yes, they may cause me to stress during the week that I’m not going to have a great weight loss number to show you guys but they also keep me focused on my goal.

I had a lot of catching up to do after I fell apart during Week 3. A combination of eating my feelings and relaxing the restrictions I placed on myself led to a major downfall that had me stepping on the scale and seeing a very disappointing number. So disappointing, I couldn’t even post about my week.

It was a week that showed me that I am no longer a girl who eats her feelings. That is not me anymore. Nothing good comes of that, I get no joy out of it. Simply put, it makes me feel worse than I did before.

Week 4 was tough. It was a hard, emotional, mental battle. I was constantly being hit in the face with temptations and cravings. It seemed as if every hour of every day was filled with thoughts of cheating. I had moments where I was THISCLOSE to giving in but at the last second stepped away and stayed true to the diet. There were times when I felt completely out of control but shutting the door to the temptation or craving was exactly what I needed to regain that control.

I need to be clear, though. I am not into depriving myself. That is not what I’m doing here and believe me, I find plenty of ways to treat myself throughout the week that doesn’t include sugary foods. I’m trying to take back control over my eating habits and the only way I know how to do that is to be strict with myself. To declare foods off-limits. But I also loosen my restrictions on the weekends. I try not to go hog wild, but I do allow myself a soda or cookies or what I’m craving. This way I know I just have to be strict five days a week. I hope to get to the point where this feels more natural and normal and I don’t need a cheat day. I’m slowly getting there. I can see a change in my body and a change in my mindset. But I also know depriving yourself of the foods you crave isn’t the way to live life. In most cases, I’m not really craving the food or drink, but want it for the comfort aspect, so I know if I just wait it out, the craving will pass.

I went this entire week without drinking soda. Five entire days. I never thought I could go one day, let alone five. And have it feel completely normal! I went the majority of this week without chocolate and when I did have it, it was in tiny doses. (And I’m trying to stay away from sugar-free chocolate since I’m also staying away from sugar substitutes as much as I can.) Yes, I’m placing restrictions on myself. Yes, I do feel like I’m on a diet. But I’m seeing success. I’m learning more about nutrition and eating the right foods, not foods that may be low in calories and fat but leave you feeling hungry within an hour.

It’s hard. It’s unbelievably hard. But I also feel incredible. Not just physically, but mentally. I feel incredibly powerful when I can say no to temptation. I feel in control of my body.

It’s a struggle, I won’t lie. It is not easy. But it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.

Wanna see some results? Of course you do!

	Starting Weight/Inches(taken on 3/18/12)	Current Weight/Inches(taken on 4/14/12)	Total Loss
Weight:	154.4 lbs	148.6 lbs	5.8 lbs
Left Arm:	13 in	12.5 in	-.5 in
Right Arm:	12 in	11.5 in	-.5 in
Chest:	37 in	36.5 in	-.5 in
Waist:	39 in	37.5 in	-1.5 in
Hips:	36 in	35 in	-1 in
Left Thigh:	22.5 in	22 in	-.5 in
Right Thigh:	23 in	22 in	-1 in

*Bolded, colored type are the areas I lost weight/inches in.

Considering I gained a good amount the week before, I am very happy with my results. Lost all the weight I gained the week before along with another .6 lbs! If I want to hit 16 pounds lost by the time my cruise comes around, I would need to lose around 10 lbs in the next month. That’s tough, but I’m not stressing. If I don’t meet my goal, oh well. As long as I’m sticking to my plan and losing weight, I’m a happy camper. Weight doesn’t come off easily for me (contrary to what people think, being young DOES NOT MEAN IT’S EASIER TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!) so 6 lbs in a month is awesome. It makes me very, very happy! And a total of 5.5 inches lost around my body? I’m ecstatic!

My plan for next week is to stick to my diet of eating foods with less than 5g of sugar, staying away from all soda, and trying to lower the number of carbs I eat. Not in the sense of going low carb, but more in the sense of staying away from white flour as much as I can. I’m fine with whole wheat and whole grains, but not the white stuff. It’s so bad for you!

Are you an emotional eater? What tips do you have for someone whose first line of defense after a bad day is reaching for junk food?

Week two went a whole lot better than week one. While I suffered through some cravings, I learned that the world will not cave in if I don’t have chocolate every day, soda isn’t my biggest downfall anymore, and most importantly how to eat to live, not live to eat.

For the longest time, I have struggled with food addiction. It seemed as if it was all I thought about. I would be thinking about what I was having for dinner at 9:00 in the morning! I was constantly debating cheating on my diet by having Chick-Fil-A for lunch. I was eating cookies and candy like it was my job and didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t think it was possible for me to go one day without chocolate, or more than a few days without a soda. This week, aside from three sugar-free Fudgsicles (i.e., not the chocolate I’m really craving/used to) and half a bottle of Cherry Coke Zero, I went chocolate and soda-free. I didn’t even realize this until Friday when I sat down and thought about it.

It’s amazing what you actually can do when you release the limitations you place yourself under.

It’s obvious I have a hard time trusting and believing in myself. It’s where all my anxiety stems from. Every time I submit a work project or go for a run, I’m constantly battling the anxiety demon, mocking me and telling myself I am not good enough. Some days, I feel eaten alive by all the anxiety I’m battling. But what this whole process is showing me is how capable I am. I am capable of taking my biggest sources of struggle and defeating them.

I am a capable woman and even if I do battle a food addiction, I have shown myself I can attack it from all sides and defeat it. While food plays just one part of my life, I believe I can take what I’m learning here and apply it to all aspects of my life.

I craved a lot of bad foods this week and for the most part, I acknowledged the craving and tried to figure out where it was coming from. Why was I craving junk? In most cases, it wasn’t a real craving but a Yo-Steph-This-Is-How-You-Used-to-Eat-Your-Mind-Misses-It type of craving. I’m just so used to cheating on my diet that not letting myself get broken down by my cravings? That’s a new experience. But with each one that came, it passed. Once I took my mind off it, once I settled myself down and reminded myself why I was doing this, the craving would cease.

Every day, it gets a little easier. Not easy. No. It is not easy at all. It is hard, tough work. But my mind and body are slowly getting used to living on little sugar.

I really want to start tracking again using My Fitness Pal, since I’ve used the past two weeks to just learn how to eat and fuel in a completely different way, but now it’s time to crack down and get super serious about how much I’m consuming.

Who’s ready for some results?

	Starting Weight/Inches (taken on 3/18/12)	Current Weight/Inches (taken on 3/31/12)	Total Loss
Weight:	154.4 lbs	149.2 lbs	5.2 lbs
Left Arm:	13 in.	13 in.	0 in.
Right Arm:	12 in.	11.5 in.	.5 in.
Chest:	37 in.	36.5 in.	.5 in.
Waist:	39 in.	38 in.	1 in.
Hips:	36 in.	35 in.	1 in.
Left Thigh:	22.5 in.	22 in.	.5 in.
Right Thigh:	23 in.	22 in.	1 in.

 

Another fabulous week! I’ve lost a total of 4.5 inches around my body in the past two weeks, which is amazing. I didn’t exercise as much as I wanted to and I want to implement more strength training to help tone up my arms, shoulders, and thighs but I’m still very happy with my results. I can’t wait to see what Week 3 brings me!

On a completely unrelated note! Lauren, you are the winner of my giveaway, a free copy of Illusion by Frank Peretti. Email me with your address and I’ll put the book in the mail this week. So excited for you!

My first week is in the books! It was a tough, tough week. Detoxing from sugar is hard and takes a lot of willpower and dedication. But I got through it. I powered through the cravings, the constant hunger, and the headaches and came out on top. Granted, I only did it for five days before my cheat day on Saturday but this upcoming week I’ll have to make it seven days before allowing myself to loosen my restrictions so it’ll be a real test of my dedication!

One of the biggest things I noticed this week was how much of a learning process this will be. Every week, I know I’ll discover something new to try or a lesson to be learned. I know I’ll have slip-ups and make mistakes. But I also know if I am trying my best, I will always succeed.

This week’s lesson: Eat more complex carbs!

I spent most of the week hungry and not ever feeling totally full. I don’t like this feeling. I am not doing this challenge to be unhealthy in any way, so I know I need to figure out ways to fill up without reaching for sugary alternatives. What is amazing to me is that when I was feeling full, it was never a true feeling of being totally fueled up. It was a sugar high that gave me a false sense of fullness. I’m not a nutritionist, so all that could be totally made up in my mind but it makes sense to me. All those snacks I was eating before were chock full of sugar, giving me a feeling of fullness and energy that were not true sources of fuel and energy. Interesting.

Another thing I did wrong was while I took out all of my sugary, overprocessed foods (such as oatmeal – and no, not the healthy kind. I don’t like the healthy kind. I like the sugary junk -, cookies, soda, snack bars, etc.), I didn’t really replace it with anything. Sure, I usually had an afternoon snack of carrots and hummus or pretzels, but my breakfast was no longer filling me up and my lunch wasn’t doing a great job either. So I took to the best place to get advice nowadays: Twitter. Through the advice of my lovely (much healthier than me) friends, I realized my problem was I wasn’t eating enough complex carbs. Carbs are what is going to fill me up. Fruit is a good alternative but it never fills me up for very long. I need something that will stick to my stomach and give me the true sources of fuel and energy I have been lacking for most of my life.

My plan for this upcoming week is to fill up my diet with more complex carbs, as well as fruits as I’ve been doing, to keep the hunger away. I would say that was my biggest issue this week and it will be interesting to see how that helps me. I also really need to find a good alternative for an after-dinner snack. I don’t always want one, but it’s always nice to have something around, just in case hunger hits after dinner. (Any suggestions? Aside from fruit!)

And now for the results from my first week! Super excited to share:

	Starting Weight/Inches (taken on 3/18/12)	Current Weight/Inches (taken on 3/24/12)	Total Loss
Weight:	154.4 lbs	151.2 lbs	3.2 lbs
Left Arm:	13 in.	13 in.	0 in.
Right Arm:	12 in.	12 in.	0 in.
Chest:	37 in.	37 in.	0 in.
Waist:	39 in.	38 in.	1 in.
Hips:	36 in.	35.5 in.	-.5 in.
Left Thigh:	22.5 in.	22 in.	-.5 in.
Right Thigh:	23 in.	22 in.	-1 in.

 

A pretty darn good week, if you ask me! Now, I know my body went into shock mode this week, I spent the majority of the week hungry, and some of it is water weight but who cares? 3.2 pounds lost is 3.2 pounds lost! I am celebrating! And a total of 3 inches lost over my body? Sure, maybe my measurements were kooky last week but again, who cares? I am celebrating!

What kept me the most motivated was knowing I had to write my post on this for the upcoming week. I am not lying when I say I probably would have quit (or cheated!) had I not had this accountability. Blogging can be a magical thing! It was probably the biggest factor (that, and the support of everyone as I tweeted/Facebooked about all my struggles) in helping me stay motivated.

Next week, I’m hoping to say sayonara to the 150s because I don’t ever want to see that number again in regard to my weight. For a girl who’s five-two, that’s a scary big number. And I’d also like to shout out to my mom who lost FIVE POUNDS this week. I swear, this woman loses impressive amounts of weight just by cutting out sugar. She’s very close to her goal weight, which I know she’ll reach way before the wedding.