Healthy Living – Page 12

Fighting a “Losing” Battle

I can get easily caught up in everything I’m doing wrong on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. I can get caught up in the fact I am nowhere near my goal weight I set for myself back in January, or that it’s still a struggle for me to go to the gym after work, or that I’m still not drinking my recommended ounces of water daily. I could go on, but you know what? Why dwell on that? Why beat myself up for everything I’m not doing when there are things I AM doing right?

I exercise at least four times a week.

Ever since I joined a gym, exercise has become a part of my everyday routine. I never thought I would be able to call myself a gym rat, but I totally am. My gym membership doesn’t come cheap, but I get way more out of exercise than I did when I didn’t have a membership. When I didn’t have a membership, I was “running” a few times a week (never longer than 30 minutes), using our apartment gym (consisting of a treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike), and occasionally using exercise DVDs. I got in my exercise, but my gym membership allows me to do so much more with my workouts. And I now feel as if a 30-minute workout is taking it easy.

I am mindful of my portion sizes.

One of the best things I ever learned from Weight Watchers was measuring out portion sizes. About two years ago, I bought my mom a food scale and I implore anyone who is looking to lead a healthier lifestyle to buy one of these. It makes measuring out correct servings of meat and noodles so much easier. Before I got a food scale, everything was done by eyeballing food and that was never giving me accurate sizes. I measure out just about every single food I eat and believe me, it was a little scary when I saw what a 1 oz cookie really looks like. It’s time-consuming and not always fun, but it’s extremely necessary in my journey to lose weight and be healthy.

I drink less soda.

I’m still not completely off soda, although I want to be! I’ve tried the cold turkey route but I go through bad withdrawals when I do that. I know you just need to get over that hump, but I’ve never been able to. Instead, I’m cutting down on my intake. I do ridiculously well during the week (one can a day) but falter a little on the weekends. But it’s still less than what I was drinking before. On average, I would probably drink about 4-5 sodas a day so dropping down to one a day is a major accomplishment. And I’m also starting to go days without one at all! (This is HUGE for me!) I know I am addicted to drinking soda, so it’s hard, but I’m also learning it’s doable.

I am mindful of what I eat.

Sometimes, I have major slip-ups. (Like a month ago, when I bought a box of Pop-Tarts to eat for breakfast. Not the healthiest of selections but I haven’t had Pop-Tarts since I was a kid!) But more often than not, I look closely at the nutrition facts and ingredients in a food. There are certain foods I don’t even think of buying due to their fat or sugar content. I know what qualifies as healthy and what qualifies as unhealthy. (This can sometimes be tricky, thanks to questionable packaging.)

I am not giving up.

Through all of this, the ups and downs, the slip-ups, and the losses and gains on the scale, I am still doing it. I’m not giving up, I’m not quitting. Even if I “quit” for a week or two, I brush myself up and get back on the horse. I keep going, I keep fighting. It’s been the hardest battle I’ve ever faced, but I will not give up on it. My health is too important to give up on.

What is the hardest battle you’ve had to face?

Categories: Healthy Living

Boot Camp Graduate

Six weeks ago, I signed up for boot camp. My mom and I had “cash” to spend as a sort of signing bonus for joining our gym and had the option of using it for two personal training sessions or a 6-week boot camp. We wanted the boot camp.

I haven’t been exactly silent about my feelings about boot camp and six weeks later, I can firmly say I was not happy with my experience and will not do another boot camp through my gym. We went on Mondays and Wednesdays for an hour. Mondays were with a small group (the biggest group we had was 4 people, including my mom and me) and Wednesdays involved a much bigger group.

I hated Mondays. Hated them. They were more like a personal training session, but boot camp style which meant we were moving from exercise to exercise and all the focus and attention was on us. There were half-mile runs and never-ending burpees and lunges across the gym. There were a lot of “Come on, Stephany”’s if I tried to take a 10-second break and more push-ups than anyone should have to do in a one-hour window.

Wednesdays were my favorite if I had to pick a favorite. The group was bigger, there was music blaring, and stations set up. The trainers’ focus was divided between everyone and it was a fun atmosphere. It was still incredibly hard, but the different stations made the hour fly by. That said, Wednesdays were also incredibly unorganized. The trainers were more focused on the fit girls, making sure they were always together and always at the right station which meant my mom and I were pushed aside and ended up repeating stations a lot. I’m not trying to be whiney about it, but it was just very annoying how the “0% Body Fat” girls got special treatment.

I consider myself a somewhat fit individual. I can make it through a spin class without fainting. I can easily keep up in Body Pump (weight lifting) and Body Combat (karate-style) classes. I’m not a newbie to exercise. But boot camp is a completely different ball game. It made me cry. It made me almost pass out (mostly due to improper fueling, but still). It made me have deep respect for every Biggest Loser contestant. It showed me I was weak, but also showed me I was capable. I was capable of sticking to something I didn’t like. Capable of working hard, even when my lungs are screaming at me to stop. Capable of my breaking point. Capable of being willing to be pushed past my breaking point.

When all was said and done, I didn’t lose a lot of weight. (Just goes to show you that nutrition tells more of the story than exercise.) But I did lose inches. The funny thing is, I was on cloud nine after doing my measurements, and the minute I saw what my weight and body fat percentage were, I was so disappointed in myself. I quickly made myself snap out of it because the scale does not tell the whole story. This little table proves that:

Area	Inches Lost (from 8/8/11 to 9/12/11)
Neck	-.5 inches
Chest	-1 inch
Left Arm	-.5 inches
Right Arm	No change
Abs	No change
Hips	No change
Left Thigh	-1.5 inches
Right Thigh	-1.5 inches

So maybe I still have a ways to go with my major problem areas (darn abs!) but I am getting somewhere. Even when the scale isn’t budging, there are more pieces to the puzzle to look at. And you know what? Even if I hadn’t lost inches in almost every area of my body, at least I went out there and did it. I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I let them push me. And since my word for 2011 is risk, I would say I’m living up to that.

Categories: Healthy Living

I’ve Been Doing It Wrong

I quit Weight Watchers this weekend.

I hate to admit that, but I have to be honest on my blog. I quit. When looking over my weight record from the past 2 months, I realized I had been paying $40 a month (ended up around $120 total) to gain weight. In the past two months, I’ve gained around 2 pounds. Is it terrible? No, not at all. But it is when you forked over $120 to lose weight.

My heart hasn’t been in it. I’ve been searching long and hard for reasons why. Am I just not cut out for weight loss? Do I just not have the motivation within me to do this? What is missing in me that is found in others who can lose weight?

On Saturday, it felt like a light bulb went off in my head. It’s not that I have no motivation or the right stuff to lose weight. It’s that I’ve been approaching my health in the wrong way. It’s been more about being skinny than being healthy and satisfied with who I am. For as long as I can remember, I have had body image issues. I have never liked the way I looked, even when I was younger and had a normal, healthy body. I didn’t start gaining weight until high school, but I have always felt awkward in my body. My body image issues have gotten worse as I’ve grown older. At 23, I want to believe I am done with worrying about how others perceive me and feeling as if I don’t measure up to others’ standards because I have 30 extra pounds sitting on my midsection, but I’m not. If anything, my body image issues are worse now than they were 10 years ago.

For the past few years that I’ve tried to lose weight, I’ve been approaching it more from the perspective of being skinny and feeling more comfortable in my body. And I think most people who have lost weight or are trying to lose it approach it, at least in the beginning, from that same perspective. We want to lose weight because we are unhappy with the way we look and feel. I don’t feel like I have ever crossed the line to more intrinsic rewards found in healthy eating and weight loss.

Ever since I joined Weight Watchers, I’ve been approaching the program from the wrong angle. I think it is the best weight-loss program there is and you can find success with it – as long as you do it right. If you don’t follow the plan, you’re not going to lose weight. Simple. As. That. But for me, Weight Watchers was about being “good” for 6 days of the week and then having one day of cheating. But why can’t being “good” be my normal?

The truth is that I need to take a step back and reevaluate. Weight Watchers isn’t working for me right now. (Because of me, not because there are flaws in the program.) I need to start learning to love my body for what it can do for me. I need to stop seeing my size as a detriment to my character. The size of my body has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I am a smart, funny, driven, pretty amazing individual. Being overweight does not take any of that away from me. Being skinny does not make me a better person. Change has to start on the inside.

Changing your entire lifestyle is hard. Heck, any change is hard. Changing how you approach food and health involves more than just what you put on your plate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s about how you deal with your happy moods and your sad moods. Holidays and special events. Those days when you feel like doing nothing but sitting on the couch but know getting your butt to the gym will make you feel 1,000 times better. It’s about throwing away the scale and deciding that your health is more important than your waistline.

I don’t have a firm plan in place on how I’m going about this. I do know that it doesn’t involve tying up my success in what the scale is telling me. Whether or not that means throwing out the scale (or at least my weekly weigh-ins) remains to be seen. Sometimes, it’s nice to have that as a way to track how I’m doing but it only gives a small piece of the puzzle yet I have a tendency to make it the biggest piece. I do know that I will still be tracking what I eat but in a completely different way. And I also know I need to learn to appreciate the body I have now. I have to stop hating the way I look, just because it’s not as slim and trim as I want it to be. While I intend to work hard to change it, I also need to really work through my body image issues and discover how to love who I am because of who I am, not because of the size of my jeans. The truth is, if I don’t work on loving my body as it is right now, it’s probably not going to get much better once I have lost the weight. Change can happen on the outside, but it means nothing if change also does not occur on the inside.

So, yes, I’m overweight. It doesn’t make me any less capable, any less beautiful, any less remarkable. It just means my stomach curves out more than I would like it to.

Categories: Healthy Living

This Weight Loss Thing is Hard

I hate feeling like a failure. I hate sitting here, eight months after I promised myself I would make big changes to find that I’m no different than I was then. I find this in all areas of my life but the biggest area is my health. It’s the most noticeable part, so it’s not surprising that it gets the most attention. Or lack thereof.

Weight loss is hard. It’s a long and arduous journey of ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s a complete transformation of yourself, both inside and out. It’s reforming what your brain has been ingrained to tell you to do and eat and say for the past 20-something years of your life.

Yet I know it’s possible. I have seen others do it and I have had firsthand knowledge of the power it can have in the transformation of my mom. She went from a woman who could only shop in plus-size stores, who was winded from walking up one flight of stairs, and who was afraid the next time she went to an amusement park, she wouldn’t be able to fit in the rollercoaster to someone who doesn’t even resemble that person. She’s lost 80 pounds and kept it off. She’s run a marathon and is training for her second. And while she still struggles with being healthy, she makes better choices more often than not.

I live with this woman. I have all the inspiration, motivation, and support behind me. So why is it still so hard? Why am I still struggling? Why can’t I get this right?

There are weeks when it doesn’t feel like such a struggle. Healthy eating and gym time feel normal. But then there are those weeks when everything I do feels like a battle. Cravings crop up when I least expect them and my ability to withstand temptation is at an all-time low. I don’t want to give in, but it’s just easier than dealing with the tempting thoughts 24/7.

It’s not that I don’t know what I need to do to lose weight. I do. Drink lots of water. Eat lots of fruits, veggies, and lean protein. Indulge every so often. Exercise. Track what you’re eating, plan out your meals. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I know what to do, but it’s the implementation and seeing it through to the end where my brain gets trippy.

I read a quote a while back in one of the fitness magazines I read:

Don’t trade what you want most for what you want at this moment.

What an incredible statement. I need this to be the mantra for my life. I need my focus to be on weight loss and leading a healthier lifestyle. I need to stop looking at what’s going to satisfy me in the here and now and start imagining how much better I will feel when I hit my happy weight. And remember how much better I feel when I’m following the plan and working out consistently.

I’ve noticed how a lot of people seem to have a problem with letting their eating habits become obsessive and controlling when they track what they eat. Everything revolves around what they are eating. In a way, I need to embrace an obsessive tendency toward tracking and what I’m putting into my body. What I’m doing right now is not working. I’m letting my past control my future. One of my Weight Watcher Leader’s favorite sayings is “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” I’m the poster child for that statement.

Changing your lifestyle is scary stuff. It’s not for the faint of heart and takes more grit and determination than I feel I possess. I see how others have transformed and just wonder how they maintain motivation over the long haul. How they don’t let things like vacations and celebrations get in the way of their lifestyle. The answer is easy, of course. It is their lifestyle. It is their normal.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I just know I’ve been on the program since early January and I’ve lost 6 pounds. Six freaking pounds. It defeats me when I see a sentence like that. I know that it’s good that I’m still trying and still at a loss, but it still defeats me. To hear of people who have been losing weight for the same time and have lost three or four times the weight I have is defeating. I know I have my own journey to go through and I knew it would take a lot of kicking and screaming before I finally submit to being healthy and losing weight. I’m a stubborn individual and I don’t like change.

The truth is, I need to take a long, hard look at my eating habits and change what doesn’t fit. What isn’t helping me towards my goal. What is losing the battle for me. I can tell you easily that it involves not drinking enough water, not eating enough in the morning, snacking on things that don’t fill me up, and allowing little things to trip me up like bad news or big celebrations. Plain and simple. Bottom line. I need to start thinking skinny and remembering my number one goal. I want to be healthy and I want to look at my body and be proud of it.

Right now? I’m just defeated.

Categories: Healthy Living

I Found The One

For the longest time, I’ve been searching for The One. I think most of us are. Other people have found it. Some have no desire to even start searching. And there are those, like me, who go after finding The One with a vengeance. They will not stop. Nothing else matters but The One. They envy others who have found it and try methods that they have used. They moan and gripe and cry, wondering why they haven’t found this love. They want to know what they’re doing wrong.

Until one day, magic happens. And they find The One. It may have been a fluke accident or it may be something that’s been brewing for a long time. But finally, finally, they found it.

This has been going on for a month or two, but I can now safely say that I have found The One. A love that makes my heart beat with excitement and where I leave every encounter more full of love, happiness, and joy.

Oh, and perhaps also a shirt soaked with sweat.

I found love. And I found it on a spin bike.

Oh, spinning, how I love thee. If you’ve been around this blog enough, you know how desperately I chased after a dream of becoming a runner. And not just any runner, but someone whose entire life revolves around it. I subscribed to running e-mail lists, got fitted for proper running shoes, and even started training for two half-marathons before I realized I needed to be honest with myself: running sucked. I hated it. I would go out for training runs, hating every pound of the pavement and the feeling of defeat that clogged my brain when I ended up walking more than I ran.

When I signed up for a gym membership in June, there was only one thing on my mind: I wanted a place to spin. I had only taken two spin classes previously and they were hard as hell, but I felt powerful, strong, and amazing afterward. I loved the intensity, loved how it made me hurt. Ever since then, I’ve wanted to take more spin classes to see if this is something I love.

I found out that this is more than love. I am actually excited to go work out, where previously I felt dread. I am finding the same emotions my mom has for running in spin classes. I love the way I sweat like a pig, the way I stretch myself to do more than I thought I could at a higher intensity, and the way my body hurts afterward. I love the feeling of accomplishment. And I love how it is completely go-at-your-own-pace and I’m not worried at all about the people who are spinning faster or harder than me. With running, I was constantly comparing myself. People say it’s very individualized but I never felt that way. I was always questioning why I wasn’t running faster or longer or harder. Why it felt so hard for me, why I didn’t love it, why I didn’t have a passion for it the way others did.

Truth is, running wasn’t the right thing for me. I wanted it to be, tried desperately to make it so, but it was time to seek out something I loved more.

In spinning, I have found The One. The exercise love that thrills and excites me. Every class is tough and mentally bruising. And there are some classes that I absolutely dread, but go anyway because I know I will feel better afterward. It doesn’t take every ounce of willpower for me to get to the gym and find a bike. It just takes knowing how much I love it to keep me going back.

Have you found The (Exercise) One?