I still can’t quite believe it. I look at the numbers and my heart flutters. A smile grows big on my face. I feel proud.

During my first month of Weight Watchers, my first-ever successful month where I lost consistently, I lost 6 pounds. Considering it took me 3 months in Summer 2007 to lose 15 pounds, this is a major accomplishment. I can’t believe I’m just 4 pounds away from losing 10 pounds – a milestone in any weight-loss journey.

I can’t say I feel any different. My clothes don’t feel looser and I don’t have any more energy than before. But I do feel more in control. I know I wrote about it before but I can’t stress it enough! After my success in 2007 and later setback, I tried Weight Watchers again and again, always quitting after a few weeks. I found it so hard to stay committed to the program. I never tracked, cheated as often as I could, and barely ever hit the gym.

It’s funny how busy I am now, but I find it easier to stay on the program. I’m still finding time, five days a week, to exercise. I’m tracking every morsel of food I put in my mouth. I’m measuring out everything I eat. And as rollercoaster as my emotions have been over the past week, I haven’t looked at food as a way to help me with my emotions. (Although my mom did offer to take me out to ice cream after I had a meltdown on Friday. ENABLER!)

I’m really pleased with my success. I know it’s not always going to be this easy. In fact, there is a lady in my meeting who has been stuck at 20 lbs since MAY. In the past month, she’s lost 5 lbs. I couldn’t imagine being on a plateau for that long and still sticking with it. That, my friends, is dedication.

Although I never really sat down and wrote out goals for my first month, I knew there were 3 things I wanted to get accomplished: tracking, exercise, and water. I just wanted to ease into this month and lose some weight. I wanted to track what I ate, exercise at least 3 times a week, and drink more water. And I did all that. And now I want to set some new goals for my second month so I can keep losing and keep this weight loss thing interesting.

This month, one of my big goals is to start strength-training. I always tell myself I don’t have enough time but I’m really going to try to make time twice a week to do this. Strength-training is one of my favorite ways to exercise and I already have loads and loads of different moves from my Shape magazines. I just need to implement some type of program and find a time of day to do these. Plus, it’s really going to help with my weight loss!

Another goal of mine this month is to stop counting my exercise points as extra points. With Weight Watchers, we are allowed to do this but we also get 35 extra points a week to do with what we please. My mom hasn’t counted her exercise points for a long time, even though she gets a lot of them! I’m really hoping this will amp up my weight loss. Plus, sometimes I tend to cheat on exercise points. (What?! Two points for 30 minutes on the elliptical? No way…it has to at least be 3!) So I want to stop exercising so much for points as for my health. (Although I’m still not in love with it, but I don’t despise it as much as I used to.)

Lastly, I really need to drink more water. I’m just not a big fan of this tasteless beverage. (And I’ve tried flavored water, which just doesn’t taste right.) I want to drink at least 3 bottles a day, which gives me about 51 ounces a day. And, for me, that is a LOT of water. This will also help cut down my soda habit, something I’m hoping to really get rid of. I hate this addiction I have towards soda. I’m going to start instituting “No Coke Days” once a week, probably on Saturdays. I wanted to start last Saturday but dang it, I have an addiction! It’s so hard to not drink the stuff. I would quit cold turkey but I’ve tried that before and it really messes with my body. (Yes. I’m like an alcoholic. Only with soda. A sodaholic? Do they have support groups for people like me?) And I drink the good stuff, not that diet crap. My screwed-up thinking is that regular soda has a points value (3 points for a 12-ounce can), diet soda does not. The points value keeps me somewhat in check. If I was drinking diet soda, I could have as much as I want for 0 points.

So those are my three goals for next month. I also have a 5K planned for April 10th. I’m nowhere near ready to run the whole thing. I’m shooting to be able to run a mile, walk a mile, and run my last mile. Fingers crossed!

I’m closing in on my third week on Weight Watchers. To date, I’ve lost 3.4 pounds. I would love to lose 1.6 pounds this week to bring my total to 5 pounds in THREE weeks. That would be amazing.

But if I only lose 1 pound, or even just half a pound, I’ll be OK with it. And it all comes down to control.

For the first time in years, I feel in control. I don’t feel like I’m depriving myself and I don’t feel like I have to be so incredibly careful with what I eat. I feel free, but still in control. I drink water, even though I don’t really like it. I sweat it out at the gym, even though I’d much rather lay around and read in my bed. I keep my portions sizes low and measure out everything, even as I laugh at how much I thought a serving of chicken was. (Seriously, a serving is small!)

I feel like I did in 2007, when I lost tons of weight and felt great about myself. My past weight loss attempts have been like grasping at straws. I wasn’t in the right mindframe to lose weight then. I am now. I’m scared to be a girl people look at as obese. I want to get healthy and thin before I have one store to shop in and cannot even walk up a flight of stairs before getting winded.

This control feels good. I know what I’m eating and I’m not tempted to cheat. I have my breakfast lined up, my lunch lined up, and dinner has become fun to plan. Since my mom is doing it, too, (she’s lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks!) it’s been so much easier to plan and stay in control. We’re both in this together and have been scouring recipe cookbooks and websites to find new, healthy recipes to try.

And while I’m not doing everything right, I’m doing the best I can right now. I know I need to cut down on my snacking, drink more water, get in higher-intensity workouts, and find more filling breakfast options and lunch options. But I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far. I’m happy with the way I feel. I’m happy that I can turn down donuts and brownies without even blinking.

And today I gave in to a temptation. We had pizza at work. I had 2 of the smallest slices I could find and I don’t regret it. It was a craving, I had it, I counted the points for it, and I’ve moved on. This is why I love the Weight Watchers program. It’s not about depriving, it’s about living healthier. Turning down temptations we don’t really need, learning about hunger signals and boredom signals, using correct portion sizes, and tracking what we eat. While it’s not impossible to lose weight without tracking, it’s easier and a better indicator of what you’re eating and what nutrients you’re not getting enough of.

I know I’m going to encounter plateaus. I know I’m going to have weeks where it becomes a chore to exercise and eat healthy. But the feeling of accomplishment this program has been bringing me is a billion times better than any brownie could taste. And I found a weight-loss buddy to check in with and call when those cookies seem to be calling my name. We text each other what we ate every night and give each other encouragement and praise. It’s something that’s really keeping me going.

What about you? Do you feel in control of your eating habits right now? When was the last time you felt completely out of control?

(Yep. I changed the name of this weekly feature. Go with it.)

Remember two weeks ago, when I said I was going to lose weight on my own by becoming a healthier person? And I was going to take small steps but didn’t feel like counting calories? Remember that?

Well, I lied.

Because after a week and a half of doing absolutely nothing right and feeling like an absolute failure and waste of space, I woke up bright and early on Sunday morning to attend a Weight Watchers meeting.

My mom had decided, after gaining some of her weight back over the holidays, decided she had to go back because it’s a program that works. And as I sat on my couch on Saturday, drinking my second can of Coke before 2 p.m., I knew I needed a kick in the pants. I needed something that would give me the motivation I needed to lose weight and learn how to eat healthier.

And when I thought about it, there has been one time in my life where I have been successful at weight loss. It was in 2007 and I was attending Weight Watchers. I lost 20 pounds, dropped from a size 8 to a size 2, and felt so great about myself.

Amber also left a comment on that blog posting that stuck with me. She said: “You know, it takes TIME to make those healthy habits stick. When I first lost weight in the spring of 2008 I did it by counting calories. It’s just now, almost 2 years later, that I’m finally at a place where I can eat intuitively and not have to worry about tracking all my food!” And she’s right. It does take time and if I knew how to do it on my own, I wouldn’t find myself in this position.

So I’m back and I’m not going to worry about all the other times I’ve failed. I’m going to focus on this time. My mom re-joined, too, and we’re both on board with eating healthier, being more active, and supporting each other. I’m not going to beat myself up if I have a bad day or even a bad week. This time will be different.

It’s funny but this week I have felt the most in control of my eating habits this week, more than I ever have this entire year. I feel more on track now that I have to count every morsel of food that goes into my mouth and exercise regularly. I’ve been drinking more water than I ever have and eating pretty well. Not perfect, but better than before. So I guess this is what I needed to kick-start my new, healthy life.

It’s going to work this time. It has to.

A few weeks ago, I started a weight loss blog. And then I found out how hard it is to maintain two blogs. (And for anyone who can do this, I applaud you.) So I’m in the process of shutting down that blog and have introduced Trim Thursdays here at Stephany Writes! Catchy, huh? (No?)

Anyway, I want to talk a little about my approach to weight loss this time around. In the past I’ve tried a few different diets. I’ve tried the old-fashioned way of counting calories and exercising, which lasted for a few weeks. I’ve tried the Slim Fast diet but I could never stomach the shakes. They just taste plain nasty to me! And I’ve tried Weight Watchers, something I was fairly successful at.

In 2007, I tried a combination of counting calories and Weight Watchers and lost close to 20 pounds in 6 months. But when my schedule got super busy and chaotic, all my weight loss goals fell to the wayside and I gained those 20 pounds back – plus some more!

To say the least, I’m a little fed-up with dieting. I’m sick and tired of following some diet regime and failing after a few weeks. I don’t want to feel like a failure anymore.

So I’m taking a different approach to my weight loss this time around.

I’m not counting calories. I’m counting exercise points. I’m not writing down every little thing I put in my mouth. I’m not joining a weight loss support group. I’m not restricting myself.

I’m choosing instead to live a healthier lifestyle. And while I’m not trying to fault anyone who is doing the above, it’s just not for me. I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I’ve failed miserably. Instead, I’m just going to think like a healthy person.

I’m going to watch what I put in my mouth and start cooking and preparing more healthier foods. I’m going to see what foods fuel me through the day and which ones leave me lethargic and sleepy by mid-afternoon. I’m going to incorporate more water, more fruits, more veggies, and more lean protein in my diet. I’m going to stay away as best I can from soda, greasy chips, and sugary foods.

I’m going to aim for 3-4 days of exercise, at least to start with. I’m going to train for a 5K and start lifting weights. I’m going to run a few races this year and prepare to run a half-marathon in 2011. I’m going to stop making excuses of why I can’t exercise and just get out there and do it! Because I know I’ll feel better if I do.

I’m going to stop weighing myself every week. Once a month, I’ll step on the scale to weigh myself. And losing even a pound will be considered a victory – because that’s one pound I didn’t gain that month.

My weight loss will be slow. It won’t come off like a Biggest Loser contestant. It may take them one week to lose 10 pounds, and it may take me 5 months to lose 10 pounds. But this is my weight loss and my approach to healthy living.

While the weight loss is great, I just want to be healthier. I want to feel lighter and more fit. If I’m 10 pounds overweight but can run a 5K in under 30 minutes, that means so much more to me than weight loss.

It’s a different approach, and maybe one you’re not taking. But I think it’s the only way I can be happy with myself, my life, and my body if I do it this way.