Healthy Living

Motivation is a Myth

This month, I made a promise to myself to intentionally move my body every day. I hesitate to say “work out daily” because my reason for this isn’t to lose a ton of weight and get super fit. I just know that I feel really good about myself when I am consistently exercising, and my workouts as of late have been lackluster. I wanted to feel better, so committing to daily intentional movement seemed like a good place to start.

I’m not working out hardcore. I’m not pushing my body to its limits. That’s not the point. The point is to intentionally move my body in a way that feels good once a day. That could mean spending 45 minutes on the spin bike or walking for a half-hour on the treadmill. It’s my decision, and it’s not tied to future results, and that feels incredibly empowering.

This past Friday, though, I was seriously unmotivated about my workout. I couldn’t even put a finger on why, but I just felt a bit overwhelmed by life. I felt overstimulated from the past few days. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed for the entire day and not move, but I also knew that I had committed myself to daily workouts and that not being motivated to work out didn’t give me a free pass. I still had to get out there.

And I did. I went to the gym and did a workout. Was it my best workout? Absolutely not. Could I have pushed myself harder? Yes. But in the grand scheme of things, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that I forced myself to go to the gym when I didn’t want to. What mattered was that I didn’t let a little thing called “not being motivated” provide me with an excuse to quit on myself. People who lack motivation to go to the gym can benefit from buying Refurbished Gym Equipment to put in their homes.

And isn’t it interesting how we’re always waiting for motivation to just… show up… to give us permission to do the thing we want to do? If we’re not feeling motivated to do that thing, oh well then! Guess it just wasn’t meant to be.

We buy into the lie that we must be motivated in order to work towards our goals. Motivation becomes this magical little word that can combat any sort of resistance we’ve faced in the past. The resistance to not wanting to work out or finish the novel or apply for that job. But when motivation shows up, then we are given new life! The resistance is gone! We can go after our goals and stop letting the excuses pile up!

But what happens when that motivation that previously felt so strong and so mighty… wanes? What happens when we feel unmotivated, when that resistance to doing the thing starts to build up strength again? What then?

The truth is that we don’t need motivation. It’s not this necessary piece of the puzzle like we think it is. You don’t need motivation to get up in the morning and go to the gym. Or to spend your weekend working on your novel. Or to eat healthier or apply for jobs or write a blog post.

You just have to do it. You can be completely unmotivated and still get out there and do it.

And isn’t that a freeing thought? Motivation has no power over whether or not you do something. You hold sole power.

You can say to yourself, “It’s okay that today I am not motivated. It’s okay that I feel a little tired and overwhelmed and crabby. It’s okay that this isn’t how I want to spend this time.” And still do the thing you don’t want to do.

You aren’t lacking in anything because you don’t have motivation. Other people aren’t stronger or more dedicated or more committed than you are. You don’t need motivation in order to do the thing you told yourself you would do. You just have to get out there and do it.

And, look, sometimes we just need a day off. We just need to cut ourselves a break. That happens. That’s necessary. Some days, we do need to sleep in and forget about our workout. Or take a weekend to hang out with friends and let your writing and blog posts fall to the back burner. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the propensity for us to use motivation as the key that unlocks whether or not we do the thing we said we were going to do.

So, look, let’s stop quitting on ourselves. Let’s stop believing that motivation is necessary to achieve our goals. And let’s also stop thinking something is wrong with us or we’re just not as strong as other people because we lack motivation. Everyone lacks it at some point. It’s how you press forward when you are unmotivated and discouraged that means something.

Categories: Healthy Living

A Week Without Dairy

Quitting dairy was the very last item on my “Find Out What’s Causing My Chronic Congestion” to-do list. I’ve been struggling with this issue since I moved to Tampa five months ago, and I am pretty sure it’s related to allergies, but I wanted to exhaust every possible scenario before opting for an ENT specialist. So far I have tried: prescription allergy meds, saline sprays, a Neti pot, hypoallergenic pillows, a humidifier, an essential oil diffuser, nasal sprays, and Breathe-Right strips. I even had the maintenance team at my apartment community do a mold inspection. Though, since these apartments were built in 2014, I was pretty certain they wouldn’t find anything. They didn’t.

So, dairy. Dairy is on the list of things to eliminate if you struggle with congestion. I’ve always had a certain sensitivity to milk, but it’s never been something that has affected my life so much that I needed to eliminate it. I just… need to be close to a bathroom after drinking a Frappuccino, is what I’m saying. But, I figured, let’s try eliminating dairy! Who knows… maybe my sensitivity morphed into a full-blown allergy and just randomly coincided with my move. Stranger things have happened, right?

Last week, I eliminated dairy from my life and it led to some really interesting epiphanies on my end. First of all, I never realized how much dairy I consume on a daily basis. I drink a cup of coffee with full-fat creamer most mornings. I like pizza and pizza rolls and cheddar-and-bacon potato skins and cereal with cow’s milk and sub sandwiches with mayo and butter on my veggies. I like cheese – string cheese, feta cheese, mozzarella cheese, all of the cheese. And chocolate. Oh, do I love chocolate. Milk chocolate, not dark chocolate. I love creamy, delicious, soothing milk chocolate. My diet? Was going to have to go through a drastic shift for this dairy-free experiment.

But I did it. I went a week without eating dairy. (Mostly, I had some oops-I-didn’t-realize-this-contained-dairy-until-I-ate-it moments.) It was a good week and it was a bad week, and I want to start with what didn’t go so well.

It was boring.

I derive a lot of enjoyment from food, and I love looking forward to a meal. I did not look forward to any of my meals during this experiment. What I ate was fine: Nutrigrain waffles with peanut butter, salads, clementines, chicken and rice, etc. But it was just… food. It tasted good, but it didn’t excite me. I want my food to excite me.

Dairy is in every good thing in this world.

Eating out was fairly impossible, which is why it only happened twice for me. I even had to turn down pizza and cake at my nephew’s birthday party, and I think I may have hurt my sister-in-law’s feelings in the process. (Oof. Not intentional!) And dairy is in everything. I didn’t realize this until I started taking a look at the ingredient list for many of my favorite foods. How does someone with a sweet tooth eat dairy-free? Riddle me this, Batman, I want to know.

I was so hungry the whole week.

This was probably the hardest part of this week. I was hungry every single day. It makes sense, though: dairy has a lot of protein and in the process of eliminating dairy, I essentially eliminated a good chunk of protein. Rookie mistake.

The first few days were outrageously hard.

But aren’t they always? It was hard not to give up. I desperately wanted to in those first few days when I was so hungry. I knew I just needed to get over a hump, and it would be smooth sailing from there, but man, getting over that hump is so damn hard.

Okay, so now that I’ve laid out the difficult parts of last week, let’s dive into the positive aspects of my dairy-free experiment!

I enjoy eating healthy

I know this contradicts my first point above, but hear me out. Eating healthy does not come naturally to me. I don’t reach for fruits and veggies, lean meats, and brown rice. I reach for the bad stuff and I love eating the bad stuff. I do not naturally love eating the good stuff, but when I do force myself to eat it, I realize I enjoy healthy foods and it’s tasty. Healthy food can taste good! (Rinse and repeat.)

I slept better and felt more energized than I have in a while

Sigh, this always happens when I clean up my diet and start exercising more frequently. My sleep improves! I feel great! My energy levels are up! And yet… I’ve never been able to stick with eating healthy for the long term. But this week… let’s just say I finally slept soundly, which leads to the next point.

My congestion (mostly) cleared up

!!!!! Okay, okay, I was sorta hoping the congestion wouldn’t clear up because I didn’t want to actually have to consider eliminating dairy full-time. But my congestion really cleared up. Not completely, but enough to make a huge difference in my sleep and, to be dramatic, my life.

So, where do I go from here?

Essentially, eliminating dairy from my diet did exactly what I wanted it to do – it helped to clear up my congestion. That said, I am going to see a doctor about my congestion. My congestion never fully went away, so I think it’s time to get a specialist involved.

Even still, I am truly interested in eating mostly dairy free. It was a hard week, I won’t lie, but it also felt really good. I lost 3 lbs, which is a feat for me lately, and I was sleeping better. I want to aim for the 80/20 rule – 80% of the time I eat dairy free with 20% allowed for indulgences. Pizza with friends, dessert at book club, things like that.

My plan for the week after my dairy-free experiment was to begin reintroducing different dairy products into my diet to test how my body reacted to them. And I’ve been doing that, and in the process, my congestion has come back with a vengeance. It is quite frustrating, but it just shows me that my body is now reacting differently to dairy than it has in the past. That’s life, right? Bodies are weird, complex organisms and we have to learn how to adapt to them.

I’m really glad I experimented with eliminating dairy, and now I’m excited to figure out how to lead a dairy-free existence. I’ve already discovered vegan mayonnaise (“Veganaise”), which I find to be incredibly delicious. This weekend, I’m going to try my hand at vegan baking (<– something I never thought I’d say.)

Also? I’m really proud of myself for sticking with eating dairy-free, especially when it was intensely difficult, and not giving up. That’s something to be proud of, no matter what.

Have you ever experimented with eating dairy-free?

Categories: Healthy Living

What’s the Point of Healthy Living?

I’ve made a concentrated effort to not talk about healthy living on my blog as much as I used to. Mainly because my attempts to write about this topic never seemed to have much use, other than to complain about how hard it is. And to make excuses for why I’m not losing weight. I could write an entire post doing both right now if I wanted to.

But I don’t want to. Because I’m tired of complaining and making excuses. I’m tired of feeling that I’m just not good enough because I can’t seem to get it. I’m tired of feeling sad when I look in the mirror, discontent about who I am as a person because there’s too much of me in my reflection.

I think the crux of any healthy living journey is not so much about the physical. It’s not about exercising more, drinking more water, eating more fruits and veggies, eating less processed food, calorie counting, or portion control.

The crux of a healthy living journey begins when we start taking a good, long, hard look at ourselves and discover that the way we treat ourselves, the way we talk about ourselves, and the way we believe our worth has more to do with the number on the scale than who we are inside is where it all begins.

I’m not very kind to myself. I berate myself when I mess up and don’t work out on a day I said I would. I whisper lies to myself when I’m standing in the bathroom, looking at my naked reflection and hating every single inch of my skin. I tell myself that I am not worthy to be loved. That I am useless because I’m not following a healthy lifestyle. I wonder on a daily basis why people even like me – because I am fat. And fat equals unlikeable somehow, at least in my mind.

The truth of the matter is that I know these are lies. I know I am a wonderful person. I am smart and funny and kind to others. I make people laugh, I lift their spirits. I’m a hard worker and a go-getter. I’m understanding and trustworthy. My weight has no bearing on the person I am inside. If I lost 50 lbs and really embraced a healthy lifestyle like I keep saying I want to, my worth would not change. Skinny people are no more worthy of love, attention, and affection than overweight people. We are all worthy. We are all deserving.

For the longest time, my attempts at losing weight have been less about being healthier and more about finding my worth on the scale. I thought that if I was skinnier, if I didn’t have weight problems, my life would magically be better. As if the only thing holding me back from living a life I loved was my weight.

It’s probably because I’ve been told this, time and time again, in the media and on reality TV shows (The Biggest Loser is such a dangerous show to watch when you struggle with weight-related self-image problems). I’ve been told that being overweight holds us back from so much – love, friendship, travel, happiness – and that once we lose the weight, everything will fall into place! Like magic.

Now, in a sense, that’s true. Because you develop more self-confidence and a greater appreciation for your life and yourself by going through a tough weight loss journey. I’m not denying that. But I also think the true weight loss journey begins when we begin to unpack the lies we tell ourselves about who we are. And realize that healthy living is a form of self-care, not a form of self-torture.

Healthy living is not about denying ourselves what we want. Or pushing our bodies to the absolute limit in our workouts, yet feeling incredibly guilty for missing one day of exercise. Or following a restrictive diet (a diet that seems all too prevalent in the healthy living blogger community, if I must be honest.)

Healthy living is about choosing to take care of ourselves. It’s one of the greatest acts of self-care. That’s the point of healthy living. And when healthy living becomes more about feeling better inside than it does about looking better outside, that’s when change happens. That’s when we begin to restructure the way we talk about ourselves and our bodies. And, in turn, begin to choose whole foods and find exercise routines that fulfill us because we want to, not because we feel we have to in order to live up to some skinny ideal.

I do want to lose weight. But more than that, I want to be kinder to myself. Because I deserve that. Because my worth doesn’t change, no matter what the scale says. Because good god can we stop being so damned obsessed with our bodies and our weight and how we look? Does it really matter in the long run? Is this what people on their deathbeds worry about? No. Not at all. Not even a little bit. What matters is how we lived, how we treated others and ourselves.

The point of healthy living is about so much more than the calories we consume and the workouts we accomplish. I don’t need to lose weight because it means I’ll be a better human being if I do so. It’s not about checking off a goal on the list. The point of healthy living is feeding my body good, whole foods because I appreciate my body and all it does for me, and because I want to treat it well. It’s about exercising in a way that makes me feel good – not because I feel I have to, but because I want to, because I know I am improving my heart health and overall well-being.

And the point of healthy living is also about how we treat ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, in the quiet of a bathroom as we stare at our reflection. And the berating? The whispered lies? That is something I’m no longer going to accept. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who called me fat or lazy or worthless or dumb. So why do I not hold myself to the same standards? We have to hold ourselves to the same standards.

Healthy living? It’s something I don’t have a complete grasp on. But I’m continually working towards it. And I’m working towards it because I want to treat my body – and myself – well, not because I have to in order to prove my worth.

Categories: Healthy Living

46 Days

It wasn’t until the day before Lent began that I decided what I wanted to give up. I hadn’t even been really thinking about giving up something for Lent because I’m not Catholic and every other time I’ve tried giving something up, I’ve failed miserably.

But the night before, I was sitting in the living room chatting with my mom and I just decided: I would give up sweets at work, and I would also give up soda (all the time, not just at work).

I am so proud to say that I made it through the entire Lenten season without drinking soda or eating sweets at work. Giving up sweets at work wasn’t too much of a struggle. I set up my work-from-home days so I wasn’t in the office on the days when we had cake for birthdays (something we do once a month), and I stayed far, far away from all my coworkers who have candy jars on their desks. (And, thankfully, I think there were only a handful of times when someone brought in a treat to share. I just stayed out of the kitchen until they were gone!)

Giving up soda, though… was so, so tough. I remember when I gave up soda in 2013 for 30 days that once I got over the hump of caffeine withdrawal and cravings, I was fine. No such thing happened this time around. While I didn’t go through caffeine withdrawal (since giving up soda the first time around, I don’t drink it nearly enough to be addicted to the caffeine), the cravings did. not. stop.

I really wanted to come to the end of Lent and feel as if I could cut soda out of my life completely. That was my ultimate goal. But I discovered through this journey that I derive joy from soda. And I know that’s maybe not a good thing, but it’s true. I just enjoy the taste of an ice-cold Dr. Pepper. It makes me happy. That’s what I kept realizing every time a craving hit me – I missed the joy and happiness that Dr. Pepper brings me.

So, I craved soda almost every single day. And goddddd, it was so hard to make it through those cravings. I couldn’t think of making it through six weeks without soda. I had to take it one day at a time. I just had to make it through Monday or Friday or Sunday. That was the only way I made it through the cravings because I honestly wanted to give up within the first week.

I am so proud of myself for not giving in. Because usually, I am the type to give in. Life is too short to not eat/drink/do the things you want, right? Well, sometimes. And sometimes, there’s no more empowering feeling than not giving in. To shutting down the cravings. To telling yourself no.

It’s funny how you don’t really know how capable and strong you are until you give yourself the chance to be that way. I think that’s what I learned the most from these past 46 days. I learned that I can be strong and I can see myself through a challenge, even when it’s so hard that I don’t know if I can make it through the next moment.

I guess it’s a good metaphor for life. Because life gets hard. And you have to keep going on. You have to make it through the difficult moments… the moments when you don’t think you can walk a single step further. But you do. Somehow, you do. And that’s the beauty of life.

Categories: Healthy Living

Do What You Love

Since the beginning of January, I’ve been training (half-heartedly, let’s be honest) to run a 5k at the end of March (this upcoming Saturday!) It really was a spur-of-the-moment decision to sign up for this race because I’ve been steadfast in my belief that running is not for me. At the time I signed up, I was in a very confusing place and I think I needed an escape. And this 5k was exactly the escape I needed because it’s in Savannah. (And maybe that’s the real reason I signed up – a chance to return to Savannah!)

But I plopped down the money for the race, my mom reserved the hotel, and we asked for time off from work. We were going to travel to Savannah just to run a 5k. Yep, yep, yep!

It’s been two-and-a-half months now, and I’ve been training. Somewhat. I started by using the Couch-to-5k program, but I wasn’t liking it. Then, I tried forcing myself to run as far as I could at one time and running a little bit farther each subsequent run. But that just made me hate my life. Then, I tried an interval running program where I would run for 1/4 a mile, walk 1/4 a mile, run 1/4 a mile, walk 1/4 a mile, and so on and so forth.

The interval training has been working the best for me. It pushes me, it makes me feel strong, and it’s giving me confidence that maybe race day won’t be so miserable.

I know I won’t get any sort of personal record on Saturday. I am hoping to finish in under 45 minutes, which yes, is very slow, but that feels doable for me. I am not a fast runner, nor am I a fast walker. All I am hoping is that I enjoy myself, that I try my best, and don’t beat myself up if I don’t make the 45-minute goal time.

Throughout training for a 5k, though, it has really been eye-opening for me to discover that, as much as I think I want to be a runner, it’s not something I love. Plain and simple. I never look forward to my runs, I grumble and whine during my runs, and I’m usually left wishing I had tried harder at the end of my runs. It’s just not fun for me.

To be honest, I think the reason why I want to become a runner is because it’s another thing to share with my mom. She’s the real runner in the family, my inspiring two-time marathoner. And though we have just about everything in the world in common, I think I just have to accept that we won’t have this. This hobby which means so much to her, is something that makes me miserable.

But through this realization, and through this time of training for a race, I’ve discovered that exercise should be fun. This is something we do because we want to do it. Yes, of course, it’s something we all should be doing for our health, but honestly, it’s not something we have to do. It’s optional. (A highly suggested optional thing, but optional nonetheless.) So, this optional activity should be fun. It should make us feel good. For me, running does not do that. But other workouts? Oh, yes. They get me excited, they make me feel awesome, and they are just plain fun. (Sometimes. Not everything is fun all the time.)

Here are my workout loves:

Spinning

I love spinning, and I used to do it all the time when I had a gym membership. It’s such a great workout, and it pushes me way past my comfort zone. But I have a gym at my apartment, so it’s hard to cough up a monthly membership fee. That said, we have LA Fitness locations throughout St. Pete and Tampa, all of which offer cycling classes that fit perfectly with my schedule, and it’s only $30 a month. I am seriously considering membership there if only to have access to spin whenever I want.

Cardio machines at my apartment gym

My apartment gym is tiny, but it has worked for my needs for the past few years. The gym consists of free weights, weight machines, two treadmills, two ellipticals, and a stationary bike. I really love jumping on a cardio machine for a workout because I can zone out and go. (Bonus: my apartment gym has Wi-Fi, so I can watch Netflix while I work out, too.) Plus, it’s super convenient because it’s a 24/7 gym and just steps away from my apartment.

Workout DVDs

Well, not just any workout DVDs. I’m talking Jillian Michaels, my favorite being Ripped in 30. Jillian Michaels is a tough trainer, and her DVDs absolutely crush me. I struggle through them, even doing modifications, but I love them because they combine strength, cardio, and ab work into a quick 30-minute program. And there’s nothing like seeing improvements in your fitness level and/or body!

Circuit training

Pinterest is my go-to resource for finding at-home circuit training workouts to complete. I have a bunch saved on my workout board, and I think I’ve tried each of them at least once. I get bored very easily with workouts, so I constantly need to find new and interesting workouts to try. I love doing a circuit workout when I don’t feel like walking over to the gym, but I still want to get my heart pumping. And I love doing these at home because I can go at my own pace. Oh! And another great resource for circuit training is the Nike Training Club, which is an app. The workouts are a little too advanced for my fitness level, but I wanted to mention them to anyone looking to amp up their workouts.

Strength training

My favorite way to work out, hands down. I love strength training. It feels so good! It makes me feel strong and powerful and capable, and nothing beats that muscle soreness after a good strength training workout. I call it “toilet sore” because it hurts just to sit on the toilet. Ha. I really, really want to work strength training back into my normal workout regime again. I miss it so much!

So, those are my workout loves! It’s difficult to figure out what should take precedence because I’m not someone who wants to work out two hours a day, every day. For me, 30 minutes on weekdays and an hour on weekends are what I commit to because I just really treasure my time spent on the couch. 😉 I know my limits and I know how much time I’m willing to put into working out.

I’m spending this week in race training mode, but once next week rolls around, I’m switching things up dramatically! Most likely, I won’t be joining a gym anytime soon (especially because, at LA Fitness, there’s a $100 sign-up fee, ugh), but I have plenty of resources at my disposal for other workouts, like cardio machines, strength training, and workout DVDs. My plan, most likely, is to start using Ripped in 30 for weekday workouts and use my weekends for longer workouts, like 30 minutes on the elliptical and then 15-30 minutes of strength training.

That’s the whole key to this life thing, you know? Do what you love. Push yourself and try new things, but if you don’t love that new thing? Stop doing that thing. Find what you love, and embrace it. Don’t apologize for it. I am just not a runner. I can safely say I have tried to become a runner, and it just is not a workout that suits my personality or my desires. But there are workouts I do love, and I want to spend more time on those workouts than on something that doesn’t make me feel good.

What is your #1 workout love? What’s one workout program you haven’t tried yet, but want to? For me, I really want to try yoga because I’m sure it would do wonders for my mental state (ha), but I’m overweight and not very bendy, so I just feel like it would be a frustrating workout for me! (Can you tell I’m somewhat of a perfectionist? Ha.)