Stephany Writes

Categories: Healthy Living

Weekly Weigh-In: The First

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I have gone back and forth on whether or not I want to detail my weight loss journey again. On the one hand, I know it is so helpful for me to talk about how I’m doing, where I’m struggling and succeeding. But on the other? I feel like a broken record, continuously recommitting to a healthy lifestyle only to falter a few weeks in. But I decided I’m just going to jump in and start back with weekly recaps of my weight loss journey. Knowing I have to show up every week with a post and update helps keep me motivated and on track.

I have no real plan for how I’m going to talk about my journey. I want this to be more of a stream of consciousness, what I think I need to get out of my system so I can focus on beginning a new week with a plan.

Today, though, I want to talk about why I’m doing this. I don’t want to think about my other failed attempts at losing weight but I want to focus on now, on December 2012, and why I want to lose weight.

I’m doing this because I want to look at my body and feel strong. And skinny. Yes, I’ll just say it. I want to be thin and not in a scary-anorexic way but in a fit way. In the way I was back in the summer of 2007 when I had collarbones and tiny shoulders and my thighs didn’t rub together. Where I could run two miles, NBD, and looked in the mirror and be proud of my reflection. I look in the mirror now and grimace at how far away 2012 Stephany is from 2007 Stephany. I want to feel strong when I look in the mirror. I want to recognize my accomplishments and that comes from adhering to a healthy lifestyle and committing to a regular exercise routine.

I’m doing this because it’s been a goal of mine for so long. I have been trying to lose weight and failure after failure grates on me. I’m slowly learning not to base my self-worth on my pants size but it’s hard. It’s one of my biggest regrets of 2012 – that I let myself go in the weight department and am at a point where I now need to lose 50 pounds. When I first started trying to lose weight, I only had 30-35 pounds to lose. And now I’m at 50. I don’t want that number to crawl up to 60 or 70 or 75. I want to commit to the process now and I want 2013 to be a transformation year for me.

I’m doing this for my long-term health. While I don’t have any complications as of yet, I know if I continue on this unhealthy path, it’s only going to cause problems in the long run. Do you know I was terrified of being told I had diabetes when I got blood work done in September? That’s not a normal reaction for a 24-year-old girl to have! I shouldn’t be worried that I’ll wind up with weight-related health problems while getting blood work! Thankfully, my blood work came back normal.

I’m doing this for vanity’s sake. Because I don’t want to worry every time someone looks at me and then my stomach, that they’ll ask if I’m pregnant. Because I want to wear all my “skinny” clothes that have been sitting in the top of my closet for years now. Because I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and feel good about my reflection. Because I’m tired of feeling fat and all the horrible emotions that feeling dredges up.

I’m doing this because I have been inspired by the weight loss journeys of others. People who have found a way to lose weight and keep it off successfully. Who have completely transformed their worlds and the way they view healthy living. I want to be like my mom and Jessica and Amber and Kelsie. They have inspired me. They have motivated me. They have shown me it can be done.

And I will get it done.

Starting Weight: 166.6 lbs

Categories: Healthy Living

A Healthy Living Update

The past two months have not been the best months for me, healthy-living-wise. I quit Weight Watchers. I stopped writing my #cbdiet posts. And I generally just took a break from all the tracking and struggling and disappointment. This is going to sound backward, I know, but there was this relief once I decided to stop worrying about eating healthy. I think I needed to take the pressure off of struggling so much to live a healthy lifestyle and just live my life without the structure of a meal plan or tracking book.

And while it helped me get through the mess that has been my life for the past two months, it also lead to a nice 10-lb weight gain and all my pants being tight as hell. I’m having back pain and sleep comes fitfully.

But the past two months have been a growing (ha!) experience for me. I don’t want to eat healthily and exercise a lot only because I think my body is disgusting and needs to be skinnier. I want to eat healthily because it’s good for me and makes me feel awesome about myself. I want the extrinsic rewards definitely. I want to be thinner and proud of my body. But I also want the intrinsic because that’s going to carry so much farther than any extrinsic reward.

What I’ve started realizing is that my worth is not determined by the size of my pants. I think this was the biggest part of my downfall before: I was measuring my awesomeness by how well I was following a healthy living plan and losing weight. If I was struggling, it meant there was something fundamentally wrong with me as a person. Which is silly and ridiculous and I am just as amazing, no matter what the scale says.

And, above all, I need to discover what I need to make this healthy living journey a success — and something I can do in the long run. There is nothing wrong with me if I’m not running marathons or drinking daily green smoothies or going on crazy juicing fasts. All of those things are awesome but if they don’t interest me? That’s okay. We don’t all have to take the same path to health and I need to recognize what foods and behaviors and activities that I need to keep me on a path to being healthy and fit.

Losing weight and maintaining a healthy lifestyle have always been a struggle for me. I don’t have the best relationship with food and use it as comfort and reward, instead of something that simply fuels my body. I never want to lose my love for food and the joy it brings me, but I also want to heal this part of me and recognize the ways I sabotage myself in my quest to be a more healthy individual. With every failed journey comes new lessons learned and habits formed. I’ve become a more regular exerciser and I make healthier decisions than I did a year ago. Maybe not every day and maybe I make more unhealthy ones, but I’m doing better.

I’ve learned that, in order for me to stick with this long-term, I have to make small changes. I have to take baby steps and gradually work out the unhealthy stuff and work in the healthy stuff. I know I need to kick my soda habit. (And not replace it with a diet habit. Sorry, but you can’t convince me that diet soda is better than regular stuff. They are both terrible for you.) I need to follow a low-sugar diet. I need to meal plan and stock my fridge with stuff that won’t tempt me to nibble and snack away.

I also know I do better when I’m working towards something and have accountability and community. And so this is my “official” announcement that I am joining this round of the Biggest Blogging Loser. I’m really excited to join in and have something big to work toward because I think this will really help my motivation and keep me pushing when I’m struggling. You can find out all the details here (there’s a $20 fee to join but this goes towards prizes). This round starts on Monday so email Regan if you want to join in, too! I think it is just what I need to stop messing around and get serious.

I’m going to keep chasing after this healthy living thing until I get it right. The option of just completely giving up is not even on the table. I’m not going to let my discouragement of failing again and again keep me from picking myself back up and trying again.

Categories: Healthy Living

The Cardboard Box Diet – Week 4

I skipped my update last week. Mainly because I was going to repeat all I said the week before and also because I gained again and just didn’t feel like posting about it. This week, I was determined to have a great one. Mainly, I was determined to track my food every single day. No excuses. The biggest cornerstone of Weight Watchers is tracking. When you don’t track, you lose sight of what you’re eating and how much. At least I do. I don’t feel in control.

This week, my only goal was to track. It didn’t matter if I went over my points every day (which I did, all but one day). It didn’t matter if I used up all my weekly extra and activity points. It didn’t matter if it was burdensome and annoying. Not tracking was inexcusable. I won’t succeed if I don’t track.

I tracked every day and it really kept me in line. It’s so much harder to cheat when you know you have to write it down! I had one of my best weeks thus far. Not because I ate super healthy — but because I tracked and felt in control and this whole experience felt easier. I’m realizing I don’t need to change every facet of my life right now. I need to make small changes. I think I’m stuck in 2007 when I lost almost all my weight and want to be there right now. But 2007 was 5 years ago. I am not that girl anymore. I need to take this journey slowly and build on my goals to be where I need to be to live a long healthy life.

It doesn’t matter how long it takes me. I’m not on a schedule or a 3-month plan to lose x amount of weight. I’m on a lifelong journey. And in life, I’m going to have good weeks and bad weeks. Pitfalls and plateaus. I have to stop comparing my journey to that of others.

And with that! Onto the questions for the week.

Weigh-In: Down 3.8 lbs this week, for a total of 5.6 lbs. Considering two of the four weeks I’ve been on the program I’ve gained, I’m pretty happy with this result! This was a good week for me and as long as I keep tracking and making better choices, I know I’ll succeed. I just have to remind myself I don’t have to get everything right all the time.

Exercise Completed:

Friday: 30 Day Shred – Level 2 (25 minutes)

Saturday: Stationary bike (30 minutes), elliptical (15 minutes)

Sunday: Rest

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: Ease Into 5K – Week 1, Day 1 (25 minutes)

Wednesday: Rest

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2 (25 minutes)

All in all, a pretty good week of exercise! I’m aiming to get 4-5 days in a week so I accomplished that goal this week. My new plans for exercise include 2 days of running (and I use that term very, very loosely), 2 days of strength training (mainly using the 30 Day Shred), and 1 or 2 days at the gym. It offers me enough variety so I’m not bored because I tend to get bored with exercise very easily!

Splurge/Guilty Pleasure: My biggest splurge this week was on Monday night when I had some cookie dough & two very delicious chocolate chip cookies after a very rough night. It was emotional eating at its finest but honestly? I truly don’t care. Sometimes, you just have to eat something comforting after a boy is mean to you. Am I right? (Also included in my splurges were Chipotle on Friday, French toast during Sunday brunch, and a huge sub on Sunday night. Wheeee!)

Successes: I tracked every day this week! My only goal was to track, no matter if I went completely over my weekly allotted extra points. (Which I did, but not by that much.) The thing about tracking is that it is, for me, the best way to help me feel in control. I feel so much better about myself and my eating when I am tracking and it keeps me in line. I’m much less apt to “cheat” if I know it has to be documented. I wasn’t worried about eating the perfect number of fruits and veggies every day or drinking 80 oz of water each day… I just wanted to get back in the habit of tracking. And this week, I crushed my goal. It feels awesome.

Other successes: getting a water cup at Chipotle instead of a soda (major win!), drinking water every day at work, and getting into a habit of foam rolling and stretching every night (it is SO painful to foam roll my quads that I know they are super tight and stiff. I literally moan the entire time and it sounds like I’m dying. Sexy, I know).

Recipe: None this week. I ate out all weekend (but ate all good things!) and then we made easy dinner meals. Lunch was Skinnytaste’s Mayo-Free Tuna Salad, which I’ve mentioned before. Still yummy, but totally not filling enough. I need to figure out a better option for lunch.

Weekly Goal: Instead of a weekly picture (in which I have to sort through the millions of “thinspiration” on Pinterest. So fun.), I want to set a weekly goal for myself. One goal towards my health. All my energy goes toward that one goal and this week, it remains my goal of tracking. Every. Single. Thing. I eat. Everything. For me, as time-consuming and annoying as it can be, it’s really the best thing that works for helping me stay in control. And I know I lose weight when I do track.

Categories: Healthy Living

The Cardboard Box Diet – Week 3

Oh, I don’t want to write about this week. I really don’t.

It was a bad week, from start to finish. I didn’t open my tracker once. I was half-hearted in exercising. My cravings hit me hard and fast. And my motivation waned. Already! It’s only my second week back on Weight Watchers. How am I already struggling to stay on plan?

I’ve taken a different approach this time around. I’m not making crazy plans for exercise or things I will never eat again. I’ve tried that before and it doesn’t work for me. It just makes the cravings hit harder, the excuses seem more plausible, and my downfall to be more imminent. But this weight-loss-living-a-healthier-lifestyle-thing is hard. It’s really hard. And while I don’t feel like you should completely resist every craving, I do think there’s a lot to be said when you resist the ones that are just your former life pulling you back rather than a true craving.

This was not my best week. Not by a long shot. But I know I’m going to have weeks like this. Everyone does. I need to take the mistakes from this week and grow from them, not repeat them.

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Weigh-In: Second week in and already a gain on the scale. Up 1 lb this week which is disappointing and disheartening. But all I can do is move on from here, recognize my mistakes, and strive to do better.

Exercise Completed:

Friday: I took a rest day since I woke up with horrible knee pain. No idea what brought it on but it was just a dull ache by the afternoon and completely gone by Saturday. Very weird!

Saturday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1 (25 minutes), stationary bike (30 minutes)

Sunday: Took another rest day, mainly due to laziness than anything else.

Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1 (25 minutes).

Tuesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1 (25 minutes).

Wednesday: Rest day. Also due to laziness.

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2 (25 minutes).

I really want to get some other workouts in during the week, in addition to my 30 Day Shred challenge but it didn’t really happen this week. But the Shred is still kicking my butt and making me whine to Jillian, “But it’s so haaaaard!” so at least I’m getting that in.

Splurge/Guilty Pleasure: Ugh. Way too many. Peanut M&M’s on Friday, a fruity alcoholic beverage on Saturday, Chick-Fil-A on Saturday afternoon and Wednesday night… just to name a few splurges. Splurges are good, of course, but there comes a point where you have to resist the urge to indulge. It’s not always necessary and sometimes, much better for your state of mind to resist.

Successes: The only success I can see is that I tried to remain on plan as best I could this week. Even when I knew I screwed up this weigh-in, I still tried to get back on track with my eating.

Recipe: This week, I tried another Skinny Taste recipe. My mom and I have been in a food rut for a long time now, eating the same meals over and over again, so it’s been fun to actually get in the kitchen and try out some new dishes! I made Skinny Taste’s Skinny Sloppy Joe on Monday night and it was actually really good! It was a little too tomato-y for my tastes (probably because I put in the whole 8oz can of tomato paste instead of the 2 tablespoons that the recipe called for… Oops.) but it was still yummy. But since I put in too much tomato paste, it drove the points up to 6 instead of 3. I bought some rolls from the bakery that I toasted and served it open-faced.

The serving size is pretty big (it overflowed on my two buns) and it fills you up! It’s a good recipe, but I’m not sure we loved it enough to try it again.

Categories: Healthy Living

The Cardboard Box Diet – Week 2

It’s time for Week 2 of the Cardboard Box Diet updates!

I mentioned before that I’m doing Weight Watchers and it was really good to come back to the meetings. My Leader was happy to see me (she even gave me a new book and said this was a “fresh start”. I love her!) and the meeting itself was a good one. It wasn’t hard to get back into the swing of things and for the first time in 6 weeks, I felt in control again. It’s a really good feeling.

I have a lot to say with the questions so let’s get right into it, shall we?

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Weigh-In: I’m down 3.2 lbs this week! I’m majorly happy about that (duh), but I usually lose a good amount my first week back on WW. (Can you tell I’ve done this before?) When I’m following the plan, I usually lose about a pound a week so I don’t expect to lose 3 lbs every week – even on my best weeks. Still, it felt good to step on the scale and see such a dip. It gives me that much more motivation to keep at this!

Exercise Completed:

  • Friday: Stationary bike (30 minutes) and then a Pinterest strength workout (only made it through once, though. So tough!)
  • Saturday: Elliptical (30 minutes), treadmill on steep incline (15 minutes)
  • Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1, attempt at a walk with Dutch but he collapsed on a shady spot in the grass 10 minutes in so we went straight home!
  • Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1, stationary bike (30 minutes)
  • Tuesday: Rest
  • Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1
  • Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1

I decided to dedicate July to completing the “30 Day Shred” for the second time. Only I’m taking a rest day once a week so it’ll be more like the “26 Day Shred”. My first day was pure hell. I didn’t make it through any of the circuits without stopping multiple times and I think there was a part of me that forgot how hard this workout is. It may only be 20 minutes long but Jillian works you nonstop for those 20 minutes. I’m definitely seeing an increase in my endurance level, though, and I’m only really struggling with the strength sections as my arms tire out quickly. But this was a good week of exercise for me. I earned 17 activity points which I’m happy about.

Splurge/Guilty Pleasure: I tried to take it easy this week. My main focus was on tracking and staying on plan, which I did. Splurges were had, especially on Saturday when I ate 45 points (my limit is 26, although we do get weekly allotted extra points and earned activity points). Between a sub, four cookies, and a piece of pizza… it wasn’t the healthiest of days. But I had it and moved on. The rest of the week wasn’t anything like that.

Success Story: Staying on plan was relatively easy this week. Throwing a holiday in right before weigh-in was tough, but I fought through it. And when I went out to brunch on Sunday, I chose the healthy option of an egg-white omelet, fresh fruit, and whole wheat toast. It was yummy and filling and made me feel good about myself! All wins!

Recipe: I made two new recipes this week – yay! Both were from Skinny Taste. One was a mayo-less tuna salad that I doubled the recipe for to make a big bowl to divide up into lunches. It is seriously delish! It has a bitterness to it, thanks to the red wine vinegar and capers but it totally works to make the meal so good. My only complaint is that it isn’t filling enough so I’m not sure it’s something I would make again.

I also made her chicken taco chili on Sunday night, which my mom and I then had as leftovers on Monday and Tuesday. Again, delish! This one is making its way into my regular meal plan! (And yes, I am the girl who makes CHILI when it’s ninety degrees outside. Whatev’s.)

I would also mention to anyone doing Weight Watchers, if you use Skinny Taste for any meals, I strongly advise you to put all the ingredients in the recipe builder on eTools to make sure YOUR servings are coming out right. They weren’t for mine. (Her estimate was way, way more for my tuna salad but too low for the chili.)

Photo:

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