Life – Page 37

Categories: Life

Lessons Learned From Writing 1,000 Blog Posts

This is my 1,000th blog post for Stephany Writes. I started this blog in September of 2009, just as I was beginning journalism school. I was nearly 22 and had started and stopped so many blogs before settling on this one. And this one stuck! I found community here. I came out of my shell and explored writing in a deeper, more vulnerable way. Through this blog, I learned more about myself – who I am as an individual, what I believe in, and where my power lies.

Over these last 1,000 posts, I have…

…been a journalism student, a theater intern, a preschool teacher, a marketing assistant, and an SEO writer.
…been in relationships, dated around, and tried to become satisfied with myself as a single girl. At least for now.
…moved multiple times. Once to downsize when I was in school, another time to upgrade once I was finished with school, and a third time to move in with a friend I met through work.
…traveled – mostly by cruise ship. This blog is where I have archives of every single cruise I have taken – from my first one in May of 2011 to my latest one in March of this year. And, later in 2016, it will document my 9th cruise.
…welcomed new family members, like my littlest nephew and my stepdad.
…lost family members, like my father and my grandma.
…discovered what it means to be an introvert, an ISFJ, and a highly sensitive person.
…written and written and written and written. Week after week, blog post after blog post. I’ve been here. Writing. This is my safe space, it is my haven. I feel connected to this blog. I feel delighted by its presence in my life.

I’m not a famous blogger. I don’t have hundreds of readers. I don’t make any money from blogging. But it is enough for me to have this space to be vulnerable about my life, this little ole life that seems so tiny and so minute in comparison to the great big world out there. It is enough to have the readers I do have – many of which I am proud to call my friends. It is enough to know that people are reading. It is enough to know I have touched even one life with my message.

And so, for this 1,000th post, I wanted to bring you 1,000 blogging lessons I’ve learned over these past 6.5 years.

…just kidding!

How about 10 lessons? I think that sounds more concise.

1. Ditch the rules.

Rules don’t exist. Your blog can have a niche, but it doesn’t have to. You can write five days a week, or you can write whenever you feel like it. You can make perfect Pinterest pinnable images for every post, but it’s not necessary. Follow the rules that feel good and authentic to the type of blogger you are and forget the rest.

2. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable comes in many different forms for different people. Not everyone is comfortable sharing as much about themselves as I am, but don’t be afraid to open yourself up and be honest about your struggles and your pain. This is what makes a blog real and truthful. I don’t want to read a blog where everything is puppies and sunshine – I want the gritty, messy truth of being human.

3. Keep your dirty laundry off your blog.

Believe me, I made this mistake early on in my blogging days and it came back to bite me. Family drama, workplace strife, friendships falling apart… these are better dealt with privately, not publicly. (And trust me: your blog is more public than you may think.)

4. Always take the time to visit your readers’ blogs.

Take the time to get to know your readers. Visit their blogs, comment on their posts, add them to your RSS feed. This is how you find community and make friends. My blogging friends are such a huge part of my life, and that’s because I took the time to get to know them.

5. It’s okay to keep your blog small and unmonetized.

There’s no shame in not wanting to grow your blog to thousands of readers. It’s okay if you don’t feel like putting ads on your sidebars or writing sponsored posts. And? It’s okay if you do. If you want that, awesome. Go for it! But don’t feel like you’re not doing enough if having a little blog with a small following is what you want.

6. Blogging breaks are a necessity – and stop apologizing for them.

You’re going to have to take breaks from your blog because real life always comes first. Life gets busy and blogs have to be put on the back burner. I’ve taken week-long and month-long breaks – and I no longer apologize for them. I love my blog and I love writing, but the real-life stuff comes first. If that means I step away from blogging for a while, so be it. My blog never comes first.

7. You are under no obligation to publish mean comments.

You just aren’t. This is your blog and you get to decide what is okay and what is not okay to be published on it. If it’s a comment that is trashing you or someone you love, that adds nothing to the discussion, that seems to be trolling you, delete.

**8. But don’t be so thin-skinned that you don’t publish any dissenting opinions.**

Just because a comment offers a different opinion or viewpoint, it doesn’t make it a mean comment. Usually, these types of (respectful!) comments bring about good discussion or allow me to open my mind up to a new way of thinking. Sometimes, they give me the truth I needed to hear but wasn’t ready to admit to myself.

9. Invest in your blog.

You don’t need to pay a fortune to maintain your blog, but consider investing in professional website design in ri and hosting services. My current design cost $35 on Etsy and my yearly hosting fee is minimal, compared to the fact that my blog never goes down or has major issues. I like investing in my blog; it feels good. And a beautiful design just makes me happy! Consider incorporating search engine ranking tools to optimize your blog’s visibility, whether big or small.

10. Blogging should always be fun.

This little blog of mine, this space with 1,000 posts, is not meant to be a chore. It’s not meant to make me famous, get me a book deal, or allow me to quit my job. It’s a hobby, nothing more. It’s something I do for the pure love of community and writing. Once it stops feeling good, then it’s time to shut off the lights and call it a day.

But I can promise you, that day? Isn’t coming anytime soon.

So here’s to six-and-a-half years and 1,000 blog posts! I can’t wait to write 1,000 more.

And thank you, dear readers of mine. Whether you comment on every post and know me personally, whether you never comment but read everything I write, whether you just stop by from time to time, I am so very grateful for you. I don’t know if this little blog would have made it to 1,000 posts without your comments, your guidance, your love, your support. It feels good knowing my words are reaching people and making a difference.

Categories: Life

Seven Months in Tampa, Roommate Life & Adjustments

It’s been seven months since I moved to Tampa, and I’ve wanted to do a follow-up post to my initial post about how tough this move was for me. As many of you may remember, this move waged a war within me. I cried so much during my first month in Tampa, even though I moved in with one of my best friends and didn’t exactly move to an entirely different place. But it was still a change and a shakeup to my life as I had known it, and it took a really long time for me to feel comfortable.

So, how do I feel now, after seven months?

I feel good, settled, and happy with my living situation. But I don’t feel home.

Contradictory opinions, you would say. Let me explain.

First of all, I love living with Roomie. She is one of my favorite people to be around, and living together has only strengthened our friendship. We are very similar in so many ways, like the fact that we’re both grandmas who treasure going to bed early. We’re also both neat freaks so our apartment is usually spotless and we never have dishes piling up in the sink (we’re both the “clean as you go” type of people). We’re also very dissimilar in that she has a very active social life and rarely has a night or weekend with no plans. She’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert, but she can appreciate my hermit-y ways and gives me space when I need it.

I’m so very, very glad we made the decision to move in together. It has been the greatest joy being her roommate for the past seven months.

I love our apartment. It’s spacious and beautiful and has so many amenities. We are paying a pretty penny for it, but I place a high value on living in a beautiful home, so it’s worth it to me. I also rarely ever feel unsafe here, even the nights I’m outside with Dutch at 3am! I like that because, in my old apartment, I had a lot of anxiety and fear when I was home alone at night.

I love that I am so close to work, that I can come home every day at lunch to walk Dutch, and that I can easily make plans with friends after work to explore all the foodie spots around South Tampa.

But do I love South Tampa? Well, not really. I actually really, really miss living in St. Petersburg. I still feel more at home in St. Pete than I ever do in Tampa. I drive over the bridge multiple times every weekend because that’s where my mom is and my friends are. I still feel very, very connected to St. Pete and a bit out of place in Tampa.

South Tampa is a very “cool” place to live because there are so many restaurants popping up and fun things to do. I haven’t explored it as much as I should, and I still have to use my GPS constantly, no matter where I want to go. I’ve yet to take a walk down Bayshore or the Riverwalk or Curtis Hixon. I haven’t been to half the restaurants people have told me to visit. I want to, but I haven’t really made exploring this area a priority as I should.

Probably because I know my time in Tampa is temporary. I know I will move back to St. Pete eventually. Probably not this year, maybe not even the following one, but soon enough. St. Petersburg is where my soul belongs.

But, even knowing South Tampa isn’t the right fit and that I want to move back to St. Pete someday, I’m glad for this experience. I’m glad I’m living in this area with Roomie. And I’m glad for the lessons I’m learning during this time in my life.

Adjusting to this new living situation was hard and I had to give myself buckets and buckets of grace to make it through that time. So, it feels really, really good to be in this place – this contentment with who I am and what my life looks like and where I live. I wish I didn’t have to go through hell to get here, but I am so very glad I am here.

Categories: Life

Musings on Grief

I think of grandma every time I pass a cemetery. I think of the fact that this bright, vivacious, beautiful person is gone – forever. It frightens me. It makes no sense. Driving past these cemeteries, these cemeteries that feel so alive and vibrant with lush grass and thriving plants and towering trees, I’m reminded of my loss. I’m reminded that when I go to her home, she won’t greet me with the biggest smile, thrilled to death by my very presence.

***

I feel guilty if it’s been more than a day since I remembered grandma. I feel as if I am not properly respecting her memory, not grieving for her in the way she should be grieved. But I also know that grandma didn’t want us to be sad over her. She never even let on how incredibly sick she really was. And no matter how terrible she felt, when I went to see her, she wanted to know about me. What I’m doing, how I like my job, if I’ve planned a cruise. The last conversation I had with her was when I visited her in the hospital the day before she was put on a breathing tube. While my frail grandma was fighting for each breath she took, she asked about my new apartment. She wanted to know how I was settling in. It’s the epitome of the woman she was – focusing on others, not worried about herself. Grandma wouldn’t want me to feel guilty. In fact, I don’t think she would have been happy knowing I feel such guilt. To honor her memory isn’t to cry over her absence – it’s to exude who she was in everything I do. Love God, love others, be a light.

***

Cancer didn’t always scare me. Not even in 2008, when she was first diagnosed. Nor in 2010, when the cancer returned. Nope, I felt invincible because grandma was beating it. She would always beat it. Until one day, she couldn’t. Until one day, the cancer took away my grandma. I replay the scenes in my head like a movie: 2008, standing in the hospital room and learning my grandma had Stage IV colon cancer; and 2016, sitting in a hospital room with my entire family, crying and laughing about our favorite memories of grandma as we watched her pass away.

Now? Cancer terrifies me.

***

I don’t have many dreams about grandma. I can only remember having one, and it was right before my mom’s Super Bowl party, where I dreamed she was there but yet… not really there. She was a vision, maybe? Like, I knew she was there, watching over us and so happy we were all together. I try to not derive too much meaning from my dreams, or the fact that I’m not dreaming, because who can really control the subconscious? I think it’s better this way. To not dream. That’s what I tell myself, anyway.

***

When I think of the time grandma was in the hospital, and the days and weeks after she passed, it all feels like a blur. Thinking back to the time, every memory seems clouded with fog. It was all so surreal; we were all so sure she was going to pull through. The day after she passed, my mom and I were at my grandpa’s house to empty out her closet. I didn’t cry once during this. I didn’t feel. I was just removing clothes from hangers, folding them, and putting them in bags to donate. Over and over and over and over again. Remove, fold, put away; remove, fold, put away. Now, as I think back to this, as I picture that closet that is now half-empty, my throat closes up and my chest feels tight. It’s strange how much of a fog that time feels. Maybe it’s our bodies way of coping, of allowing us to do all the tasks associated with death. No thinking, no feeling, just doing.

***

Life without grandma feels surreal. I’m not sure if I will ever fully process this loss. It’s too big. My grandma was my everything. She was my hero, my therapist, my cheerleader, my friend. She supported me through everything I did, never doubting my abilities. Do you know how wonderful it is to have someone like that? Someone who thinks the world of you and believes you can do big things? It’s empowering, it’s a confidence booster. My heart is shattered knowing I can’t just drop by her house and see her. The reality of that takes my breath away.

Categories: Life

Quarterly Review | First Quarter 2016

Looking back on the first quarter of 2016, I feel good about it. There’s a lot I didn’t accomplish in terms of my goals, but that’s overshadowed by really wonderful moments of living my life. I can get really wrapped up in my goals, which can result in me feeling upset with myself when I don’t hit the specific markers I set. But there’s also so much more to life than goals.

In the first quarter of the year, I went on a fantastic vacation, invested in my friendships, gave up dairy for a week, celebrated my nephew’s first birthday and my dog’s fourteenth, and read 21 books. I discovered the Gilmore Guys podcast, and I can’t believe I hadn’t listened to them before. I went on some dates and enjoyed a little bit of romance for the first time in a year.

I also experienced a lot of anxiety and loneliness, but that’s pretty typical for me. There were many weeks when I could forget about my anxiety disorder and other weeks when it felt like I was drowning in it. I was lazy with my health and didn’t put as much effort into eating better and exercising as I should have (resulting in a .2 loss on the scale for this entire quarter… ooookay then!).

So, with all that said, let’s take a look back at the goals I set for myself this year and see how they are coming along:

Main goal

Finish my novel and prepare it for publication

I did not spend nearly enough time on my novel this quarter. The time I did spend on it involved re-outlining and re-imagining specific scenes of my novel, but it resulted in not doing much of actual writing.

My plan for the next quarter: I want to write 500 words every day. Originally, I was going to challenge myself to write 1,000 words, but that feels incredibly daunting. Five hundred words is doable; that’s about half an hour out of my day.

Health and fitness goals

Lose 20 lbs

No progress made this quarter.

Exercise 3 or more times per week

There were a few weeks when I fell off the exercising bandwagon, but I’d say I achieved this goal 90% of the time? That’s good!

Drink more water, less soda

Nope. This is still a huge area of struggle for me.

Figure out what’s causing my nighttime congestion

Not completely. I bought a humidifier and a Neti pot, but neither eased my congestion. (I couldn’t even use the neti pot correctly, which leads me to think my congestion isn’t exactly sinus-related.) I also eliminated dairy from my diet for a week, which eased my congestion but didn’t relieve it completely.

Start therapy

No. I called my insurance to find out what my mental health benefits entail (the news wasn’t awesome) and to get a list of therapists in my network. I didn’t make an appointment because I’m now trying to figure out how to afford therapy.

My plans for the next quarter: I want to lose 10 lbs. It’s a lofty goal, but one I know I can achieve if I focus on cooking at home more, eating out less, and drinking less soda (I’m challenging myself to one per day). I also want to make an appointment with a doctor to further investigate what is causing my nighttime congestion.

Money and debt goals

Pay off my credit card

Achieved, thanks to a sweet tax refund in February. Having this debt paid off feels wonderful.

Save $1,000

No progress made this quarter, since I was most focused on getting my credit card paid off.

Spend less than $100 on myself each quarter

Nope, I wound up spending around $200 on myself. I knew this goal would be difficult to complete, but I’m committed to it.

My plans for the next quarter: I am challenging myself to a no-spend month in May. I have never been successful with these challenges, but I am inspired by Nora’s recent no-spend month and I want to prove to myself that I can do it, too.

Adventure and fun goals

Go on more dates

Yes! I went on six dates this quarter, which is a great number for me. I’m not the girl who can go on multiple dates every week, but I’m trying to go on two per month. This quarter, all of my dates came from Tinder, which has led to some interesting stories, but that’s about it.

Travel to a new state

No progress made. Most likely, this goal will be accomplished in quarter three.

Go on monthly adventures

Eh, somewhat. In January, I went to the circus with some girlfriends and in March, I went on a cruise. I didn’t take an adventure in February.

Get a tattoo

No progress made. I don’t think I’ll accomplish this until quarter three or four.

Take an online course

No progress made, but I will be completing an online course in quarter two.

My plans for the next quarter: I’m planning to buy a six-month subscription to either Match or eHarmony because I am honestly ready to take this next step in online dating. I also plan on starting Gina Horkey’s 30 Days or Less to Freelance Writing Success course, since I’ve heard good things about it.

Books and media goals

Read 75 books

I read 21 books in quarter one. If I continue my pattern of reading seven books a month, I’ll read 84 books this year.

Reread Harry Potter and watch all of the movies

I read the first two books in the series and watched the first two movies as well. This goal is so fun to complete!

Watch 12 movies I’ve never seen before

This quarter, I watched Forrest Gump, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and Steel Magnolias.

My plans for the next quarter: Nothing set in stone. I would like to read the next two books in the Harry Potter series (very thankful to a sweet friend who is lending me the books from her personal collection!) and watch the next two movies. For the movies I’d like to see, I have a long list to work from, but I think I’ll definitely try to get in a viewing of Top Gun.

So, what are the big goals I want to accomplish in the next quarter?

I want to write 500 words of my novel daily
I want to lose 10 lbs and challenge myself to drink one soda per day
I want to complete a no-spend month in May
I want to complete Gina Horkey’s 30 Days or Less to Freelance Writing Success
I want to go on five or more dates

Here we go! Quarter two awaits me. 🙂

Are there any goals you want to focus on in this second quarter of 2016?

Categories: Life

Why I Couldn’t Complete a Minimalism Challenge

minimalism

Through my friend Lisa, I found out about this minimalism game, in which you spend a month decluttering your home. On the first day of the month, you get rid of one thing. On the second day, two things. Third day, three things. And so on until the end of the month.

Lisa decided to complete this game in February, and I wanted to play along with her. While I didn’t think I had 435 items to purge, the experiment intrigued me enough to want to play along.

I should say that I have been on a mission of living with less for a few years now. I get it: minimalism is the “cool thing” to do now (at least in Internet circles), but I’ve never been someone who likes clutter or finds enjoyment in owning things. Some people do, and honestly, that’s fine. If organized chaos is your jam, then that’s awesome. You do you.

For me, clutter makes me anxious and I believe everything needs to have a place. If something does not have a place, then it makes me question why I’m owning it.

Truthfully, we keep a lot of stuff we don’t need because we think we “should” own it. One of the easiest examples of this is with books. I think it’s safe to say that I am a major bookworm, but one thing you won’t find in my home is a bookshelf. That’s right – I am a bookworm that doesn’t own very many books. In fact, I can fit my entire book collection on my nightstand. And I hesitate to call this a collection because one book is for a blog review, another for Postal Book Club, and the two Harry Potter tomes were loaned to me from a friend. (So, these books won’t be in my home for very long.)

File_000 (2)

I should own books, right? I love to read! What more bookworm-y thing is there than bookshelves stuffed with books? And yet… I don’t feel as if I need to own books. There are a few reasons why. I rarely buy books, preferring to frequent the library or buy digital when necessary. I rarely reread and don’t see much of a point of holding onto a book that will just grow dusty on a shelf. And when I did own a bookshelf stuffed with books, it felt more like something I needed to keep because I was a reader and readers have bookshelves.

But when I packed up my books – all of them – and took them to my local library, I felt free. I felt as if I had lifted this heavy weight from my shoulders. This weight that said I should own something because of XYZ reason.

From then on, I really began to examine the stuff I kept. Dozens and dozens of shoes? Why? I’m not much of a shoe person, so out they went and now, I have seven pairs I rotate around. Jewelry? I don’t even like to wear jewelry and haven’t worn any of my necklaces in months. See ya. Purses? Clothes? Beauty products? Odds and ends? Unless I had a reason to keep them, good riddance.

When I moved back in September, I purged many of my belongings. In the end, my entire life fit into just a few boxes. And then, a month into living in Tampa, I did another purge because my closet felt overwhelming. I filled up an entire garbage bag of stuff that I thought I “needed.”

It’s amazing how much we think we need, but how much we really don’t.

So, this February purge. I figured I still had stuff I needed to let go of. And I found stuff. Little things. Beauty products that were almost used up or I no longer needed, shirts that had seen the wash a few too many times and were misshapen, pens, bobby pins, expired medicine, dog clothing I’d never put on Dutch, headbands, out-of-shape elastics, and on and on.

Fifty-five things I found.

Until Friday, February 12.

I looked around my bathroom, opening cabinets and pulling out drawers. Nothing. I use all of this.

I looked around my bedroom, peering inside my nightstand. Nothing. I use all of this.

I looked inside my walk-in closet, taking down boxes, inspecting my shoe bin, looking through my purses. Nothing. I use all of this.

I looked in the kitchen, opening cabinets and doors. Nothing. I use all of this.

It came to a point where I looked around my home and I realized I am living with less.

I am living with exactly what I need.

I am not keeping things around because I think I should keep them.

I am keeping things around because I use them or because they hold value to me, like my great-grandma’s Bible.

What this minimalism challenge taught me was that I am living my minimalist life. It’s not something I’m striving for, but something I’m doing. Sure, as the challenge shows, I had some things to get rid of. But little things. I’m not hoarding books or shoes or clothing or knick-knacks or things I think I need to keep but don’t actually need.

It’s a pretty spectacular feeling, knowing you’re living your minimalist life.