Life – Page 48

Categories: Life

When Life Gets Overwhelming

So I took a break from blogging last week. It feels so narcissistic to announce something like that, but well, I have a blog that I use to talk about my crazy exciting (#sarcasm) life. So, I’m already slightly narcissistic anyway. I digress.

I took a break. I took a break because I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed about life. Sometimes, day-to-day living can be a lot to handle, you know? It seems that there is always something that needs to get done, some way we’re not living our full potential. I was feeling… overstimulated, I suppose is a good word for it. Every day seemed to take so much energy just to get through it.

Over the course of the last few weeks, a few not-great things happened in my life. Nothing traumatic or life-changing, and some of it might not have even been a big deal for some people (oh, how I wish I had the “dirt off my shoulders” mentality!), but I tend to make mountains out of molehills, overanalyze every situation, worry about every possible scenario.

I guess this is where I can sense I have a little bit of a perfectionist attitude about life. I want to be the best! at! everything! Between my work and my blog and my personal life… I want to be an all-star at it all. And when I’m not, when it all seems to fall apart or not go the way I imagined it would… it zaps my energy. It steals my joy and clouds my vision. I forget about all the great things in my life and only focus on the parts that aren’t where I want them to be.

So I was having a hard time. I felt a bit weary and worn down. If there’s one thing I do right, it’s being in tune with my emotions. I was telling a friend the other day that I should have majored in “emotions” in college because they are honestly my favorite thing. I love talking about them and learning more about emotions and how they affect our lives. So I know when I need a break. I know when to pull back the reins and learn to trust that inner voice that’s giving me a tiny nudge that I need to slow down and calm my mind.

So that’s what I did last week. I took a break. And while ideally, I would have loved to have spent a week in a tropical paradise, sipping a mango daiquiri poolside, away from work and responsibilities and reality, that wasn’t possible. (Womp, womp.)

But I still found a few easy ways to soothe the overwhelm, and today, I’d like to share my process (and hopefully help YOU if you’re feeling a bit stressed out and overstimulated by life!):

1. Clear out the distractions. For me, this comes in the form of my online presence, most specifically blogging and Twitter. So I took a week off both. I’ve been consistently churning out 3-5 blog posts a week for months now and I was getting a bit burned out and uninspired by my blog. And since my full-time job involves almost 100% writing and editing, plus I started freelancing, plus my passion project involves writing a novel… it all got to be a bit too much. (That’s a lot of writing, yo!) So I stepped away. I cleared my blogging schedule and didn’t open WordPress once for an entire week. It felt so good to give myself that break to clear my mind and quiet my thoughts.

And taking a social media break is also so good for clearing out the clutter and distractions. I always notice how much more quiet my mind is when I’m not on Twitter, when I don’t have dozens of conversations bouncing around in my brain and feeling a nudge to write profound yet witty tweets multiple times a day.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by life, find simple yet effective ways to clear out the distractions. Maybe it means a TV break for a week, or only checking your email once a day, or not using technology after 6 p.m. Figure out what distractions you can cut out for a short period of time, so you can find your inner peace once again.

2. Rest your mind. At work, I usually spend my lunch breaks at my desk, working on blog posts, responding to personal emails, and reading blogs. Last week, I decided to shake things up so I spent my lunch break reading. While I was still at my desk, I turned away from my computer and simply focused on enjoying my lunch and enjoying my book. It gave my eyes a break from the computer and my mind a rest. It truly felt as if I were escaping for a short hour into a different world.

Find your own way to rest your mind, even if you don’t have an hour to spare every day. Whether that means simply taking five minutes out of your busy day to close your eyes, take deep breaths, and meditate, or slipping into a hot bubble bath at the end of the day, with nothing but the sound of silence to keep you company. Find your bliss and what helps you recharge, even on busy days.

3. Honor your feelings. Honoring your feelings comes easy when they are fun emotions, like happiness, joy, elation, or excitement. But when they’re not so great? When those feelings are stress or sadness or grief or worry or anger? It’s hard. It’s so hard for me not to take those emotions and shove them deep down as far as they can go, and pretend life is sunshine and butterflies. But the truth is – our feelings are there for a reason. I had to look at my life and take apart the emotions I was feeling. Why was I feeling worn out every evening when I left work? Why did I feel so much jealousy when I compared my blog and my life to others? Why did the simple act of grocery shopping make me want to fall to the ground in the parking lot of Publix and bang my head against the pavement?

Oh, feelings.

Feel your feelings. They exist for a reason. Your job is to find out what is causing them. And sometimes, just the simple fact of acknowledging their place and letting them have their moment in your heart is enough. There’s no fixing, there’s no solution. They are just there and we have to give them their place. And other times, there is a solution. We have to sit down with that emotion, take it apart and discover the cause, and learn to move past it.

4. Take care of yourself. I’ve never really been a big believer in self-care for myself. For others, absolutely. But for me, and my boring, mundane life? Not really. I mean, I’m not a busy working mom or working two jobs or trying to get a business off the ground. I’m just… me. I have a full-time job, yes, and a vast array of hobbies that require a lot of attention, but self-care? What do I need that for?

Oh, friends. We all need good self-care habits. And that doesn’t include reaching for a bottle of wine and some chocolate at the end of a stressful day. For me, it means not using my laptop when I come home from work, going to bed early, doing morning workouts before I start my day, and reading silly, trashy romance novels. These are my escapes. These are what make me feel good.

For you, maybe it’s journaling or Skyping with good friends who get you or yoga or knitting or whatever makes you feel good, authentic, and present. Find your self-care habits and own them.

Last week was restorative for me. I felt that nudging that I was on the brink of a major breakdown and I put the brakes on for a short while, to slow down, quiet my mind, and recharge. I found my inner peace once again. Be true to you, be true to how you are feeling (even if you feel silly for your hurt feelings or anxious thoughts or sadness!), and take care of yourself. Nobody else is going to do that for you.

I’d love to hear in the comments: what are some of your self-care rituals?

Categories: Life

On February

February was a struggle. I think a lot of us had tough Februarys, and I think that happens every year. February is a tough month. It’s the shortest month of the year but seems to always feel like the longest one. For me, February was a struggle in all areas of my life. It was a tiring month, a difficult one. A lot of resistance, a lot of uphill climbing and falling down.

The highlights of my month were planning a vacation for May (cruise #6!), starting a writing group with a friend, landing my first freelancing client, and paying off my credit cards in full.

The lowest point of my month was struggling with my health-related goals. I actually went backward in terms of progress, and I’m ending the month feeling very disappointed in myself.

The best thing I spent my money on this month was a deposit for my vacation in May! I’ve already spent way too much time canvassing the Cruise Critic message boards and finding fun excursions for our stops. Only 62 days until we sail!

In February, I wrote about a day in my life, on what it’s like to be a socially anxious introvert, my current thoughts and feelings towards losing weight, and five random facts about the boy who has my heart, Dutch.

The progress I made toward my obsessive goal was nothing. I wanted to be down 6.6 lbs from the beginning of this year by the end of February and instead, I wound up gaining weight this month. (It was a month of losing, then gaining, losing, then gaining.) While I did wonderful in January and lost 5.7 lbs, I wound up gaining 5 lbs of that back in February, so I’m basically back to where I started. This means I have to somehow lose around 10 lbs in March to be on track to lose 40 lbs this year. Yikes.

A habit I would like to change in March is eating too many sweets and drinking soda too often. And I have a plan for how I am going to do so! It will all be revealed in its glorious details tomorrow.

I am looking forward to March because I’m another month closer to my cruise, there should be more beach and/or pool days in my life, and I am confident I will have a solid month of weight loss. (If anything, I have something major to work towards: my cruise!)

As I wrote last week, I changed my yearly goals up a tad, skimming them down from 15 goals to just five personal ones. Here’s my progress report for February:

1. Get to a healthy BMI and lose at least 40 lbs. Progress has stalled. Let’s hope March is a super successful month for me, yeah?

2. Pay off my credit cards, start an emergency fund (have at least $1,500 saved), and pay off one school loan. My credit cards are PAID IN FULL! Woohoo! My tax refund was deposited last Monday morning and the minute I found out, I immediately went to get my two credit cards paid off. I am so thrilled about this. Honestly, it’s the best feeling. I’m behind on my savings goal, but that’s okay. I’m just happy to have the biggest monkey off my back when it comes to my debt: my credit cards!

3. Read 75 books, including 10 off this list. I read another six books this month, bringing my total to 12 books read. I also made progress with my secondary challenge by finishing The Kite Runner. (Next book on the list: The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood!)

4. Get a tattoo. No progress made.

5. Travel to Miami to attend a Miami Dolphins game. No progress made.

If you could describe February in one word, what would it be? What was one highlight from the past month for you?

Categories: Life

On January

It’s a new year and I have a new way to do my monthly recaps. Let’s get this party started!

January was restorative. It was peaceful and calming, not filled with any big plans or things to do. It was month of relaxation, of settling in, and centering myself.

The highlight of my month was getting back into a healthier mindset, both in the way I ate and exercised. I’m back to long workouts 4-5 times a week, eating healthy around 70% of the time, and resisting sweets and soda when I can. It can be a struggle, but I’m really happy with the progress I made this month!

The lowest point of my month was watching friends going through the most traumatic and heart-breaking times any person to go through and not understanding why. I know life isn’t fair but man, this is so unfair! My heart was absolutely shattered by the losses they experienced this month.

I was grateful for these things starting Best Body Bootcamp again, weekly check-ins with Allison, witnessing (once again) how utterly amazing the blog world is, falling into the world of Scandal, and lots of one-on-one time with my brother.

The best thing I spent money on this month was… new make-up. I’ve been using BB cream for over a year now, but have noticed that it’s not providing great coverage anymore and leaves me shiny within a few hours. So I asked Twitter for their recommendations and it was Ashley, make-up guru extraordinaire, who suggested Cover Girl’s Outlast 3-in-1. I was nervous to go back to foundation after using a tinted moisturizer for so long, but I am loving it. It’s light and airy, covers so well (way better than BB cream did for me), and keeps the shine away. I’m a fan!

In January, I wrote about my plans for getting out of debt, my obsessive goal for this year, my best job searching tips, and my thoughts on dating.

The progress I made toward my obsessive goal was I lost 5.7 pounds! My goal is to lose a little over 4 pounds a month, so I exceeded my goal and I’m very proud of myself. I just hope I can keep this up! I also started drinking water on a daily basis and following a healthy diet about 70% of the time. I could do a lot better, but I’m off to a great start!

A habit I would like to change for February is to cut down on the number of sweets I eat in a week. I have a raging sweet tooth and honestly, there is very little in this world that makes me happier than freshly baked, slightly undercooked chocolate chip cookies. (I don’t buy sweets when I grocery shop, but they somehow find a way into my mouth on an almost daily basis. Figure that one out.)

I am looking forward to February because I should get my tax refund, which means I’ll (hopefully) be completely out of credit card debt by this time next month! February will be another quiet, calm month (this whole year will be, for the most part), but I’m hoping it will be another month of making major progress on my goals.

I also want to take the time to review the resolutions I set and do a monthly update. Usually, I do an update every three months but I’m finding I can easily forget about my resolutions if I’m not constantly thinking about them. Here is my progress report for January!

Lose 50 lbs. I lost 5.7 lbs this month! I need to average 4.2 lbs per month to meet this goal, so I’m off to a great start!
Train for a 5K. On hold for right now.
Pay off all my credit cards and stop using them. I am 14% of the way there. I wanted to put $500 towards my credit card debt, but it wasn’t possible this month. The good news is that I didn’t use my credit cards at all in January! That is progress, friends. MAJOR. PROGRESS.
Have $1,500 of emergency savings. I was able to put $100 toward my savings. Once my credit cards are paid off, I will be funneling most of my discretionary income toward this goal.
Complete Project 365. Doing very well with this goal! Sometimes, it’s a pain, but mainly it’s really fun to find a moment in my day to photograph. (Follow along on Instagram! The above collage is nine of my favorite photos from this month, something I’ll be doing every month.)
Read 75 books (including 10 off this list). I read 6 books this month, which puts me on target to complete this goal. Doing well!
Visit NYC in the fall. On hold, may not actually get this one completed. (Debt goals come first!)
Travel to Miami to see a Miami Dolphins home game. On hold for now, until tickets go on sale.
Get a tattoo. Possibly will do this when I hit a certain weight. (30 lbs maybe?)
Start therapy. No progress made.
Go on more dates. I went on two in January! My goal is at least one a month.
Try yoga. Not yet. Maybe soon.
Read through the entire Bible. Doing well with this. I’m using the One Year Bible plan and it’s really perfect for me. I usually read while I’m getting ready for the day. A great way to start the day!
Send snail mail to blog friends throughout the year. Yes! I sent out some cards this month. I’m hoping to keep this going throughout the year. Birthday cards, thinking of you cards, celebratory cards. I’m excited about this one!
Help my mom plan a beautiful wedding. No progress made so far. I need to get cracking! The wedding will be super small, private, and intimate, but we need to find a restaurant to do the reception at that offers great service, good food, and isn’t too pricey. My goal for February is to find my mama a restaurant for her wedding reception!

What was the highlight of January for you? What’s the best thing you spent money on this month? What’s one thing you’re looking forward to in February?

Categories: Life

On Dating

Dating can be really fun. And exciting. And thrilling. It can make you fall asleep with a silly smile on your face and wake up with that same silly smile plastered, just from the thought of talking to him again. It can give you those delicious butterflies you feel deep in the pit of your belly as your phone dings with a text or you’re walking up to meet him for a date. It can give you inside jokes, silly texts, flirting, and someone to explore who you are with. It can give you awkward first kisses, steamy make-out sessions that you never want to end, and someone to share intimate moments and experiences with.

It can give you a better understanding of who you are and what you want. The more you use dating apps, the better you are at eliminating the guys you know will be a bad fit, and figuring out exactly what you need from a relationship. It will help you identify your deal breakers and discover what you need from a relationship. I know I need someone I feel safe with, someone I’m comfortable telling my secrets to. Someone who will push me to be better and treats me well. Someone who is smart and funny and loving and honest. Someone who knows how to give me space and hold me close when I need it. Someone who likes to be outside and do things, but is also just as happy snuggling up on the couch with a movie.

Dating will help you take off your romantic, rose-colored glasses and recognize no guy is perfect, Prince Charming (the way the movies tell it, at least) doesn’t exist, but the imperfections and frustrations and the messiness that is merging two lives together is better than any Cinderella story.

But, sometimes, dating is really exhausting. It’s tiring getting to know guy after guy, trying not to put too much hope that something will last but also not wanting to be too guarded with your emotions. Bad dates, bad kisses, bad guys. They are all a part of this game we call dating. It’s exhausting to keep trying, to continuously put yourself out there and meet guys and open your heart up.

Dating can make you crazy. It seems to turn me from a normal, somewhat sane human being to a Crazy version of myself, where I analyze each text message, conversation, glance, and inside joke. I’m a neurotic, anxious person by nature, and dating only seems to exacerbate those feelings. I tell myself to just enjoy the moment and not worry about what might happen weeks or months down the line, but the Crazy is always lingering, always present.

Sometimes, dating breaks your heart. Things don’t work out and that hopefulness you once woke up with has turned to hopelessness. That feeling of “If not him, then who?” That feeling of wondering if there will ever be any other person who gets you as he did. Who makes you as happy as he did. Who you feel as comfortable with as you did with him. Whether the breakup was mutual and peaceful or out of left field and volatile, it’s heartbreaking. It’s defeating. It’s crushing. You wonder how much more of a beating your heart can take, if this is even worth it.

I think it is. It is worth it. Even when it all crumbles in your face and you’re left wondering if you could have tried harder or been better or seen the signs. It’s worth the butterflies. It’s worth the hope. It’s worth the potential.

Categories: Life

My Very Best Job Searching Tips

Job searching can be dreadfully mundane, heartbreaking, and exhilarating. Whether it’s submitting resume after resume after resume, losing out on a great job, or getting a good lead on your dream job, it’s a roller coaster ride, for sure. I’ve been deep in the trenches of job searching twice since I graduated college in 2011. The first time, I searched for about four months (while working part-time at a daycare) until I landed a full-time marketing position. It didn’t pay well, but it was more than I was making at the time, and got my foot in the door.

About six months into that job, I decided to start looking for something else because I didn’t love what I was doing. The office environment was volatile, the work was killing my soul, and I knew I deserved to make more money. So for a year and a half, I was job searching. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do next, but I knew I wanted to explore my options, make more money, and do something more creative. Finally, after many resumes sent out, bad interviews, and lost opportunities, I landed my current job, which gave me a significant increase in salary, a much better office environment, and a chance to do what I’ve always wanted to do: write for a living.

Through these two job searching, shall we say, adventures, I’ve learned a few tips that I thought I would share with you all today. Let’s get this party started!

Make your resume stand out and please, please, please, for the love of everything holy, create an original cover letter.

Your resume has to shine. It needs to stand out and make the hiring manager take notice. The second time I job searched, I didn’t want my resume to look like anything I had ever seen before so I set to creating one that was a bit out of the box. I used new fonts, colored boxes, and reorganized the placement of my experience, education, and proficiencies. This may not be an option if you’re looking for a more corporate-type job, but if you’re looking to get into a creative field (which includes, in my opinion, marketing and public relations), play around with your resume and make it different.

And yes, you always need to attach a cover letter unless the job posting specifically states not to. Make it fresh and do not, under any circumstances, create a form cover letter you send to every job. (Just the thought of that makes me cringe!) The bottom line is that your cover letter may be the one thing, even over your resume, that gets you in the door. Make it interesting, make that first line stand out (My favorite cover letter I ever wrote started with this line: “I’m not going to lie to you – I’m probably not the best candidate for this job.”), and talk about how you specifically will help the company.

Don’t get sucked into the world of job search engines.

Here’s the deal: job search engines like Monster, Career Builder, and Indeed are the main places people go to look for jobs. So you’re competing with thousands of applicants. It’s hard to stand out from such a huge crowd. (And with many of these jobs using resume screening software that kicks out any resumes that don’t have specific buzzwords, your carefully crafted resume and cover letter may never see the light of day.) One of my favorite job search engines is none other than Craigslist. I would say I probably got a request for an interview 5-10% of the time when I used a big job search engine, while Craiglist yielded me requests 30-40%. It’s a great hub that smaller companies use. It’s where I found my marketing job and got a handful of interviews last year when I was job hunting. I’m not saying to never use the big job search engines, but don’t forget to branch out and try something new if that way isn’t working.

Prepare, prepare, prepare.

So you’ve landed an interview. Yay, congrats! Now comes the hard part: preparing. You need to come prepared with questions, you need to study up on the company, and you need to do as many mock interviews as you can. For the interview I had with my current job, I spent hours reading through their website, making notes, coming up with questions, and making sure I knew the in’s and out’s of SEO. In addition to all this, grab a friend, a parent, a boyfriend, a wife, a child, your dog… whatever, to give you a mock interview. Have them ask the hard questions so you can prepare yourself. It’s never more awkward or scary when you’re sitting in a big conference room with a potential employer and have no idea how to respond to a question.

Remember, you are interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you.

I get ridiculously nervous about job interviews. Stomach cramps, sweats, shakes, all of the above. I have a love/hate relationship with them. So one mantra that gets me through it is knowing I am interviewing this company, as much as they are interviewing me. I want to know more about the position, the company, the culture of the office. I want to picture myself working at this place. It’s sort of like a date, right? You think you like this person (job), you have talked before and seem to mesh well (job description seems right up your alley! You’re so excited about the potential!), and now you have to meet for that first date and see if it translates to real life (dun, dun, dun – the interview!). Go into it with an open mind. The world won’t end if you don’t get the job and remember that you, too, want to be impressed by the company.

You have to be super crazy dedicated to the search.

Lackluster effort isn’t going to yield great results. If you want a new job, you have to go after it with your entire soul. You have to spend hours searching, applying to as many jobs as you can, and spending your free time in job search mode. This includes going to job fairs, perfecting your resume and cover letter skills, and maybe even gaining some experience through classes or volunteering. My first time around, it was a bit easier to really put all my effort into job hunting because I only worked part-time so I had more free time. I was applying to at least 20 jobs a week, desperate for anything that would get me out of the daycare. My second time around, I wasn’t as hardcore, applying to about 10-15 jobs on a good week, but I still forced myself out of bed early to apply for jobs. It’s not fun, it’s a lot of work, but the reward was completely worth it.

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My only other advice is to be patient. Continue to apply for jobs, hone your interviewing skills, and perfect your resume. Don’t give up. It can be very defeating and overwhelming and even heart-wrenching at times, to be passed over again and again for jobs. But your time will come. You will find that job you’ve been searching for. You will receive that glorious “We want to offer you the job” phone call. Hold tight. The work is worth it.

What job-hunting advice would you offer?