Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

A State of Flux

Ever since the semester ended, I’ve been in a weird place. As crazy, time-consuming, and hectic as last semester was, I enjoyed it. I was challenged beyond belief, exhausted by 10 AM, and busier than I have ever been. But there was freedom in that. I was stretching and growing as a person and as a student. I was given tasks to complete and I did them, some greater than my biggest expectation.

And now I’m back to an easy, go-with-the-flow life. I wake up at 5:30 AM, go to work, come home, watch a little TV, take a nap, read some blogs, rinse and repeat. There’s no challenge, no focus, no excitement. It’s back to the same blah existence that I had before. Sure, I felt better rested and less crazy but there’s something magical about being busy and crazy. Something that makes you stand up and enjoy life.

I want that back. I want to be busy again. I want a new challenge.

I’ve been thinking a lot about goals. Where do I want to be this time next year? Who do I want to be? How can I stretch myself as a person? What’s my five-year plan?

I made three New Year’s resolutions which are pretty straight to the point. I like those resolutions and have kept them at the forefront of my mind this year as I seek to achieve them by December 31. I have a “101 in 1001” goals list that keeps me motivated to take on new tasks and challenges.

But I want something bigger than that. I want to set some big goals and figure out how I am going to achieve them. I want to sit down and come up with a list of where/who I want to be in five years. I want to start living my life with intention every single day.

I never aimed to live the life of a normal college-aged girl. But I also never aimed to live the life of an eighty-year-old. I want to experience more of life, get a taste of the nightlife, and travel. I want to go to bed exhausted but thrilled about my life. I want excitement, growth, change.

Next week, I’m going to start a week-long media fast. I’ll disable Twitter and Facebook from my phone. I’m not going to read any blogs (so, um, don’t post anything exciting. ‘Kay?) or even go on the Internet. I’m allowing myself one hour of TV a night. I just want to take a step back from this fast-paced, high-tech digital world and find peace within myself. I want to take time to pray with God, read my Bible, and do my Bible study. I want to journal on paper and talk about things I’m too scared to bring to life on my blog. I want to experience life and not worry about sending a tweet about it the minute it happens. I want to figure out what I want out of life and how to get that.

I’m drifting right now. I’m not exactly sure where I want life to take me. I’m not exactly sure who I want along for the ride. But I’m just not happy with life right now. I want to take the negativity out and bring in the positive. I want to remember what it’s like to be head over heels for Christ. And I want to reconnect with myself. I want to find myself again, away from Stephany Writes.

Categories: Life

Friday Odds and Ends

  • I ended up dropping two of my courses. I received an e-mail on Wednesday saying that if my tuition wasn’t paid in full, I would be dropped. I called the cashier’s office and was told I may or may not be dropped if I didn’t pay the whole thing. All in all, it came down to money. My books for the semester were going to cost close to $200. And on top of that, tuition was going to be $1,600. To be quite honest, I don’t have that kind of money. My mom is not rolling in dough and I need to help her out with bills as much as I can. So I’m back to square one: learning Spanish myself. Any tips?
  • My hours were cut slightly at work. Our numbers are usually low in the summer and they’ve really been dropping like flies in the past week. We lost three toddlers in one week. The classroom I was in now only has five toddlers on roll, so I’m not needed in there. My boss has found things for me to do, though, and I’ve actually gotten a lot of hours this week due to people calling in. Yay for that?
  • Honestly, the comments on my last post were the best ever. I was worried I would get a lot, “BUT YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!” and people would think I was being self-pitying and looking for comments. I wasn’t. I think it’s something every girl struggles, or has struggled, with. Also, as a side note, I did not mean to take a boob pic. It was supposed to show my non-collarbones and I really didn’t think as I posted that picture. But thanks for the sweet comments.
  • Today, I start Level 3 of The 30-Day Shred challenge. I am proud to admit that I’ve done this challenge for 20 days straight. I’m surprised at this fact and that I’ve stuck with it. Honestly, the video is only 28 minutes long and I cannot understand how Biggest Loser contestants deal with her for hours and hours for four straight months! (Well, I do. And believe me, Jillian is good at pushing people to accomplish things they never thought they could.) I plan on giving a full report on the workouts, pounds/inches lost, and how I liked this when May is up. I will say that now every time I see Jillian outside of this video, I want to punch her in the face.
  • Lately, I’ve been struggling with lunch. Luckily, my schedule permits so I can go home for lunch but I have such a tough time thinking of what to eat. I did the sandwich thing for a while (tuna, PB&J, turkey with lettuce) but it got old. Then I did the salad thing for a while but honestly, I can only have so much salad before it makes me want to vomit. I’m at a loss. Blog friends, or real life friends if you’re reading this, what do you eat for lunch? It doesn’t have to be quick and easy but I need some ideas!
  • This post title and idea was stolen from Ashley. That is all.
Categories: Life

Grateful

I’ve been in a very blah kind of mood lately. I don’t really know why this is, other than some changes happening in my life and all the bad eating I did this week. I remember listening to the radio one day and a guest they had on talking about negativity and how we need to discover what is good in our lives, instead of focusing on all the bad.

And there is a lot of good in my life…

  • I have a job. Albeit, I’m no longer working with a good friend who I had so much in common with and enjoyed working with, nor am I working with the best 2- and 3-year-olds who will ever live, but I do have a job. My hours have not been drastically cut, even though our numbers are low. And I do get to work with adorable toddlers, ages 13-16 months. Cuteness personified.
  • I have the ability to attend a pretty awesome university with an accredited journalism program. I’ve talked about what my summer is going to look like and it’s not going to be an easy, breezy summer like I had hoped. But this summer gets me one step closer to graduation and offers me the challenge of growing and stretching myself. I’m lucky enough to have a mother who can support me and who does so in every facet of my life.
  • I’m starting to understand this health thing. Granted, I had a bad week last week as I was in a mini-vacation mode. But I’m committed to living a healthier lifestyle and I understand what this entails now. It’s not so much about choosing foods that give me less points, but choosing foods that may be higher in points but as higher in fullness levels and with less bad stuff in them.
  • My 19-month-old nephew, who is an absolute joy. He is at an age where he’s talking more, being silly, and just so much fun to be around. When I take pictures with him, he wraps his arm around my neck and gives the silliest, goofiest grin. He gets angry when we reprimand him and it’s probably the funniest thing you will ever see! I love this little boy with all of my heart and you really cannot ever be in a bad mood around him. He’s too funny!
  • This blog community. I’ve been blogging for years before I started this blog and I never knew about this amazing community of bloggers. I’ve become friends with some amazing people who just make me smile with their supportive comments. I just love reading about your lives and all of you seriously inspire me.

Your turn! What are you grateful for today?

Categories: Life

Sometimes, I Like to Whine

I had a bit of a meltdown on Mother’s Day. And my mom, being the mom she is, took it all in stride. She talked me down from the cliff. On the day where I should have been honoring her, she showed me the utmost support and devotion. (Even as I threw out f-bombs, cried, and freaked out over little things.)

And then I signed up for two more classes.

Basically, my story is that I haven’t taken my language classes yet. When I was an education major, the three years I took Spanish in middle and high school counted as a language credit. But with journalism, and now that I’m going for my B.A. degree (instead of the B.S., as education is), I need to take two college-level language classes. The only way to get out of them is to take an exemption test.

When I signed up for classes in March, I signed up for Spanish I in summer and Spanish II in fall. After seeing what my tuition would cost me for summer, I knew I couldn’t handle paying over $2,000. So I dropped the language class and told myself I would have to teach myself Spanish this summer.

But I freaked out on Sunday. I honestly don’t think it’s possible for me to be fluent in Spanish within a few months where I could pass an exemption test. I don’t even think I was fluent after taking three years of it!

So I signed back up for Spanish for summer. The good news and bad news is that it’s online. Good news because I think it’ll be easier online and bad news because online classes cost about $100 more in tuition. (The in-class version didn’t fit with my schedule.) You may learn more here how onnoplus can help you with e-learning. I feel so much better that I’m taking it at Fernstudium Infomaterial. Yes, it means there will most likely be no awesome vacation for my mom and me this summer. It means my crazy hair change is going to have to wait until late July or August. (And by then, my hair will probably be at my waist. Eek!) But it also means less stress and less worry. I’ve had this weight upon my shoulders about whether or not I’ll be able to graduate in December. And now it’s gone.

In addition, I have to take one exit course. I tried to sign up for an online one in the fall, but it would put me at 19 credit hours which isn’t allowed. So I had to sign up for one in the summer. And I’m not happy about it because it’s a 10-week course. And it’s a night class. And it’s two days a week. Sure, there are worse things in the world. Like job loss. And hunger. And bad haircuts.

I was looking forward to an easy summer. I was looking forward to putting a lot of money towards my credit cards and maybe taking a nice vacation. I was looking forward to sleeping in on Saturdays and spending my weekends doing “me” things. And now my summer will be consumed by school.

I’m holding tight to my December 11th graduation date. I’m going to make it to that date. It’s going to be a struggle. I’m going to fight it. And I might even whine more, just as I did in this post. Just stick with me.

Categories: Life

Successes & Failures

This semester was not easy. Many times, it was not fun. I cried over school more now than I ever had before, excluding my awful final internship. I’ve never been so stressed out in my life. I was stretched beyond belief. I had to step outside my comfort zone more times than ever. I dealt with exhaustion. I began this semester with stars in my eyes. And I ended this semester with stars in my eyes.

I succeeded in ways I never imagined. I did things I never thought I could do. I stepped out of my comfort zone and found a new Stephany. One who is confident in her abilities. One who is creative. One who has a critical eye to design and editing. One who can take a blank page and make it into a piece of art. One who is perky and bright. One who takes on unfamiliar projects and succeeds. One who forgets all the limits she has placed on herself. One who is proud of herself and isn’t afraid to say so.

I put more hours this semester into homework and studying for tests than I ever have before. I spent entire weekends, working on assignment after assignment. In past semesters, I could put in a few hours on Saturday and be good for the week. I have never worked so hard in my life.

I had meltdowns over this semester. I wondered how I was going to manage to do it all. I knew I was stretching myself thin, between working 25 hours at my job, 10 hours at my internship, and my 3 classes. These classes involved more work and more dedication than I have ever taken. By the end of January, I began to hate my life and question whether I could do this.

But I did it. I succeeded. I put my heart and soul into my magazine project. I studied my brains out for my law exams. And I learned more about the editing process that just made me love writing all the more.

With those successes, come failures. I found myself confused more often than not. I wrote some very crappy stories that I’m a little embarrassed to tie my name to. I wrote a term report on a subject I knew nothing about, yet did nothing to familiarize myself with the topic. I rushed through some assignments. I didn’t do my best work. I didn’t try hard enough. This will be my worst semester since I started in the journalism program, grades-wise.

Still, I can’t be upset with myself. Even if this won’t be a straight-A semester like I’ve had previously in the journalism program, it will be a semester where I worked my hardest. And if I make a B in a class where I did my very best work? A B in a class I thought I would fail? I’m fine with that. After all, a B is nothing to be ashamed of.