Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

Finding My Niche

I haven’t been very happy with the way I’ve been blogging lately. I feel like I’m straying farther and farther away from the essence of this blog and more into “What can I write that will get me a lot of comments?”

It’s a horrible way to blog.

When I first started blogging, it was just because I liked to write and I liked having a way to document my thoughts and feelings about what was happening in my life. I never received comments and the only person I knew who read my blog was my mom.

But now I have followers. I receive comments on every blog post. I have made friends through blogging. I have given and received advice. I have debated over religious and political viewpoints. I have found a blogging community where I belong.

I love that part of the blogging. I don’t love what my (minor) popularity has done to my blogging. I remember Shalay writing a post about this last summer. It was a great post that sums up all of my thoughts in her hilarious blunt way.

See, I’m trying to figure out where I belong exactly. I’m not in a relationship of any kind. I’m not planning a wedding. I’m not a newlywed. I’m not married. I’m not a mother. I’m not pregnant. I’m not trying to become pregnant. I hate cooking. I suck at designing and decorating. I’m not training for a marathon. I don’t care about fashion. I’m not interested in sharing every mundane detail about my weight loss efforts. I’m not living abroad. I don’t have an interesting job. I can’t talk about anything that happens at my job on this blog. I can’t talk about anything that happens at my internship on this blog. I’m not living on my own. The only bills I pay are my credit card bills. I live with my mom. I’m not moving out any time soon. I’m not moving to another state for a job. I’m not interested in missions work (yet). I don’t travel. The finest restaurant I eat out at is Carrabba’s.

Frankly, my life is boring. I work, I go to school, I’m in an internship. I have a healthy relationship with my mom. I have few friends and no social life to speak of. I watch way too much TV and take naps whenever possible. I’m a homebody.

I’m trying to figure what type of blogger I want to be. Am I a seven-day-a-week blogger? A three-day-a-week blogger? A one-day-a-week blogger? A once-every-other-week blogger?

I know I want to go back to the basics of blogging again. I want to get back to writing. I want to write about my thoughts and feelings again. I want to stop completely meme’s and participating in every weekly feature I can find. I want to start honing my writing skills and this blog is the perfect place for that.

Maybe my niche is that I don’t have a niche. I’m just a blogger. I’m just a blogger who is trying her hardest to break into the publishing world, has doubts about every aspect of her life, and loves her family more than anything in this world.

Some things are going to change around here. And I hope you all stay along for the ride. I promise it’ll be worth it.

Categories: Life

Priorities

I knew this semester was going to be jam-packed, busy, and test every level of strength I possessed. What I didn’t know was how much it would try to break me.

I’m not good at managing my time. This is not a new fact for me. The truth is, I’d much rather spend my time blogging, catching up my DVR-ed shows, and sleeping than doing actual work. It’s the lazy American in me, you could say.

I managed fairly well, working a part-time job and going to school full-time, last semester. I managed to scrape by with A’s and an almost-A and didn’t feel as if my entire world was caving in at all. The last few weeks were intense but I managed.

I still have another two months to go and I’ve already had my fair share of cry-my-eyes-out meltdowns. My mom has witnessed way too many of these and I’m not a very nice person when these occur. I throw out F-bombs, snap at her for no reason, and just get ugly. It’s not pretty.

But I’m going to make it through this semester. I’m going to succeed, even if success comes in the form of a barely-passable C-.

In order to succeed, I need to put my priorities together. The only way I am going to make it through this semester without going crazy is by figuring out the placement of everything in my life.

Obviously, school must come first. I’m in the process of figuring out what I have due for the rest of the semester in all my classes and making sure I have a timeline to complete it all. The biggest thing weighing on my mind is a 16-page magazine I have to create from scratch. Original images, original designs, and original stories. I’ve come to realize design is not my forte and I know this magazine won’t be the best in the class. But I just want to create it for me and to be happy with my work – even if my professor isn’t.

Second on the list is my health. I’m on the Weight Watchers program and lost three pounds my first week. I want to keep my health in check and know this is the one thing in my life that I can control, even if everything else in my life is going to the crapper. And I know by eating healthy, drinking water, and exercising, I will keep my body happy. And a happy body means a happy mind, right?

Third on the list is my relationship with God. I need to fall back in love with Jesus and I need Him to help me make it through these days. I know I’m just going to falter if I try to do this on my own. And I need His help with the magazine I’m going to produce. I’m trying out a new small group on Sunday and I’m hoping this one works for me. I really have tried so many small groups that I just don’t enjoy, people-wise. I want to feel comfortable and I want my relationship with God to deepen through it.

Sitting lower on my list of priorities are my social life, blogging life, and job. My job isn’t something I’m willing to give up. After this semester, it should be smooth sailing for my last two semesters of college. And I want to keep my job throughout it. I love where I work and even if the pay is crappy, it’s better than no job. My social life is laughable so let’s not even talk about it. Suffice it to say, I know I need down time but those times will be few and far between for the next two months.

But blogging. I love blogging. I love writing blogs and reading posts. I love commenting and finding out I have new people reading my blog. And it hurts to know it’s going to have to go on the back burner for the next few months. My goal is to aim for 1-2 blog posts a week and keep up with my Google Reader as much as possible. But I do need to step away from the obsession I have over blogging until school has calmed down. Am I happy about it? No. But it’s necessary.

I’m already counting down the days until May. It’s going to be a rough, crazy, stressful two months but I will make it through. And I will succeed. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Categories: Life

What a Week!

Last week was crazy. CRAZY! I really don’t want to have to live through another week like that ever again. It was just too insane.

Anyway, here’s some of the “fun” that happened this week.

I missed you guys!
Taking a break from blogging was exactly what I needed for this week but I missed it more than I thought I would. I missed writing my blog posts, publishing them, and checking my phone a million times a day to see if anyone had commented. I missed reading blogs and commenting. So I’m super stoked to be back and hopefully, I won’t have another week as crazy as this one was.

Also, I changed my layout this weekend and for some reason, Disqus has not been working for me. I cannot get any comments to show up. I’ve probably run through their installation system 10 times to get comments to show up to no avail. I sent a service request so we’ll see what happens. Right now, I’m back to the old Blogger commenting system. (But no word verification! See? I’m nice!) I’m just really confused and annoyed by all of this.

My “dad” wrote back.
I got a message on my phone on Friday, while I was over at my brother’s. The good thing is, I read the e-mail out loud while my brother and my mom listened. So I’m really glad I didn’t have to read that e-mail alone. Because it was an awful e-mail. Once again, he took no responsibility and laid it all back on my shoulders. He told me to stop using him as a “crutch” for why I cannot have a good relationship with a guy, tried to take credit for raising me (the way my brother and I turned out had to do 75% of US and 25% of my mom. 0% of him. We turned out the way we are IN SPITE of him), and didn’t once say “I love you” or “I’m sorry.” Oh, and he also talked about the great relationship he had with my mom. (Go ahead, laugh. I did!)

I have plans to write him back and the e-mail I write back to him will not be anywhere near as nice. I tried to leave the door open for him to have a relationship with me and he firmly shut the door in my face. I’m giddy with excitement of everything I’m going to write to him. No sugarcoating and no sweetness is going into this letter. It’s going to be blunt, mean, and scathing. I just want to give myself a few days to calm down from the e-mail so I know exactly what I want to say.

And after that e-mail, it will be over. I’m done. I’m fed up with him and his lack of responsibility. And I’m just tired of it all.

A project, a paper, and a monster test.
 This week was, by far, one of the busiest I’ve ever experienced. And I know it doesn’t seem like a lot. I know I’ve had more due in one week but none of this caliber. The project took hours to complete, using InDesign, a program I’ve never had any experience with until a few weeks ago. So my designs feel like kindergarten scribble compared to some of my other classmates. And I got the extreme pleasure of having my newspaper frontpage critiqued by my professor and classmates. Luckily, the critique wasn’t as bad as I expected and I do get to fix my mistakes and resubmit the project.

The paper, with which I did 4 live interviews and 2 e-mail interviews for, was probably one of the worst I’ve written. I wrote it in under an hour and was just trying to get it done, somewhat edited, and sent by Tuesday night. It was for my News Editing class and the head of the journalism department is my professor. Needless to say, I’m pretty certain he wasn’t all too impressed with it.

The monster test took up most of my week. I spent the weekend looking through the study guide and finding the answers and then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday night studying my notes. And I’m a terrible studier. I just can’t sit there and study for hours and hours. So I headed into Thursday (test day) very uncertain of my study materials. I ended up taking Thursday morning off work and met with a friend from class before the test where we studied together for 2 hours. And it was SO helpful! I realized I knew a lot more than I previously thought and ended up going into the test feeling very positive. And I think I did better than expected on the exam.

Exhaustion and sickness.
I ended up catching some kind of bug starting on Sunday. It started with a scratchy throat which morphed into an annoying sore throat. Then I got the snifflies and a cough. The sickness was bad enough. But let’s add in exhaustion. Extreme exhaustion. Exhaustion where I’m a little frightened to drive because I don’t know if I can keep my eyes open. I think my tiredness had to do with the 4-5 hours of sleep I was getting a night, the bug, and just feeling completely worn out and run down.

There were so many days I just wanted to come home and sleep for hours. But I couldn’t and drank way too much Coke to try to keep me awake. (I’m more of a Coke girl than a coffee girl when it comes to caffeine.)

Categories: Life

Joining the Bandwagon

Next week is going to be crazy, busy, stressful, and a whirlwind. I have so much to do, including:

  • Designing a newspaper front that has to be spectacular, since my other projects have fizzled badly.
  • A big, monster law exam on Thursday for which I’ve never even opened the book for. (Oops?)
  • A news-worthy story to write. I need to do loads of interviews for this and just figured out my topic yesterday. (By the way, have you or someone you know ever found out they had breast cancer due to a self-exam or mammogram, done before the age of 50? It would be SUCH a help if you could help me with this.)
  • Finally open my textbooks and do my assigned readings. (Yes, I know. I’m a slacker.)
  • Prepare for my graded in-class editing assignment and quiz on Wednesday.

So, I’ll be away from blogging for a while. I’m hoping to be back by next Monday and I’m going to try to keep up with reading blogs, but I can’t promise anything.

Anyway, I’m coming up on my 100th post. (Crazy!) And I know I should do something big and major for it. Since I’m a poor, college student barely making enough to afford a Target shopping trip every other week, a giveaway is not in the budget. (Sorry, I suck. I know.)

Instead, I’ll be joining the Q&A bandwagon. Ask me anything you want in the comments and I’ll answer them in my 100th post. This post is going to be up for a while so come back and ask me more questions if you want! (I’ve always worried that I would get, like, 3 questions if I ever made one of these posts. So please ask me questions and ease my worries!)

Ask, ask, ask!

Categories: Life

Mission: Accomplished

On Thursday, I was given my first “mission” at my internship. I was going to have to call a whole bunch of businesses, radio stations, and newspapers to talk about a promotional item and see if they were interested.

Let’s repeat. I had to call major businesses, radio stations, and newspapers. Do I need to remind you of my phone phobia? My phone phobia where sometimes I’m so nervous to make a doctor’s appointment that I keep putting it off? I knew this was going to be a test of my abilities and it was extremely nerve-wracking, especially since I was calling from my cubicle where everyone in the office could hear me. But I called these places (about 20 total) and it wasn’t as awful as I first suspected. It actually ended up being kind of fun! Imagine that! I would definitely chalk this down as a Good Experience.

After calling the places, I then had to hand-deliver the items. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Only problem was, I had to deliver them downtown, which is full (FULL!) of one-way streets. And sure, I’ve grown up in this area but always in the northern part. I’ve ventured down to downtown a few times but I’m either a.) not driving or b.) know exactly where I’m going. (My university is downtown but super easy to find.)

Hand-delivering the show tickets was just the beginning of my mission. I’ll give a quick recap:

  • I turned left down a street and couldn’t seem to find where to turn exactly so I ended up driving through the bus stop lane. Luckily, there was nobody around and no buses during that time but can we spell e m b a r r a s s i n g?
  • MapQuest gave me completely wrong directions and I ended up in a boating park. (Thank God for the GPS on my phone.)
  • I was so flustered by the wrong directions MapQuest gave me, that I stopped for probably 5 minutes at a stop sign until finally realizing it was a stop sign and not a red light.
  • While turning right onto a street, I hit a curb badly. And I’m talking made the back end of the car bounce and the CD skip badly. I don’t think the tire is ruined (yet) but it scared me. I would be lying if I didn’t almost start crying and wishing for my mom at that moment.
  • I stopped at 2 green lights for a full 2 minutes.
  • I parked at a few metered parking spots and had to rush to my destination, hand over the items, and rush back to my car. I was scared to death I was going to get a ticket for sitting at a metered parking spot for 3 minutes!
  • I drove past so many streets, it wasn’t even funny. (Especially when it’s noon and the only food in your body is have a bowl of soggy cornflakes. I don’t function well when I’m starving and weak.) And since I’m downtown and around one-way streets, if you drive past the street you need to be on, you have to drive at least five blocks to the next available street to turn on to get to where you need to be.

All in all, it was an adventure. But it was also fun. It was neat going to all these different places and seeing the people who worked there. I went to an art studio for one delivery and for the first time in my life, I thought about becoming an artist. (But since I can’t draw a stick figure without messing it up, I know that’s not the path for me.) And I’m learning more and more about downtown and I’m hoping my next adventure won’t be as crazy.

I knew this internship would stretch me as a person. I would have to do things I wasn’t totally comfortable with and get over my fears. And it’s doing that. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping into the path of a career woman. It’s scary, exciting, frightening, and thrilling. It’s a slow process but I’m getting there.

And that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I take a leap of faith out of my comfort zone and into something completely different that Old Stephany? It’s amazing. And I want to have that feeling every day.

There’s a new post on my weight loss blog: Blogging to Lose. This week, I’m talking about taking this whole healthy lifestyle approach slow and steady. Check it out!