Relationships – Page 4

One Year Later and It Still Doesn’t Feel Real

I remember the way she laughed. With her whole face and body. When she was really tickled by something, she’d stomp her feet and clap her hands in utter joy.

I remember that there was nothing more satisfying than making her laugh like that. She made me feel clever.

***

I remember the way her eyes would light up and her face would break into a smile when she saw me walk through her door. My grandma was a woman who loved people and she especially loved her grandchildren.

I remember knowing that she was always elated by my company and that there was never a bad time for a visit. She made me feel special.

***

I remember spending summer days at grandma’s house, swimming in the pool, playing “grocery store,” making fluffernutter sandwiches, pretending to do gymnastics. It was a second home to me.

I remember that Grandma always had time to play with me and teach me new things. She made me feel loved.

***

I remember the sound of her rocking chair and the pitch of her voice as she sang to me and rocked me to sleep in her arms. I can still picture that faded red rocking chair and darkened room and young grandma, even 25+ years later.

I remember how comforting her hugs were and how quintessentially grandma she was. She made me feel safe.

***

I remember how she would pray over me when I was scared or feeling upset. Her voice would be strong and held no doubt that she believed wholeheartedly in her words and in the God she was praying to.

I remember how much I ached to be the kind of woman of faith she was. She made me feel awed.

***

I remember how she would fight for me when my mom was doing something that I found to be annoying. She always supported her daughter and the decisions she made, but she also fought for me and the things I wanted.

I remember how good it felt to have someone in my corner, fighting for me. She made me feel supported.

***

I remember every holiday meal that my grandma hosted and how she would only sit down after everyone had been served. Serving people was grandma’s most favorite thing to do.

I remember the one Thanksgiving where she had to be served, rather than serving others because she had just finished up chemo and was still really weak. For once, I got to serve her and there was no greater honor. She made me feel blessed.

***

It still doesn’t feel real that grandma is really and truly gone. I won’t ever see her again. I won’t ever hear her laugh or say my name in that surprised-yet-delighted way when I walk through her door. I won’t ever get one of her all-encompassing hugs or feel the comfort of her prayers or listen to her tell me a story about her past.

It’s been a year since we said goodbye to her. A year filled with “griefstones,” as a friend put it. My first birthday without her, our first Thanksgiving and Christmas, her first birthday she didn’t celebrate, the first wedding anniversary she wasn’t there for. Some days, I feel overwhelmed with my grief. Everything just hurts and everything just feels so unfair. Every time I pass a white-haired lady in public, my heart races and my stomach twists because it just makes me miss her even more. She was truly the perfect grandma in every sense of the word and I don’t know how to exist without her.

But even as I grieve, I know she is in a better place and I know I will see her again. She was my everything and I feel so blessed that I got to call her grandma. I feel grateful that I got 28 years with her as my guiding force and that she taught me so much. I could only hope to have the kind of impact as she did. She was truly one of a kind.

“And as Your mercy falls, I’ll raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.”

Categories: Relationships

On His Fourteenth Birthday

Today, Dutch turns fourteen.

I can’t lie – at this stage of his life, I spend his birthdays wondering if he’ll be around to celebrate his next one. It’s morbid, I know, but that’s where my mind goes.

He’s fourteen, but sometimes, it’s hard to believe he’s this old because he’s still got tons of energy, barely any gray hair, and all of his teeth (heh). He shows his old age in his grumpiness, which showcases itself mostly at night. He just gets a bit growly and mean if you try to disturb him while he sleeps… I can’t tell you how many times my roommate or I have said, “Ugh, he looks so cute and I want to snuggle him, but I’m afraid he’ll bite me.”

He also shows his old age in his peanut-sized bladder. Oy vey, is this the most annoying part of caring for Dutch. He requires upwards of seven walks a day because he just cannot hold it anymore. (And when I say “walks,” this sometimes means just stepping outside to let him pee; it takes about five minutes.) I like to say he’s very “IDGAF” because if he has to go and I don’t let him out assoonaspossiblehurryupMomIneedtogoooo, he’ll just pee on the floor. In front of me. Without a care in the world. How very dachshund of him!

Dutch went through a lot this past year, so let’s review:

He pinched a nerve in his back, which I think happened during a grooming appointment at PetSmart. For a few weeks, he was limping around and unable to run up and down our stairs.
He met his favorite celebrity dachshund – Crusoe! – and spent time carousing with other dachshunds at the beach.
He had a UTI that lasted for more than a month – poor dude! That was a really, really hard time for all of us.
He moved to Tampa and endeared himself to a new roommate, who loves him like a child.
He participated in his fourth Running of the Wieners race, and he placed second in his heat.
He was violently ill with a bacterial infection, which cleared up instantly after a day on antibiotics.

Age thirteen included a lot of visits to the vet, which is just par for the course with a senior dog. Still, I am hoping age fourteen is a lot less crazy and we can go more than three months between vet visits (praying hands emoji). Taking care of a senior dog can be very difficult, and I don’t think I realized just how difficult until I moved out and am now taking care of him on my own. My roommate is terrific and helps me out whenever she can, and my mom is always around to help, but the truth is, he’s my #1 responsibility now. And it can be hard taking him out seven times a day, especially since I live in an apartment and can’t just let him out in the backyard. It also means I have to schedule my life around his walks – I can’t be gone for an entire day unless my roommate is around to let him out. My life is scheduled in four-hour increments.

But if this is my biggest issue with Dutch, I guess we’re doing okay. He’s been tested for everything under the sun to ensure his incessant need to go out isn’t an underlying condition, and it’s not. He’s fine – he’s just old and now has to pee a lot.

It’s hard to know how to put into words how much this dog means to me. He’s more than a pet. He’s my sidekick, my little buddy, my love. He’s the best part of my day and he makes me the happiest.

Happy birthday, little old man! I love you to the moon and back.

Categories: Relationships

Life Lessons from My Grandma

My grandma taught me a lot – about life, about love, about what it means to be a good person. She was one of the best humans on this earth. She was giving, kind, compassionate. Even when she was at her sickest, she never faltered in her positivity and tenacious spirit. If you’re looking to add a touch of magic to your life with spell kits, why not click here and order now. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it wasn’t for my grandma. Every decision I make, there is always this underlying question I ask myself, “Would this make my grandma proud?” (Which, to be honest, can be quite the difficult question to answer when making a not-so-smart choice, as we’re wont to do!)

She was always more than a grandma to me, but someone I considered a mentor and a friend.

So, with all this in mind, I wanted to write a post on some of the life lessons my grandma taught me.

1. Family first – always.

My grandma raised six children (five boys! And one perfect angel of a daughter – my mama!). She also helped to raise three more children (a godson and two grandchildren), and in the past three years, has been helping to raise another child (a great-grandchild). My grandma was all about family – she was happiest rocking a baby, she loved big family get-togethers and lavished all her attention on her kids. When I was younger, my brother and I would spend countless entire weekends at her house and she was always so happy to have us there. Grandma taught me the importance of family.

2. The most important relationship you’ll have in life is your relationship with God.

My grandma was a devout Christian and believed in God with her full heart. Her belief in God was inspirational because she was one of those people who had a real relationship with Jesus. She lived and breathed her faith. She was one of those people who could pull out a Bible verse from her head to provide comfort for anything someone was going through. She was the one who taught me about the Bible, about Noah and Abraham and Jonah and Paul. She was the one who taught me to pray, and while it breaks my heart that I’ll never again be comforted by her prayers for me again, I’m so grateful I was the recipient of them for so many years, especially the ones I never heard. Grandma taught me about the comfort that is believing in something bigger than yourself. She taught me how important a relationship with God is.

3. A positive attitude will take you far.

When I think of my grandma, I try not to remember the lady she was in the hospital, but I try to remember who she innately was – someone who always had a smile for me, who would always laugh at my jokes (no matter how lame!). She exuded positivity throughout her entire life. Her positive attitude is what helped her through multiple cancer diagnoses, through countless rounds of chemotherapy, through the hard nights and dark days. Grandma taught me to find positivity in the everyday, and that the mind is a powerful instrument in fighting the body.

4. Making people feel loved, appreciated, and special is one of the best gifts you can give to the world.

There’s a quote by Maya Angelou that states, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” My grandma embodied that quote so much. She made people feel good. She made them feel accepted and loved and valued and cherished. Whenever I was around her, my spirits instantly lifted and I felt better about myself and my life. Grandma taught me that everyone is deserving of love.

5. Chocolate is a cure for almost everything.

I definitely have my grandma to thank for my raging sweet tooth. She loved chocolate, baked goods, all sweets. For grandma, problems were solved through a sweet treat. When my mom left my father, my mom, brother, and I all moved in with my grandparents. That period of time was difficult, but my fondest memories of that time were the nights spent around the kitchen table – just my grandma, my mom, and me – drinking hot chocolate and eating something sweet, talking about life and reminiscing on the past. Grandma taught me to love my guilty pleasures and to never apologize for them.

6. Find the humor in all things.

My grandma loved to laugh and she had a lighthearted way about her. She knew how to laugh at herself, and being a mom of six kids, she had to learn how to laugh and roll with the punches. Grandma taught me to find the humor in life. Life can be tragic and heartbreaking, but mostly, it’s fun and crazy and hilarious. Laughter is medicine for the soul.

7. You are not your circumstances.

One of the biggest lessons my grandma taught me was this one. She was never a victim. She never questioned why or blamed God or complained about her cancer diagnosis. And maybe, deep in the corners of her mind or when she was alone with my grandpa, she allowed those thoughts to seep through, but even if she did, she never lived in a victimized way. She was a woman who had cancer, not a cancer patient. Grandma taught me that I am not my anxiety, I am not my weight, I am not my singleness. I am Stephany – and that is perfectly enough.

8. Invest in relationships.

My grandma was never a passive participant in her relationships. She was active and always, always interested in the lives of other people. She kept in touch. I mean, her best friend and her were friends for 48 years! Can you imagine having a friend for that long? My grandma had so many people who came to see her at the end, which is a testament to the impact she had on others. Grandma taught me to take the time to be a friend, no matter how busy life gets.

What’s a life lesson you learned from your grandma?

Categories: Relationships

The Bond of Aunts & Siblings

My mom is the one who called it.

“Jenny’s going to have the baby soon,” she told me on Thursday, after showing me a picture my sister-in-law had posted of her belly on Facebook.

My sister-in-law, Jenny, wasn’t due for another two weeks (she was scheduled to have a C-section on March 2), but, in that photo, I saw that her belly had dropped pretty significantly since the last time I saw her and she looked ready to pop.

“I don’t think she’s making it to March.”

I agreed with my mom, but I did not expect to be holding my new nephew in my arms a mere two days later.

Dominic Jacob, my brand-new nephew, came into the world on Saturday, February 21, weighing 8 lbs, 6 ounces. He has chunky cheeks, arm and leg rolls, and a wonderful set of lungs. He is the spitting image of what my nephew, Jovy, looked like as a newborn. He is perfect.

There’s really something special about being an aunt. Our bond is so much different than that of a parent or a grandparent. Since my nephews have two other aunts, I’ve had to figure out where my place is. What is my role? How am I going to connect with my nephew(s)? The truth of the matter is that I’m not much of a kid person, which is funny because I worked in a preschool for almost three years. But I’m just not. I think kids are great and fun and wonderful… but I just don’t connect with them. So I’ve had to figure out this aunt thing… what it meant for me, what I wanted it to be. And I’m still figuring it out because it changes with each new stage and age. Right now, with my oldest nephew, I’m here to have fun. I’m here to listen and let him be heard. I’m here to joke with him and introduce him to books and reading. I’m here to help him when he needs it, but let him have independence. I’m just always here. I may not be the most outspoken and I may not be the one he goes to when he needs comfort, but I’m always here. That’s my role.

It’s astonishing to me that it was six whole years ago that I stood in a hospital room similar to the one I stood in on Saturday, holding my first nephew for the first time. I was 20 years old, intent on gaining my degree in education, and in my final teaching internship. (It would be a month later that I left that internship.) These six years have seen so much growth, both for me and obviously for my nephew. Now, he’s got this whole life of his own! He has best friends and favorite TV shows and movie quotes he spouts. He is funny and smart and silly. He can read and write and even teach me how to play games on his Nintendo Wii.

Maybe I was the only one, but I was nervous to see how he would react to his little brother. He’s been the only child for six-and-a-half years… would he be jealous of Dominic?

Oh, but this boy loves his little brother. He loves holding him. He pats his back when he’s crying. He shushes people who are talking too loudly when he’s sleeping. On Sunday, when we were all at the hospital again, he was holding his brother and said to my sister-in-law, “I am happy the baby is here” (pointing to Dominic laying in his arms) “and not in there!” (pointing to Jenny’s belly). Total adoration.

Dominic is going to adore his big brother and his big brother is going to adore him right back. Dominic is so blessed to have that boy as his big brother. I hope they always have that adoration for one another. The sibling bond is such a strong one. I have always adored my big brother. Even though we fought like crazy growing up, he’s always been one of my closest friends and favorite person. There’s really no way to describe the strength of our bond. We’ve gone through so much together and he’s always been there for me. He’s been my protector, my life coach, the one who will always stick up for me. Things are not rosy all the time. We still fight. We don’t see eye-to-eye on everything. But I know he always has my back and I always have his. So I’m really excited to see my nephews’ bond grow because I know how special the sibling bond is.

I just can’t wait to watch this new nephew of mine grow up (though, please, Dominic, take your time!) I’m so excited to see how he differs from Jovy. Will he be more laid-back? More serious? More of a daredevil? More outspoken? I can’t wait to find out.

Welcome to the world, Dominic Jacob. You are so very loved and so very adored. All I want for you is what I’ve always wanted for your brother: I want you to feel free to express yourself in any way you want. I want you to feel loved. I want you to know you can do anything you set your mind to. You have a wonderful mother and father who love you fiercely. You have two grandmas and a grandfather who would do anything for you. And you have three aunts who completely adore you. We all want you to be happy, to be healthy, and to set the world on fire. I’m behind you 100 percent. Love, your Titi Stephany.

Categories: Relationships

Rules for Living with a Dachshund

My good friend Nora sent me the above pin last week, and some of the “rules” made me laugh because they are so true. Like, #3. Dutch is constantly following me around and I can’t count how many times I’ve accidentally kicked him in the ribs because he was just standing behind me when I turned around! Or #6, which is just something I’ve had to get used to. He always finds his way into my bathroom. Always. There were a few dachshund rules missing, though. And, so, I thought I would add some rules of my own…

Rule #11: They are blanket hogs.

Dachshunds are burrowers by nature, so they love hiding under blankets. So make sure to shop dog bedding and luxury dog beds for them. And Dutch has a very specific burrowing technique, where he basically pushes me to the side as he finds the perfect spot for him to lay. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night more than once to find out I have a tiny section of my comforter to myself, while Dutch has created a little fort for himself under my blanket. Consider providing your furry friend with the best nutrition possible and order raw dog food in Sydney from Pet Shop Boyz for a healthy and balanced diet. You may also look into WoofConnect services if you’re looking for a dog boarding facility. Like many dog and cat owners you worry when your pet becomes lethargic and disinterested, however our vet suggested that she might have digestive issues and proscribed prokolin which worked a treat.

Rule #12: They can’t control their licker.

Oh, yes, expect to be kissed and kissed frequently when you have a dachshund. My mom doesn’t let Dutch kiss her much, but what can I say? I’m a big softie and I let him and that’s why I also try to get the best food for him, so I learned Diamond Skin and Coat dog food is good for their smooth coat and their teeth. My favorite is when I’m laying on the couch and he jumps up next to me, walks up to sit on my chest, and licks my face. It’s just a “Hi. I’m happy you’re mine,” kinda kiss. (Also, as a single gal, it’s really the only “action” I’m getting…)

Rule #13: They are professional snugglers.

Dachshunds understand snuggling. Like to the extreme. It’s very rare that I’m laying on the couch and Dutch isn’t snuggled against my side. Or on my legs. Sometimes, I’ll even lay him on my chest and he’ll sleep there. (Because he isn’t spoiled at all!) I adore snuggling with him, which is funny because I’m totally not a touchy-feely kinda girl. But there are few things in life that feel as sweet and good as Dutch snuggled against me.

Rule #14: They can be stubborn little jerks.

I am a bit glad Dutch came into my life when he was seven and completely house-broken because I hear dachshunds are a pain to house-train, due to their stubborn nature. And Dutch, oh, Dutch is incredibly stubborn. His stubbornness really comes to life when we’re taking a walk outside and he wants to go one way and I want to go another. He’ll dig his feet into the ground, stiffen his body, and resist my tug on the leash. And unless I want to drag him (which no, hello animal abuse!) the way I want to go, he gets his way. I call him a jerk at least once a day during our walks because REALLY. It’s ridiculous. By the way, it’s wise to learn about the Wisconsin dog bite laws to understand your rights and responsibilities as a dog owner or someone who has been bitten.

Rule #15: Their bark is worse than their bite.

Dachshunds are notorious for having really loud, deep barks. I read an article and the reason for this is due to their large lung size and barrel-like chest. It produces a bark that is much better suited for a large dog! I’ve had people hear Dutch bark before and then actually see him and say to me, “I did not expect that bark to come out of that body!”

Rule #16: Dachshunds, especially smooth-haired, get intensely attached to a single person.

I know this is very, very true for Dutch. He is super attached to me. He follows me everywhere and sleeps with me every night. I often wonder what he’d do if I ever brought a boy home because he gets very jealous when other people try to hug me. Often, my mom will try to give me a hug when Dutch is next to me, and he’ll yelp and growl and try to push his body between us. It’s kinda hilarious, so we often play it up just to make him even more jealous. It’s been noted that dachshund owners are supremely loyal to the breed and I can attest to that. I honestly think I will continue to own dachshunds because they are just the best dogs. They are so much fun to have around, so adorable and so snuggly. Their personalities are just the greatest, and I love that little boy with every fiber of my being. He’s so spoiled, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂 If you have a dog, what are some of his or her (or their!) personal quirks? If you don’t have a pet, what are some of YOUR personal quirks?