Feeling… devastated and sick to my stomach about Roe v. Wade being overturned. It’s the first time a constitutional right has been revoked, and it sets a precedent for more constitutional rights to be at stake. Here’s the truth: I used to be pro-life because that’s what you are when you’re a Christian. You believe that abortion is wrong. But I’m staunchly pro-choice now because why? Because the government should not have control over what happens to my body. Because it is my body and my choice. Because I should not be forced to go through the physical and emotional turmoil of pregnancy if I do not want a baby. Because the government wants to say that they are pro-life but we’re one of the only developed countries without paid parental leave, without universal healthcare, without services to help parents and children in need. Because the government wants me to bring a child into a world where they can be gunned down in their classroom, in their church building, in the grocery store. At this point in time, guns have more rights than women in America. And that’s a chilling realization. (And hey, maybe you’re still anti-abortion; that’s totally your right! But please remember, making abortion illegal will not stop abortions. It will cause more women to die. Making abortion illegal will also have an impact on access to contraception, on people going through miscarriage, and on families doing fertility treatments. There is a whole lot at stake here, and this is not a victory for anyone.)
Watching…
- Ted Lasso, season 2 – Season 2 of Ted Lasso was a lot more serious and poignant than season 1, focusing on mental health and anxiety. There were some really weird episodes in this season and the character arc of one specific character was upsetting, but overall, I liked it a lot and I’m excited for the third (and final!) season.
- MasterChef, season 8 – After reading a book that centered around a cooking show that seemed similar to MasterChef, I decided to watch an old season of the show. I forgot how much I love this show! It’s just so good and makes me cry (happy tears!) because the contestants’ stories are so lovely.
- Cheer, season 2 – I loved season 1 of Cheer and was excited that they came back for season 2. This season centered more on the rivalry between the two community colleges that are consistently 1 and 2 in the national cheer championship—Navarro Community College and Trinity Valley Community College. There was also a really impactful episode about sexual assault in the competitive cheerleading community (stemming from one of the cheerleaders on the Navarro squad being found guilty of a wide range of sexual assault on minors).
- So You Think You Can Dance – I’m watching the newest season “live” (i.e., on Hulu a few days after it airs) and it brings me so much joy and happiness. And who knew I would end up loving Jojo Siwa as a judge? She’s fantastic!
Listening to… American Elections: Wicked Game. This podcast is perfect for my history-loving soul. The podcast is working through every presidential election in American history, starting with 1789 with the election of George Washington and continuing through to 2020. The whole podcast is complete so I’m enjoying dipping in and out of the episodes (I just finished the 1804 election between Thomas Jefferson and Charles Pinckney). The episodes are cinematic, in a weird way, and I’m learning so much!
Grateful… that I’m feeling back to normal after my bout with Covid. I’m really glad my symptoms didn’t linger around too long. It was a really intense few days of feeling miserable and then multiple days of feeling fine but dealing with annoying symptoms like the dry cough and congestion. And, of course, getting that sexy raspy sick voice. Ha. I’m still testing positive for the virus (as of Friday morning), but since I’m no longer contagious, I’m allowing myself to be out (masked) in public. It’s been so nice to be among the living again!
Anticipating… writing and publishing all of my vacation recaps. I promise they’re coming! I usually write and publish all of my vacation recaps right after I come home, but getting Covid threw a wrench in my editorial schedule. But the first one will be published on Wednesday and the rest of them to follow afterward. It’s been fun to relive my vacation through these recaps and to sort through all of the hundreds of photos I took while I was away. It’s always such a beast to organize my photos after a vacation since I take soooo many pictures and videos and then have to cull down the collection to something more manageable.
Loathing… bouts of loneliness. These little moments of loneliness come to me at night, usually as I’m snuggling in bed to read for a bit before going to sleep. For me, there is something so vulnerable about this time of night. It’s when my anxiety can truly get the best of me. This is when I feel the most alone, when the pull to pick up my phone and swipe through my dating apps is highest. I was having a really rough night a few days ago and then I looked up and realized both cats had jumped up on the bed and were snuggled up next to me. It reminded me that I’m not alone but… as much as I love my ladies, they aren’t a substitute for real human connection. I’m missing that. I don’t know what the solution is, I know I could be better about reaching out to friends; there are a few people in my life that I’ve been thinking about setting up regular phone chats with to build that stronger human connection that I need. And also, the solution to these bouts of loneliness may be that there is no solution. Maybe it is what it is. We’re not robots; we’re humans with really complex emotions and loneliness is one of those emotions. It’s okay to have these dark moments, as long as we find our way out of them.
Struggling… with my cleaning schedule. Listen, I don’t know how people with larger households and more on their plates do it when it comes to cleaning. It’s hard enough keeping up with the cleaning tasks for my small apartment where it’s only me and two cats! I’ve tried doing a daily cleaning schedule (on Mondays, I clean the bathroom; on Tuesdays, I vacuum my room; on Wednesdays, I sweep and mop the living room, etc.) I’ve tried setting aside one day a week for all of my cleaning chores (not a good plan). None of it works for me. My floors usually have to get to a state of extreme filth for me to get the motivation to finally mop them, and then I’m just disgusted at myself. And don’t even get me started on how long I go between washing my sheets. I consider myself a tidy person; I tidy my apartment every night and never go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink. But completing my cleaning chores on a regular basis is just a constant struggle.
Excited… to have unlimited PTO! My company announced this new program earlier this month and I am so thrilled about it. Every time my company sends out a survey to ask how they can improve, I always write down, “Unlimited PTO” because it truly is the greatest benefit. Being able to take a mental health day or schedule a long vacation without worrying about depleting my PTO budget for the year? Amazing.
Needing… to get organized for our podcast! Originally, we were hoping to release the first episode in early July, but things had to get pushed back when I got Covid (we planned to record our last two episodes of season 1 the Saturday I was miserable with Covid symptoms and the next weekend we can both meet to record isn’t until mid-July). So, now it’s looking more like an early August release. August will come swifter than we imagined, though, so I need to get organized so that when things get started, I don’t feel overwhelmed. So far, I’ve created a separate Google calendar just for the podcast where I can keep track of when we’re recording and when episodes are being released. I’ve updated the editorial calendar where we’ve listed out all of our episode ideas (so far, we have seven seasons planned out with 5-6 episode ideas for each season). Next, I need to create an ongoing list on Todoist for all the little tasks I’ll need to do throughout each season (write show notes, schedule social media posts, etc). It’s mind-boggling how much work goes into a podcast!
Buying… Niagara Falls souvenirs! I love buying a magnet whenever I travel—my fridge is full of different magnets from all around the world and it’s so much fun to have them as a reminder of my travels. I also bought a fun tank top, coffee mug, and Christmas ornament. It delighted me to peruse all of the different tourist shops around Niagara Falls and find the perfect style for all of these items. (Although the Christmas ornament was bought at Niagara-on-the-Lake.)
Loving… my cuddly girls. Oh, they have been so sweet this month. Before my trip, Eloise was being especially snuggly and lovey-dovey, almost like she knew somehting was up. (This was before I got my suitcase out!) And when I came home, Eloise didn’t leave my side for at least a week. She snuggled up right next to me when I was sleeping and was always nearby when I was up. Lila wasn’t as forgiving as Eloise when I returned from my trip; she needed at least a day to let me know she was NOT HAPPY with my decision to leave her for a week. But with enough treats, she decided to forgive me and snuggle with me.
What are you loving and excited about?
I’m glad you’re recovering from COVID. I am really glad you get unlimited PTO – what an excellent perk – we should all work for your company.
I have found myself teetering on tears this weekend thinking about all the gains that have been lost. People are going to die because of SCOTUS and too many people are celebrating.
I am so infuriated at SCOTUS and the decisions they are making that are going to impact the lives of so many people. This isn’t about being pro-life; it’s about controlling women’s bodies. It’s sickening.
Unlimited PTO sounds amazing! And yay that you are on the mend from Covid.
I am sorry you are having these bouts of loneliness. I get those, too (yes, even though I am married and have a kid) and so I empathize. My “remedy” is usually to text/call a bunch of people I haven’t talked to in a while, and/or set up a bunch of get togethers and then I get completely overwhelmed by all the interaction. LOL. It’s a balance I have never been able to find. But I hope that you find a good solution for yourself!
Thanks, Suzanne. I am trying to get better about reaching out to friends and making plans. It’s all about finding that right balance of being social and having the alone time I need. But I just have to remind myself that I have a support system and I need to reach out to them when I’m feeling down!
We have unlimited PTO, too. It is really nice to have. I still track mine, sort of, to make sure I’m taking enough time off as I had 6 weeks of vacation time before they made this change. I think companies have gone to this practice because they know people don’t take enough time off/don’t use their PTO so they will make money from this practice by not having to pay out PTO balances. At least that is the case for large companies. I really take so few enjoyable days off in a calendar year since many of my days off are due to me being sick or a kid being sick so I am trying to take more ‘shouldless day’ days off!
The Roe V Wade thing is really scary, especially knowing what Clarence Thomas wants to do. My views around abortion have really moderated in the past several years. And the pro-life label has become meaningless since that only applies to life in utero. Once the baby is born – good f’ing luck. Which is very disappointing. I would say I am pro all life, but that is different from the pro-life label. Like I don’t believe in capital punishment, we need to support mothers more, majorly expand health care, etc etc. But that is not what it means to be pro-life in our nation… Phil has helped me change my views on abortion. he’s a very objective person and good at discussing sensitive topics. It’s now a crime of geography/poverty. I was pretty impressed with my company. On Friday they sent out a note reminding us that our insurance covers travel if a medical procedure isn’t available where you live, and then I’ve heard of other large companies like Disney and JP Morgan, I think, saying they will cover the cost of travel if need be.
You should definitely take more “shouldless” days that are just for yourself, especially if you have unlimited PTO! I am going to schedule one mental health day every month, on top of the other time off I take for vacations. It’s just so nice to have a day off in the middle of the week, in my opinion, where I spend it doing whatever I want!
The pro-life label is really meaningless, you’re right, because it certainly doesn’t apply to women who may be forced to have pregnancies that could harm or kill them. I’ve started using anti-choice/anti-abortion to describe them because, if anything, people who are pro-abortion care MORE about life than so-called “pro-lifers.” We just don’t have the system in place to care for children after the birth (or care for mothers DURING pregnancy), and nobody wants to do anything to change that.
I couldn’t not agree more on everything you said about the SCOTUS decision… I am so, so upset. And the GOP has completely hijacked language around the issue, because pro-life to them does not mean what it means to me (as you mentioned, maternity leave, family leave, childcare, women’s health care, etc. ) They are really just “pro birth”, because when that baby is born, you’re on your own. It makes me so freakin’ mad….
I am sorry to hear about your bouts of loneliness. I think we all feel it at times, even people with partners and families, but it’s obviously different for you. And I can see the challenge when it comes to your social anxiety to remedy this easily…. but I like that you’re trying to think about solutions, to reach out more and have more regular connections (seems to work pretty well with your mom and all your facetime chats :))
Yes, yes, to everything you said regarding the SCOTUS decision. It is so frustrating. This court is so messed up. They have the weirdest priorities and I am so infuriated by their decisions. I just wish these so-called pro-lifers would spend more time working toward parental leave policies, universal healthcare, universal pre-k, welfare reform, housing reform, etc., to help all of these families they want to force to have babies. But they won’t be, and it’s so frustrating.
Giiirl, I am writing “4 day workweeks” on those surveys so fingers crossed!! Also your trip looked incredible so I can’t wait to read more about it.
Haha – I love that! That will be my next mission. 🙂
Oh, I am so sorry you are having bouts of loneliness. Sending you a big hug.
TED LASSO SEASON 2. I found it SO poignant. I feel a little choked up when I think of his sadness and how he smiles and puts on a good face…it just felt so real. But I have to say that Coach Beard episode was so weird and I just did not enjoy it at all.
Can’t wait to hear all about your vacation and also to listen to your podcast!
The Coach Beard episode was SO weird! It was such an outlier of the season, and I didn’t enjoy it either. I loved the way the season played with this idea of perception, and what we perceive about people isn’t always accurate. (But, ugh, what the did with my sweet baby Nate character was an abomination!)
I am so so upset about Roe v Wade being overturned too. Like, my brain can just NOT comprehend it. WHY. JUST WHY. It’s so scary, and so scary to think about what they are going to overturn next. It makes me incredibly angry. You are not alone.
Thanks for your Ted Lasso Season 2 thoughts! I did NOT like that character arc either, wtf. I doubt we’ll watch season 3.
I am so glad you are feeling better. But sad we don’t get to hear sexy raspy voice on the podcast 😉
Your loneliness feelings are valid and you are right that sometimes we just feel things and there might not be a solution! Is there anything you’ve done in the past that helped you around that time of day?
I love souvenirs like that too. I always get a magnet or a Starbucks mug if they have one!
You are also not alone with your cleaning. I am somewhat tidy but do not keep up with a lot of stuff around the house. We tried to hire a cleaner and that did not go well. LOL. I think we are going to try again, for monthly deep cleans.
That is so exciting about unlimited PTO!
It’s hard for me to answer what I am loving because I am coming off a partially sh*tty weekend, but I am loving the friendships I’ve made this year, and I am really excited to see my parents in a few weeks!
Overturning Roe is so scary. I can’t believe it happened, even though we had all been prepared for it. I don’t understand this Supreme Court at all. Their priorities are so messed up.
I am interested in seeing what happens in season 3 with Nate’s character. I have to give it up to the writers, though, that even though I hated what they did to Nate’s character, it DID make sense and the actor played it so well. But ughhhh. I also am a little squicked out between the relationship between Rebecca and the player on the team. We’ll see how they bring everything together in season 3!
Oh, my. SCOTUS. I can’t even. You articulated your thoughts so much more eloquently than I could articulate mine. I get so angry I get, well, incomprehensible. I just… what. the. ever. loving. HELL. (Sorry, but that’s where I am, mentally…) And then when I read about the forced-religion people changing school curricula, and restricting what professors can teach… well, honestly? It makes moving to Canada seem like a real possibility about 3 days out of 7. I hear you, I feel exactly the same way, and I’m terrified about what is to come right along with you.
I also get you on the loneliness thing. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and… it’s just so quiet. And dark. And there isn’t even another living being in my apartment (which, of course, is kind of a good thing since I live alone but you know what I mean! :>). It’s so hard. And when I get like that I really don’t want to text people who have others around, and more, well, lively social lives. I don’t know anyone else who lives alone and has, really, no one else nearby. It makes me kind of just want to wallow. <3
On a happier note, YAYAYAYAYAY for unlimited PTO! Makes SO MUCH SENSE. I swear I've also read that it leads to people taking LESS time off…? but maybe I am making that up. Ha. 🙂
Nighttime is such a hard time for loneliness! I often wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety and I have to calm myself down with different mantras, but it’s always so unsettling! And I totally understand not wanting to text someone who is more social/has someone at home/etc. I feel the same way! Thankfully, I have a really good friend who is also single/lives alone, so we commiserate a lot on the loneliness that can come with living alone while also knowing it’s SO WONDERFUL to live alone, too.
You are not making up that stat about people with unlimited PTO taking less time off! I think that can definitely happen. Thankfully, I am not one of those people, hehe. I’m planning on taking at least one mental health day off per month!