I’m always interested to know how people met their significant others. There are the usual stories: college, a bar, work, etc. But then there are the stories that really intrigue me: the ones who have met their significant others online. My roommate is one example, a coworker is another, and my mom is a third. (Yep – Mom met my stepfather through OK Cupid if you can believe that!)
Online dating used to have a stigma attached to it: only people who couldn’t meet a mate in the “real world” opts for online dating. But that stigma is quickly fading. I mean, now it’s odd if you’re single and aren’t using a dating app, thanks to Tinder and Bumble and Hinge that have turned online dating into a game to play.
I’ve been online dating for five years now, and there have been some great moments and some truly terrible moments. But I feel like I’ve gained a lot of experience over the years, just from being on the sites and from talking to friends about their experiences. So, I thought it might be fun to write a list of “Dos and Don’ts” when it comes to online dating. Here we go!
Do provide a variety of photos
My general rule of thumb is to have 4-5 pictures: one selfie, one full-body photo, and then up to three photos that showcase part of your personality (I usually include a picture of Dutch and me and a picture of me on a cruise). I think those first two photos, though, are key. I like a selfie for my profile picture because it showcases my face front and center, which is important (I despise profile pictures that include a group of people because… who is the person I’m supposed to be looking at?!) And then a full-body shot is necessary because nobody wants to be surprised come the first date! 😉
Your pictures are how a match gets to know you. So much of online dating is about visuals, so choose photos that truly represent you.
Don’t get stuck in a texting relationship
It depends on how responsive the person I’m talking to is, but I tend to like 3-5 days of talking online to see if there’s any sort of connection. After that, it’s time to make a plan to meet. I try not to spend more than 10 days from the first message to the first date. Now, I totally understand that my time frame might seem outrageously long to some people, but I like to take my time to get to know someone before agreeing to a first date.
I once got caught up in a texting relationship for two months (true story!) so, for me, 10 days is small potatoes. Exchange a handful of messages, and if it’s going well, establish a time to meet up in person. Don’t get stuck exchanging messages for weeks, though.
Do understand what you want
In my opinion, it’s important to have standards because it helps to define exactly what you’re looking for. Your time is precious and you don’t want to spend it going on dates with people who don’t fulfill certain criteria for you. Get super clear on what you are looking for – and this isn’t only physical. What kind of partnership do you want? What certain things do you need out of a relationship? Figure out your standards and you’ll find dating to be a lot more fun!
(That said, there’s a difference between having standards and having high standards. For example, it’s okay to want to date someone who is taller than you, but if you only want to date people who are a specific height, you might have high standards.)
Don’t get picked up on a first date
This is my number one piece of advice for online dating – never get picked up on a first date, I don’t care how nice the person may seem. Typically, I wait until the 4th or 5th date for that, though I once made the mistake of getting picked up on a second date (one that ended horrifically) and having to sit through a long dinner where I felt uncomfortable was pretty miserable. Also: this person is still a stranger to you! You haven’t met them in person, so giving them your home address is wacky to me.
Do get yourself tested
Okay, ladies and gents, I need to put on my parental hat here. If you are online dating and not getting tested for STDs regularly, we’re going to need to have a chat. Your sexual health needs to be as important as your standards for who you will and will not date. At a minimum, you need to get tested once a year if you’re sexually active. (But if you’ve had unprotected sex and/or you believe your partner has an STD, you’ll want to get tested again.)
If you’re unsure of what STD testing entails (and I get it – it can be scary!), there’s a handy-dandy website to help you learn more about STDs and the types of testing you can choose from. They even have a nifty symptom checker to help you discover which STDs you need to be tested for, if any.
Don’t leave home without an exit strategy
Before you leave for your date, make sure you have an exit strategy in place. This is especially important for women, to have a way to leave the date if things become uncomfortable. This allows you to leave the date whenever you want – even if you’re five minutes in. You do not have to stay there if you feel unsafe. Have a friend standing by to call you with an “emergency,” have an excuse ready to go if you need to leave, just have an exit strategy.
Having an exit strategy may sound dishonest or mean. But it’s not; it’s smart dating. It can be a scary world out there, and if you’re not feeling comfortable with the person you’re with, then you need to follow your gut and leave.
Do enjoy the experience
Online dating can be the worst. I totally get that. I’ve been doing it for 5+ years, and it has had high-highs and low-lows. But when I take away the pressure of finding the perfect mate and just try to enjoy the experience of meeting new people, I find myself liking this world of online dating. I have met some really cool and interesting guys that I would never have met if it weren’t for OK Cupid and Tinder and eHarmony. I’ve gotten to explore more of my city, try new restaurants, and see new things. Be open to what’s to come. It may exceed your expectations.
This post was sponsored by STD Testing Plus, a website that provides fast, accurate, and confidential STD testing at labs throughout the United States. All words and opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting me.
How did you meet your significant other? If you’re single, any additional “Dos” or “Don’ts” that I left off my list?
Can’t agree more with the last one. I online dated after my divorce and part of it was just to get to know people and figure out what I wanted from myself and my partner. I’d also add to keep an open mind. My guy Q is ‘on paper’ nothing like what I thought I’d want. I kept an open mind and got to know him online– I saw he was a really caring and kind person, even if he didn’t like going to museums or reading like I do. I’m so happy I gave him a chance– our first date we talked for over 5 hours, and now 3.5 years later, I can’t imagine life without him.
Great do’s and don’ts for online dating!
I met my boyfriend online on the personal ads section of Kijiji (it’s similar to Craigslist). After unsuccessful attempts at getting to know other guys, my eyes ran across his ad, and boy, was it unique! He wore a silly mask in the picture he posted of himself as an experiment to see what kind of girls would contact him, but I connected with what he had written in his description. We exchanged emails and chatted on instant messenger for several months before actually meeting in person. Both being inexperienced with dating, writing/messaging was easier in the beginning. I was hesitant to give him a chance at first; the silly mask threw me way off base! But I am glad I did. 6 years later, after many high high’s and low low’s, we are stronger than ever :).
Love these. I was so lucky to find the love of my life on literally my first & only online date in years. But part of that is because I was so discerning. I wasn’t going to waste my time going on a bunch of dates with people I wasn’t interested in & knew I wasn’t going to BE interested in. I certainly thought it would take more frogs for me to find my prince, but I think there’s something to be said for knowing what you’re looking for & sticking to it!
Random note: it’s so easy to get STD tested, too! Even if you don’t have a doctor, you can just walk in to an urgent care center and ask for it.
Great post! I have been an exit strategy for my friends several times and happy to do so; they have also been that for me, too.
Oh, the number of horrible dates I went on where I was thankful I drove myself? COUNTLESS. There were some really doozies from 2005-2010.
I met my husband through friends. Kind of fun how it happened, the timing aligned and my best friend is his best friend so that makes it extra special to me 🙂
This is a great post. I have never done any kind of online dating, but it’s amazing how dating has evolved over time. I’d be so lost if I had to start dating in today’s age! ( I seriously had to Google what Tinder is and how it works.)
And THANK YOU for stressing how important it is to get tested! Even if you’ve been with your partner, it’s important to stay on top of things and get regular check ups as well. PAP tests are no fun, but the ailments that you’re screened for are even worse!
Great post! It’s definitely become more and more common to meet your spouse through online dating. I feel like a decent number of the weddings I’ve attended in the last couple of years have been couples that met online. The wedding we are going to in December is for a couple that met through Tinder. I always thought that ap was only for hooking up/casual dating but apparently I was wrong!
I tried online dating but never stuck with it long enough to give it a chance. For me, I quickly learned that I needed to minimize the back and forth emails/texts and meet as quickly as possible because otherwise I felt like I would waste a lot of time. But everyone has their own levels of comfort around that. I just had so many people that I would email back and forth with and think – ok this guy has potential! Then we’d meet in person and there would be ZERO chemistry…
I have never online dated, or really dated, since Eric and I have been together sooooo long!! But I have a lot of friends who have online dated or are online dating and I think these are great tips!
Great tips, especially the one about the exit strategy!
I met Chris through OK Cupid way back when online dating was new and there was still a stigma about it. I was embarrassed to tell people at first that we had met online! Now I can’t recommend online dating enough!
Luckily, I never had to date with online dating. I didn’t even have to deal with social media while dating…. which in retrospect seems like a real blessing.
Those are great do’s and don’ts.