1) Anxiety, my best friend
It felt really cathartic to write my post about my most recent anxiety attack. I’m glad I was able to give people a look into what it’s like to have one of these spirals because the more we know about how mental illness affects other people, the more empathetic we become. Plus, there are a few of you who also deal with these spirals and while I don’t wish this on anyone, I’m glad to know I’m not alone. Maybe I can carry that knowledge with me the next time it happens.
I stopped going to therapy earlier this year (or maybe it was the end of last year) because I felt like I had gotten my shit together and I was feeling pretty good about things. However, I’ve been having these anxiety attacks more frequently (this was my second in two months, which is not the norm for me). Someone commented on my blog that I may find it helpful to seek out exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy because it sounds like I may have OCD. (I really wish this person had left their name, but they commented with my name and email address so I had to trash the comment.) While I’m not sure if my mental illness would classify as OCD, I am willing to try anything so I started looking for therapists that specialize in OCD and ERP therapy. The first therapist I emailed wasn’t taking patients, so I’m hoping to spend some time this weekend looking up therapists and sending inquiry emails. Fingers crossed!
2) A scalp psoraisis update
I don’t think I ever updated you guys on how things are going with my scalp psoriasis after I got my steroid injections. I got the injections in mid-June and I could almost immediately notice a difference in my symptoms. The itchiness and pain abated rather quickly and I also noticed less dry skin, although the dry skin never totally went away. I had a follow-up appointment this week with my dermatologist where we discussed the dry skin and decided to do another round of injections on the right side of my scalp since it was feeling a tiny bit more itchy recently. (I have plaques on both sides of my head, right above my ear, but the left side was a bit calmer on the itchiness front.) Those injections are painful, but they work and I’ll take a few seconds of pain over hours and hours of itchiness.
The dry skin and plaques are still bothersome, though, so I’m going to try a new prescription-strength shampoo and also use my liquid treatment (I use calcipotriene) every day. I also have a handful of other treatments that have been prescribed to me that my derm said I can use on an as-needed basis, so I’ll probably try to use those a few times a week to see if all of this together helps with the dry skin.
All in all, I am so glad I went with the steroid injections. My scalp psoriasis was such a big part of my life and now I rarely think about it!
3) A CPAP update
Let’s continue the good news train. Things have really improved in CPAP land. In my CPAP post from last week, I talked about how I was struggling with the mask. It was irritating my nose a lot and it was just very uncomfortable to sleep with. What a difference a week (+ a moisturizer) makes! My sleep clinic shipped me a new mask to try, but I’m still waiting for it to be delivered (bah!). While I’m waiting on that, I’ve slowly become used to my nasal mask. While it bothers me sometimes as I’m trying to get to sleep, it isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be. And the moisturizer I talked about on Friday’s post has been a gamechanger. Right before I put on my mask every night, I put a tiny bit of the moisturizer right under my nose and around my cheeks. After the first night, I woke up to no dry skin. Ever since, the dry skin on my septum has cleared up and I am feeling so much better.
Plus, my blood oxygen levels are continuing to improve. On Wednesday night, I even hit 100% at one point during the night! I haven’t seen those numbers above 95% since I started tracking my blood oxygen levels, so that’s exciting. (The average is still around 95% but even that’s better than the 91-92% average I was seeing.)
4) An ode to my HIIT trainer
One of the things I know about myself: I am not going to push myself hard in workouts. I am always going to take the easy way out and do the bare minimum to get the workout done so I can say I did it. Thankfully, my HIIT trainer seems to understand that about me, which is why he takes it upon himself to push me way beyond where I think my limits are. For example, if he sees me doing a workout with easy weights, he’ll kindly take them off my hands to give me much heavier weights. (Like when I was doing deadlifts with a 10-lb kettlebell and he replaced it with a 25-lb kettlebell.) Or when he sees me doing a wall sit and makes that motion with his hand, as if to say, “You can sit much lower than that.”
When I started taking his HIIT classes, he gave me all sorts of modifications and didn’t care if I chose a lower weight. But now that I’ve been going to his class for five months, he knows I can do more and he pushes me to do it. And I really, really appreciate that! It makes me feel powerful when he hands me a heavier weight and strong when he makes me do workouts the way he asks the “elites” to do it. It shows me how far I’ve come since I started these classes and that I am way more capable than I believe I am. While I hope that one day, I can find that extra gear to push myself when I feel like quitting, I am glad I found this trainer who has no problem helping me do that.
5) Weekend plans
I have another pretty low-key weekend ahead of me! I’m not complaining. Low-key weekends are really nice. Today, I have nothing on the agenda so the plan is to eat pizza and watch a couple episodes of Suits. Tomorrow, I have a writing date with Mikaela, some errands to run, and then another night to myself. And Sunday is a gym workout with my mom and then football!
What are your weekend plans?
Wow, your HIIT instructor sounds like a very gifted teacher who can really see his students. It takes a good teacher to notice what students are doing and figure out what they are capable of. What a great class!
I’m so glad you’ve had improvement with the CPAP and your scalp. I have never heard of exposure and response therapy, but who knows, maybe this is something you could look into. I didn’t realize you’d stopped therapy, though. I’m glad you’re looking into it again.
He’s truly one of the best! When my mom and I first started, he never made us feel bad about needing things modified. He would even show us the modification without us asking for it, which I greatly appreciated!
Lots of good stuff going on here for a solid 5! OK fine panic attacks aren’t good but coming up with a plan to get help for them is. You just started the CPAP and things are already good, just imagine how much better they are going to get as time goes on.
I like your weekend plans! We just got a fence for our yard, so we’re going to celebrate tonight by grilling and hanging out with the dog in the backyard, and then we’re all going to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie.
I can’t wait to see how I’m feeling after a few months of therapy. It’s been amazing to feel the changes after just a few weeks!
A fence! Grilling out! Time with doggo outside! That’s a nice way to spend a Friday night.
Your anonymous commenter’s suggestion sounds good. One of my life mottos is “For every problem, there’s a solution.” There’s a solution out there, you just haven’t found it yet. Maybe this ERP therapy is it.
Also your scalp and CPAP progress is great (see how there were solutions there?) And, I know- I can never work out as hard on my own as when someone is pushing me. I worked with a trainer many years ago, and try to replicate those workouts, but I know I’m being easy on myself.
Enjoy your weekend! I’m looking forward (with some trepidation) to the Dolphins game.
Yes, I agree! There is very often a solution to our problems and I’m always ready to try to find out what it is. (This is why I’m the worst person if you just want to vent about a problem because I just want to find the solution for you, haha).
I think it’s time we find a new team to root for this year, Jenny. This is going to be a miserable season, I think. Ughhhh.
The psoriasis and CPAP improvements sound awesome, Stephany! Woot woot!!!
And yay for a low-key weekend! I am in the mood for one of those myself. We’ll see if it works out that way!
It’s been so great to have solutions to my psoriasis issue and the CPAP issues I was experiencing. Woohoo!
Yay on the psoriasis and cpap improvements, and your HIIT instructor sounds like SUCH a good fit. That is great.
Reading about your panic attack (I read it on my email, then got busy and didn’t come over to comment, so I’ll comment now) sounds kind of similar to my daughter. She has intrusive thoughts, which are HORRIBLE and a form of OCD. She talked to a therapist for a couple of years, which really helped. She also tried a few different medications, and the one that has helped her the most is Prozac. She would have these violent thoughts, and her brain would try to convince her that she had done something horrible to someone. It was REALLY hard. She doesn’t have any compulsive behaviors. Mental health is tricky to be sure. I hope that if you decide to go the therapy route, that it helps you. <3
I’m glad to hear that your daughter has found a way to cope with her intrusive thoughts (seriously – your daughter and I are SO similar!!). I’m hoping to find a good therapist to help me figure out these OCD tendencies. I appreciate you sharing that story!
Love that you end the week on such a positive note. Gold stars to all the things happening to you health wise. So amazing. 100% oxygen levels Wow. I didn’t know that was even possible. Are there people you reach that all the time? How clear they must think.
The sleep clinic called me twice to move up my appointment from January but both dates I had evening engagements and didn’t want to miss. Bu it looks like the study will happen earlier than January since so many people have to postpone because of flues and stuff.
I asked my mom to wear her Apple Watch to bed one night so I could see what her blood oxygen levels were – hers averaged 100%! So I think people without sleep apnea regularly see 100% blood oxygen levels. Crazy, right?!
I hope the sleep study goes well – sucks that you weren’t able to snag an earlier appointment. It’s hard when you have stuff going on!
I am so glad the steroid treatments are working. Those injections are painful but SO EFFECTIVE! And I am glad the side effects from the CPAP are abating, too!
Your quiet weekend sounds wonderful. I loved those when I was single. We don’t have much planned this weekend either. Phil is going to his mom’s to bring Oscar home for her vet appt. Hopefully he can get her in the carrier… otherwise we will get a mobile vet to come to Joan’s house.
Could you ask your psychiatrist for recs for a therapist or an evaluation? She likely would know of therapists that specialize in certain diagnoses?
That’s a great idea to reach out to my psychiatrist about a recommendation! I see her next Friday so if I haven’t found one by then, I’ll definitely ask her.
Those steroid injections are something else!
Stephany, I love how honest you are in all these post about all that’s going on with you, physically and mentally. I love that you are working on taking care of yourself and telling us about it because it inspires me to also take care of myself. As I get older I’m starting to think that everything is a process- it gets better and worse, but will never be done. So yay for you for keeping on working on thinga.
My weekend is work and kids’ activities. We’re celebrating my youngest’a birthday early because I have to work on the evening of her actual birthday. I made her a unicorn cake and she has requested dino chicken nuggets for her birthday.
This is such a kind comment, Diane. I really appreciate it! It’s always my goal to be open and honest about my life, even when it feels scary to be SO vulnerable. But none of us are alone in the things we struggle with and even if it’s not something YOU struggle with, I always think it’s good for people to understand where other people are coming from. That’s how we build empathy!
Annnd yes, life is just process after process, isn’t it?! We just have to keep working on them and building new solutions and moving forward. <3
I think anxiety, panic attacks and OCD are closely linked and from what you described, you could have some OCD tendencies in how you deal with your anxiety. I think it’s great that you want to explore more options in this direction.
I am so glad your treatment for the psoriasis is working and that you keep tweaking with your doctor.
And as you can imagine, I love, love, love what you wrote about your HIIT training and how your trainer knows exactly what you need to push you to be your best self. He seems to be very insightful and that’s what you want in a good trainer! Hooray!
I’m hoping to learn more about OCD and how it could be impacting my life AND what I can do to make things better for me, especially as it relates to the way my panic attacks work.
He’s such a great trainer! He was wonderful when we were new to HIIT and struggling with basic movements and now that he knows we can handle more, he gives it to us and I really appreciate that!
Fingers crossed re: therapy. Therapy is so up and down, right? I get into phases where I think I can take a longer break then I spiral and breakdown. All that to say, we’re cheering you on, and accept and love you exactly as you are.
I am so glad the injections are helping with your scalp. WIN WIN, worth the pain (right?).
OMG and the mask and the moisturizer and the O2 numbers!! Yes girl yes!
I love hearing you have a trainer like that. They respect you and your limits, but also know when to push. I am proud of you Stephany!
The beauty of therapy is we can always go back to it, even after a break! I am looking forward to getting back to it, though, because I want to find better coping skills for these panic attacks.
Those injections are definitely worth the pain! Scalp psoriasis is brutal.