1) Emergency therapy
Monday afternoon, I had an emergency therapy appointment and I am so, so glad I reached out to my therapist and scheduled this appointment. I needed it. One of the things you should know about me is that I don’t cry in therapy. I don’t cry much in general, and I’m also not a therapy crier. I only cried once with my last therapist and it was really only my tears welling up for a few minutes. I always feel so vulnerable when I cry and I hate to do it in front of people. But hoo boy, I cried my lil face off in therapy on Monday. I couldn’t stop the tears! It felt like so many emotions came to the forefront during this session and I blubbered them all out to my therapist. It felt so good! So healing. So calming. Maybe I’ll cry in therapy every time now! We talked about my worries about my mom and now my stepdad having Covid but mostly, we discussed the loneliness I’ve been feeling and what has triggered these feelings. Part of it is that I’ve passed a year since I had my first date with someone I thought was going to be a long-term relationship; the fact that it turned out to be short-term and I haven’t gone on another date since has definitely triggered these feelings. Another part is my lifestyle and isolating myself a bit too much. Some days, I don’t talk to another human face-to-face from Sunday to Saturday. That’s six whole days of no in-person human connection. !!! So I’m going to try to build some “people time” into my weekly schedule.
I want to commit to going into the office once or twice a month (it’s still not fully open, but we can come in if we want). I want to go to a new coffee shop every Friday morning to work, and invite friends/coworkers along with me. And I want to make a plan one night every week where I’ll get out of my apartment and see people. I usually have a regular dinner date with my mom, my cousin, and my cousin’s daughter, and I want us to get on a monthly cadence with that. I have book club once a month. Mikaela has invited me over to have dinner with her family whenever I want (she’s the best; when I told her about my loneliness, this is what she suggested. “I can’t do much in this stage of life [three children ages 7, 2, and 4 months], but you are always welcome to come over and have dinner with us.”), so I’ll do that once or twice a month. And I really want to bring back my monthly lady dates with Bri, which we haven’t done in a while. It may sound like a lot, and it feels like a lot to maintain as someone who is generally pretty lazy about friendships. But it’s still less than I was doing pre-pandemic considering I’m home all day. And human connection is so important. I’m missing that in my life right now.
2) Books
I am really grateful for all of your supportive comments on my post from Monday, encouraging me to pick up more light-hearted reads right now. When I’m going through a mental health crisis, I probably don’t need to read about heavy, serious topics! I put down Mediocre for the time being and I’ve been solely reading romance novels this week. I also set aside Missoula on audio in favor of the second book in the Truly Devious series. A fun mystery is much more my speed right now! Thanks for reminding me that I do not need to be so tied to my TBR list—sometimes, I need to be a mood reader and take care of myself!
3) A new toy
On Wednesday, the girls’ birthday present finally arrived—a brand-new cat tower! I had the hardest time deciding between two different cat towers and when I finally decided on the one I wanted, it was out of stock. It was back in stock last week, so I bought it and was so excited when it arrived on Wednesday. It’s so much bigger and fancier than the tower they used to have and Eloise has already taken to it. She loves climbing up to the tall platforms to survey her kingdom and taking naps in the little caves. Lila has been inspecting the tower and curled up in one of the caves for a time, but is still a little supicious of it. I bought this tower because it has two cool hammocks and Lila loves sleeping in a hammock. I hope she uses them!
4) goodreads_reviews
My new favorite Internet find is goodreads.reviews on Instagram. The person behind this account screenshots hilarious 1-star reviews of books and I spent one night last week swiping through their archives and giggling to myself. (And it was during a period of high anxiety, so I needed the relief!) Here are some of my favorites:
5) Weekend plans
What are your weekend plans? This one will be a busy one for me, and I am so grateful for it! There have been a lot of low-key weekends, which are good and fine and needed, but too many of those in a row can make me feel lonely. Tonight, I’m planning on ordering pizza and watching a standup special (I’m thinking Iliza Shlesinger’s Elder Millenial). Tomorrow, I have my writing date with Mikaela, I’m recording two podcast episodes with Bri, and then having a belated birthday celebration with my mom and family. (Mom tested negative for Covid on Monday!) And on Sunday, I’m going to check out a new coffeeshop in Tampa and probably take a nice long nap in the afternoon. 🙂
How do you combat loneliness? What are your weekend plans?
That goodreads_reviews account is absolutely killing me. I added it to my IG and also scrolled through the archives, snort laughing and wishing I could be as cutting and biting in my reviews as some of these people are. Thank you so much for introducing me to this lovely source of snark.
I’m traveling to Michigan again this weekend for the third time in five weeks. Ha! It’s the last time I’ll go for a while, I bet. It’s a graduation party for one of my high school friend’s daughter.
I was happy to hear that you had a productive therapy appointment and it sounds like you’re really putting in the work to figure out how to combat your issues with loneliness. I wish you great luck with it and hope you know that your internet friends are rooting for you!
Aww, thank you! It is so easy to let these feelings fester inside me but bringing them out in the open is so useful and reminds me that I’m not alone and I do have so many people in my corner.
OMG that goodreads account! The JD Salinger review is EVERYTHING! I love it.
I definitely have done my share of crying in therapy and find it extra cathartic. Although I remember a session with a therapist in Charlotte where I was crying so hard, I could not talk! I am more of a crier, but I really don’t cry much now that I’m on Lexapro. I think it evens me out to the extent that I don’t get pushed to the point of crying!
I am glad you are making plans to connect with others. That is so essential. I remember when I lived in Charlotte, I would go LONG periods of time without being touched by anyone. I had so few friends there and didn’t focus on building a bigger network since I knew I wouldn’t be there long term. I think recurring plans are the easiest to do – like dinner w/ X person the 3rd Thursday of the month. The more automated the easier and then there is less work for you to do. I love the idea of going to Mikaela’s for dinner. I did that alot when I was single and my friends had kids. I really got to know their kids and was kind of an extra “auntie” to them. Just remember that if you knew of a friend who was lonely and needed connection, you absolutely would help them out and be thrilled to see them. Keep that in mind to prevent yourself from feeling like an obligation. I can have a tendency to feel bad about needing help from others, etc, but I have come to realize that our friends love us and really do want to help. It feels good to help others, too. I’m not saying this very succinctly but hopefully you get what I mean. Also, a lot of us are ‘coming out from hiding’ after several years of not doing anything or seeing anyone. So I think most people are happy to add some plans to their social calendar! At least that is how I feel!
I definitely understand where you are coming from. I think I have just now started to realize how isolating working from home can be. When we were all just at home, there was no FOMO or loneliness to worry about (at least for me) because it was what we were ALL doing. And even last year, when we started feeling more comfortable being out, there were still lots of waves of Covid and waiting to be fully vaccinated and all that before we fully opened our lives. And now, in 2022, it finally feels like we’re almost back to normal. Of course, we’re still in a pandemic but getting Covid now is less scary than it was in the beginning, so it does feel back to normal in a sense. And I’m recognizing that if I want to work from home successfully long-term, I need to make sure I’m not going DAYS without seeing a single soul outside of a screen. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts, Lisa!
Adding that Goodreads reviews account to my IG immediately!
And I’m very glad that you a) were able to recognize an emergency and address it and b) that the resulting appointment was so useful. Your plans for treating the loneliness sound really smart and also not too overwhelming (sometimes when I feel lonely I go overboard and then end up feeling completely overscheduled and way too busy). I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that this period of challenging mental health passes quickly.
Thank you, Suzanne! It feels really good to know that I have my therapist to help me when I go into these intense anxiety spirals. I was so grateful I was able to make an appointment and go through what was causing the anxiety!
I am going to be down there in the office on Tuesday, Aug. 2 for training!! I’d love to meet up with you in person there if it works for your schedule!
Those goodreads reviews are perfection.
I am so glad you had your emergency therapy and that you have a plan in place to combat loneliness. Human connection is just so important and the past two years have been so difficult. You’re so smart to get such a great plan together – all very doable things. xoxo
Thanks, Nicole. It feels really good to have a plan in place and it doesn’t feel too overwhelming for me at the moment! Making these plans helps me realize what a big community I *do* have!
I’m so glad you reached out for support when needed; if you’re anything like me, when I’m in a place of higher anxiety, I have a harder time taking the right steps to feel restored. So kudos for seeing a need and acting on it.
Oh, Elisabeth! I, too, struggle so much with reaching out for help when I’m struggling with my mental health. For me, just reaching out to my therapist to ask for an emergency session was a BIG DEAL and I’m proud of myself for taking that step.
I am so so glad the therapy helped and you have a plan for your loneliness! I usually combat mine by reaching out to friends, but I don’t see many people in person because I don’t have many local friends. I love that you are making dates and planning to go into the office. I bet that will help!
I love those reviews you picked to share. Please keep sharing those, they make me laugh.
The tower for the girls is perfect! I loved seeing that they are both using it on Insta.
Our weekend was really busy – my parents visited and we had a lot of plans. We had a great time!
Once I realized all of the ways I can combat loneliness, it helped me break out of this cycle because I have so many different ways to be around people! I have built a good support network and I just have to USE IT.
Dude, your proactiveness (is that a word?) in dealing with your mental health challenges, and figuring out how to get out of your loneliness is impressive. Seriously so. Although, to be honest, your plan for combating the loneliness makes me want to curl up on the couch! I’m even more hermit-esque than you, I suspect. 🙂
It’s interesting – yours is not the first entry I’ve read from this summer (I know… I’m super-behind…) that talks about how life this summer just seems… hard. For a lot of us. For different reasons. I’m not sure why that is… COVID re-entry? The state of the world? (Siggghhh…) Life in general? but it’s definitely an overarching theme.
I hope your forays into the world and into some more social time have helped you. <3
I think part of my loneliness/need for socialization is because I work from home. It’s hard when your entire day blends into one and there’s no clear delineation between work/personal. Oof. So I’m trying to figure out how to combat this solitary lifestyle I’ve built – I love being home/being alone, but I need a better balance!