If there is one thing in my life that makes me feel as if I haven’t quite gotten rights to my Adulthood Card, it is the fact I still live with my mother. At 25, it feels as if I am a little stunted. This doesn’t come from any place but inside me, the part of me that worries too much about what other people think and how they perceive me. My mom would be happy for me to stay living with her for a long time, but I know I need to move out on my own. It just won’t be happening for another year, since we recently signed on to stay for one more year at this apartment.
(And I love this apartment. I am going to be super sad to leave it. But I could never afford to live here on my own. Sad. Face.)
The truth is, I know I am ready to move out on my own. I am more independent than I give myself credit for and sometimes, the thought of having my own apartment that is mine alone fills me with such excitement and glee.
Last week was my first taste of living on my own since my mom was gone for 9 days, first picking up her boyfriend in Georgia (long story) and then traveling down to Ft. Lauderdale to take a 6-day cruise. (This is a Big Deal because it’s the most we’ve ever been away from one another, aside from when I was living at the dorm – but even then, I came home almost every weekend.)
Those nine days gave me a few lessons learned:
Lesson #1: Living on my own will help me to be more social.
Being social is not something that comes easily to me. It can be stressful and anxiety-inducing, and sometimes, it’s just easier to stay at home. And living at home with my mom gives me a built-in friend to do things with. It becomes easier for me to say no when friends ask me to go out than yes because I have my mom. We do a ton of stuff together and that is the reason why I went for so long without having many friends. I didn’t need them, right? I had my mom. The truth is, this isn’t good for either of us. We’ve both basically wrapped our lives around one another, which is why her having a boyfriend was a really hard adjustment for me. I wasn’t used to sharing my mom, of us having different experiences from one another.
While I wasn’t as social as I wanted to be this week (being phoneless didn’t help!), I can tell I was more apt to be and I think the longer I live alone, the more natural it will become for me to say yes when friends ask me to hang out. (And make plans with friends myself!)
Lesson #2: I really, really enjoy my alone time. Like. Really, really.
Alone time is precious. I used to be scared to be alone for too long and I think it takes some practice to get used to being alone, used to silence and the ticking of the clock. But once you do get used to it, it becomes this intoxicating thing that you start to crave. At least I do. I enjoy my alone time so much. It recharges me, I look forward to it, and I don’t mind the silence. The silence is healing. I used to worry that living on my own would be lonely, and I imagine it could be at times, but I think, most of all, I will really enjoy my alone time and hanging out with myself. Because I am a seriously cool (albeit a bit boring!) person.
Lesson #3: Nighttime is really scary when you’re all alone and all you have for protection is an 11-lb dachshund whose bark is really worse than his bite.
So can we talk about how frightening it is to walk around a dark apartment at midnight and just hope there’s not a murderer lurking in the shadows ready to kill you? This can’t just be me, right? I don’t typically get nervous at night when my mom is home, but man, nighttime was a little creepy this week. I could usually calm myself down and I didn’t get seriously freaked, but yeah, I wasn’t a huge fan of the nighttime.
Lesson #4: Having a dog helps with feelings of loneliness.
Dogs are the best little buddies. I really think Dutch helped me with any feelings of loneliness I may have had. He greeted me every time I walked in the door with happy barks, snuggled with me whenever I needed the cuddles, and followed me everywhere. It’s hard to feel lonely when you have a dog! They just really make everything better. I am sure I may not have been as okay, if not for Dutch. It was like having another person around! A very tiny person who needs to be walked constantly and licks your face when it’s time to get up.
Lesson #5: I like having time to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
My mom and I do a lot of stuff together. We eat dinner together, we watch TV together, we run errands together, we go to get-togethers together… and I love it. I love being around my mom and I love how close we are. But, I have to say, it was really, really nice to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. It was nice to be able to set the pace for my day and only have to worry about attending to my needs and wants. I am definitely someone who loves low-key weekends at home, where I tackle a big to-do list and get a lot of writing done, while my mom is someone who constantly wants to be on the go. So we have to compromise a lot. This week, it was nice to set the pace of my weekends and not have to worry about what she wanted to do… just what I wanted to do. It felt great!
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I was very happy to welcome my mom back on Sunday afternoon because I missed her way more than I thought I would. She’s one of my favorite people and I just missed being around her! But these nine days were good for both of us. We need to be okay with doing things with other people, and being more independent of each other. It showed me that I am really going to enjoy living on my own, that I am absolutely ready to take this next step into adulthood, and that, no matter what happens, my mom and I will always be close.
I realize I am going to have to get used to doing things on my own, as my dating life is very sad and I don’t see marriage (or even a serious relationship) in my near future. And I want to embrace this time. I want to enjoy this time in my life when I am single and able to do whatever I want. I’m not saying my life will end when I get married, but this is the one time when I can be completely selfish with my time and do what I want. I hear so many people who say that they wish they had gotten a chance to live on their own before settling down and I want that, too. I want to experience life on my own, finding out who I am and what I want through that before my life becomes wrapped up in a husband and a family. This week was just a tiny dip into what life on my own will be like, and it fills me with a lot of confidence and excitement for when I can take the leap and move out.
I’m glad you enjoyed your time alone. (I am also glad you were so stoked to welcome your Mom home – I really love your relationship with her.)
I LOVE(d) living alone. That was, easily, one of the greatest chapters of my life. I do agree with the loneliness part – it’s not easy all of the time to live along, especially on the nights that seem a little too creepy. (When I lived alone it was with a caged rat – not the most comforting “roommate.”)
One thing I have NEVER done in my life is live ALONE alone. After high school I moved in with my dad for university, then I moved in with my boyfriend, then we bought a townhouse, got married, etc. etc….
Do I wish I had at some point during university? Sometimes, but financially it just made more sense to live with my dad. I could pay for school, live for free and not be deep in a mountain of debt come graduation.
I’m glad that you’re time on your own went well and you were able to discover some deeper thoughts on flying solo one day. It’s a big step leaving the nest, and I don’t judge anyone for wanting to wait until they’re ready!
aw glad you got to have some time to yourself. i don’t think i’d ever want to live alone but i definitely enjoy having time to myself every now and then.
I lived on my own for about 10 months my last year of university. I’m glad I had the experience but I definitely prefer living with someone. It’s just nice having someone else in the house. That said, both Eric and I always really enjoy it when the other goes away for a few days and we have the house to ourselves!!
First of all, don’t feel bad… I lived at home (with both my parents) until I was 25 and because I was still in school. It was just more practical. You’ll be living on your own soon enough.
Having said that, living alone has its perks! 😉 You mentioned some of them… I love the “being able to do what I want, whenever I want it” sentiment and I definitely feel you on the alone time.
But what is it with the paranoia at night alone in a dark apartment? As much as I enjoy solitude, I’d rather have someone around at night. Silly, huh? 😉
I miss living alone SO MUCH. Like… so much. I think about it at least once a day. I like cohabiting, but… man, living alone is the best. Glad you enjoyed your solo time & that it gave you a feel for what might come next!
I had a really interesting conversation with someone at school and he told me that the most creative, interesting people really know how to value their alone time (or as he said it, the time they spend staring at the wall in front of them). But I agree with the general idea of his point. I think introverts like us have so much to offer, and we’ve learned a whole kind of confidence & independence that a lot of people out there will never know. I think it’ll give us great advantage as we continue along in life 🙂 So excited to see what these next few years bring you!!
I am glad that you learned some things about yourself through this experience and grew as a result. I really really enjoy living alone. I Look forward to being married some day and living with a husband but besides that, I would never have a roommate again as I just like being on my own. I def also crave alone time. I have not had much this month due to all of my trips so am looking forward to this coming week as I will get some down time alone!
Dear Stephany,
You shouldnt feel bad about being at home and 25…I am 32 and I am on my own for the first time EVER! Its the weirdest feeling! I am from the UK and I grew up with my grandmother, a strict indian grandmother at that, she brought me up as I didn’t know my mom. I badly wanted independence and I moved out to try to live on my college campus when the time came to move out to university. Well that experience went badly lol I hated the girls who were my dorm buddys, I used to be a bit of a socially akward nerdy type chick (still am in some respect) and the girls I were around were kinda a bit like the type you would see in Mean Girls lol…so..I got all homesick and upset and thought I couldnt handle being on campus, and at the end of freshers week I embarrasingly went home and also became a daily commuter at the college in my own home town.
Staying with family is nice and helps save rent and everything, but sometimes doing it for too long in my experience kinda makes you RELY too much on what is comfortable and what is familiar. I always wanted to try living in Canada, and Ive been in Vancouver for a month now, this is the very first experience of living properly away from my family…and I think because of the fact I stayed with them tooo long I am finding it hard to be on my own…EVEN though I know its the best thing for me and will facilitate my independence , I’ve had tearful sessions on the phone to my dad and grandmother and told them I don’t know if I will be able to cut it here… BUT I AM GONNA TRY …going to give myself 6 months…and see if I can settle in 🙂
I am gonna look on this as a learning experience…. so your not alone out there , leaving the nest is HARD…but just take it one step at a time and one day at a time, thats how I am coping with being here 🙂
PS Your blog page totally rocks 🙂