Happy Friday! I have a pretty low-key weekend planned, although I’ll be spending the majority working on a side project since it’s due on Monday. In the midst of that, I have a massage planned and my nephew’s birthday party. I’m also hoping to put together my gallery wall (nope, didn’t do it last weekend!) and assemble a small, three-shelf bookcase I picked up from Target a few weeks ago. So I think I’ll have plenty to do to fill my time!
It’s the end of the month, which means it’s time for another round of Friday Questions from the Real Talk Radio podcast. Let’s dive in!
1) Fast forward five years. Your future self is talking to you. What advice does your future self give you right now?
I think my future self wouldn’t want me to spend so much time worrying about my love life and that I’ll never find someone to spend my life with. Because maybe I won’t! And isn’t that okay? I’m so happy with what my life looks like today – I have a career I love, friends I adore, and two perfect cats to dote on. I’m financially independent, self-sufficient, and have so many hobbies that I’m never bored. That’s a beautiful life, even if it doesn’t include a partner. My future self would want me to be happy with where I am now – while still continuing to put myself out there and be open to meeting new people – and to stop wasting mental energy worrying about what the future holds.
2) What’s one thing that helps you when you’re feeling very overwhelmed or stressed?
Making lists! Work right now is insane and I’ve been feeling very stressed about my workload (it should all calm down around October 8th). So I wrote out a list of every single thing I needed to do this week and next week and then organized all the tasks into a daily schedule. So, I know exactly what I need to do every day for the next two weeks. It helped my stress levels immensely. There’s a lot going on, yes, but as long as I stay focused, I can get it all done.
When I’m stressed about something not work- or deadline-related, it still helps to make lists. Maybe a brain dump of my thoughts if I’m feeling stressed about a personal situation. If it’s my budget, it’s listing out my upcoming expenses to get a better grasp on my financial situation. I’m a visual person and just being able to see everything laid out and understanding exactly what I need to do helps me to take a deep breath and feel less stressed.
3) What’s the one thought that gives you the most butterflies right now?
I’m pretty excited about NaNoWriMo. I’m looking forward to immersing myself in my book for the month of November and making serious progress on it. I’ve attempted NaNoWriMo a few times and only succeeded at it once, but I remember how much fun it was the one time I succeeded. I was so fully committed to writing each and every day, and I had the time of my life. This time, I have a much better plot and more fully fleshed-out characters so I’m hopeful the process will be easier and even more fun than last time.
4) What’s one thing you’ve had to learn to accept about yourself?
My quietness. I used to be very self-conscious about it, especially because I’d always have to answer the fateful question, “Why are you so quiet?” (Which, how do you even answer that?! I don’t ask people why they talk so much!) I’m never the loudest person in the group and even with my best friends, I’m the one sitting back and letting everyone else talk. Maybe I’ll interject a comment here and there, and if it’s a topic I’m especially amped about, I’m happy to jump into the fray, but mostly, I let everyone else do the talking. It took me a long time to come to terms with my quietness because I always used to view it as a negative part of my personality. I always thought it meant I was boring and that was why I’d never have friends. But it’s not! It’s just part of who I am and it means when I do speak up, it’s because I have something to say, something I feel is important and worth opening up my mouth for.
5) Who’s someone (writer, blogger, podcaster, etc.) who has had an impact on your thinking this year?
Robin DiAngelo. She wrote the book White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism and it was a life-changing read for me. No matter how “woke” you think you are (“you” being the collective white person), we all have implicit racism. We all laughed at a racist joke, even if we didn’t think it was funny because we wanted to “belong” to a group. Robin’s book digs into why whiteness is considered the superior identity and it has helped me recognize all the tiny ways we engage in racist behavior. It all matters. Robin DiAngelo does such an amazing job at unpacking how we interact with racism in so many ways, from our schools to our neighborhoods, and it’s astonishing all the ways people of color have to care for white people’s feelings. (Ugh, we are so damn fragile. It’s disgusting.) Anyway, she has changed my worldview and helped me to better understand my own racism so I can try to be a better ally. I still have a long way to go and I work every day to dismantle my own implicit bias. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.
What’s something you’ve had to accept about yourself?
I hear you on being overwhelmed! I’m excited about our new house but moving is so much work, especially with a toddler! But I made a big list yesterday and feel much better after that. I’m glad work will be quieting down for you soon!
Let’s see, something I’d had to accept about myself is that my life will play out differently than my college friends and that is ok. I was still single at your age and wasn’t sure if I would meet someone, but then I met Phil and things fell into place – albeit quite a bit later than my college friends. But we are still all close and it’s kind of nice to see how life will change when we are out of the more demanding baby/toddler phase.
Another thing that has been helpful in accepting who I am is personality frameworks – especially Gretchen Rubin’s framework. I’m a total upholder and it was helpful to hear Gretchen talk about how she is one, too, and how others don’t understand why/how we are such rule followers. Her sister commented that it sounds like Gretchen lives in a prison because of all the expectations she puts upon herself/rules she follows. I had Phil listen to that episode and he said he feels the same way about me! But it was helpful to know there are others out there like me and that it’s just who I am.
I’m also a list person! While I am sure there are people who would find seeing everything on paper overwhelming, I actually find it really calming for exactly the reasons you mentioned above — it helps me be able to sort through everything, identify what needs to happen first and then focus in to get it done.
I’m also planning to do NaNoWrimo! Are you on the official site? If so, I’ll have to track you down to add you! Are you doing anything for Preptober?
As for the question…that’s kind of a tough one. I’m sure there is a deeper answer but here’s one that’s a little more lighthearted but nevertheless true: that I am just not a morning person, at least not at this point in time. Who knows: maybe this will change in the future, but for now? It’s not for me. #nightowlforlife
This book is on my soon-to-be-read list!!
As you know from previous years, I’ll do NaBloPoMo again… can’t stop, won’t stop 🙂