Happy Friday! I feel like I’m ready to get back to a somewhat normal blogging schedule, although it’s hard not to bring COVID-19 into my posts. But I think that’s natural and okay! This week, I felt the urge to make a blogging schedule (I’ve basically abandoned all blogging plans since mid-March), so I did that and now have a tentative plan through June. Time will tell if I feel like sticking to it, though.
Today, I wanted to return to one of my fave Friday posts – answering questions from the Real Talk Radio podcast! Let’s dive in. 🙂
1) What’s something that makes you feel the most at home?
I’m going to be super corny here: my cats. They make me feel grounded, less alone, and happy. I love having them to come home to—the six months I spent between Dutch’s death and adopting Eloise were some of the loneliest of my life, mostly because coming home to an empty apartment is downright depressing. I love having these silly, happy girls to hang out with all the time.
2) Describe your current favorite outfit: what’s making you feel most like yourself these days?
Listen, are any of us wearing anything fashionable right now? I’m just not one of those people who wants to get dressed and do my hair and makeup to sit in my apartment all day. That said, I have adopted a “day wear” look. It consists of a pair of soft pajama pants (tencel fabric – almost feels like silk!) that have a really fun pattern and a tank top. It’s so comfy! I don’t know if it’s making me feel “most like myself” but it does make me feel really cozy and happy. 🙂
3) What’s something you’re actively working to get better at?
I’m trying to learn how to not take everything so personally. This is one of my most constant struggles, something I’ve spent hours in therapy discussing. I am extremely sensitive—and this doesn’t just relate to being a Highly Sensitive Person. Being an HSP is more about my nervous system and the way my brain processes outside stimuli. But I’m also inwardly sensitive, in which I take things very personally and perceive things as slights that don’t mean to be. The easiest way to explain it is like this: I was planning a movie date with four friends many months ago. (Remember movie dates?) It was at a theater with assigned seating, so one friend bought his ticket and picked a seat. I bought my ticket and picked the seat next to him. Then the other two friends picked the seats on the other side of him, leaving me alone. Did they mean to pick seats away from me? No. Does it mean they don’t actually like me? No. But I took it deeply personally and felt hurt.
This is an illogical thought pattern. My friends aren’t going out of their way to hurt me or exclude me! That’s silly. Come on, brain! But it’s a defense mechanism because underlying this sensitivity is low self-esteem. That’s what this kind of sensitivity boils down to. It’s this constant worry that my friends don’t like me, that I’m not worthy of their friendship, that they all talk about me behind my back. (I really would have hoped I would have grown out of this by my 30s, but alas.) Logically, I know that none of that is true, but when my sensitivity kicks in and I feel slighted by something a friend said or did (or didn’t say or didn’t do), all of those fears come rushing to the surface.
I don’t want my friends to feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me, or that my feelings are their responsibility. This is my own internal struggle, something I am working hard on breaking down. I want to be able to have normal relationships where every little thing isn’t always dissected and internalized by my brain. Do you know how exhausting that is? It’s so exhausting. So, I’m working on it. I’m trying to take that illogical thought pattern and challenge it when it pops up. (“What facts do I have that support this thought? What facts do I have that do not support this thought?”) I try to remind myself of all the big and tiny ways my friends have shown their love and care. Sometimes, I’ll even talk to a friend that I trust deeply about how I’m feeling. (“Lately, I’ve just been feeling like I don’t matter.”) There’s something really powerful about taking my inner critic out of my head.
4) When you look back on the past few months, what do you feel particularly proud about?
I’m proud that I’ve been able to manage my anxiety quite effectively, even through this global pandemic. I haven’t fallen down rabbit holes of worrying about worst-case scenarios and have remained fairly optimistic through this whole thing. My anxiety definitely has its moments and my sleep has been affected in myriad ways, but overall, it hasn’t been too bad all things considered. This type of situation can wreak havoc on anxiety sufferers because everything feels completely out of our control (especially since our country is led by buffoons) and there’s no clear timeline of what happens next. Florida is reopening, but what happens if cases explode? What is the summer going to look like? the fall? Will I feel safe planning any sort of trip (driving distance) away this year? Will football be back in September? What will it look like if it is? When will I feel safe eating at a restaurant? But even listing out all these questions doesn’t make my anxiety rise. The truth is, the answer to all of them is, I don’t know. And that’s okay.
5) Who’s one person you love following on social media?
I’ve probably mentioned this account before, but it bears repeating because it’s probably the best “dogstagram” – it’s Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund! Crusoe looks exactly like my Dutchy-Boy, which is probably why I love his account so much, but it’s also such a fun, light-hearted, hilarious Instagram! In the last year, Crusoe became a big brother to Daphne, who has her own account and she lights up my world just as much. (Probably because I dream of having an English cream dachshund one day!) Crusoe also has a Youtube channel and his videos are always hilarious and incredibly well-produced. My mom and I always text each other after a video is released to talk about it and relay our favorite parts! (We’re obsessed.) Anyway, if you want an account to follow that’s just going to make you smile, I definitely suggest Crusoe and Daphne!
Tell me someone you love following on social media!
It’s so hard to not take things personally. I think as women we are especially prone to that. Then throw in your HSP and that makes it all the harder!
A non-friend I love following on social media is “Young House Love.” I also listen to their podcast. They do home renovations and are sooo good at it. They decided this spring to sell their house in Richmond, VA and move to the Fl panhandle – they just arrived there last night. So it’s fun to see before/after pics of the house they are renovating and to sort of see what it’s like to make a huge life change like that. It’s not something I could ever do (I moved to Charlotte but that wasn’t really by choice – more of a forced move).
As a fellow cat-mom, I don’t think it’s corny at all that the cats make you feel most at home. I can totally relate 🙂
Also, effectively managing anxiety during a pandemic is totally something to be proud of. I can’t imagine that’s easy so way to go !
Um, I think lately my favourite people to follow on social media are Sarra Cannon (hearthbreathingsblog on Insta, Heart Breathings in YouTube) and Courtney (thecourtneyproject on YouTube, @lyraparish on instagram). They’re both indie authors and I just love their energy. Super recommend checking them out!
You are doing so well with your anxiety and I am proud of you too! You should also be proud that you are consciously working on personal growth, in not taking things personally and working on low self esteem. You are inspiring! I am really curious about the theater seats. I always try to sit in the middle. And not by a kid, if they are part of my group. Ha.
Hmm, I follow A LOT of cat accounts on Insta. Ha. Do you follow Sukiicat? Gorgeous cat and gorgeous pics! The accounts I like most lately are the ones making me laugh 🙂
It’s really hard to not take things personally. I do the same thing sometimes (maybe not to your level, but definitely had these thoughts and I am also always “interpreting “other people’s behavior on the basis of what *I* would do… you know?
Like, here’s an example. I’ve been trying to check in with a friend regularly during this pandemic and I ask about her work (she works in healthcare and still goes to work), I ask about her family (she has two kids) and how things are going at home and I ask about her extended family (because I know her parents). For like three times in a row, she has always just responded with work-related stuff, never said anything about how she or or family is doing and also never asks how Jon and I hold up. (Jon also deals with anxiety, so it’s not a given that we’re just doing great right now!).
I know that I shouldn’t take it personally (she’s probably stressed right now), but I still do. It’s odd to feel “blown off” like that.
Anyway, I think it’s great that you’re trying to challenge these thoughts when they pop up, because you’re right and 99% of the time, it’s not meant to make you feel left out.
One of my favorite IG accounts to follow: @dailyoverview. I am a geography nerd and these bird’s view images are so amazing!
My anxiety has been pretty tame during the pandemic too, which is surprising to me. I have my normal anxiety as usual, but it hasn’t intensified too much due to COVID. I think I just HAD to accept that NO ONE knows anything about it and the future, so I can’t stress about it. We have no control over the pandemic, so I am forced to go with the flow.