Hey, hey! Happy Friday! I am having my first slow weekend in WEEKS and I couldn’t be happier about it. I need a weekend like this because, for the past few days, my anxiety has felt a little unmanageable. Sunday will be a busy day with a Starbucks writing date and celebrating my brother’s birthday, but Friday and Saturday should be low-key and plan-free. Yay!
Today’s post is a continuation of the Friday Questions series, in which I answer questions Nicole poses to her guests on her Real Talk Radio podcast. Enjoy!
1) If you could master any one skill, what would you choose?
I would love to learn how to be a better conversationalist. I am always so in awe of people who can have long and interesting discussions with just about anyone they meet because I sometimes struggle with keeping a conversation going even with close friends! I know it’s the “introvert way” to say we cherish deep conversations and hate small talk, and while that’s true for me, I also would love to be great at small talk. It would just be nice to be able to have a normal conversation with someone, without losing my words or having long, awkward silences.
2) How do you spend the first hour of your day?
Usually, it entails going for a 30-minute walk around my apartment complex so I can get my steps in and then getting ready for my work day. I’ll take a shower, decide if I want to blow dry my hair or not, do my makeup, and then pack my lunch and prepare my coffee. (Okay, so this is more like the first hour-and-a-half of my day, ha.) I’m very slow in the morning as I’m getting ready, as I’d rather wake up a little earlier and take my time getting ready than sleep in and have to rush around.
3) When you look back on the past five years, what do you feel most proud of?
I’m proud of building a happy, fulfilling single life. I am ridiculously proud of that. I have an active social life and a group of friends whom I’ve traveled with and who have carried me through some really tough times. I have a strong relationship with my mom and brother, and my mom remains my best friend to this day. I am financially secure and able to live on my own. I have a job that I enjoy and plenty of hobbies to keep me busy. My life may not include a partner at this moment, and it may not have the children I thought I’d have at this age, but that’s okay. It may never include a partner or children, and that’s okay, too. I’ve built a happy life as a single person, and that’s something nobody can take away from me.
4) What is one of your biggest fears or insecurities?
Since fears and insecurities are two separate things, I have a different answer for both.
My biggest fear is losing a close family member, like my mom or my brother. If I’m woken up in the middle of the night, my first thought is always that I’m having a premonition that someone has died. Which then leads me to a panic attack, which is always fun. The best thing I know to do to handle this fear is to just take deep breaths and remind myself if something tragic were to happen, I would be okay and I will get through it.
My biggest insecurity is my weight. I really, really wish I was someone who had high self-esteem and a positive body image, but I don’t because I live in a fat-phobic society that tells me daily that my body is not ideal. I’m really working on cultivating a better self-image, and not by being on a crazy diet to lose a bunch of weight. I just want to be happy with myself as I am today and not wrinkle my nose at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t deserve that kind of treatment, you know?
5) What do you want to be known and remembered for?
I want to be known and remembered as someone who people trusted with their biggest thoughts and feelings. I want people to feel that they can come to me to be a nonjudgmental listening ear and to give good advice when they need it. I just want to be there for people and to know I served them in the best way I knew how.
What’s a skill you’d love to master?
Is making friends considered a skill? That’s something I’d definitely like to master. I get along with people just fine but when it comes to creating friendships I flounder. I think sometimes it’s because my life is a lot different than most of the people I’m surrounded by, whether it’s because I’m married with kids or simply because I don’t like wine, haha.
Making friends is kinda like dating, I think. It can be so awkward to go from just someone you talk to every now and then to actually making plans to get together and become friends. One of my friends is SO good at this – she’s someone who was like, “Hey, want to get together this weekend?” and now she’s one of my closest friends, but it’s only because she put in the effort to ask to hang out. I would have NEVER done that on my own! It’s a skill I’d love to master as well.
Also, it’s funny that you say your life is so different from other people, being married with kids, because I feel the same way – my life feels so different being single at 30, so it’s hard to find things in common sometimes. Ah, the grass is always greener, ya know?!
I feel like an odd-ball because I’m shy but also an extrovert. Which basically means I don’t like approaching new people, but once I’m engaged with someone I can keep it going pretty well. The main tip I can give is to cultivate a sense of curiosity (also a key skill as a therapist, but I cultivated this before I became a therapist). People LOVE to talk about themselves. So if there’s a lull, just ask questions about themselves. Great openers include “Why…”, “How did you get into….”, “What do you like about…”, “What do you think of…” and “How do you feel about…” Basically anything open-ended. People just love to talk about themselves, and then you can look for opportunities to make connections with “me too!” or “I’ve always wanted to… tell me more about it.” So if you ever feel stuck with “What now?”, just ask a question! People seriously won’t care if it’s not related to what you were talking about, they are probably wondering what to say too and will appreciate the attention.
Yeah, that’s the advice I’ve always been given when I talk about how I’m not good at conversation, but the problem is that my mind just goes completely BLANK. I honestly cannot even come up with a single question to ask, and I spend minutes racking my brain. It’s so disheartening when that happens! But, hey, the only way to get better at something is to do it over and over again, so I really just need to PRACTICE and really try to be more curious about people. Thanks!
Is it weird/bad that there isn’t another skill I’d like to master? I feel like I don’t have time to work on the skills I do have, like playing piano, knitting, crocheting and cooking! I can’t think of another skill I’d like to develop since I don’t have time to work on things I’m already pretty good at. Ha.
You should be super proud of the fact that you’ve crafted a life that you love. I think it’s important to get to that point before meeting someone because you will be more choosey since you already love the life you are living and aren’t banking on a person making your life fulfilling and wonderful. I also had gotten to the point where I was ok if I never met someone/had children. I got sad about it at various points but I was glad that I had nephews and nieces that I could spoil with my love and affection if I never had the chance to be a mom! Now I am a wife and a mom and it’s wonderful, but my life before Paul and Phil was really wonderful, too!
Haha, not weird or bad at all, especially considering what a busy season of life you are in! There may come a point in your life when you can pick up knitting or playing piano again, or when you just decide you want to learn something completely new! Who knows!
I have a lot of girlfriends who are envious of my life, haha, so that helps me feel more satisfied! As much as I would like to share my life with someone else, I also really enjoy doing whatever I want all the time and not have to worry about anyone else’s schedule. It suits me for now!
I love that you feel happy and content with your single life right now. I think it’s a huge accomplishment to NOT let yourself be constantly influenced by what society tells you is the “norm”. I mean, we all have to figure out our own path in life!
A skill that I’d like to master, but don’t really have the time for, is sewing. I have a pretty fancy sewing machine, but I can only do the bare minimum with it…. since it’s a huge effort to get it out and you need some uninterrupted time to work on something, it usually stays in its box.
I would love to learn a skill like that too! Sewing or knitting… it would be nice to use my hands and do something creative. Maybe one day I’ll make it happen!