How I’ve Grown as an Enneagram 9

The Enneagram is my favorite personality framework—so much so that I follow all of those popular Enneagram Instagrams and listen to an Enneagram podcast. Near the end of 2018, I discovered my Enneagram type (9). I didn’t take a test, but rather read The Road Back to You and learned about all the different types to pinpoint which one is mine. While I vacillated between a few types (4, 6, and 9), I ultimately settled on 9 due to the way reading the chapter about this type made me feel—incredibly seen in a way I’ve never experienced.

It’s been two-and-a-half years since I typed myself and I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery to learn more about my type, its strengths and weaknesses, and how to be my healthiest self in a type that is prone to be indecisive, lazy, and passive. Here are some of the ways I’ve grown in the past few years as an Enneagram 9:

I’ve learned to speak up more.

Speaking up does not come naturally to me. Sometimes (most times), I won’t even correct someone if they say something wrong. That’s why it was so good for me to learn that a common Enneagram 9 weakness is speaking up. We don’t like to rock the boat or cause anyone to feel upset with our opinions. Because I know this about myself, I’ve been challenging myself to speak up and give an opinion more often. It scares me every time and I always think I’m going to ruin a friendship forever, but it’s been a good exercise for me. Even if a friend doesn’t agree with my opinion, we can still have a great discussion and it proves to me that it’s okay to speak up. People want to hear my opinions (as long as I’m respectful, of course!)

I’ve learned about my primary subtype: self-preservation, which means I meet my physical needs through activities.

I’m still learning about subtypes, so I’m not sure if I’ll explain them as correctly as possible, but the basic theory is that we all have three subtypes within us: self-preservation (concerned with physical safety), social (concerned with being part of a group/working toward a greater good), and one-to-one/sexual (concerned about building relationships with people). My primary subtype is self-preservation, which means I am most focused on meeting my physical needs through activities. I seek out comforting activities when I’m feeling off-balance: reading, watching TV, napping, eating, etc. Having this deeper knowledge of my personality type has been really eye-opening for why I do what I do when I’m feeling low.

I’ve learned that my fear of abandonment will be something I constantly have to fight against.

It’s time to get really vulnerable here. The core fear of an Enneagram 9 is “loss and separation,” and for me, that translates to abandonment. I was the kid who never wanted to be far away from my teachers or my parents because I needed to know they were nearby and weren’t going to leave me. And when I was, eventually, abandoned by my father (in a sense), it understandably threw me for a loop and caused me to doubt the love of the people around me. It’s part of the reason I don’t date much (what if they leave me?) and part of the reason I tend to hold friends at arm’s length (once they know the real me, they will leave me). I’m trying to combat this thought pattern—it’s, like, 90% of what I talked about in therapy—and recognize it as illogical. I know I am a valued person in so many people’s lives! But it’s this little part of me that’s always in the back of my head, and I know it will always be one of my struggles.

I’ve learned that I struggle with inertia.

Enneagram 9s are sometimes given a bad rap of being lazy, and, well, this is very much true for me. I have a hard time getting started on things and seeing them through to completion. I want to take breaks constantly, but I know that I’ll have an enormously hard time getting back to work when I do. What’s helped is setting up block scheduling for work, where I specifically map out the times I need to focus and when I can take a break (and what I can do during those breaks). I also really love using a timer or the Pomodoro method to help me get through big work tasks. When it comes to my personal life, I love setting a timer for 10 minutes and seeing how much I can get done in that time (can I clean the kitchen and brush my teeth and empty out the litter boxes in 10 minutes?!). However, the thing about struggles is that just knowing this is a challenge for me (and is likely due to the way my brain works, not some inherent flaw) helps me set up systems to combat this struggle and make it work for me. And that’s what I’m doing!

I’ve learned that my 1 wing is strong when it comes to politics and justice.

Every Enneagram type has one dominant wing, and it’s one of the numbers on each side of your type. As an Enneagram 9, this means my wing is either a 1 or an 8. I am firmly a 9w1, especially as I can develop black-and-white thinking about certain concepts (which is very opposite of a 9, as we typically can see all sides of an issue!) For me, politics is one of those black-and-white issues. I am very vocal about my political beliefs, my issues with the Republican party, and my stances on justice and feminism. I’ve gotten into quite a few arguments with my brother due to my strong-held beliefs (he’s not as politically engaged as I am, but knows how to push my buttons about certain issues, as siblings tend to do!)

It’s only been two-and-a-half years since I learned my Enneagram type and I’ve already seen myself grow so much! And this growth will only continue, as I strive to work through the challenging parts of my type and set myself up for success. And I think that’s what is so special about the Enneagram. It teaches you about your core fears, motivations, desires, and challenges, and allows you to look at yourself with compassion. I could beat myself up for my laziness… or I could develop strategies to help me combat this (as well as be kinder to myself when I am lazy, because we all deserve to be lazy now and then!) I wouldn’t say I love being an Enneagram 9 (how I wish I could be an enthusiastic 7 or an ambitious 3!), but it’s who I am and I’m glad to know her very much.

What’s your Enneagram type?