It just sort of hit me out of the blue last week. I have to learn how to be healthy. I don’t know how to live a healthy lifestyle. It doesn’t come naturally to me. It feels hard and takes so much willpower every day. My mind is so consumed with food and choices and regrets. I feel like I’ve been at this for so long that I should just know it. I should be running half-marathons and killing it at boot camps and eating a healthy diet and breaking all of my unhealthy habits.
And I’m not. I’m constantly failing. I’m trying to take baby steps, but even those baby steps feel like too much. I have to go back to the very beginning. I have to start with the building blocks.
At its most basic level, losing weight is about two things: eating less and moving more. I’m typically awesome at the moving more part and bad at the eating less part. But, as the saying goes, you can’t out-exercise a bad diet and I am proof of that. I used to work out five days a week for an hour, at a moderate-to-high level, but wouldn’t eat as well as I should have been eating and my weight wouldn’t change. So then I decided I would cool it on the exercise and focus more on eating well. I wanted to be less focused on exercising so much and having that take up so much of my time and energy, and more focused on eating better.
Well, that brought me to where I am today. Heavier than I’ve ever been, someone who has lost that drive for exercise and eating right. On my way home from work the other day, I had this talk with myself about being uncomfortable. I can choose this sedentary, eat-whatever-I-want path that I’ve been on and be uncomfortable with my body and my energy levels and my inability to sleep. Or I can choose another path, an equally uncomfortable path, where I have to wake up early to exercise, learn how to curb cravings, and eat a consistently healthy diet. Both ways are uncomfortable. One way leads to more uncomfortableness and feeling bad about myself and the way I look. The other way leads to feeling better, looking better, and having more energy. Put it that way and it’s a no-brainer.
I failed at all the goals I set for myself last month. I rarely exercised, am still drinking more soda than I should be, and my sweets habit is out of control. So I’m going back to the very basics of losing weight. I need to learn how to be healthy and that comes from educating myself on what I’m putting in my body and getting back to a consistent exercise practice. I just need to take it one building block at a time, start from scratch and keep telling myself this is a learning process. Each day is a new day to learn how to be a healthier eater.
With that in mind, my goals for the next month are:
- TRACK. I am not a fan of tracking my food, because it’s so tedious and time-consuming, but I doubt there are many people in this world who actually enjoy it. I will be using My Fitness Pal and aiming to try to use it at least six times a week to give me a better understanding of what I am eating and how it affects me. I’ll be sticking to the daily calorie, carb, sugar, protein, etc. limits MFP has given me as best I can.
- EXERCISE. I am aiming for four days of exercise a week for 30 minutes at a time. It’s the same goal I had last month, and it’s just something I need to do. It’s not as if my schedule is so jam-packed that fitting 30 minutes of exercise four times a week is difficult, it’s just laziness. I press snooze too often in the morning and come up with excuses for why I can’t do it after work. I just need to get back in the habit of exercising.
That’s it. Two simple, easy goals that someone who has decided to get serious about losing weight and living healthier would give themselves.
I’ve been at this healthy living game that I feel like I should have my shit together by now. I should get it and I don’t. Not yet. So I have to start at the very beginning. I have to forget about how long I have been trying to lose weight, forget about all my past failed attempts and all the regrets I have and all the ways I have badmouthed myself for failing. I have to pretend like this is my very first time. Tracking my food, and learning to become an exerciser.
It’s a learning process. And I’m a stubborn learner who wants to have it all figured out right at the beginning. But I don’t and I need to stop pretending I do. I have to remember that slow and steady is the way to go, and to give myself grace when I mess up. The important part of losing weight is your will. The will to lose weight, the will to be healthy, the will to feel better. I so want to feel better, mentally and physically and emotionally. And if I need to go back to the very basics of losing weight to do that, then that’s what I have to do.
I “get” so much of this post. Like you, I’m not healthy, although I *look* healthy as I’m at a normal weight. But just because I look healthy doesn’t mean I eat well or exercise, you know? I need to improve my diet by like 110% and get moving more. It helps I walk for my commute to work, but that’s not enough for how much I want to be moving. Baby steps!
The will is the most important thing, I think.
Since I got married I’ve gained about 5 pounds. Which is 5 more than I would have liked to gain so I’m working at moving more… a lot more. Making myself take longer (and faster) walks with Jack (and ignoring the home chairs), getting up to walk around the office once an hour, and keeping myself accountable for my workout routines. The food thing I battle with thanks to my allergies and Knight’s tastes, but I do my best to get my veggies and vitamins in and not splurge like crazy on the foods I love. As I’ve gotten older my lifestyle has changed, so that means I can no longer be in the gym for two hours a day or sustain only on cereal for 3 meals a day- and that means changes in my body and my mindset. It’s not always easy, that’s for sure! But we keep on trucking, right?
I think that’s why, despite how much I loathe it, calorie counting really works for me. It really makes me aware of how much I’m eating and more important WHAT I’m eating. Junk food always takes up waaaay more calories than healthy food, and so I can always tell when I’ve eaten something I probably shouldn’t have. It’s just nice to have something in your face that keeps you from letting yourself slide. Of course, I don’t think calorie counting is end all be all. I do think it’s the quality of calories versus quantity, but it’s amazing what the numbers say when you eat quality calories. So I hope you have good luck with MFP. And friend me! I’m AMNimlos on there too. 🙂
I think you should give yourself some more credit. Writing this post proves that you still have the desire and the will to create a healthier life for yourself. I am a lot like you in that I like having things figured out from the start, but the beauty of life is that we learn as we go…it’s a lesson I struggle with on a daily basis. I spent many years trying to create a “healthy” life for myself, built upon the standards other people set for themselves. It took a long time for me to realize that I have to do it for ME and no one else. Only then did it become easier to take my plans and turn them into actions and real changes. Just because seventeen people like Zumba doesn’t mean I have to like it to. And I don’t! I am not a group fitness person, but I discovered I love to compete with myself and running has been my lifesaver. Find what you love about eating well and exercising and focus on those things. Remind yourself why you’re doing this… remind yourself that you are worth it and be proud of every step you take. They are all steps in the right direction! Each day is a new day, don’t beat yourself up about the past. You got this 🙂
Hi, I could’ve written this post. Brain twins!
Seriously though, I feel as though I have been going back to the start over and over again. I know so much but apply so little of it because, no matter how much advice I get or articles I read, there’s something that’s not clicking. Something is keeping me back – mostly likely mental/emotional – and I can’t peg it directly and squash it. It’s easier to keep reaching for pumpkin Pop-Tarts and Sour Patch kids. And the stupid part? The more I focus on fixing it, the more I go for all the unhealthy food!! Which I know is common, but I have no idea how to stop myself.
I am so there, right where you are, not knowing how to teach myself how to eat healthy.
Ugh, changing so much of your daily routine at once is hard work. I completely get that. I applaud you for setting new goals an going at it again…. I mean, you can either be uncomfortable changing nothing or uncomfortable, but working towards a new self. I think it’s worth it!
I think it is good to go back to basics sometimes. I think if you set too many goals, it can be easy to say ‘forget it’ if you miss one of them. I hope that this is a good month for you and that you make some progress. But recognizing what needs to change is a big step!
I love MFP. It really is a useful tool if one remembers to use it. I fall off the MFP wagon all the time it seems but just got back on it. Good luck!