I’ve started running again.
I had to start running because I signed up to run a 5k at the end of March in Savannah. And I would like to be able to run the majority of that race without, you know, wanting to die.
I have a love/hate relationship with running. I love it when it feels easy and I hate it the rest of the time.
So mostly I hate it.
I don’t look forward to my early morning runs, but there is literally nothing in the world that tops my feeling when I finish a run and fulfilled my goal. (Which is, thus far, completing all the intervals given to me on Couch-to-5k.)
I have to coach myself through the running. I have a bunch of little mantras:
Nobody said this was going to be easy.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable.
Pain is weakness leaving the body. (Even I roll my eyes at that one. OKAY?!)
Nothing good in life ever came for free or easy.
You can do hard things. You can do things you didn’t think were possible.
Running makes me feel capable. It makes me believe in the possible.
The number one reason I don’t reach my goals isn’t because I’m afraid of hard work. No. It’s because I don’t know if I deserve good things. It’s because those big goals I want in life are scary as hell, and I don’t know if I’m good enough to achieve them.
I learned this term the other day: Upper Limit Problem. Marie Forleo explains it better than I can:
Each of has an internal thermometer for how much success, wealth, happiness, love, and intimacy we’ll let ourselves experience. That’s our upper limit setting. Kind of like our success comfort zone.
When we exceed our internal thermostat setting and life gets super duper OMG good (we have an influx of money, get healthy and thin, find a great relationship) – we unconsciously do things to sabotage ourselves, so we can drop back to the old, familiar place where we feel in control.
A “success comfort zone.” The upper limit to what you think is possible. And when things in your life start exceeding that upper limit, when what you thought wasn’t possible in your life suddenly become possible – and not just possible, but on top of the world amazing – we fall back into old patterns so we can get back to our comfort zone. It makes so much sense. At least in my life.
I’ve been in this unending cycle of wanting to lose weight, and losing weight, and then falling back into old habits because – just for a moment – I was finding success. Success that wasn’t exactly comfortable. Success that I wanted but I didn’t feel I deserved. Success that I worked for but didn’t know if I was good enough to keep.
And running. I’ve started and stopped running so many times. I stop when it gets too hard and complain I’m just “not the running type.” I stop even when things are going well and I’m on pace to meet my goal because this is “uncomfortable” and I “just don’t want to do it anymore.” (You can go ahead and imagine a foot-stomping to go along with it. I’ll wait.)
There is no limit to what we are capable of. The possibilities are unending. We can do whatever we want. I want my life to be one where I fought. I fought for not finding the good, but the great. Not settling for good enough, but striving for better than I could imagine. Finding what lights me up, what I am passionate about, what fuels me, and fighting for it. We only get one life. I only have one chance to get this right. And I’m going to fight for what I want. I’m going to set goals and believe in the power of myself to work my ass off to get it. The time is now. It’s not next week or next year or when I’m skinny or when I’m more financially stable. It’s right now.
This is the year we all put a stop to the self-pity and the negativity and the foot-stomping. And we dig in deep, grit our teeth, and find the courage, the bravery, and the guts to go after what we want. I’m going to stop believe there is an upper limit to what I am capable of, an upper limit to what I deserve, an upper limit to my success. There is no limit. There is no comfort zone. There is only fighting for what we want, grabbing onto the success we find, and enjoying the ride.
Me too, girl. Me too. A few years ago, I was running 3 miles 4-5 times a week. I still hated it a little but also LOVED it. I think it was what you said: it just felt so accomplished. I can do an elliptical. I don’t despise that. But pushing myself on something I hated and finishing anyway just felt like such a huge THING. I’m back now. Can barely run 10 minutes in a 20 minute period (NOT consecutive running) but I want to get there again. Not sure why I sabotage myself (your rationale is better, I think mine is just that I’m too lazy and complacent) but I want this time to be different. Know I’ll be cheering you on every time I go get on my own Couch to 5K action.
You can do this!!!
You turn around inspiration and into a cohesive and introspective blog post so quickly! I’m impressed.
I love that you posted this today because yesterday was my first run in nearly two months after using the “I just ran a marathon” excuse for much longer than it was appropriate. It was tough. I asked myself over and over why I was doing it. I wanted to stop approximately 47 times. When I finished? And had run 1 more mile than I planned to? I felt on top of the world. Limitless. Running will always be two-fold for me, I think. I’m not naturally a runner. It has never come easy to me. More often than not, I hate running. I think only 1 out of every 20 runs feels easy for me. But the reward at the end of each run? It’s so worth it. I truly have never regretted a single run. I KNOW you can do this and I will be cheering you on every step of the way!
6 years of running and countless races later and I still find running hard a lot of the time!! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You should try the 21 Day Fix. The eating program has been amazing for me the last three weeks. I haven’t followed it perfectly and have had a couple cheat meals out and I haven’t lost a ton of weight, but I’ve lost about 6 pounds and I just feel like I’m eating really well and really balanced portions right now. I highly recommend the program and plan to continue following it until our trip to Maui!
Oh wow! This is so insightful! Thank you for sharing this term! I have never heard it but am pretty darn sure I do that with my weight (I have been on a roller coaster for 12 years). Very, very, interesting. I wonder where else I am doing it?
I am excited you are working so hard with your running, and especially that it makes you feel so good when you are done. I hope it start to make you feel good when you are doing it, as well. And I hope you get away from those old bad eating habits too (and hopefully find the “diet” (eating style, not plan like 21 Day Fix) that works for you!).
You can do this! Such a rock star and a champ and woo! xo
A teacher in high school had a sign up in his room that said, “Whether you think you can or can’t, you are probably right.” I totally believe that because I think we talk ourselves into thinking we can’t do something and subscribing to that view is easier than putting in the hard work and doing something. I try to remind myself of this at work because I am often thinking that I can’t figure something out or can’t write about a particular topic but really, I can. I just have to push myself into a place of discomfort. And the same is true for running – it’s not easy and I still have bad days and have to force myself to get out there often but it’s all worth it!
This quote says it perfectly: “Remember, the feeling you get from a good run is far better than the feeling you get from sitting around wishing you were running”.
Each time I don’t run, I sit there and beat myself up… I have the time and am just being lazy, and my feeling of self worth goes downhill when I make excuses. However, if I do go out for a run, even for a half a mile, I feel energized and so much better about myself. I use running as a way to build up my own confidence in myself. It’s like beating my own inner conscience and having a battle of wills each day, but each day that running wins out, I am so much happier for it!
What a great post, friend. I love the idea of dashing the thought that we can only go so far in life whether it be with exercising or a career, family things or reading goals, saving money or seeing the world. The truth of the matter is that we CAN do what we set our mind to, especially when we shut out the naysayers and our own worst critic. You’re doing a great job and by sharing this you’ve further inspired me! xo
I like to focus on my posture when running gets hard. Often times I notice I’m slouching and shuffling, so I like to stay aware of my body and how I’m moving. I’ve noticed it really can give me a second wind!
Well-written and all-around awesome post!
Don’t worry, I’m a runner and I still have these same thoughts in my head sometimes. It’s really a love-hate relationship!