I was the kid who never needed a curfew. Who once grounded herself because she wanted to know what it felt like. Who never stepped foot in detention or a principal’s office. Who rarely talked back to her mom… and would feel intense amounts of guilt anytime she did.
My mom never once worried about where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I was the quintessential good girl. I didn’t drink, I didn’t party, and I’ve never done drugs. I’ve never been grounded, and the only time I was ever in serious trouble (I can’t even remember the reason), my mom opted to take the computer and my books away from me. (IT WAS AWFUL, YOU GUYS. AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL.)
I’ve been thinking a lot about the plight of the good girl, lately. It’s part of my identity and there are times that I wear my good girl persona as a badge of honor and times when I wish I had been a little more badass, gotten myself into a little more trouble, had cooler stories to tell friends.
Being a good girl is something that has followed me into adulthood. I am a bona fide rule follower. My library books are never late. I only cross the street if the pedestrian signal is flashing. I pay my bills on time. I won’t even jaywalk!
I wonder a lot about how I ended up the way I did. Why didn’t I veer off onto a different path, especially considering my childhood. I’ve written about it a few times on the blog, so I don’t want to rehash all of that. My home life was messy. I didn’t have a normal childhood, which is what makes me wonder how I decided to veer on the straight and narrow, to harness the personality of a good girl, rather than something… else.
I think the easiest explanation is that I needed control. There was a lot about my childhood that felt out of control, so being a good girl was something I could have total control over. I could control my schooling and be the best student possible. I could control being the best child, to lessen the stress my mom was under, and to hopefully earn my dad’s love. And that’s what I did. I threw myself into schoolwork and I tried to be the very best daughter for my parents. That I could control.
And it worked out for me. It really did. I graduated from high school with honors. I paid my way through college, graduating with honors. I’ve held down two post-grad jobs, excelling in both. I’ve forged friendships with people who are similar to me – I don’t have time for people who are more concerned with drama or getting wasted on the weekends or any of that. I just don’t. It doesn’t appeal to me. And sure, maybe I could have had more interesting stories to tell if I’d been less of a good girl. My good girl persona extends to my dating life and how I am very selective about the type of people I choose to date, to which someone once told me, “That’s boring.” Yep. It is. And I am proud to be boring to some people. Bring on the boring.
Being a good girl is just who I am. I’m proud of that child who threw herself into school and being good, rather than boys and finding her worth in other people. I’m proud of the woman I have become – someone who appreciates who she is. Someone who has created a life she really loves. And, though I know rules are meant to be broken every now and then, it also doesn’t mean my story is any less interesting if they aren’t.
I was also the good girl in my family. My older siblings pushed the limits more with my parents and I think that seeing the stress and chaos that resulted from that made me avoid those kind of decisions/behaviors. I certainly wasn’t perfect and I made some poor choices/went against my parents wishes at times but for the most part, I followed the rules. It’s definitely part of my identity as I am and probably always will be a people pleaser. I think one downside of my ‘good girl’ persona is caring way too much about what others think and needing approval from others when I am making decisions… that is something I am working on as an adult but it’s hard!
And I agree with you on bringing on the boring. I’m quiet, I prefer nights in, I rarely drink, and that is ok. 🙂 It took me awhile to ‘own’ my version of fun but these days I don’t have time for people who are judgmental of how I choose to spend my free time!
I definitely had my moments growing up, but they weren’t until I was in college and then those few years in between under grad & grad school that I pushed the boundaries, but at that point I was 18 and responsible for myself! I’ve always loathed myself if I disappointed my parents, carried a lot of weight on my shoulders (my dad once told me to remember that I represented the family name when I was out and about!) and did my best to be a role model for my younger brother and make my parents smile. There is nothing wrong with so-called “boring,” at all if you ask me!
I’m rule follower. Nothing wrong with that. 🙂 It doesn’t mean that I don’t take risks. I just take different ones.
I went through a bad girl phase and while it was fun at the time, I’d wish it away if I could. Looking back I realize I wasn’t very happy even though I thought I was. That phase in my life got me nowhere and as an adult, I’d be way too embarrassed to share those stories. 🙂
You know, I think being the “good girl” is just a personality thing, too. I grew up in a very loving family and you know that I have a twin sister…. and I always was the good girl too (while my sister was the one to push the envelope). I have often thought about why this turned out to be that way and I have yet to come up with an explanation that really makes sense to me other than “I am just that way”.
There is nothing wrong with being the good girl, in fact, I also embrace it… the only thing I had to learn is not be somewhat of a pushover and let other people walk all over me because of wanting to be “nice” all the time.
Being the “good girl” has been my life struggle! OMG. Because I was quiet I was always labeled as such and hated it. I wanted to be a rebel, I’m NOT a rule follower but then I have this side of me that wants people to be happy with me.
So the struggle is real.
Oh man, I was a bona fide good girl my entire life…until I turned 22 and really had to push some boundaries. I think that the key is being true to who YOU are — there were things I felt I needed to experience to figure out that they definitely were NOT who I am or wish to be. That said, I’ve been very quiet about it over the past year, but I’ve recently struggled to come to terms with ALL parts of who I am, the opinions of my parents and others be damned, and that can be painful, but I feel like I’m living out my own truth. This comment is all over the place but the gist is this: if you’re happy, that’s enough. Whether you’re a “good girl” or a total hellraiser 🙂
Haha I was kind of the opposite. I won’t put all the bad things I did online but let’s just say I was the sneaking out, ignoring curfew, screaming and yelling at my mom and many other bad things kind of girl. However, I always did well in school and I worked and earned my own money since I was 13 years old. I think those two things really did help set me on a good path and I went straight to University after high school, did well in all my classes and have managed to hold down good jobs and do well ever since! I remind my aunt of these things as she gets sooooo frustrated with my 15, almost 16, year old cousin for very minor things right now. I remind her she was breaking up a raging house party I was hosting with half the high school on a Wednesday night when I was 16. Whoops! 😉
Love this, Stephany! I’ve always been the same way. My friends and I never partied or drank and instead stayed in and played games which is what we STILL do. Sometimes I wonder if I missed out because we never really went out like most kids our age, but ultimately I know we made the right decisions and had the best times ever! 🙂
I can soooooo relate! I was totally the good girl, too. The one time I got in trouble, my mom sent me to my room where I secretly laughed because I had my entire bookshelf at my disposal. I didn’t even care 🙂 Haha. #nerdalert
My good girl ways have definitely carried into my adulthood in some ways, too, but I don’t really mind. Like you said, it is a lot about control and I like to have that too!