I’m in a weird stage of life. I’m in the latter half of my twenties, which feels strange to say because most days, I still feel like I’m 16. I’m closer to 30 than 20. Honestly, so far, I have really enjoyed my twenties. I still have a good three-and-a-half years left to enjoy them, and it hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies, but I have grown so much in these past six-and-a-half years. Like most people, my twenties have been a period of self-discovery, of trying to figure out who I am and what I want from life. But still, it’s weird to realize where I am now and that I am no longer a kid, even though I feel like I still am most of the time.
This post, inspired by one Gina wrote, has been on my mind to do and I thought I would finally get it out of my head and onto my blog today. This is me at 26, and all the ways I feel like an adult and all the ways I still feel like a kid. (This will be fun to look back on when I’m turning 30, I think!)
Ways I Feel Like an Adult
- My career. I have really struggled with defining myself by my job for the majority of my twenties. I think it’s something a lot of us do, especially once we graduate college and we have to find a perfect job that looks impressive when we’re talking to other people. I didn’t have a great first job after college and I dealt with a lot of job-related anxiety because of that, but it has helped me to grow up, learn about office politics, and be accountable. And now, after losing my way a bit in my mid-twenties, I finally feel like I’m on the right track for what I want to do for the rest of my life and there’s nothing more empowering or adult-like than that!
- Dealing with my debt. I spent way too many years pretending my debt didn’t exist or that putting my school loans in forbearance is what I “had to do.” This is a very immature way of looking at finances, money, and debt. I’m glad I’m finally taking action and understanding that it’s very important to take care of your debt because that’s what responsible grown-ups do. Plus, debt is something I don’t want following me throughout my thirties, either.
- Paying bills. Can I just say how much joy I receive by paying my bills? Because I do. I just kinda enjoy the feeling of paying a bill, even if it’s not always fun to see my bank account dwindle in the process.
- Grocery shopping and cooking for myself. Up until the beginning of this year, my mom and I were grocery shopping together and eating our dinners together. We still grocery shop together most weeks because it’s convenient, but at the beginning of this year, we started separating and making our own meals. (Partly because she went Paleo and I didn’t want to go Paleo.) It’s been fun to do this because it gives me more control over my meals and what I want to eat, and I always found cooking to be a very Adult thing (just me?). I enjoy finding new recipes, meal planning, and grocery shopping just for me.
- Being accepting of myself. I’m shy. I’m quiet upon meeting new people. I’m a highly sensitive person. Too many conversations or loud music is overstimulating for me. I’m an introvert to my core. I like to stay in most nights. Trying new things is scary for me, but I always feel better by doing so. I would prefer to spend time with animals than people. Bars are not my scene and never have been. I can’t do small talk. I’m extremely funny once you get to know me. All these things? They have taken a long, long time for me to accept that this is me. This is what I like. This is who I am and how I was created. It’s taken me a long time to realize this doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me or I need to come out of my shell or I’m boring. I’m just me and I really like me and I’m excited to grow even more into who I am throughout the rest of my life.
Ways I Still Feel Like a Kid
- Living with my mom. It’s hard to feel like an adult when you live with your mom. While it’s honestly the best situation for me to be in, and living with her is pretty awesome, there’s also a defeatist feeling to acknowledge that I still live with my mom. I don’t think I will really feel like a bona fide Adult until I move out on my own.
- Not being married, or having ever been in a serious relationship. Nothing makes me feel like I’m behind the curve more than realizing I’m 26 and I’m not married, nor have I ever been in a serious relationship. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me! And maybe there is. Who knows! Or maybe it just hasn’t been my time yet. (We’ll go with that answer, ‘kay?)
- Looking perpetually like a teenager. I don’t really mind that I look very young for my age, but it really doesn’t help feeling like an adult when I realize people think I’m still in high school. It doesn’t happen as much anymore, but on the last cruise I took with my mom, my dinner tablemates seriously thought I was under 18. Sigh.
- Not liking most “adult-type” food, like wine, sushi, etc. Yeah, I’m just not into that stuff. There are so many different “adult” foods that I just don’t like and it makes me feel like I’m missing some essential Adult gene. Shouldn’t I want to sit down with a glass of wine after a long day? Or have a sushi date with girlfriends? And don’t even get me started on fancy fine-dining restaurants. Gimme a casual steakhouse any day.
- Not feeling as established as other people my age. Sometimes, it’s really weird to learn that people who seem to be so much more together than me are either younger than me, my age, or only a year or two older. I can give you a ton of examples, and I think that’s partly due to being involved in the blog world. You see all these people and they have these fantastic careers and great relationships and big opportunities and it’s so easy to feel like you’ve fallen behind on this ridiculous timeline. But my timeline is my timeline alone. It’s not supposed to match anyone else’s. (Rinse and repeat!)
What are some ways you feel like an adult, or still feel like a kid?
Adult:
– in my career for 10 years and loving it
– owning my home, driving my paid-for car, saving money for my future, being (consumer) debt free, being 100% financially self sufficient
– setting goals and feeling accountable to myself to accomplish them
– being able to do whatever I want when I want, which is awesome, but the responsible adult in me makes me go to bed at a decent time, eat healthy food, work out, not drink too much, etc. etc.
Kid:
– still consult my parents in all major decisions
– still talk to my parents daily
– not married, no kids of my own
– I’m the oldest of all grandkids/cousins in my family so I’m still very much a “kid” at family functions
– not liking adult food/drinks 🙂 (ie. wine and sushi lol)
By the way… I’m 30 years old.
Have a great day!
Dayle
Let me just say that I agree and am in the same place as Dayle! I have a great career. Paying bills and getting my own groceries brings me to a happy place like none other and I have all the freedom I want. But, I still live with my mom and I love it. I don’t have kids and think that marriage is overrated. I hate seafood and don’t drink at all. I just turned 29.
Rock on, Steph!
I think the only thing that make me feel like an adult sometimes is that I’m married, own two houses, and have a kid. Yeah, it’s a lot, but I’m very much a kid in so many ways. I hate making “adult” decisions, especially ones dealing with finances (which drives Kyle crazy).
And I get you on the wine. It tastes like old feet, but Kyle’s aunt & uncle are determined to convert me). I do love sushi though, but I also eat kid cereal such as Fruit Loops for breakfast still. 🙂
Having a mortgage makes me feel like an adult (and slave to the system…). Same goes for doing housework/yard work, deciding on BIG house decisions like which vanity to put in the bathroom or figuring out which home project should be next. Also in some very weird f’d up way, losing my mom has made me feel much more grown up. Like, I’m only 30 but now I have no mom and so I feel even more on my own in this world. Not sure if that’s good or bad. I think bad.
Ways I feel like I kid: I get giddy every Friday afternoon at 4pm. It’s like school’s out! I love fresh notebooks, I can’t sleep on Christmas Eve, I love ice cream cones & ice cream sundaes, the library is one of my favorite places ever and I still get butterflies when D holds my hand.
Adult:
-own a house
-have an established career
-have a dog and cat
-married
Kid:
-don’t really have a ton of money saved for a rainy day. Right now all savings are going towards our trip to Ireland!
-still consult my parents on big decisions
-still whine a lot (haha)
I honestly sometimes wonder when I will stop feeling like a kid. Honestly, all the stuff that happened with my dad this year really pushed me out of that “kid comfort zone” I was in for so long because my dad doesn’t have a partner and I had to take a leading role in being there for him. Which made me feel more like an adult than ever but was also so so so stressful, and ended up being quite expensive as I had to buy a few plane tickets. I definitely feel more like an adult after that experience but I also have “kid like” experiences and reactions to things all the time.
Adult:
-I’ve been married and divorced.
-I live on my own. I currently rent, so this part makes me feel less adult-like, even though I owned a house with m ex-husband.
-I’ve worked my up the ladder a bit at my company and have been here for 5.5 years.
-I support three expensive kitties!
-I have a 401k.
-I support myself – this kind of goes hand in hand with living on my own, but I am the only person responsible for paying for my shelter, food, means of travel, debt, insurance and medical bills.
Kid:
-I’ve been married and divorced. This one goes both ways – I feel like people judge me or think I was immature to get married so young and divorced so quickly. But it forced me to grow up and learn a lot of tough lessons, so I feel it counts in both categories.
-My parents pay one of my student loans.
-I live 3/4 mile from my parents and am there a LOT. I also do my laundry there.
-I love to be silly with my siblings.
-I still go to my parents for advice and comfort all the time. I’d be lost without them.
I guess I’m split pretty 50/50. I don’t think it’s bad to still feel like a kid at times, though. I hope I always have a little bit of youth to my soul! I get what you mean about seeing other bloggers and comparing to where they are at: married, houses, kids, exciting job opportunities, etc. I play that game all the time! Awesome post 🙂
I’m so with you on the fine dining stuff! A few years ago my husband and I took a trip to Charleston with my aunt & uncle. They have money and love nice things, especially fine art and dining. It was so nice of them to host us on this trip, but they wanted to eat at really high class restaurants and it was actually hard for me to find something on the menu I wanted! To ourselves we were like…can’t we just get a burger? Ha.
Not having a hubby and house and kids makes me feel young.
Paying my own way through life and not carrying credit card debt makes me feel like an adult.
I love that you made your own list! Funny, I was just thinking about this list a few days ago and thought I should revise mine since it’s been a year later.
Learning how to be a “real” adult is a long process. One thing to keep in mind is to not get too caught up with other peoples’ timelines, or rather, keep your eyes on your own paper. If you keep comparing where you’re at with other people in your age range, you’ll get down on yourself easily. It’s also good to remember that our generation is taking longer to do things: get married, have kids, finish school, etc. Remember that it’s not just you who hasn’t accomplished certain adult milestones yet. I’m almost 29 and I still don’t have a Big Kid Job! 😛
oh man i feel ya on some of these for sure.
adult: bill paying (sweet mercy, the bills), cooking for myself, owning a car, making travel plans
child: my career (yes I’ve been at the same job for almost eight years but it’s not my lifelong dream, so hopefully that’ll change). being carded (i look and dress like a teen), not liking beer, feeling a bit like i’m treading water some days
I definitely can relate to a lot of what you said in this post. I’m 33 but don’t feel that old and there are certain things I thought I would have in my life by now that I don’t so I have had to adjust my expectations.
Adult: Paying off debt is a top priority but I have enough money to take some vacations. I have a mortgage on a property that I rent out – both having a mortgage and being a landlord make me feel like an adult! My career and the types of clients I interact with/the amount of money they are investing makes me think whoa, I am an adult. My RA diagnosis and managing all of my different prescriptions REALLY makes me feel like an adult.
Kid: I still want my mom when I am sick. I still call my mom when I need help on a recipe or need to be reminded how to make something basic like hard boiled eggs. Getting carded, especially when I got carded last summer for an R-rated movie (although truth be told I like getting carded when I am ordering a drink).
I feel the same way about paying bills – there’s something satisfying about clicking the pay button, or writing a check (yep, I still do write a few checks).
And I commend you for not just getting into a relationship because it’s the “adult thing” to do. Steph, one day you are going to find someone wonderful, and it’ll be so very worth the wait.
You know, in many ways I’ve been a “real” adult ever since I graduated college. But on most days, I feel like I’m faking it at best. Then I realize that everyone is faking at being an adult in one way or another, even ones who I would consider as having been adults for years! Being established, etc is all relative anyway.
I feel very similar. I thought that after I got married and bought a house, I would finally feel like a full fledged adult… but I do not. I see other people who are my age and feel like they are much more put together, mature, and adult-like than I am. Of course, there are other people I went to school with that are still very immature too. We are definitely at an age where we are caught between two worlds: that of a child and that of an adult. It’s tough! I wonder if I will ever feel like a total grown up. I wrote a similar post a few weeks ago because I am totally feeling the same way. I also get a weird, excited feeling when I’ve paid a bill – haha! 🙂
Omg, I literally have been having this exact conversation with myself for the last few weeks nonstop. I’m turning 25 in July and I’m trying SO hard to avoid the quarter-life crisis, but I literally feel like I should be turning 16, not 25. It’s surreal. I know that I’ve grown up a lot internally, but often I just feel like there’s so much I haven’t done or experienced that I should have by my age. It’s so frustrating.
Oh man, I so feel you on this post.
I definitely feel like an adult because of my job, but I too still live at home, so I often feel like a teenager. Especially because my very well meaning parents whom I love very much constantly text me to make sure I’m okay and to make sure I got to my destination when I leave the house 🙂
I also haven’t been in a serious relationship since I was in college, so I feel a bit behind the curve, but I’m trying to accept that and focus on me for now.