I haven’t been myself lately.
My mind has been racing. My mind is always racing but I feel like I’m losing my grip on myself. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. My career path, once so clearly defined, has blurred. I get tired more easily and dealing with my problems feels overwhelming.
Sometimes, life kicks you right in the face and it’s when you’re flat on your back, staring up at the sky that you realize You Are Not Okay. A boy says incredibly mean, untruthful, and hurtful things that break your heart but at the same time, make you question everything you have ever thought about yourself AND want to kick his ass. (Yes. All three emotions at once.)
From there, mistakes happen at work and the stresses from life and simply being weigh you down.
I can feel myself shutting down emotionally. Putting up my guards and locking everything down. Feelings can’t escape, which feels safer. Something I can control. Until it becomes too much. Too many feelings. Too much sadness. It can’t escape and I can’t describe it to anyone. I just withdraw even further.
I need a break. I need a break from all the noise. I’ve wanted to take a complete break from social media and blogging for a while now. I take days and weekends off, but I’ve been intrigued by taking a complete month-long sabbatical. To slow down and stop needing to constantly scroll through my Twitter stream or keep my blog updated three times a week. To lessen the noise. To get down and dirty with journaling, soul-searching, and discovering what it means to truly love myself.
A few days ago I wrote a tweet to the effect of: “New plan: Stop questioning myself. Live life on my own terms. Be more badass.” I want to be more badass. I feel as if I’m living a half-life, letting little things trip me up and other peoples’ opinions of me affect me too much. Being badass means understanding who I am and loving myself in spite of all my failings, shortcomings, and fears. It means being okay with my imperfect self and unleashing my power onto the world. Believing in myself and never letting a boy who knows nothing about me have the power to hurt me.
I plan on using the next month to fully dive into Fierce Love course, to do more writing for myself, and to completely disconnect from my online persona. I plan on taking a break from checking my OK Cupid profile and discovering what I am really seeking from a relationship. And I plan on learning what it means to just be.
I hope to come back in September more refreshed and happier with myself. I know my entire life won’t have changed, but I also know I need this break to center myself and figure out what I’m searching for and how to chase after it.
***
I have one book review scheduled for Wednesday but after that, this blog will remain quiet for the rest of August. I will still be responding to emails and perhaps lurking on some of my favorite blogs. As far as #twookclub goes, I will still be handling the monthly poll and book chat. The Twitter feed just might be a little quieter than usual.
I hope that this month away is good for you. I have taken breaks at various points of my life when I am struggling with things, be in a break up or things happening in my career. It’s necessary from time to time because sometimes seeing everything through the lens of blogging is not the healthiest way to see things. Hang in there and keep on keeping on. And if things get to big for you and the anxiety really starts to weigh you down, it might be a good idea to see a doctor. I had to be on anxiety medication when I was in my mid-20s because it was just so much bigger than I could tackle on my own… I am not saying that is what you should do, but if it really is weighing down on you, it might be worth exploring… Thinking of you!!
We all hit plateaus. Good for you for taking the time for yourself! I hope everything brightens up for you!
I’m sorry you don’t feel like yourself, I know how you feel and (as you probably know) went through this earlier this year. I think taking some time for yourself is a great idea! Journaling, reading and reflecting helps so much.
I know you’ve really been wanting to do this month-long thing for some time now, and I must admit I’m *relieved* you chose a month I won’t really be around for! But seriously. Do what feels right for you, enjoy life without the stress of blogging and internet, and my goodness please text me.
🙂
I think taking a month of is a wonderful idea, Stephany. I know the feeling of feeling worn down and tired. Sometimes it’s good to just take a step back… and you can be sure we’ll all still be here when you come back: refreshed and hopefully with more energy and badass-ness 🙂
Hugs, friend. And you know – you can always reach out if you want to.
I hope a break helps. I definitely understand the need to take one, I’m feeling that way myself lately. Hugs!
I closed my blog because life just got to be a smidge too much. I totally know what that’s like, and I definitely felt refreshed with a renewed perspective when I came back.
But just one thing: dude, you’re young! You don’t need to have a career path! Most people change careers at least twice, and usually in their 20s. If you suddenly decide that this isn’t what you want to do, that’s OK! There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s normal. Now that’s not to say that it isn’t stressful (it is) but I just want you to know that you aren’t a failure if that happens.
We’ll still be here when you get back. You are already badass. It’s just a matter of owning it. 🙂
Breaks from social media are healthy and necessary sometimes, as you know! Take a break, do what you want to do and just be – like you said. I think cutting out all of the little responsibilities that aren’t really responsibilities, is a good thing. Blogging, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, they all add up to a A LOT of time and none of them are necessary in life. Take a break, and like Linda said, we’ll all be here when you get back. You have a lot of people on your side that are rooting for you, praying for you and love you! Hang in there!
Oh, and boys are DUMB. I don’t know the story, but he is seriously not the boy for you and he sounds like he has some serious self esteem issues of his own to deal with.
I understand exactly what you’re going through, and I hope this break does you so much good. I’ll be praying for you, sister! <3
I <3 you.
hope you take a nice needed break for yourself lady. sending lots of lovely vibes your way. xo
I ended up with a completely unplanned blogging break, mainly because I have limited free time and if I give myself any time to think, I’ll fall apart. (Not healthy, but just trying to survive right now.) Hope this break is good for you… also, it’s crazy because I randomly decided to respond to our email chain (after THREE MONTHS not saying anything!) before I even read this. Hugs. <33
WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHERE DOES HE LIVE?! LET ME AT ‘EM!
I’m going to miss seeing you around the interwebs this next month, but it definitely sounds like you need some time to figure things out. I hope you find what you’re looking for. <3
Okay first off, that picture is HILARIOUS! And I’m proud of you for taking a social media break – sometimes the hardest thing is recognizing the need for that, but I think it’s going to be restorative and refreshing – just promise to come back, okay? (Also, you know you can email me anytime in between if you need to!)
Sounds like you’re listening to yourself and doing the best thing 🙂 I hope the break brings clarity!
I think a break is a good idea. I think we start to feel emotions based on people’s responses online (or lack thereof) and it causes us to feel hurt or overwhelmed sometimes, which is bad for “real life”. I sometimes catch myself checking my Reader instead of DOING STUFF in life! Good luck with your break. I hope that you feel better and that your life is more manageable afterward!
First of all, I love the “Freak Out and Throw Stuff” picture. I’m going to need to get a print of that.
Second of all, social media breaks are SO nice. It will do you worlds of good. Especially as an introvert–you need time to yourself to focus on yourself and recharge. Ever since Ashley at Our Little Apartment took a month-long break, I’ve been contemplating it, too. It just sounds HEAVENLY to not be bombarded with so much mental clutter from social media. I’ve taken a break from Facebook and Twitter this week, and I don’t even really miss it.
With that said, the internet will miss you! Yours is one of my very favorite blogs. Have a great break, and I hope to see you back soon!
*phew* Apparently I missed this post, and noticed I hadn’t seen anything from you on… well all the places I am apparently stalking you at! Glad to hear that you taking a planned break. Can’t wait to hear from you in September!