If July had a theme, I think it would have been simplicity. July was a simple, enjoyable month. I worried less about things that are out of my control and for the things I can control, everything felt a little less chaotic, a little less overwhelming. I’m not where I wish I was, but I am where I’m supposed to be. There are many things I want from my life, many things I want to chase after, but it’s okay if it takes me a while to feel ready to take the leap.
The Fourth of July was a fun, fun day. I haven’t done much for the holiday in years past, but my uncle opened up his home for a day of barbecuing, family catch-ups, and relaxing out on his dock. It was wonderful, most especially because my brother, his wife, and my adorable nephew came. And my favorite family from Georgia came down for the holiday week, which was so great. They are the best and our time with them was way too short. We ended the night with drinks on the dock and watching the fireworks, which took place just a few feet from where we sat. It was so amazing!
My mom’s birthday is in July, so we celebrated that, of course. I took her to see the movie Tammy, which was funny and we had a great time. Then, I was able to have her all to myself on her birthday because my brother couldn’t make it to her birthday dinner. (We had a second birthday dinner the following weekend, which coincided perfectly with her fiance’s arrival home after four months on the road!) Anyway, I enjoy celebrating her birthday and I think it was a good one for her!
As mentioned above, my mom’s fiance is back home. I used to get annoyed when he was in town (he stays with us now because there’s no sense in him keeping an apartment when he’s only home 10-14 days every 3-4 months), but I’ve gotten used to him. We have a much better rapport and we’ve even had times when it’s just me & him in the apartment, and it doesn’t feel awkward at all. I’m so happy about that! And Dutch is just thrilled when he’s home and has a buddy to hang out with all day. Things are so good on this front, though. Phew!
For the better part of a year, I’ve been slowly developing feelings for someone. He makes me laugh, makes me think, and makes me feel very good. And it’s lovely, but it’s just a crush and I’ve never had a crush evolve into something more. Who’s to say this one will? Then, this week, I received an email that said this: “Believe you’re worth going after what you want. Maybe you’re gonna get hurt. Maybe you’re gonna get bruised. Maybe you’re gonna stay waiting at the window for a long, long while. Maybe, just maybe, it’s worth doing it anyway.” I’ve known for a while that it’s time to take that next step, but it’s terrifying for me. Rejection is something I’m way too familiar with and it’s easier to stay in this comfortable space where “maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t.” Laying my heart on the line, being that vulnerable and honest, it makes me want to throw up. But getting bruised is all part of the journey, isn’t it? We only regret the chances we didn’t take, after all.
This month, I’ve been thinking a lot less about the goals I want to accomplish and a lot more about how I want to feel. Don’t get me wrong – I still love goals and I will continue to set them, but I also want to tune more into myself and discover what emotions make me come alive. It’s a lot more difficult than setting goals because, with goal-setting, it’s more about extrinsic rewards. And those are easy to set. But what about intrinsic rewards? What about the emotions we want to embody in our lives? That takes a lot more soul-searching.
I’m looking forward to August, even if it won’t be a terribly exciting month. I’m planning on purging my closet and creating a capsule wardrobe, knocking off a few adventures on my Tampa Bay Project list, and maybe taking tiny, itty bitty steps toward opening my heart up to possibilities of more.
How was your July?
I am glad that July was a good month for you. That’s great that you feel so much more comfortable around your mom’s fiance now and that you like it when he’s back home. And how exciting about your crush, but I also understand how scary it is to put your feelings on the line and show that you want more..
July was a great month for me, but it sort of exhausted me. I saw family and friends, hosted a party, and continued to try to adapt to my new work environment. I’m struggling to find a balance between making plans and planning to relax but I’ll figure that out with time. I’m looking forward to August as it contains fun things like seeing my entire family (which never happens since we are so scattered!), introducing Phil to my family, celebrating his birthday, and attending another wedding together.
I can’t believe we are already talking about July in the past tense. WHERE did this month go?! Anyways, I like this recap : ) Seems like you’re in a good place. July was crazy for me but GOOD. I made so many big steps forward and I’m really proud of myself for where I am today. If you had told me a month ago I’d be here, I never would have believed you.
July was a whirlwind for me, and I’m SO glad it’s over with. It took a serious toll on me both emotionally and physically, and I’m just done with it.
I’m looking forward to August, and while mine isn’t looking to be terribly exciting either, it’s nice to look at the calendar and see that it’s not jam-packed with plans. That just means more freedom in doing whatever we want!
Glad you had such a great July! Lots of good things in this post, especially The Crush, the photos of Dutch and celebrating your mom’s birthday =)
This past month for me was spent with the kidlets, flex time at work, busy, busy work days, getting back on the exercise train and falling in love with Scandal because, um it’s totally ok to fall in love with a TV show, yes?
I know about the fear of rejection and just how hard it is to speak up to someone when you like them. It’s not easy. It can be terrifying but it can end well too!
My July was actually super busy! Here’s hoping for a relaxing August!
I think my July was the total opposite of yours – insanely busy and stressful! I love your new sneakers and agree that it is very scary to take a risk and be vulnerable. Anything outside of our comfort zone is scary but think about how uncomfortable you used to be around your mom’s fiancé! That was outside your comfort zone but you plugged along and figured out a way to not only make it work, but enjoy having him around. Maybe this will be the same 🙂
I honestly don’t even know where July went. I’m so baffled that the summer is almost over. I feel like I did a lot but at the same time nothing at all, it’s so weird and makes no sense, ha. So glad your July was so lovely, love all the pictures and love the simplicity of it all.
Your July sounds wonderful! I love those simple, relaxing months.
I think that focusing on how you want to feel is very wise. Getting to know yourself is so important, and it’s easy to forget that how the things you are doing make you feel is just as important (if not more so) than the outcome of doing those things. Bravo!
I’m your crush cheerleader!
I’m glad to hear July was good for you. Simplicity sounds nice!
July felt long to me, and I’m glad it’s over. I feel like now that August is here, I have a lot to look forward to, like camping this weekend in Yosemite and NY next month!