Today, I’m 30.
I’m celebrating by taking a day off work. My plans for today include sleeping in and lazing around in the morning, reading my book. In the afternoon, I’m going to take myself out to lunch and then pamper myself with a massage and pedicure. After that, I’ll probably stop at Starbucks for a peppermint mocha and some reading time in one of their cozy chairs. And this evening, my family is taking me out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. All in all, it’s a day of treating myself and I couldn’t be happier about it.
I have a lot to say about turning thirty. First, I want to talk about how excited I am to be in my thirties. Everyone I know tells me that their thirties have been so much better than their twenties, and I believe it. For me, my twenties were a period of intense soul-searching and anxiety. There’s college and that first post-college job and making friends and trying to decide what exactly you want from life while still feeling like a kid.
At thirty, I don’t feel like a kid anymore. I don’t feel like a complete mess. I feel like a grown woman who has her shit together and knows exactly what she wants from her life. There is something so empowering and freeing in that statement. It means I have this incredible opportunity to shape my life exactly the way I want it to look.
My twenties were a turbulent period. I spent a lot of time being ashamed of myself. Ashamed of my shyness and introversion and inability to live on my own and codependency on my mom and financial instability and chronically single status and weight and sensitivity. But over the years, as I have grown into myself, I have accepted that these are simply parts of my story. My shyness, introversion, and high sensitivity are not character flaws, but some of my biggest strengths and they allow me to relate to people on a much deeper level. My inability to live on my own and codependency on my mom are things I grew out of, as I now live alone very successfully and find my mom leaning on me as much as I lean on her. I’ve become financially stable over the years, though I’m still not exactly where I want to be, but that’s okay. I’ll get there. And being chronically single? There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being alone if you are happy being alone. And I am. I go on dates and I put myself out there as much as I want to, but it’s a very low-pressure side of my life. I go on dates because I want to, not because I need to or because I feel like something is missing from my life.
Thirty doesn’t exactly look the way I thought it would look, especially as society told me over and over again that I was supposed to be married in my twenties and at least have a kid by now. This message is especially told to you when you grow up in church, where it felt like every sermon given in youth group was about saving yourself for marriage and waiting for your future spouse. But I honestly cannot imagine being married or having kids right now. I don’t think I was ready for either of those things in my twenties. And so I can’t be upset that I’m turning thirty, single and childless. Those things aren’t meant for me right now, and that’s okay.
If my twenties were my decade of self-discovery and coming into my own, then I want my thirties to be about settling into myself and not letting fear dictate my decisions. I want to put myself out there in fuller, richer, deeper ways. I want to ask for what I want in my romantic relationships. I want to finish that novel and publish it… and maybe publish a handful more after that one. I want to deepen my friendships, travel more, feel more financially stable. I want to have retirement savings and emergency savings and no debt. I want to read as much as I possibly can because reading is my happy place. I want more massages and pedicures and long walks in the sunshine by myself. I want solo travel and solo adventures. I want to find real, true, lasting love with someone who understands me and makes me laugh and can handle all of my anxieties and quirks. I want to have a baby, a little person who is a part of me. I want to get more tattoos, adopt more dogs, fill up my house with books.
And I want to never forget how I felt on this day – November 28, 2017 – when I turned thirty.
Today, I feel happy and whole and satisfied. I feel confident in who I am and what I want. I feel content with my life and the way it looks right now. This is exactly where I’m meant to be.
I believe in the Law of Attraction and that if I put good out into the world, good will come back to me. I believe that no is a full sentence. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in the power of a good belly laugh. I believe that I am a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister. I believe that I am the best dog-mom for my old, blind, dementia dog. I believe that I have a gift for writing and I want to use that gift to the best of my ability. I believe in naps, in reading romance novels, in retail therapy. I believe in myself and my power.
I want to be clear – I’m not head over heels about everything in my life. There is a lot I need to improve on. I’m overweight and really unhappy when I look in the mirror. I have generalized anxiety, which means that every few months I go into a tailspin where I think everyone hates me and I need to delete my blog and never come out of my home again. I have trouble believing in my worth as a romantic partner, especially the hangups I have regarding sex. I spend too much money on things I don’t really need and I’m terrible at saving. I can be too sarcastic and too competitive and too sensitive at times.
We’re all works in progress, though. That’s the beauty of living. It’s messy and complicated, but even in the midst of it, we can find the beauty in it. And maybe that’s the lesson I learned most from my twenties: we’re never completely finished, but we can find peace in who we are, even when there’s more we want to do.
So, here’s to my thirties. I have a feeling they are going to be one amazing ride.
Happy birthday! Sending you all the best for a wonderful birthday, and the start of an awesome decade!
Thank you, Kristen! I am super excited to be in my thirties. I think this is going to be an awesome decade!
Happy birthday! I hope it’s as awesome as you are! Taking the day off work is my favorite way to celebrate my own birthday.
Oh yes! Who wants to deal with a stressful work day when you could spend it pampering yourself and relaxing? Not me! I never, ever work on my birthday.
Happy birthday! You have such a great attitude about turning 30, which is wonderful! I also entered my 30s with my life looking much different than I thought it would. But that meant that I could just throw away the script I had written for myself in my 20s and just let life unfold. I was also chronically single for my 20s and I continued to be for my early 30s until I met Phil. I definitely got to the point where I was so happy being single that I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. Sure, I had moments of loneliness, but I knew that my life was going to be wonderful and full regardless of whether I found my special someone. When I met Phil, I was probably the happiest I had ever been and I think that I needed to get to that place to attract the kind of person I wanted to spend my life with. And granted, we did not have a fairy tale romance as I moved to Charlotte and he lost his dad so we both had to focus on ourselves for awhile. But it all worked out and now we are married and expecting a child. Life is full of wonderful surprises and it’s best to let them unfold when they are meant to instead of trying to have things happen by a certain deadline. But you’ve clearly figured that out, which is wonderful!
Your birthday plans for today sound wonderful – a perfect mix of downtime and time with people you love! I’ve been thinking lately about what I will do for my 37th birthday. I’ll be 36 weeks pregnant so not super comfortable, so I think I’m going to have a ‘drop in’ puzzle party. Meaning, I’ll have 1,000 piece puzzle going on our dining room table and people can drop in and hang out/help me put it together. We’ll have snacks and drinks. I am sure that for some people that doesn’t sound like fun, but it’s right up my alley as an introvert and I bet it’s the kind of birthday party you’d like to attend, too, as a fellow introvert/lover of low key life. 😉
I take a lot of inspiration from your story, Lisa, and I think you have helped me get to this place of acceptance of where my life is at right now. I can either be upset about it, or take pride in what I’ve accomplished and be happy with where I am right now, no matter what. I love what you said about you being the happiest you’ve been when you met Phil – I think that’s such a good attitude to have. I think we attract the right people into our lives when the timing is right, and that’s when the timing was right for you. And I know my life is full and wonderful, even if I’m not married or ever have children.
Also, that drop-in puzzle party sounds AWESOME. Maybe I should keep that in mind for 31! 😉
I love this so much! Your birthday day sounds amaaaazing. Enjoy it! And enjoy your thirties! Mine have been hard, but if I had gone through this same stuff in my twenties I’m sure I would have been a mess. Age really is a gift.
Thank you, Kathleen! I am sorry that your thirties have been hard, but yes, there is something to be said about handling the hard stuff better when we’re older. Also, I had no idea that you were back to blogging again! For some reason, Feedly isn’t updating with your URL… I’m going to have to investigate that! I have missed your blog posts.
Beautifully, beautifully written! I absolutely love this attitude and approach to turning 30. Happy birthday, love! Proud of you and how much you shine! xo
Thank you, friend! That means a lot. <3
Happy Birthday! The 30’s are the actual best. It sounds like you have the perfect day planned to usher them in.
Thanks, Amy! It was the perfect birthday to celebrate the first year of my thirties. I’m excited for what this decade will hold!
You sure are a wonderful friend and I’m proud to call you one! This is such a beautiful post for so many reasons – wishing you all the best today and always and can’t wait to see what dogs you adopt, what books you read, what cruises you take and where the 30s will take you. Blessed and proud and honored to have you as a friend! <3
Aww, Nora. You are too sweet! I am blessed to call you a friend, as well. <3 I'm looking forward to all the new adventures my thirties will bring!
Happy Birthday! You have an amazing day planned. And you are in a great spot with having your shit together and knowing what you want in life. Woo hoo! I think some people NEVER get there 😉
That’s very true! I know there is so much I need to work on, but isn’t that all of us at all times? We never stop growing and learning and becoming more fully ourselves. I’m just grateful that I have the opportunities I do and that I can enjoy who I am right now. <3 Thank you!
I loveloveLOVE your attitude about entering your thirties, & it sounds like you’re headed in exactly the right direction. Happy, happy birthday, my friend. It’s been a pleasure & an honor to “meet” you & watch you change & grow online over all these years. I am so very proud of the person you are & have become, & I can’t wait to see where your thirties take you.
Thank you, Kate! I have been so blessed by our friendship over these year and let’s hope we can meet one another finally in the next few years. It’s a travesty that we have not!
Happy, happy birthday, Stephany! Sounds like it will be a perfect day, and I hope that it is. I love all of these reflections. That you’re happy with who you are and where you are, even if things aren’t 100% how you want them to be. I am starting to get to that place too where I realize that it’s okay to not be perfect. Our flaws make us who we are. I adore you more than words can say, feel like I’ve known you for years (actually, maybe I have now?!), and can’t wait until we can actually meet up in person (maybe my next cruise!). You are a special person and “Internet” friend or not… I’m glad to know you! Hope your 30s are magical!
Thanks, Steph! I think one of the beauties of getting older is not letting our flaws affect us so much. There is a lot I want to work on, no doubt about that, but that doesn’t mean I have to enter my thirties feeling sad or “behind in life.” I’m not. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Yeah, some people have it WAY more together than I do, but *I* also have my shit together more than other people. It’s all relative. 🙂
I’m grateful for our friendship, too!
Cheers to your 30s! Personally, I have loved my 30s so far. It’s been great to get more comfortable with me, to let go of a lot of the silly shit that stressed me out in my 20s, to know how to take care of myself better and to especially give fewer fucks. I hope this decade gives you everything you want and more!
I’m glad your thirties have been so great so far. I have a feeling mine will be as well. I finally feel like I’m settling into ME and who I am and what I want and it feels amazing.
Happy belated birthday and welcome to the 30s. It’s definitely a time to fully grow into yourself and let the silly stuff go. You have such a great day planned for yourself. Enjoy!
Yes! It truly, truly is. I wasted so much time in my twenties being worried about things that didn’t really matter, so I hope my thirties are a bit more productive. 😉