When I got the news from the vet, it wasn’t unexpected but it still was shocking.
“His dementia is getting much worse.”
“He’s way more disoriented than I’ve ever seen him.”
“He might be losing his quality of life.”
It was a gut punch. I stood in an empty hallway in my office building, willing the tears back and trying to speak over the lump in my throat.
My very first thought was, “Am I selfishly keeping him alive because I don’t want to live without him?”
But he’s happy, isn’t he? Mostly. Usually. Not always.
After receiving the news, I read every single article I could find about assessing a dog’s quality of life. I took test after test to figure out if Dutch really didn’t have a quality of life, but the results I got were mostly that he’s not living his best life anymore, but he does still have a quality of life.
***
The truth is, I’ve noticed that Dutch has been slowly deteriorating. He’s not the same dog he was even a year ago.
He’s at 90% blindness now, and I have to guide him when we’re on our walks, otherwise, he’ll run into curbs or walk right off sidewalks.
He can’t go on long walks. Most of our walks are around 5-10 minutes, and he can usually only do the 10-minute walks in the middle of the day.
He’s losing the function of his hind legs. He can still use them, but I’ve noticed that he has a hard time stabilizing himself on wood floors because his hind legs aren’t as strong as they used to be.
I’ve changed his diet to a wet food/dry food hybrid, and once he finishes up the bag of dry food I have, I think I’m going to switch him to solely wet food. Dry food is just too difficult for him to eat now (before I switched him over to wet food a few weeks ago, he was eating half of what he normally ate and I usually had to hand-feed him just for him to eat that).
His dementia means he gets stuck in corners a lot (I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to rescue him from behind my toilet) and spends a lot of time staring at the wall, sometimes barking at it and sometimes just sitting there. He also doesn’t understand how doors work anymore – most dogs will rush out an open door, but Dutch just doesn’t get it anymore (his blindness might have something to do with this, but it’s also a symptom of dementia). Usually, I carry him outside, otherwise, I have to drag him out the door.
His newest dementia symptom is circling. (Repetitive motion like this is linked to cognitive dysfunction.) He’ll just stand in the middle of the living room and do these tiny circles around and around and around. He’ll do it until he wears himself out, at which point he’ll just go right to sleep on the floor.
***
My mom took care of Dutch when I went on vacation to Asheville, and I was curious about her thoughts about what she thinks his quality of life is. While she takes him out for me at lunch during the weekdays and sees him at least once every weekend, this would be different. She would be able to see how he behaves at night and throughout the day. I was worried that I had become desensitized to Dutch’s difficulties because I’d been dealing with them for so long. Maybe his nighttime issues were much worse than I thought.
After the first night, she texted me, “Taking care of a dog with dementia is not for the weak.”
Truer words were never spoken! Many owners who have a dog with dementia put them down way before they need to because it is so very difficult to take care of these dogs. Dutch is truly a special needs dog now and he requires a lot of extra care, attention, and patience. (And believe me, I am not always patient with him, especially if he’s been crying and barking for an hour when all I want is to go to sleep!)
When I got home from Asheville, I asked her what she thought about his quality of life. Just like me, she believes he still has a quality of life, although it’s nowhere near the level it used to be.
***
So, what does all of this mean for Dutch? The truth is, I don’t really know.
I know that I love that little monster with my whole entire heart and I don’t want to put him down just because he’s a lot of work. That’s not what it means to be a pet owner, in my opinion.
I know that he is happy when he’s with me. He still recognizes who I am (we were worried about that because it’s another symptom of dementia, but when I picked him up after being gone for four days, he got incredibly excited and couldn’t stop whining and kissing me). He trusts me with his entire being and I don’t take that for granted.
I know that he still enjoys his walks, even though they aren’t long anymore, and he’s eating and going to the bathroom normally.
I also know, without a doubt, that I will know when it is time. Dutch and I are so connected to one another, he is such a part of me, that I don’t think it will come as a surprise when it is time to let him go. And I don’t feel like it is time yet. I think he still has some more fight left in him.
Do I think he’s got years left? No, it’s probably a matter of months, especially at the rate he’s deteriorating. I’m hoping he’ll live to see his “sweet 16” in early March.
I know that he has lived a long, happy, healthy life. Everything he’s dealing with right now is just age-related problems that most dogs who live this long experience. And I want him to be as comfortable as possible during these last few months of his life.
He’s been such a big part of my life for so long. It’s hard to imagine living life without him. Every time I think about going home and him not being there, a piece of my heart cracks. For the past eight years, every time I come home, he’s been there. But the reality of our dogs is that they live short lives and we have to have the strength to let them go. I’m just hoping Dutch will give me some time to find that strength.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s so unbelievably hard as a pet owner; making these kinds of decisions is never something we really think of when we first bring a pet into our lives, and when the time comes to make the tough decisions it’s an awful feeling.
While I’m trying to wrap my mind around what steps may or may not need to be taken with my own senior dog, I’m constantly reminding myself that she has lived the very best life she could’ve had. It brings a lot of comfort knowing that I was able to do that for her.
Hugs to you, friend. <3
Exactly. I know I have given Dutch an enormously happy life and that I will continue to do that in these last few months. He may not be able to do the same stuff he did when he was younger, but I can still offer him the comfort and love he needs right now. <3 Such a tough time.
I am so sorry you are both going through this. It is so hard to watch a beloved friend deteriorate. You sound like such a loving, wonderful mother to Dutch and I am sure you are giving him exactly what he needs.
Thank you for your sweet comment! I can feel secure in the knowledge that I have given Dutch a happy, healthy life and I will continue to do that during these last few months. It’s not easy watching him deteriorate, nor is it easy to take care of him when he needs so much special care, but I’ll do everything I can to make sure he’s comfortable and happy as an old pup can be.
I’m so sorry. You know I lost my beloved Harrison a year ago (almost). It was the hardest & most awful thing I’ve ever had to do. At the same time, I knew that while there were procedures & options, he was suffering. And just like you’d do anything to make him feel comfortable now, eventually the most compassionate choice will become apparent. So difficult. But I agree: you will know. And even though it has been the hardest ever, I don’t regret it.
I know it was best for him. And I also, like you, loved him the best I could for so long that I know he knew he was loved.
Thanks, Amy. I know how difficult it was for you to lose your sweet Harrison, and I know saying goodbye to Dutch will be just as difficult. He has been through all of my ups and downs of my twenties, and I’m not sure I could have survived some of them without him. But all I can do is make sure he’s comfortable and happy in these last few months.
Oh this just breaks my heart. Losing a dog and knowing when to let them go feels impossible. My mom had to put down her two dogs within a week of each other and she was devastated. But like you said, she knew it was their time and she didn’t want them to suffer even if it meant she’d have to live without them. My dogs are 10 and 5 so I’m lucky in that I haven’t had to deal with that yet but I dread it so much. Sending you and Dutch hugs and love.
Thanks, Steph. <3 It's the sad reality of having these pets. We only get them for a short time, but I feel so grateful for all the time I've had with Dutch.
I have never had a pet (sadly), so I won’t claim that I know the attachment one feels to their pet (although I am pretty fond of my sister’s cat – although that is probably not the same!), but I can imagine how hard it must be when you get to the point where the pet is approaching the end of its life. I trust though that you’ll know when the time comes for you to let Dutch go. I would imagine that, although it’ll be a sad moment, you’ll know through all the love for him when his quality of life has gone. Many hugs to you, friend. I know how much you love your little Dutch.
Thank you. It’s the sad reality of having a pet, but I have hope that he’ll hold on for longer than the vet thinks. He’s definitely not the same dog he was even a year ago, but he’s still got some fight left in him. <3
Oh, Stephany, this is so hard to read – but I think you are doing all the right things, especially in taking the time & thoughtfulness to be sure you’re doing this for him as much as for yourself, just because you’d miss him. He is so, so lucky to have you as his dog-mama, & like you said: When the time comes, you’ll know, & you’ll do what you have to do for him, much as you know you’ll miss him. xoxo
Thanks, Kate. That means a lot! I can feel very good knowing that I have given Dutch an amazing life and an incredible amount of love and comfort. He’s hanging in there for now, though he needs a ton of support with his blindness and dementia, but I can deal with it as long as I have my buddy around and he still has a quality of life.
Hugs to you, and all of Dutch’s loving care takers! He’s lucky to have you guys 🙂 I hope you have more time with him too. Even though he’s giving signs, there is still no way to emotionally prepare for him not being there.
Definitely no way to emotionally prepare to not have my little buddy around. He’s been my constant companion for most of my adult life! But perhaps I can slowly try to prepare myself as best I can now… even though I know it’s still going to hit me like a ton of bricks when it happens.
Oh man, this is making me tear up!
Working in a veterinary clinic, I see this all the time. It’s so hard to judge how the dog is really feeling and that makes it so difficult to make a decision.
A lot of time we tell clients this: you know your pet best. You know their personalities far better than any doctor does. We usually tell clients that if the pet is still wanting to eat and drink, still wanting that favorite toy, and still wanting to love on you then they’ve still got some spunk in them. As you see those things go…. then it may be time for that awful decision.
I think the worst thing about being a pet parent is having to decide for them when it’s time. But you also don’t want to drag things out for YOUR sake.
It sounds like you’re doing the best you can to help Dutch with the time he has left. You’re an amazing dog mom.
And I am so incredibly sorry you’re going through this. I’ll be keeping you both in my thoughts.
Thanks so much for all of your advice, Krysten! It was really a tough call to receive from the vet, but I am comforting myself with the fact that Dutch still has some spunk – he still scarfs down his food and loves going on walks and gets excited to see me. Those are important indicators of his quality of life. Sure, his dementia is worsening and nighttime is such a struggle for him, but overall, he’s okay right now. It’s so tough to watch him age and his mind deteriorate, but he’s still got some fight left in him, I think.
Sending so much love to you and Dutch! He’s so lucky to have you.
I was able to find comfort in a similar situation a few years ago by reminding myself that I was doing everything in my power to make my pup as happy and comfortable as possible. It was an honor to care for her and be there for her during that part of her life. It was stressful and difficult, but I still cherish those memories of finding different ways to sneak her medications in her food and all of the vet visits that were scary but great bonding experiences.
And, you’ll def. know when it’s time to make that difficult but kind decision. Until that moment, just continue to spoil the heck out of him. 💙
Thanks, Emily! The vet truly scared me when she talked about Dutch’s quality of life diminishing, but I think he still has some fight left in him for now. Things are much more difficult for him than they used to be, but he’s still a happy little boy most of the time. Still holding on that we’ll get to celebrate his “sweet 16”!
Oh, Steph, I’m so sorry. I know how much you love sweet Dutch, and he clearly loves you too. You’ve been able to give him such a great life and have taken amazing care of him. It definitely sounds like he’s still got some time left in him, and I know you’ll make the most of that time together. Sending you and Dutch lots of love!
Thank you, Stevie! I think we have some more time left, now that it’s been about six weeks since that vet visit and call, and I’ve been able to watch him still scarf down his food and run around on his walks. I know Dutch best, and I’ll know when it’s time to say goodbye, and I just don’t think it’ll be anytime soon.
This post made my heart hurt for you — I’m so sorry. I know it hasn’t been easy. You’ve been such an amazing parent to Dutch over the time I’ve known you — I feel like *I* know Dutch! Thank you for sharing this, and keeping you both in my thoughts <3 xoxox
Aww! I’m glad that I’ve been able to showcase who my dog is to the online community. He’s a special little boy, and I’m just hoping he has some fight left in him. As long as he keeps scarfing down his food and running around on his walks, I think his quality of life is just fine. 🙂
Oh poor Dutch and poor you. I’m so sorry.
Thanks, April. It’s the worst time in the life of a dog parent. Ugh.
Oh this is so sad. I’ve been wondering what news you got as you hinted at it in your day in the life posts. I totally understand why you had to process this. We’ve only had Oscar for 2.5 years and I can’t imagine losing her so I can’t imagine how we will feel years from now. It sounds like you are going about this the right away – you are assessing his quality of life and will base your decision on it. It helps that you have your mom to weigh in on things in case you need a more objective 3rd party to tell you when things are getting too bad for your little sweetie. It could be hard to make that decision yourself since you are so attached to him!
I hated to vague-blog about it, but it wasn’t something I was ready to talk about until now. I definitely wasn’t expecting that kind of news from the vet. But now that it’s been about six weeks since his appointment, I am feeling a bit better about things because I know Dutch the best and I’ll know when he has no quality of life anymore. I’m confident that he’s got more than a few months of fight left in him. As exhausting as it can be to take care of a dog with dementia, he brings so much joy and happiness to my life that it’s totally worth it.
This is truly the hardest part about being a pet owner. I’m very sorry to hear about this as I’ve gone through it myself. My first dog we had to put down because he could barely walk and no longer had the energy to get very excited about things. We knew when it was time, as you mentioned. Dutch has had the best life! I know because I’ve watched him over the years. YOU gave him the very best life.
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Ashley! I can definitely take a lot of comfort in knowing that I have given Dutch an amazing little life and have been a good caretaker for him during these tough years with his dementia. <3
Argh, this breaks my head. You are an incredible dog parents. <3
Thank you! That means a lot.
So sad, I’m so sorry to hear! 16 is definitely a nice long life for a dog though. I am dealing with a “special needs” dog myself since Chloe went blind. Luckily she is completely fine otherwise, but it’s definitely hard to see her stumble around and run into things and it also makes me sad that we will never do the kind of trail running we used to do when we lived down south. Though that doesn’t really fit in well with our new location / lifestyle anyways so I should just be glad she went blind at this point in her life.
Dutch is lucky to have you! Sending hugs!
Oh man, I didn’t realize that Chloe is blind! That has to be so tough because she’s so young. Dutch didn’t start losing his sight until a year or two ago, and that was hard even then. It’s not fun to watch them run into things and stumble around! I feel bad for how disorienting the world must be for these blind pups.
So much love for you and Dutch both. My dogs are both getting older – they’re 8 and 10 – and while they’re both mostly fine healthwise, this is stuff I’ve thought about. They’re my best friends, the wolves, and I love them so, so much. Life without them is hard to imagine.
Same here. I cannot imagine life without Dutch. He can be exhausting to deal with, especially because he can be so restless at night, but I take pride in being the one to comfort him when he’s feeling that way and I don’t want to imagine a life where I don’t have his little snuggly body by my side when I sleep. Ugh. This is the worst part of having a dog!