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50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 7

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

No doubt in my mind: when I was on my cruise. How could you not feel alive while waking up surrounded by the ocean, the budding excitement of visiting different countries and doing incredible adventures in them, of having your fill of relaxation and busyness? It was such an amazing five days for me and all my mom and I can talk about is when we’re going again. Cruising will definitely be an annual thing for us.

32. If not now, then when?

If I ever got a tattoo, this would be the perfect one for me. I feel like I’m constantly asking myself this question. And I constantly have an answer for myself. At first, it was school. Now, it’s finding a job. And once I find a job? I know I’ll come up with something else: I’m trying to figure out my finances first. I need to focus on my career. Blah, blah, blah. I’m pretty much a Professional Excuse Maker and the time has come to say: Now. Now is the time. Now is the time when I will put my whole heart on the line to find love. Now is the time I will shed all my previous notions and lose the weight for good. Now is the time I will stop making excuses and start doing.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Failure. The thing about not achieving something is that you don’t have to risk failure. And failure is something that I fear the most. I took timid steps to show my fiction to mediocre reviews, which I think is why I’ve put fiction on the backburner again. I’m so afraid of failing at something I’ve wanted for my entire life that it’s just easier to not even try.

It’s a terrible attitude to have, but I try to be as honest as I can be on this blog and there you have it. Yes, not even trying is sometimes worse than failing but by not trying, I don’t know the taste of failure. But I also don’t know the taste of achievement.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

So, this is kind of a weird question but I think I understand it. These times happen infrequently and only with people I know well. Well well. People who I can talk about matters of the heart, but also know my sarcasm that a single barb doesn’t make them flinch. It happens with my best friend from work. It happens with my mom. It happens with my brother. It’s just about knowing them, backward and forward. Knowing when they need a minute to themselves, when they need a hug, when a joke will make them feel better. Knowing when to talk and when to be silent.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

I can’t answer this question. Honestly, aside from the basics, I know very little about the politics that went into all the different wars. This question does make me a little itchy, though. If anyone cares to enlighten me, feel free!

Parts 1-6

Categories: Recurring Series

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 6

Read Parts 1-5 here

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

I would most definitely rather lose my old memories. In fact, it would sort of be a blessing in disguise to not remember my past and the things from my past that are holding me back! I know there is a lot of talk about how mistakes of the past shape us into who we are today, but they seem to keep me from really experiencing life and living it to the fullest when I remember the ways my dad emotionally abused me, and the bullying I dealt with in middle school.

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

In a way, no. I think this is why my faith has been such a struggle. I’m not content to just say I believe it, and leave it at that. I need more. I need answers to my many questions. I envy people who just trust God without any qualms, but that’s not my way. I am constantly challenging what I believe and holding it up to what the world believes. Obviously, they are radically different. But I think challenging the truth is so useful and Christians need to do it more. I want to know my faith inside and out and be able to answer any question a non-Christian throws my way.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

No, not yet. It terrifies me that one day I will live in a world without my mom or my grandma or my brother, or any other family member. I feel so blessed to not know the pain of what that is like yet. I know I won’t continue with this innocence of death, but I’m going to enjoy every minute of my family while I have them.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Five years ago, I was 18, in my senior year of high school. What probably upset me the most was college decisions and the stress of my final semester as a high school student. Looking back, it doesn’t matter. I am exactly where I need to be at this moment. But we’re not very rational when we’re deep in the moment, are we?

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

One childhood memory that stands out especially is this silly moment in the car after we had all had a fabulous dinner at a steak house. My brother and I were maybe 7 and 8 and my parents were playing papers-scissors-rock to determine who got to use the bathroom first. I remember their laughter, which didn’t happen often. I remember my full belly and this deep peace that everything was OK right then. A lot of my childhood was uncertain and chaotic so these moments were rare but amazing to me.

I’d love to know your answer to #27 – Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first? What do you think?

Categories: Recurring Series

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 5

Check out Parts 1-4 here.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

We used to have a little girl at my preschool who was this absolute free spirit. She had a million pieces of clothing with The Little Mermaid and she would wear at least one piece every day. She never matched. She was a friend to everyone and never had a bad word to say to anyone. She marched to the beat of her own drum. And other teachers at my center thought she was a little loopy and weird. I think she was just plain awesome. (I keep talking about her in past tense, but she’s fine. She’s just in kindergarten now!)

To answer your question, a joyful simpleton. Maybe this girl wasn’t the smartest child we had but she has the most amazing spirit about her. Absolute light and joy and happiness. If we could all be more like her, this world would be a better place.

22. Why are you, you?

Nature and nurture. Part of it is my past experiences, part of it is what my parents have taught me, some of it is my own morals and values that I’ve learned on my own. It makes me unique and unlike anybody else I’ll ever encounter. And I’m trying to accept that.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

Yes and no. There are times when I think I can be a great friend, someone who is thoughtful and compassionate. And sometimes, not so much. I try my best, though, and I think I’m pretty fun to be around.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

Both have the potential for heartbreak. On the one hand, it’s heartbreaking when a good friend moves away because your relationship is forever altered. You don’t keep that same level of closeness, as much as you try. But on the other hand, when you lose touch with a good friend but it’s just circumstances or misunderstandings, that can be just as heartbreaking. With this, you have the potential to keep your friendship but you just can’t. I would think the latter option is worse because you’re losing a friendship that you shouldn’t be losing. With the former, you can still maintain the friendship, but it might not be as close as before.

25. What are you most grateful for?

My family. I wouldn’t be anywhere without them. I wouldn’t be myself without them. I need them. They have taught me so much about life, love, and faith. I can’t wait to begin building a family of my own, but for now, they are the ones I depend on and need.

Categories: Recurring Series

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 4

Before I begin Part 4 of this series, I want to talk about an exciting opportunity that has come my way involving CSN Stores! I’ve been given the chance to review a product for them, but can’t tell you much more yet – so keep your eyes peeled! In case you’re wondering what CSN Stores is, they are an online retailer with over 200 stores. (That’s one giant shopping mall if I do say so myself!) Redoing your bedroom? They have everything from nightstands to shoe racks! I would definitely take a peek over there, but beware: it’s a little addicting!

Onto the questions! Check out previous installments here.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Simple – because we are all different. What makes me happy doesn’t make everyone happy. Spending an entire Sunday watching football makes me happy – for others, this is torture. Reading, writing, and playing board games make me happy but for you, it might be golfing, fishing, and going to bars. We all have our own likes and dislikes and the trick is surrounding ourselves with people who have some of the same hobbies as us, but also make us broaden our horizons and find new hobbies through them.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

I really want to be able to run a 5K in under 30 minutes. I think this is one of my biggest goals right now, especially since it means I would cut 15 minutes off my time. And that would be an incredible feat. I would feel amazing! What’s holding me back? Not having proper running shoes (remedying that this weekend!), not being consistent at exercise, and not believing in myself. When I tell myself it’s too hard, I’m losing the mental game – and we all know running is 90% a mental game. The day I cross the finish line and the clock hasn’t hit 30 minutes will be the best day of my life.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

I’m holding onto a lot of things I need to let go of. Insecurity, weight, past experiences, doubt. I want to be able to let go of the past and start trusting in myself. I let things my dad has said and done to me affect me and really, pave my path. I believe in the lies he said about me and it causes me to doubt that anyone could ever like me or that I’m meaningful. While I know he’s wrong, it’s hard to let go of it when you hear lies again and again during your formative years from the one man you should be able to trust.

If I could afford it, I would see a therapist because there are issues that I haven’t dealt with, mainly because I don’t want to and because they are ingrained so deeply in my core that it’s going to take some work to get them out. I’m beginning to realize what I’m doing to myself, but it’s definitely a work in progress.

(And wow, didn’t mean to make this so deep and personal. But there it is.)

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Gosh, I have no idea. I know I wouldn’t like a fast-paced city life like NYC or Chicago. I’m not afraid to say that I like the suburbs and I like the calmness of small-town life! I absolutely adore the city I live in and would gladly live here forever. But if I had to choose somewhere else, I would probably choose Georgia. Mainly, because I could raise my kids there and they would have the cutest Southern accents.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

I only press it once. Although I’ll usually press it multiple times if the light isn’t lit. But no, it doesn’t make the elevator go faster, just makes you look impatient.