Stephany Writes

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v.4)

1) What does the first hour of your day usually look like?

If the first hour of my day could be explained in one word, it would be: chaotic. I like to sleep as late as I possibly can before getting up and getting ready for the day, so I don’t have one of those slow and relaxing mornings where I make myself breakfast and a cup of coffee and read for a little before getting ready for the day. Nope! Once I’m up, it’s go time. I have to take Dutch on his first morning walk and then feed him, take a shower and get ready for the day, make coffee (which usually entails turning on the coffeemaker, since I typically prep it the night before), take Dutch on a second walk (which is usually a little longer since he’s more alert), and then trying to get out the door by 7:30. It is what it is, ya know. I could wake up around 5am and have a slower morning, but that extra hourish of sleep is worth it for me, especially since I can’t always count on going to bed at a decent time with Dutch’s nighttime problems.

2) What’s your favorite breakfast?

Can I admit this without being shamed? I’m not much of a breakfast person. It’s just not one of my favorite meals! There are some breakfast foods that I like, but I never crave them and if I never had them again, I think I’d be ok. So, with that said, if I could choose to have any breakfast I want, I’d probably choose chocolate chip pancakes. Every now and then, I get a craving for some chocolate chip pancakes (usually from IHOP, because truly, they make the best chocolate chip pancakes), but that’s about as far as my breakfast tastes go.

3) What’s the thing that you seem to have to keep learning and re-learning?

I wanted my answer to be deep and introspective, but what I kept coming back to is this: I do not love running and I need to stop pretending I do. I was even thinking about trying to become a runner again in 2018! But I have tried over and over and over again to fall in love with running and it is just not for me. I want to love it because so many of my friends do, but there’s nothing about it that makes me happy. I would much rather take a spin class or go for a long walk or take a heart-pumping kickboxing class. Those fuel me and make me happy way more than a run ever has, and I need to accept this about myself and move on.

4) Who are some of your favorite people to follow on social media?

So many, but I’ll refrain from listing everyone! These accounts are perfect if you ever need a pick-me-up after a crappy day:

  • Crusoe, the celebrity dachshund, because he posts the funniest videos (and it doesn’t hurt that he looks exactly like Dutch).
  • Orlando Sorio, mostly for his Instagram Stories, which always make me laugh out loud:
  • Maya and Winston, two dachshund siblings who are so goddamn cute and I watch their Instagram Stories whenever I need a smile.
  • Kristen Bell because she’s honestly the best and now that she’s doing Instagram Stories more frequently, she’s even better.
  • Dogs Being Basic because who doesn’t love a funny dog meme? I know I do.

5) If you could go back and change one thing from your past, what would you change?

I know the common answer here is, “Nothing! It all made me who I am today!” But nah. I’d change some things. The biggest thing I’d change is to be more assertive with the men I dated. I have a tendency to want to make them happy at the expense of my own happiness and to not speak up when I’m uncomfortable. It’s a behavior pattern I’ve noticed in myself and something that is super hard to change, but I’m trying.

Who are your favorite people to follow online? Would you change anything from your past?

Questions taken from the Real Talk Radio podcast.
Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v.3)

Happy Friday, friends! I don’t have too much going on this weekend, and I’m glad for it. A writing date with a friend and football with the fam is all I have on my agenda, but I think I’ll still find a way to fill my weekend with good things. Even if those good things are naps and episodes of Grace and Frankie. 🙂

Today, I’m continuing the Friday Questions series I started a few months ago, using questions posed at the end of the episodes of the Real Talk Radio podcast. Enjoy!

1) What’s your favorite way to start your day?

I love starting my day with a good workout, mostly because I want to get it out of the way as soon as possible and it feels so good to sweat first thing in the morning! I love my weekends because I go to the 9:15 AM spin class and that’s so perfect – I can sleep in and eat a filling breakfast before going to class, and I’m not half-asleep when I begin like I am for my 5:45 AM spin classes. Or if I’m not going to spin class, starting my day with a long walk while listening to a podcast is perfection for me.

2) What’s something that’s recently sparked your curiosity that you’d love to learn more about?

Gosh, something that has sparked my curiosity feels a little TMI to talk about, but deep breaths, here goes: sexual journeys and how different they are for everyone. I grew up thinking that sex outside of marriage was wrong on every level, and a lot of the teachings in the church center around women keeping themselves pure and virginal for their future husbands. And I think that really messed with my head, and it took me a long, long time to understand that having a sexual journey is healthy and normal and fine. No matter what that journey looks like, whether that’s a lot of partners, one or two partners, or just yourself.

My curiosity was sparked when I listened to a Call Your Girlfriend episode about this, where they answered a listener question for someone who is 22 and hasn’t even begun her “sexual journey,” as she called it and was wondering if she was weird. And, gosh, the podcast hosts were so kind and compassionate to this listener and it got me really thinking about what sexuality means and how different it is from person to person.

(I’m really scared to publish my thoughts on this topic, but I’m just going to do it because we have to have these conversations. I want to have these conversations.)

3) Which common piece of advice do you happily ignore?

Probably, “live every day as if it’s your last.” Or, YOLO. I think about this a lot when I choose a nap over spending time out by the pool. Or a Friday night watching Netflix instead of going out on a date. Life is fleeting, you should be DOING MORE, I sometimes think to myself. But really, I just need to do what feels right to me at the moment. I don’t think I’ll reach the end of my life and regret all the naps I took because, hell, naps make me ridiculously happy. I don’t think I’ll regret not going out on more dates because dating isn’t fun for me and usually just leaves me feeling empty and sad. (Netflix, on the other hand, gives me great joy.) To be clear, there is a balance and I do try to put myself out there and go outside and explore my surroundings, but it’s also okay to not live every day as if it’s your last and think you’re going to regret not getting out there more. I just don’t think that’s true. At least not for me.

4) What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

Trashy romance novels, hot bubble baths, Frappuccinos, long afternoon naps, the Target Dollar Spot, snuggling with Dutch, frozen Hershey Kisses, raw cookie dough. It’s hard to pick a favorite guilty pleasure. I have so many!

5) What do you want to be known for?

I want to be known as someone who was never afraid to be vulnerable and let people inside. I want to be known for being a great listener, the person that my friends know they can come to when they need to vent or talk about what’s going on in their lives. I want to be known as someone who gives good advice, but also knows when to just listen and offer support. I guess it all boils down to my relationships and being the best friend that I can be to my people.

Tell me some of your favorite guilty pleasures!

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 2)

Happy Friday, friends! I took today off so I could take my mom for a routine medical procedure—fingers crossed everything turns out A-OK for her! I’m hoping to get some freelance work done while she’s busy with that and the rest of my weekend should be a good one: dinner with Mom, a haircut, and game night with the fam. Woohoo!

Today, I wanted to continue the “Friday Questions” series that I started last month, using questions posed to the guests on Real Talk Radio. Let’s dive in!

1) Do you have any specific regrets that you live with and, if so, what have you found to be the best way to handle regret?

Oh, hell yes. I really wish I was one of those people who didn’t have regrets, but I’m not. I have them, I try to make peace with them, but it’s hard. I regret living in a dorm instead of an apartment during my first year of college because I think I would have had a more positive experience. I regret some of the financial mistakes I’ve made and waiting so long to start a 401k. I regret letting a boyfriend walk all over me and take advantage of me. I don’t think I have any regrets that are massive—just little things that make me wonder if I’d approached the situation differently, what would my life be like now?

But the way I handle these regrets is to realize that everything that happens is meant to happen, and I was meant to go through these situations so I could be the woman I am today. Take the boyfriend as an example. Having that experience and realizing how quickly I can change my tune to please other people has helped me to be more assertive in my dating life and set expectations early on.

I think it’s human nature to have regrets. The important thing is to recognize them for what they are and to learn from them.

2) What are you most excited about right now?

To be completely honest, what’s exciting me the most right now is knowing I’ll be able to pay my credit card off very soon (mid-August at the latest). I am thankful that I picked up a freelance assignment that is going to provide me with enough income to pay it off, and then I can get back to funneling money into my emergency fund. This isn’t the sexiest answer, I know, but it’s the truthful one. The thing is, I had this darn credit card paid off earlier this year, but then my trip to Puerto Rico happened and some unexpected bills popped up and I wasn’t freelancing and and and and and. It is what it is, but I would really like to stop funneling all my freelance income to my credit card. I’d really like to use it to fund my emergency savings and pay off my lowest student loan debt. I just have to get smarter about how I spend my money (and probably finally invest in the You Need a Budget system because apparently I really do).

3) Which one or two books have had the biggest impact on you?

The book that I always recommend to people because of the way it affected me is A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. It’s a heartbreaking book, but also one filled with so much hope and truth about the human spirit. It’s also so eye-opening to realize how difficult it is to be a woman living in an oppressed country like Afghanistan.

For nonfiction, I always recommend The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. This book blew me away, giving me so much insight into the brain and the way we react to willpower. Also, McGonigal has such a fun writing style and her writing is super accessible.

I’d also add This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel, which is a recent read that quickly made its way to the top of my “must reads” list. I am recommending it to everyone. And, of course, how can I not include the Harry Potter series? That series will always be one that impacted me so deeply on such a grand scale.

(Okay, that’s three books + one series. I’m a bookworm, what can I say? I can’t choose just one or two books!)

4) How do you think about the idea of work/life balance?

I am very fortunate to work at a job that doesn’t require overtime or working on the weekends. I’m not expected to monitor my email 24/7 or be available at all times. I can leave my work at work. There are times when I have worked on the weekends to meet a deadline, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to do that in my four years in my current position.

The times when work/life balance becomes tricky is when I feel like I spend all of my weekends in freelance writing mode. There’s no time for my hobbies, like writing for this blog, fiction writing, reading, spending time with friends and family, etc. I love the freelance writing I get to do, but I also have to be careful not to take on too much, because I don’t want my entire life to revolve around work.

I honestly do not believe that work/life balance is a myth. I think it’s wholly achievable. Of course, I say this as a single person who doesn’t work in an intense field. But still, I think it’s achievable and it’s about setting boundaries and priorities.

5) How do you manage multiple passions/projects?

Currently, I could break my passions into three categories: reading, my blog, and my novel. Reading is typically my top priority because it’s my #1 self-care habit and my favorite way to relax. I try to write two posts a week for my blog and I’ve only missed that goal three times (one being when I was away on vacation) this year, so that’s definitely my second priority. This means writing my novel is last on my priority list (when, really, it should probably be first).

So, how do I manage my three passions? It’s more difficult on some weeks than others. I’ve built my life around these passions, allowing for plenty of free time to read and write (which, in essence, means a lot of alone time, ha). I just try to juggle as best as I can. I have a word count goal I try to reach every week for my novel, a weekly post goal for my blog, and an annual book count goal for reading. These goals keep me motivated and give me something to strive for. I work hard to meet them. And I give myself grace when I don’t because, at the end of the day, my life won’t fall apart if I miss a blog post or only write half of the words I wanted to write.

What are you most excited about right now? 

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions

One of my favorite podcasts is Real Talk Radio with Nicole Antoinette. She releases her episodes in seasons, rather than once a week or every other week like most other podcasts. Each season comes out every other month and all eight episodes download at once. I’m completely behind on her episodes (I’m still working through season 9!), but one of the things I love is the “Community Questions” that she asks at the end of every episode. It’s a handful of random questions, but they’re not your typical kinds of questions! They are actually really insightful and interesting, and I’ve always wanted to answer them myself.

So I am!

This won’t be something I do every Friday, but maybe once or twice a month, I’m going to pick out five “Community Questions” from her podcast and answer them. I’d love for you to play along – either on your blog or in the comments! The questions below are the ones she posed to guests in season one of the show. I hope you enjoy!

1) Are there any practices or habits that you do to honor your creativity?

I try to write as much as I can. I publish two posts a week on this blog and I’m trying to write a novel. My day job also involves a lot of writing and editing, so you’d think I’d want to spend my weeknights and weekends doing anything but writing. Instead, I write all the time. There’s something less at stake when it comes to my blog and my novel. I’m writing both just for me and I don’t have to worry about it sounding perfect. I don’t heavily edit my blog posts (I just do one read-through to try and catch any typos!) and right now, as I’m in the “shitty first draft” phase of my novel, I also don’t worry about that sounding perfect. I just write as it comes to me, and I’ll worry about how it all comes together later.

Also, reading. I spend at least an hour a day reading, usually more. There’s nothing that fires my creativity more than reading.

2) What is one burning question that you have no idea how to answer, but that you think about a lot?

I’ve been thinking about my answer to this question (isn’t that a great question, though?) and I think it comes down to this: can I be happy if I never found a lifelong partner? Do I need romantic love to have a happy and satisfied life?

One of the things I always come back to is thinking about what sparks jealousy in me. People running marathons or starting their own business or taking on crazy health challenges doesn’t spark jealousy in me. But seeing cute couple photos or hearing about an engagement or pregnancy? Yeah, that sparks jealousy in me. The kind of jealousy that tells me that I can lie to myself all I want about how I don’t need romantic love to be satisfied, but the truth of the matter is that I deeply desire a family of my own. I want to find that lifelong partner. I want to find that person to share all of my life with.

And what do I even do about that? I’m on the dating apps. I’m putting myself out there. And nothing is really happening. I’m just in this pattern of swiping and messaging and first dates that usually never evolve to a second date. Is it me? Is it them? Is it just not my time right now?

All I know is that I don’t think I could be wholly satisfied with my life if I never found that person I’m meant to be with. And that scares the shit out of me.

3) What’s a challenge you’re facing right now, and what are you doing to work on it?

My biggest challenge is trying to figure out how to balance freelance work and free time. I’ve learned that while my budget survives without a freelancing income, I don’t feel as comfortable with my finances without it. I only use freelancing income as a way to throw more money into my savings or at my debt, but I got into a rocky spot in May with my finances and was very glad when two different clients reached out to me for work a few weeks ago. But trying to figure out how to still enjoy my weekends and free time, while also spending 10+ hours on freelance work, has been a challenge.

The only thing I know to do is intersperse weekends where I don’t do any freelancing with weekends where I do a ton of freelancing. I’ve spent the last three weekends busy with freelance stuff, and this weekend is free of commitments, so I feel less crazed about it all and more able to focus on myself and some of my personal projects.

4) Which book have you reread the most?

This is a tough one for me because I don’t reread books a ton. I probably reread The Baby-Sitter’s Club books all the time as a child. I’ve also reread Suzanne Brockmann’s Troubleshooters series two or three times (and thinking it might be time for another reread soon!)

5) What do you consider to be your most important self-care practice?

Gosh, I can’t really decide between reading or sleeping. I honestly need both. I need a good 8-9 hours every night and taking a nap on a weekend afternoon is one of my favorite things to do. But I also can’t go a day without reading. I have to end every day curled up in bed, reading my current book.

I want to know – are there any burning questions YOU have?